Cheated on, and got through it?

Options
12467

Replies

  • TubbsMcGee
    TubbsMcGee Posts: 1,058 Member
    Options
    Once a cheater, always a cheater. You forgive them once, its license to keep doing it.

    This, 100%.

    Communication is key in a relationship. If my guy was to even THINK about straying, he'd tell me why first.
    Golden rule: don't cheat. Break off the current relationship first, then have your fun with someone else. Why sully your name by cheating? No one likes a cheater...
  • xFamousLastWordsx
    xFamousLastWordsx Posts: 301 Member
    Options
    It's a deal breaker for me. You cheat on me, you better be able to run faster then I can...I am a very vengeful person and you'll regret your choice.
  • katamus
    katamus Posts: 2,363 Member
    Options
    There's a lot of factors to consider if there's a cheater. How long you've been together, how entwined you lives are, how it happened, how many times it happened, who it happened with, how you found out, how you resolved the issue, if you resolved the issue, how willing each party is to work through it, what they do to work through it, whether they're genuinely sorry or not.. It's different for everyone and their individual situations.

    I don't want to get into detail, but there was an ex that's an ex for that reason (got a girl pregnant too). There's also my fiance.. We worked through it. It was f*cking hard. But three years later we couldn't be more honest with each other and I don't think about what happened anymore. We moved forward.
  • afrazier128
    afrazier128 Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    Deal breaker, for sure. I've been clear with my husband from day one...don't lie to me, beat on me, or cheat on me. Cheating is the one thing I have never tolerated (been cheated on by boyfriends), and I sure as heck won't start now. Cheating is not an accident..."Oh, I don't know how it happened! It just did." BS :noway: You are in control of your own actions, and if you're not, then you should be.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Options
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable

    yikes.
  • JacquelineD35
    JacquelineD35 Posts: 279 Member
    Options
    I've been cheated on and there is no way in hell I keep the person around... once that trust is broken there is no turning back.
  • jasonr1009
    jasonr1009 Posts: 342 Member
    Options
    Cheating is not something easily forgotten by anybody, I think.

    But if you make the choice to forgive someone, you have to forgive them completely. You can't forgive when it's convenient for you and then when they don't answer their phone because they're in the bathroom... "You're cheating on me again, aren't you!?!?"

    I think with a lot of therapy and transparency by the other person, it can be "fixed" But for me, it's a deal breaker.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA <GASP FOR AIR> BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAA

    OK on a side note, sorry he cheated. Perhaps Myrelationshipcheatersforums would do better than myfitness pal?
  • smsgrl2009
    smsgrl2009 Posts: 11
    Options
    Definately depends on the cirumstances...I was the cheater but under the strangest of circumstances..our marriage was a secret from his family, he was still out of the country as we had to wait on immigration..he made comments about my weight..and i had already lost 60lbs then...and I turned to "others" to make me feel good about myself..I was not in a right state of mind..flash forward to now, he finally came to be with me in US, told his family about us but then my husband found out the truth, I admitted it after being confronted..I was already pregnant so he didn't leave. I am not a serial cheater and WILL NEVER do it again..He has forgiven me but the trust isn't there yet. It has been almost a year since he found out and he still checks my facebook page, blackberry, and email to make sure no one is still in contact with me. It bothers me at times but I know I messed up and if this helps him to trust me again, then so be it..I have nothing to hide now. Our relationship has suffered and I don't think he feels exactly the same about me but I am hoping someday we will build it back stronger. Sometimes once a cheater always a cheater..but not always!! Trust your gut instinct..is he really sorry or just sorry he got caught? I was/am truly sorry and disgusted that I let myself stoop to such a level. At least I know why therapists make money!
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    Options
    We got married pretty young, and we both messed up. I'll be the first to admit I messed up way more than he did, and I'm grateful every day that he was able to forgive me and allow us to move forward.
    It's been seven years now, and we are really damn happy together. At this point, if one of us made a mistake again, it would be much harder to get through, but we would. We just try to be honest with each other, and switch things up if it's getting stale.
  • Skinny_Jeans_Soon
    Skinny_Jeans_Soon Posts: 326 Member
    Options
    My husband cheated on me and got another lady pregnant. So I learned to shoot guns (see profile pic). Just kidding, we are divorced (recently). His son is 9 and I raised him, it was very hard to move past the cheating with a daily reminder of what he did.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Options
    What if she thought you cheated but you didn't? With all who believe that once trust is gone its gone. How do you get her to see otherwise? I guess there is a reason that she won't believe... some other reason.

    Huh?
  • catapultlaunch
    catapultlaunch Posts: 17
    Options
    IMO, when someone shows you who they truly are, it's prudent to believe them the first time. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,094 Member
    Options
    my opinion is that cheating is disrespectful. and its not a mistake, its an on purpose, its not like he tripped and his penis got lodged inside her.

    if you want to have sex with someone else, end the relationship you're in first. its cruel to cheat

    and no, i've never been cheated on, and i wouldnt put up with if.

    thats part of the reason i married my husband, he wouldnt cheat on me for anything
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    IMO, when someone shows you who they truly are, it's prudent to believe them the first time. I'm very sorry that happened to you.

    Well said. So true.

    in my case, I didn't have proof of a physical act. But, I found pretty scandalous messages with several different women, which was enough for me to raise some hell. If I was being real with myself, the flags were there all along. He told me in several ways who he was and I didn't want to believe him because I like to see the good in people. I should have listened - I would have saved myself a ton of heartache, humiliation and anger.
  • persephone87
    persephone87 Posts: 220 Member
    Options
    Just looking to hear what other people have gone through on this.

    Have you ever been cheated on, and the relationship lasted? Could you trust them again, and be happy with them again? Please share your story...
    My ex didn't sexually cheat on me, he decided he was in love with some *kitten* ugly tramp instead of me and so he broke up with me.... I reported the false bankruptcy claim his father filed.

    Karma is a b*tch.
  • MsNewBooty83
    MsNewBooty83 Posts: 1,003 Member
    Options
    i was, by my 1st love, in a 7yr long relationship, we made it a cpl yrs past the episode...but it didnt last, life was hell, no trust. hard to get that back, plus i was younger and stupid as all hell. i figured if i beat the hell outta her i would feel better. NOPE. should beat him and told him to beat it too!
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Options
    I was cheated on. Was willing to work though it. She wasn't - she'd pretty much cheated in order to break it. If it was a meaningless one-night stand, I don't think it would be a big deal. In fact, I'd rather my SO have sex with someone once than have a sexless emotional affair. She feels the same way - she told me she would be sadder at me cooking breakfast for a woman the morning after than having sex with her the night before.
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
    Options
    Thoughts from the cheater:

    I got angry with my wife and foolishly imaturely cheater on her "to show her someone else would want me if she didn't". I believe it also had to do with new anti-depressant meds at the time that augmented sexual energy to the point of moronic behavior, but i cannot prove it.

    Once you step out of the circle of trust between two people there is no going back.

    Years of counseling and discussion and taking my lumps has us still married and the root problem is not solved, but we hang in there because we committed to each other and we still make each other laugh. That's the key issue - we'll raise the kids and wrestle with the financials and deal with life's crises together because in the end we still enjoy each other's company.

    But we will never enjoy the spontanteous spark of sex in a moment's notice again. And that is not a reason for divorce, in our book.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.

    Wow, angry much? Lighten up - you didn't have to read this thread. If you're not into it, why did you bother?

    And, I would argue that while this isn't totally on the fitness topic, it's related. My ex was an *kitten* who made me feel bad about myself almost every day. When I found out that he was close to or had been cheating, I made a promise to myself to do right for myself by getting back into running and lifting so I could feel like a stronger person on the outside. That whole event is what inspired me to get serious - and to get involved with the MFP community.

    People make choices for all sorts of emotional reasons, fitness being one of them.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Options
    You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.

    The chit chat forum is not about weight loss. There are multiple sections of this site for that. I really like being able to post a non-fitness related question to an active forum made up of people with very different perspectives.

Categories