family doesnt support me is it worth it?
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You're nor doing it for anyone but yourself. Just keep going, until YOU are happy x0
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I feel ashamed when I work out to the point of not doing it if someone is in the house. I am 100+ over weight and I know I need to loose it but it's hard when I am the only one doing it. And I get looked at like there is a giant cow having a seizer in the house when im working out. So tired of going it alone. In only 15 days in and ready to quit.
If you quit I shall quit also. This is NOT about them it's about you and how YOU feel.
Would it help if you went to a local class run by women for women?
Support is sooooo important, please don't give up! It only take one to break the circle, be that one ok
Pete aka ummmmmmmmm <<<< Him0 -
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T QUIT!
I know what it's like not having a family support system. It's hard to stick to something when you are constantly criticized for trying to make a positive change in your life.
All I can tell you is to try and be the one who sets an example for others to want to make a change in their life. Be their inspiration.
Also, remember that you have support here on MFP. Feel free to add me!0 -
Do it for yourself, screw them! If they really cared they would be supporting you!
From personal experience I got the same reception when I worked out at home and all my family did was critise me. When I started at a gym and results started showing they actually started to support me- which I found to be odd.0 -
Keep on going and don't listen to what anyone thinks! Permanent weight loss is possible and will change your life for the better, you just need to stick with it!!0
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For the first two weeks I was told I wouldn't last more than that.
My partner still asks me if I'm ok when I get on the stationary bike and do sets.
People ask me all the time 'what are you doing' as if they are going to hear a magic answer or I'm going to admit I'm taking something for it.
If you want this, you'll see through all that and know that every time you push through something negative you are further on the path the positive.0 -
The thing that bugs me is when I am working out at home & my SO has the nerve to mock me while I am trying to get through a dvd workout..err I just want to strangle him when he does that. :explode: But good news is he is going to start working out with me on Monday because he's tired of the beer belly and moobs lol. It will be nice for us to get in shape together and see our bodies transform over time. Anyway.....
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DON'T GIVE UP!YOU CAN DO THIS<DO IT FOR YOURSELF FIRST. In time,those who do not support you will see the change you made and be inspired.I struggled with getting out of the house and into a gym to workout,because I worried about what everyone else would think. The only way to get over that,is to JUST DO IT! Once you get into the gym and start exercising,you will feel more motivated,really helps you feel better.I put on my headphones,listen to positive music and block the rest out.As for eating right when others are not,I take time to prep meals and snacks ahead of time so I can continue to eat right,even if my family is not eating right.BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND KEEP ON MOVING FORWARD!>I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS!:):happy:0
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It's not about them; It's about YOU! When you workout picture yourself somewhere else or someone else, it will stop you concentrating on them. Sounds funny but it works. Have fun...it's your life and your time. Go for it
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My mum thinks it's good that I am trying to lose weight but she doesn't help me at all, one of my brothers is ashamed that his little sister is fat and my other brother just takes for who I am because he was once over weight in his teens so he understands. They all know I have insulin problem but their still ignorant and think I brought this on all myself which is partly true because i would get depressed and over eat but it was sometimes out of their hands I did that.0
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Do this for you, because you are worth it and want it. Your profile says you're a mum and nurse, and therefore you are used to giving your time, care and love to others, but you must do the same for yourself because you are important in those roles and in your own right.
Ten months ago I wouldn't step foot in a gym because I was too afraid of what other people would think of me and thought I'd be intimidated by all the fit bodies. But I was persuaded to go by a nurse, and I decided I wasn't going to quit, no matter what, because I was so miserable in my own skin, had been through an emotional year of comforting everyone around me when my dad was diagnosed with two cancers. I so wanted to change and do what I could to ensure that my kids didn't have a mum who might end up with some disease because she didn't look after her health. The more I went to that gym, the better I felt about myself, and the more I stopped caring what people thought. Latest achievement, I can now look in the gym mirror when I'm working out! For the last eight months I'd looked anywhere but in the mirror!
Exercise endorphins are wonderful! I still can't believe how much better I feel about myself! I saw a nurse as part of a healthy lifestyle program for a year. She gave me a questionnaire on Day 1, it was to assess my self-confidence, beliefs and happiness. I scored below 5. One year on, same questionnaire answered honestly, I scored 15 (i.e. my mental health has improved threefold). My weight hasn't changed that much but inside I feel younger and lighter!
My husband, despite my best attempts, refuses to take up any form of exercise other than a walk with me at the weekends if the weather is good. He turns his nose up at the healthier foods I eat, as do my kids. But you can't let that stop you, just as you can't change someone, they have to want to change themselves, and you do, so just keep on!
So please hold your head high, ignore jeers or laughs, and get moving, you really can't understand how much better it will make you feel in the long run until you've tried it. You are worth it! Happy to add you to my friend list if you want some daily support and rant about family ::happy:0 -
I was like you when I started. Refused to workout when anyone was in the house. I hated being watched. I would even do a workout outside in the pouring rain I was that bad. Then it got to the point that I didn't care cause my workout was more important. Do it anyway, if you were outside doing one then more people would be watching. If people have a problem with it, then say "it's only an hour a day I want to myself.... is it that hard?" they soon learn that NOTHING is going to stop you so they may as well give up.
IF it's disturbing others, then either do it quiet (even Zumba can be done with NO noise) or in another part of your home where nobody will even know. I workout in the kitchen believe it or not.0 -
I understand where you're coming from all to well. I live with two people who I feel do the same thing to me. That's mainly why I haven't exercised all that much. They did the health kick themselves and I thought FINALLY I can do this in the open and not be judged. Well, needless to say that didn't last too long for them. A month perhaps before they gave up.
The thing is, I don't want to give up but not doing is just as bad as stopping. So I decided to start small. I have recently changed my eating habits. For two whole days now I've eaten healthier and forgotten how much I enjoy raisins. That is something they can't mock me for. They eat out all the time and I spend a lot of time at work so I can enjoy my low fat (sometimes tasteless) meals in peace.
But that's the thing for me as well. I can't go "cold turkey" so to speak and jump on the Healthy Bandwagon. I couldn't quit smoking that way so I don't think I can start something that way. I sure didn't start smoking 2 packs a day my first day. (By the way, been a year and a half with no smoking.) Little steps. Start small and work your way up. Knock out some simple exercises you can do in private. Pushups, situps, etc first before using the DVD player in the living room.0 -
Is It Really Worth It?
It will require commitment and dedication.
It will require you to say “no” sometimes.
It will require sacrifice.
It won’t be quick.
It won’t be easy.
It won’t be fun all of the time
Your friends will laugh at you for doing things differently.
Your coworkers will gawk and poke fun at your new eating habits.
Your loved ones will call you crazy and ask you to “be normal.”
You will have to change some habits.
You will want to give up.
You will want to go back to bed.
You will want to say “eh, good enough.”
And you will ask yourself: “is it really worth it?”
You’re damn right is is.
You will feel great when you set a new record for push ups.
You will let out a rebel yell when doing your first pull up.
You will feel awesome running faster this week than last week.
You will be amazed at how far you’ve come when looking at old pictures.
You will feel good when people ask “have you been working out?”
You will smile when your kids say “I want to be strong like you!”
You will be surprised when people come to you for fitness advice.
You will feel pride when you look at yourself in the mirror.
You will go to sleep knowing that you’re a better person today than you were yesterday.
It is worth it.0 -
Of course it's worth it - you're worth it aren't you?
Over all these years of yo-yo dieting I've finally realised that it is best to want to do this for me, fullstop, Not for my high bloodpressure, not for my arthritic knee or back - I am doing this for me. Another thing to be aware of is to soften the wording - I had written that I "need" to do this for me. Need puts a lot of pressure on yourself, changing "need" to "want" takes that unwanted pressure away.
Exercise. I walk. When I worked I would head out for an hours walking in my lunch hour (not every day)and have a sammie at my desk when I got back. I managed 5 km. Other days I would do a couple of kms. I walked in all directions from work. Other times I would start walking home from work and my hubby would spot me and pick me up on the way.
I don't go to the gym. I don't even exercise at home because I wouldn't be able to get off the floor if I tackled anything down there LOL And I've lost all this weight by walking when I can and trying to make sure that I don't sit in front of the computer or the tv all day. I might just be taking this thing from that room to this room; taking the washing outside and hanging it on the line and bringing it in when it's dry; cooking tea and another dozen or so trips here and there around the house, but it all helps. And some weeks I can't walk far so I just work on keeping my weight the same. This past week has been one of those where my knee has been playing up and I've put on 100 gms, but in the big scheme of things, that's nothing and I'm okay with it.
Keep going, but do it for YOU, do it for the right reason.0 -
Sweet one, this is your life. Set aside how unsupportive the people surrounding you are for a moment. Does the extra weight hold you back, each and every day? Does it make you feel depressed, and powerless? Do you ever feel worthless and empty? Do you have moments where you are overwhelmed by the weight of the hunger you have inside of you to be the person you feel deep inside, rather than the person you see in the mirror? When stressful things happen, do they feel larger than they should?
I am not saying this to make you feel down. I am reminding you of some of the reasons you may have started to make changes to your life. You know exactly what those were. Write them down, love. Keep them somewhere that you can revisit them when you have times where you feel like quitting.
You are worth so much. Everyone here has taken time to reach out and try to touch you with words, hoping that it makes the difference to you. We have all been there, and still have moments where we are unsure of ourselves, and feel defeated. That's what makes the words that we are sharing now so powerful - they come from understanding and empathy.
I will try not to repeat what others have already said. But I will share a little of my story with you, in the hopes that it may help you to grit your teeth and keep your eyes focussed on your goal.
My daughter just turned 3 the other day. Just before she turned 2 (on Father's Day, actually) we were told she had Mitochondrial Disease - which is life limiting (politically correct way of saying terminal), and was unlikely to live for another 12 months. At the time she had been catatonic for 3 weeks, after a cluster of 14 seizures in 10 days. She is still here. Her prognosis is now possibly several more years (possibly she will even live to finish high school). We pray and we hope for the future, and try to enjoy and appreciate each day.
My husband has been amazing with her, but over the past year has found me to be a very convenient target to vent his hurt, frustration and a fair amount of breath-taking cruelty on. This has made for a very big challenge on top of the obvious ones.
I had my thyroid removed in February this year, which resulted in a weight gain for me. I stopped valuing myself entirely, and pretty much did everything for my kids and nothing for myself and my health. When I woke up (that's how it felt), I realised that I couldn't wait for everyone else to make room for me or support me in the way I would like. I found MFP, and my friends here have been incredibly supportive.
I am very isolated physically, as my whole world revolves around my daughter. I can't ever leave her with anyone, due to her condition, and her father is only home 4 days out of every 16, and those days are often very difficult. A lot of my friends have withdrawn because they don't know how to talk to me, support me or just simply be there. I understand that, but it does hurt.
My mantra is that I refuse to come through all of this without gaining something. I have found an incredible support group here, this is a wonderful tool, and my family do not have to encourage me or make it easy for me, I have all that I need right here, and within myself. We are all fascinating, complex and strong individuals, and certainly this day and age makes it much easier to remove isolation from the equation.
My family are now starting to sit up and take notice, and be a little more positive, but I had to weather some very intense criticism and cruelty before this happened. What I have found is that now that I have a few months behind me of putting my wellbeing and personal goals first, I am a better mum. I cope with stress better. I don't feel like crying nearly as often. I am much more positive. And I'm PROUD of myself. I pushed through, no matter what, and my kids are benefitting each and every day. I run with my little girl in her jogging pram, taking my older daughter to school each day, and am now up to between 30 - 40km every week. Don't know how that happened. I don't feel uncomfortable any more when I work out. I feel strong and empowered.
This is what you have ahead of you. The hurt that you feel when your loved ones are critical about your choices and choose not to support you in the way that they should, that hurt is real. But please don't let it stop you in your tracks and leave you frozen by the pain. Use it to push harder. Each week that goes by will see you a little bit stronger. Look at the last few weeks - gone quickly, haven't they? Or, just look at it each day at a time. Whatever you need.
Keep pouring your heart out here. You will be touched and amazed at the encouragement you will receive. Read other people's stories. Be inspired. You will grow in ways that you will only appreciate in hindsight.
Bless you, dear one, and please don't be disheartened. You're not alone.
Wil
PS - so sorry for the length of my reply! Hope it helps0 -
Thank you everyone I don't know what to say other than that. Admit I was starting to tear up a bit. Its just what i needed to hear that i was not the only one with this problem. I posted this last night because i was having a hard time with my other half at a friends house who is alot smaller than me and all i could think about was why do you not care that i am trying to get smaller and pretryer when you comment on how good her *kitten* looks on those new jeans? How come you don't say those things to me? Everyone is right its about health not looks and damn it i will get you to notice and i can sit back and say #### you when it does start to fall off. I needed to hear all of it and thank you again.0
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This is about you not them. Do not give up and let them "win". It is a long hard journey but well worth it. Best of luck to you.0
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Ignore them and just do it for yourself! They'll start taking notice when the results of your hard work start to show. When they see a difference and realize that you really are serious about getting healthy then they will probably show some support. If they don't, well keep doing it for yourself anyway.
You are welcome to add me if you want some more supportive friends on here 0 -
You should be a positive image for others to get on the horse like you. Find some friends with similar goals/ interests and develop a support system. What matters to you isn't always going to be what everyone else cares so much about but you can always gain their support in helping you achieve what matters to you. And when they notice your accomplishments it will be that much more satisfying.
As a shorthand and less refined version: *kitten* everyone else and do work.0 -
Is it worth it??? Of course it is! Isn't your health worth it?
Look at it this way: It's much easier and cheaper to be fit and healthy than it is to be obese and sick. I had an obesity-related health scare back in January and I said ENOUGH, there is no way I am going to keep running to the doctor every month and having to keep coming out of my pocket for medicine when all I have to do is STOP overeating and START exercising regularly.
You know and I know that your family is not going to want to pay for extra medicine, or take care of you if you become seriously ill due to being so fat. I have flat-out said that to so-called 'friends' and other people who wanted me to stay fat: Are you going to pay for diabetes medicine? hypertension medicine? sleep apnea treatments? and more? No? Then STFU because I don't want to pay for them either. I want to be healthy and if you don't want me to be healthy, you are obviously no friend of mine. I've been lucky that no one in my family has given me grief but if they had, I would have told them that too.0 -
All the more reason to prove yourself and better your self and your health0
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Stop looking to others for validation. If the people around you feel quility about they're health. They can't give you the support you need. Change is scary for a lot of people.
Do this for yourself.0 -
Show them what you can accomplish. Be the one that's in better health. Be the one that they are envious of. In fact, they may be already- envious that you've gotten that motivation and they haven't.0
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You are a nurse, you KNOW the reasons why you should do this! On top of that for your kids and most of all for yourself! Take charge and plow threw your doubts! Woo Hoo you go girl!!!0
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This needs to be for YOU and YOU only, once you figure that out then everything will click. I tried many years to do this for others, but one day I woke up and just felt so horrible, I knew I needed to change and I knew it was me and me only who I needed to change for. My kids are my inspiration, and yes I wanted to be healthy for them, but this was something I ad to do for myself.
You can do it, don't quit...it's hard, but if I can do it, anyone can!!0 -
Don't give up for them, keep going for you! If you lack support at home, you just come here and we'll give you all the support you need. We're all in the same boat and we're gonna help you through it. 0
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Who cares what anyone thinks. You're doing this for you not them.
I had over 100 lbs to lose and started at the gym and I am positive that I looked horrible on the eliptical or treadmill but I just put in my head phones and did my thing. I am the only one doing it in my household as well but I just do my thing and that's how it is. No one is going to discourage me and keep me from being happy with myself.
You can do it, just ignore everyone else.0 -
You are worth it.....getting healthy and losing weight. I know it's hard but don't worry what others think this is for you not them!! Add me as a friend I'll be there anytime you need support. 0
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O my gosh, it is SO worth it. I am down 65 pounds so far...about half way to my first goal, and I feel SO much better now. I checked your profile, and your kids are 6 and 8? They don't know what to think yet. This will sound odd, but it made me think of when I started exercising in 2003 after a long time of no regular exercise. We had two 1-year old cats in our apartment...they looked at me like I was a crazy woman...almost like they were scared I'd lost my mind. Eventually, they got used to it. My son also acted strangely when I tried to exercise in the house when he was 3 or 4. He always got so excited that he wanted to do it too, but got in the way to the point that I couldn't do it at all. He is now 5 and, while I still have to remind him to stay out of mommy's way while I exercise, he sees it as pretty normal.
That being said, sometimes it is easier to exercise outside of the house. My sister also has a weight problem and had been living with my parents until this summer. She found it impossible to exercise while Mom was home because Mom is very critical and she felt that she was being belittled every time she tried. Personally, Mom didn't bother me so much when I lived there because I was that bull-headed to get healthy in spite of her. If you are in a rural area, get outside and walk. If you are in the city, there are probably gyms around too. Talk to the hubby and let him know why this is so important to you and that you need his support and that you both need to present a united front to the kids. Eventually, when they see how you are changing, they will probably want to get moving too.
When it comes to food, I struggle to find foods that are healthy for me and my husband and son will eat. So, our range of foods are currently limited. I also find that I make some different foods for them than what I eat...sometimes.
I also saw that you are a nurse...so you KNOW that it is worth it...every bit of worth it!
Keep up the good work...in a year, you will wonder how you could even have doubted yourself!0
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