Worried about fiance'
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Unfortunately, he is the only one who can choose to make lifestyle changes for himself. When it comes down to it, he probably knows that his habits are unhealthy, but he just isn't ready to make that leap.
Keep setting a good example - offer him some of your healthier meals/snacks, invite him along when you work out, go walking, whatever. When it's the right time for him, he'll make the change.
This might just be the Best answer here
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You've come a really long way in your own health! Maybe you could sit him down and have a heart to heart about your own struggles? If you're going to be getting married and living your lives together, then perhaps he can join you on this journey to a healthier lifestyle. It'll certainly make it easier for both of you, and it may mean a longer, happier marriage as well.
Good luck! *hugs*0 -
It is really really really hard to get people to change. I went through something similar, and learned the hard way. My advice would be to make the rational decision and walk away (and that's with 16 years of experience in the field) you deserve to not have the worry about being alone in your old age because your partner did not take care of themselves long term.
However, it sounds like you aren't interested in walking, so then settle in for a long and difficult journey. You'll have to do things in baby steps and you will have to get him to choose to do it rather than you telling him to do it. Ultimatums build resentment, and it ruins the connection. If you are the cook, you got great control, make only healthy stuff. As for exercise start with simple stuff, ask him to commit to you to walk with you half hour a day. I just recently started this, and I am starting to think all couples should do it, not only for the exercise, but the quality alone time you have together to just freely let conversation flow.
Good luck
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I hope he's not smoking all those cigarettes in the same room with you.0
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Think hard about committing your life to this man. If he doesn't change, you will have medical bills, a miserable husband, and an extra job as a caregiver. Reaaaaaalllyyy look into the future and perhaps if you are not willing to accept what you see vs. what you want for your life, reconsider marriage. All the best to you. :flowerforyou:0
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Funny way I got my boyfriend to eat better and work out is I told him when I hit my goal I was going to leave him for a sexy upgrade. I never would but he saw me getting fitter and finally caved in and has been doing supreme 90 days with me, we are now on day 81 and he has completely changed and I love him for it. good luck girl. 0
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I have a husband who smokes. My therapist says "his body, his choice." that is what you have to remember.
This blog might be worth checking out.
http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/a-little-101-i-get-to-exist/
Do you want him telling you when and how to exercise or what to eat or what to do with your free time? Probably not. But if *you* have an issue with this, then you need to do some soul searching. After all plenty of "overweight" people will never die of weight related complications .But then again if you're thinking, he'll just change one day... yikes, that's a bad line of thinking.0 -
As for exercise start with simple stuff, ask him to commit to you to walk with you half hour a day. I just recently started this, and I am starting to think all couples should do it, not only for the exercise, but the quality alone time you have together to just freely let conversation flow.
Good luck
^^ I second this. My fiance and I started hiking when we first started dating and the one-on-one time helped us really get to know each other much faster because 1) we were doing something healthy 2) It didn't feel like exercise torture 3) we were spending time with nature 4) we could talk about serious topics without direct eye contact, so no one felt attached (this is vital to men!) 5) It was straight up FUN!
I've read about apps for phones, where it's like a game...so many miles and you "fight a zomie", etc. I forget the names of the apps, but it might appeal to the gamer side of him.
Good luck!0 -
That is a tough situation to be in. Something has to click inside your fiancé to light the fire and get him motivated. He will have a much greater chance of success if he comes to the realization that he needs to change. It is not as likely that he will stick with it if he is shamed, forced, given an ultimatum, etc. I am not saying that those was won’t ever work...just that they are less effective. Give him some motivation to achieve healthy goals, such as 20lbs lost = a new video game...not that those really establish the "fire within" all the time either...but you have to start somewhere. I agree that one of the best things you can do and that you have total control over is that of being an example. We really can’t force anyone to do anything with guaranteed success...but we have total and absolute control over our workouts and what we stick in our mouths. I hope the situation will improve...healthy is better and wayyyy more fun. Good Luck!
Chris
I definitely agree with the above! The new video game after losing some pounds, or even if he cuts back to one pack a day, is a wonderful idea. Make it fun. But you have to remember this is his life, he chooses the paths he takes. It's super frustrating, I know, but it's not going to change overnight. Maybe you guys can find a fun activity to do together like disc golf, biking, taking a cool class, anything to keep you guys moving, and then he can continue playing when y'all get home. Just an idea!0 -
Tell him if you both get in shape it will improve your sex life :happy: .
And yeah, I'm actually being serious.
I also do the cooking in the house and it's very healthy stuff. I wish I could offer better advice, but my husband is very laid back and agreeable. He knows how much my health, our kids health, and his health mean to me. Maybe a very heartfelt conversation. Do some research about the harms of that particular lifestyle, and present it to him?0 -
I'm struggling with the same thing with my husband, except it's the computer and not the xBox
Just because your guy is 24 does not mean he is immortal. He thinks his age is something that will prevent him from being sick but that is completely off. Trust me, I had sudden cardiac arrest when I was 17. Beleive it or not I looked GOOD back then in high school. I was running and doing push-ups every day (I was in a ROTC-type program) and the last thing I thought I had was a heart problem.
Now, as it turns out, my heart condition is hereditary. But the whole point of this post is that you can't use age as an excuse: "I'm young, I don't need to worry about that" is just an excuse for failure. You need to give him a REASON to want to succeed!
As far as the food goes: refuse to buy him all that crap! I do the grocery shopping for our house and I just started refusing to buy him junk! No more sodas, chips, etc. If he wants it that badly he will go buy it himself (and it will get him up and moving!).
What does he like to do on the xBox? Shooting games? Take hime to a paint ball range you will have SO MUCH FUN running around and playing on teams! Plays football? Start up an intermural flag football game at your local park or amongst your firends! OR you might want to look into the kinect! Get some games where you have to move around and work at your goal.
I hope this helps! I don't have much room to talk since I seem to be in the same boat, but discussing it with you has actually given me some really good ideas! I've just started this journey to a healthy living and I'm happy to know there are real people out there battling the same issues I am. 0 -
One thing you could so is maybe tell him about a young person that you have seen with all these complications that you are afraid of and see if any of that CLICKS with him.
Unfortunately, like many others have said, it is rough...you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink! My husband always says how he needs to start eating healthier and get "into shape" but, always does something to click his mind OFF of it and doesnt. He did GREAT when we were on WW together and walking every night but now, 4 yeras later, he wont get up and move. He does enough lifting of things at work that all he needs to do it cardio and eat right and he would lose the weight without much of a problem. Diabetes runs in his family and he already has high BP with a back problem. BUT, he STILL doesnt push himself to make better choices/decisions. I cook healthy but, that doesnt cover the rest of the day or him getting up and moving. I try to get him out walking with me when we can but if I dont, he wont.
It's rough...say a prayer for him and agreed that maybe a HEART-to-HEART conversation with him, including some things of what you see while at work would help. BUT, dont harp on him or make it MEAN...hopefully he will come around soon.
GOOD LUCK and will say a prayer for you! :-)0 -
I'm struggling with the same thing with my husband, except it's the computer and not the xBox
Just because your guy is 24 does not mean he is immortal. He thinks his age is something that will prevent him from being sick but that is completely off. Trust me, I had sudden cardiac arrest when I was 17. Beleive it or not I looked GOOD back then in high school. I was running and doing push-ups every day (I was in a ROTC-type program) and the last thing I thought I had was a heart problem.
Now, as it turns out, my heart condition is hereditary. But the whole point of this post is that you can't use age as an excuse: "I'm young, I don't need to worry about that" is just an excuse for failure. You need to give him a REASON to want to succeed!
As far as the food goes: refuse to buy him all that crap! I do the grocery shopping for our house and I just started refusing to buy him junk! No more sodas, chips, etc. If he wants it that badly he will go buy it himself (and it will get him up and moving!).
What does he like to do on the xBox? Shooting games? Take hime to a paint ball range you will have SO MUCH FUN running around and playing on teams! Plays football? Start up an intermural flag football game at your local park or amongst your firends! OR you might want to look into the kinect! Get some games where you have to move around and work at your goal.
I hope this helps! I don't have much room to talk since I seem to be in the same boat, but discussing it with you has actually given me some really good ideas! I've just started this journey to a healthy living and I'm happy to know there are real people out there battling the same issues I am.
^^^^GREAT ideas about the Paintball or something to distract him. AWESOME thought!! :-) I may have to use that for mY HUBBY too!!!0 -
i am a video game nerd myself, and like some one else here said, some times i see a video game and i go "i want to do that!"
have him join fitocracy, http://ftcy.me/PCPhAr, where he earns experience points based on what kind of work outs he does, badges based on achievement,s and levels up!! i'm currentyl at level 20, and i earned my "wax on, wax off" badge today by practicing a martial art for at least 30 minutes, performing a set of 20 pushups, performing a set of 10 Jump Squats, and stretching for 10 minutes afterwards.
i love assassins creed, and i decided to learn parkour and rock climbing because of it. but you need to be strong too, so i lift weights, eat right, quit smoking (again).
i played batman: arkham city and literally googled "batman's work out routine." do it. click the first link. here ya go: http://www.mensfitness.com/sites/mensfitness.com/files/imgs/batman-training_training_schedule.jpg it's obviouslyy daunting, but hey, bruce wayne didn't become batman in one day!
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You can't force someone to change if they don't want to. What you can do is support them making positive adjustments (even small ones) and try to provide an atmosphere that fosters the behavior you would like to see.
Want him to be more active? Try to make friends with more active couples. Folks that go for hikes or play sports or whatever.
Want him to eat better? Try to make healthier food options more readily available in the house (this doesn't have to be expensive if you can put the effort into it, but it usually is either expensive or time consuming).
Want him to quit smoking? Make reasonable requests regarding smoking (like don't smoke in the house or car that I drive in), occassionally (and I mean once in a while not all the time) mention your concern because of the health implications, and then let him come around to it in his own time.
Is he competitive? Bets are a great way to be motivating without being overly demanding. Just be prepared to pay up on the wager if he's successful. Doesn't have to be money either.0 -
Okay so my husband is also 24. He is 285lbs and he is about 6 foot. I know EXACTLY what you are saying. Only I have him saying "My dad's like this is he is perfectly healthy." and "I carry it well.I don't look that heavy" (which is true, but still. . .) or "If you didn't cook so well. . ." I get it. . .
Okay what I've done. I started cooking differently. It sounds like he snacks a lot, but maybe you can convince him to eat dinner with you? Men like protien which is handy because I can up the protein and down the carbs. If it's only for one meal a day it's still better than no meals a day. And I'd rather my husband consume 3000 calories of meats, veggies, and some startch carbs thans soda, chips, and fruit roll ups. The other than I would suggest and it sounds a little bad so I hope no one is offended but. . . "a pound for a pound". . . .I don't want to get into detail, but If he loses a pound he gets his way with you. . . . You might be a busy little girl, but face it. It's good cardio!0 -
i am a video game nerd myself, and like some one else here said, some times i see a video game and i go "i want to do that!"
have him join fitocracy, http://ftcy.me/PCPhAr, where he earns experience points based on what kind of work outs he does, badges based on achievement,s and levels up!! i'm currentyl at level 20, and i earned my "wax on, wax off" badge today by practicing a martial art for at least 30 minutes, performing a set of 20 pushups, performing a set of 10 Jump Squats, and stretching for 10 minutes afterwards.
i love assassins creed, and i decided to learn parkour and rock climbing because of it. but you need to be strong too, so i lift weights, eat right, quit smoking (again).
i played batman: arkham city and literally googled "batman's work out routine." do it. click the first link. here ya go: http://www.mensfitness.com/sites/mensfitness.com/files/imgs/batman-training_training_schedule.jpg it's obviouslyy daunting, but hey, bruce wayne didn't become batman in one day!
bumping my post because it was on the end of page three, in other words, no one would see it.0 -
bumping my post because it was on the end of page three, in other words, no one would see it.
Not true. . I read em 0 -
i am a video game nerd myself, and like some one else here said, some times i see a video game and i go "i want to do that!"
have him join fitocracy, http://ftcy.me/PCPhAr, where he earns experience points based on what kind of work outs he does, badges based on achievement,s and levels up!! i'm currentyl at level 20, and i earned my "wax on, wax off" badge today by practicing a martial art for at least 30 minutes, performing a set of 20 pushups, performing a set of 10 Jump Squats, and stretching for 10 minutes afterwards.
i love assassins creed, and i decided to learn parkour and rock climbing because of it. but you need to be strong too, so i lift weights, eat right, quit smoking (again).
i played batman: arkham city and literally googled "batman's work out routine." do it. click the first link. here ya go: http://www.mensfitness.com/sites/mensfitness.com/files/imgs/batman-training_training_schedule.jpg it's obviouslyy daunting, but hey, bruce wayne didn't become batman in one day!
bumping my post because it was on the end of page three, in other words, no one would see it.
wow, awesome! thank you!0 -
This is a tough one because I'm in the same situation. I've only lost 32 pounds. But, I am seeing things so much differently than I did before. Because I'm trying to improve myself, I see the things in him that need improved. My fear is losing the 130 I want to lose and then, he hasn't lost any and we can't do anything. I'm losing so I can do things! So, I see where you are coming from. I hate sitting in front o the tv together when we could be walking and burning calories. I could go on and on...
But, then I stop and think. Did this bother me when it was heavy? Yes, it did. But, did it bother me to the degree it does now? No. I decided I didn't want to live my life sedentary, overweight, an unhealthy. But, he hasn't made that decision. He hasn't come to that point in his life where he realizes he HAS to do something. How would I feel if he was doing it.
I came to the decision when I saw my friends doing it. I wanted to be able to do the cool things they were doing once they lost the weight. They were positive factors. Oh, at first I didn't admit to myself that it would be cool to fun a 5k or to sit in restaurant booth and actually not have my stomach pushing up against the table. But, their positive energy and their happiness with their own success is what finally did me in. So, go out. Go on walks without him. Run. Have fun. Use your excess energy. It could be that one day (and it may happen gradually) he starts losing too. But, for some people, the old statements about health just don't motivate.
- For the record I am not even close to running a 5k. I think my knee is screwed up. But, I sure as heck will be walking it.0
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