Cheated on, and got through it?
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. You forgive them once, its license to keep doing it.
This, 100%.
Communication is key in a relationship. If my guy was to even THINK about straying, he'd tell me why first.
Golden rule: don't cheat. Break off the current relationship first, then have your fun with someone else. Why sully your name by cheating? No one likes a cheater...0 -
It's a deal breaker for me. You cheat on me, you better be able to run faster then I can...I am a very vengeful person and you'll regret your choice.0
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There's a lot of factors to consider if there's a cheater. How long you've been together, how entwined you lives are, how it happened, how many times it happened, who it happened with, how you found out, how you resolved the issue, if you resolved the issue, how willing each party is to work through it, what they do to work through it, whether they're genuinely sorry or not.. It's different for everyone and their individual situations.
I don't want to get into detail, but there was an ex that's an ex for that reason (got a girl pregnant too). There's also my fiance.. We worked through it. It was f*cking hard. But three years later we couldn't be more honest with each other and I don't think about what happened anymore. We moved forward.0 -
Deal breaker, for sure. I've been clear with my husband from day one...don't lie to me, beat on me, or cheat on me. Cheating is the one thing I have never tolerated (been cheated on by boyfriends), and I sure as heck won't start now. Cheating is not an accident..."Oh, I don't know how it happened! It just did." BS :noway: You are in control of your own actions, and if you're not, then you should be.0
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yikes.0 -
I've been cheated on and there is no way in hell I keep the person around... once that trust is broken there is no turning back.0
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Cheating is not something easily forgotten by anybody, I think.
But if you make the choice to forgive someone, you have to forgive them completely. You can't forgive when it's convenient for you and then when they don't answer their phone because they're in the bathroom... "You're cheating on me again, aren't you!?!?"
I think with a lot of therapy and transparency by the other person, it can be "fixed" But for me, it's a deal breaker.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA <GASP FOR AIR> BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAA
OK on a side note, sorry he cheated. Perhaps Myrelationshipcheatersforums would do better than myfitness pal?0 -
Definately depends on the cirumstances...I was the cheater but under the strangest of circumstances..our marriage was a secret from his family, he was still out of the country as we had to wait on immigration..he made comments about my weight..and i had already lost 60lbs then...and I turned to "others" to make me feel good about myself..I was not in a right state of mind..flash forward to now, he finally came to be with me in US, told his family about us but then my husband found out the truth, I admitted it after being confronted..I was already pregnant so he didn't leave. I am not a serial cheater and WILL NEVER do it again..He has forgiven me but the trust isn't there yet. It has been almost a year since he found out and he still checks my facebook page, blackberry, and email to make sure no one is still in contact with me. It bothers me at times but I know I messed up and if this helps him to trust me again, then so be it..I have nothing to hide now. Our relationship has suffered and I don't think he feels exactly the same about me but I am hoping someday we will build it back stronger. Sometimes once a cheater always a cheater..but not always!! Trust your gut instinct..is he really sorry or just sorry he got caught? I was/am truly sorry and disgusted that I let myself stoop to such a level. At least I know why therapists make money!0
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We got married pretty young, and we both messed up. I'll be the first to admit I messed up way more than he did, and I'm grateful every day that he was able to forgive me and allow us to move forward.
It's been seven years now, and we are really damn happy together. At this point, if one of us made a mistake again, it would be much harder to get through, but we would. We just try to be honest with each other, and switch things up if it's getting stale.0 -
My husband cheated on me and got another lady pregnant. So I learned to shoot guns (see profile pic). Just kidding, we are divorced (recently). His son is 9 and I raised him, it was very hard to move past the cheating with a daily reminder of what he did.0
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What if she thought you cheated but you didn't? With all who believe that once trust is gone its gone. How do you get her to see otherwise? I guess there is a reason that she won't believe... some other reason.
Huh?0 -
IMO, when someone shows you who they truly are, it's prudent to believe them the first time. I'm very sorry that happened to you.0
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my opinion is that cheating is disrespectful. and its not a mistake, its an on purpose, its not like he tripped and his penis got lodged inside her.
if you want to have sex with someone else, end the relationship you're in first. its cruel to cheat
and no, i've never been cheated on, and i wouldnt put up with if.
thats part of the reason i married my husband, he wouldnt cheat on me for anything0 -
IMO, when someone shows you who they truly are, it's prudent to believe them the first time. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
Well said. So true.
in my case, I didn't have proof of a physical act. But, I found pretty scandalous messages with several different women, which was enough for me to raise some hell. If I was being real with myself, the flags were there all along. He told me in several ways who he was and I didn't want to believe him because I like to see the good in people. I should have listened - I would have saved myself a ton of heartache, humiliation and anger.0 -
My ex didn't sexually cheat on me, he decided he was in love with some *kitten* ugly tramp instead of me and so he broke up with me.... I reported the false bankruptcy claim his father filed.Just looking to hear what other people have gone through on this.
Have you ever been cheated on, and the relationship lasted? Could you trust them again, and be happy with them again? Please share your story...
Karma is a b*tch.0 -
i was, by my 1st love, in a 7yr long relationship, we made it a cpl yrs past the episode...but it didnt last, life was hell, no trust. hard to get that back, plus i was younger and stupid as all hell. i figured if i beat the hell outta her i would feel better. NOPE. should beat him and told him to beat it too!0
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I was cheated on. Was willing to work though it. She wasn't - she'd pretty much cheated in order to break it. If it was a meaningless one-night stand, I don't think it would be a big deal. In fact, I'd rather my SO have sex with someone once than have a sexless emotional affair. She feels the same way - she told me she would be sadder at me cooking breakfast for a woman the morning after than having sex with her the night before.0
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Thoughts from the cheater:
I got angry with my wife and foolishly imaturely cheater on her "to show her someone else would want me if she didn't". I believe it also had to do with new anti-depressant meds at the time that augmented sexual energy to the point of moronic behavior, but i cannot prove it.
Once you step out of the circle of trust between two people there is no going back.
Years of counseling and discussion and taking my lumps has us still married and the root problem is not solved, but we hang in there because we committed to each other and we still make each other laugh. That's the key issue - we'll raise the kids and wrestle with the financials and deal with life's crises together because in the end we still enjoy each other's company.
But we will never enjoy the spontanteous spark of sex in a moment's notice again. And that is not a reason for divorce, in our book.0 -
You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.
Wow, angry much? Lighten up - you didn't have to read this thread. If you're not into it, why did you bother?
And, I would argue that while this isn't totally on the fitness topic, it's related. My ex was an *kitten* who made me feel bad about myself almost every day. When I found out that he was close to or had been cheating, I made a promise to myself to do right for myself by getting back into running and lifting so I could feel like a stronger person on the outside. That whole event is what inspired me to get serious - and to get involved with the MFP community.
People make choices for all sorts of emotional reasons, fitness being one of them.0 -
You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.
The chit chat forum is not about weight loss. There are multiple sections of this site for that. I really like being able to post a non-fitness related question to an active forum made up of people with very different perspectives.0 -
my husband cheated on me a few times over the course of 2011. i found out in late january this year. i still don't fully trust him, but we're still together and he's working really hard to make things right.
unfortunately i've developed a terrible anxiety disorder and i'm on potent anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds and have really bad random panic attacks, and nearly anything can trigger it.
we figured out it was all about lack of communication. we're trying to work together to make our marriage stronger, though nothing will ever be the same. we'll be celebrating our 4th anniversary on the 24th this month.0 -
Still don't know for sure that he cheated, he never owned up to it.
But, the phone calls, the lies to get out of town which I caught him in and the hotel receipt were pretty good indicators.
That was about 12 years ago. I chose to forgive, but still haven't forgotten.0 -
You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.
Chit-chat-fun-and games.... means NOT fitness related. Therefore this is a totally legit topic and posted in the correct place - not in motivation and support or introduction or nutrition therefore you should just back away slowly and not look back.0 -
It's an addiction. A cheater will never stop cheating. just FYI!
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My ex fiance cheated on me, I dramatically threw the engagement ring at his feet ... thought abt it, then picked it up n sold it. :flowerforyou:0
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Hey, I was cheated on and did get through it. Obviously he had to show me total transparency and a lot of late night deep conversations but it is possible to go on with your lives and forgive. Forgive is not forget, nor is to make the action okay, but it is to let love replace your anger and negative thoughts.. if your partner is willing to work on the same goals as you. And bottom line, we make mistakes, I thought about it and I could have done the same mistake, I was tempted. Anyway, now we are happy and stable. Obviously if the same situation occurs once again, I'll kick his *kitten* and then leave, but I'll be happy to know that I've tried and I didn't stayed in the "What if's". The worst thing is regretting not doing something just because it was the most logic decision to make.
I don't know if all of this made sense, hope it did.. english is not my first language and.. just don't think what if.. if you think there's still some salvation to the damage done. One more thing, I did forget because I didn't feel that there was some direct disrespect towards me.. I SAID direct, and he did regret it and told me himself, wanting a solution. Obviously it wasn't a instant forgiveness, it took time. Things take time.. so.. take time for yourself and think what's best.
Love from Portugal,
Gisela0 -
*I did forgive0
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I was with my ex husband for 18 years... he cheated, he left...is fine... I wasn't happy the last few years, he just had the balls to leave first. He wanted to try again the weekend before we were to sign divorce papers..but only because his affair ended...I knew it wouldn 't work so I said no. I am much better off and so are our kids. His whole life, was turned upside down..mine too, but he lost more(not financially) but emotionally. I am a strong person and picked up the pieces and moved on... he is stuck in a holding pattern with his life... this was 10 years ago we divorced. You can survive, definitely...depends on how you communicated before the cheating... we didn't communicate very well...so that wouldn't have changed if we got back together.... so nope, moved on. Good luck hun...things DO get better.0
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Yes! It took a lot of counseling, but it worked 0
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So you're one of the people that degrades, humiliates and mocks her?0
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