Would it be a deal breaker..

24

Replies

  • GreyEyes21
    GreyEyes21 Posts: 241 Member
    well No because you should know this going into a relationship so if you have a problem with it, then you should never have gotten serious.

    Well what about if you decide to live healthy and you have been with your SO other for several years or so??

    agree ^

    also what if you were living a healthy lifestyle togehter and then your SO suddenly stop due to traumatic event. didnt see that one coming.
  • spersephone
    spersephone Posts: 148 Member
    My husband and I have swapped over time. When we first met, I was the lazy lump and he went to karate training once or twice a week. He was a black belt in karate.

    Three years ago, I took control of my health and started exercising. I fit in an hour of exercise four or five times a week, and am much fitter and healthier than I used to be. He goes to Aikido now, once a week, and complains about how sore he is most days he goes. He does very little else and makes a lot of poor quality food choices. He could stand to lose quite a bit weight and increase his fitness but he's not at all interested in cardio or anything "boring".

    If I was to meet him now with my current frame of mind, it may change things for me. But I married him and I keep hoping that he'll take on board the great outcomes I've had from changing my own lifestyle. I cook healthy foods for him, but he often buys his own lunch, and whenever we go out to a shopping centre and are there around lunchtime, he cannot help himself but buy something like chips.

    It's frustrating, but I do understand that there is more to our relationship than this - it's not a good enough reason to throw it all away.
  • crazy_ninja
    crazy_ninja Posts: 387 Member
    well No because you should know this going into a relationship so if you have a problem with it, then you should never have gotten serious.

    Well what about if you decide to live healthy and you have been with your SO other for several years or so??

    Thats what I ask myselfe every fuxxin day :frown:
  • becs_91
    becs_91 Posts: 180 Member
    Nope. I've discovered through my weight loss journey that we are great at supporting each other in that regard (he's working on his eating habits and exercise too, even from 1,500 miles away! although he's always been in great shape, not the healthiest eater though) but it would not be a deal breaker at all if we weren't on the same page in that regard. Obviously we want each other to be as healthy as possible, but I don't think we'd ever think any less or more of each other either way.
  • WeekndOVOXO
    WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
    Depends how much if affects her looks. Most woman aren't fine wine. They don't get better with age. There needs to be some sexual attraction till AT LEAST 50. As long as she lets me make her food, and isn't a couch potato then I think I can manage.
  • spersephone
    spersephone Posts: 148 Member
    Since I took control of my life, I've certainly gotten better with age - I think everyone has the potential to get better with age if they truly want to.
  • CuteAndCurvy83
    CuteAndCurvy83 Posts: 570 Member
    My wedding vows included in sickness & in health, just because I am choosing to get healthy doesn't mean I am going to toss him aside if he doesn't choose it too. I can only hope my success inspires him to want to join me.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    It would not be a deal breaker.

    But, I love my husband very much and I enjoy him, so if he started to live in a way that was harmful to his health and longevity I would probably be worried.
  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
    Would it be a deal breaker for you if your SO didn't live a healthy lifestyle? Such as eating healthy & exercise..

    It would make the relationship difficult--after all, if I'm trying to eat better and exercise more and he does not want to do either, it's looking at temptation every time I'm with him. Better to have shared goals.

    I totally agree with this. Its one thing to enter a relationship with different living styles, but to change your style during a relationship sure would make it much more difficult to achieve the results that your after.
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
    I don't have an SO right now. If I did, I'd take the "in sickness and in health" route... to a point. My SO would have to be willing to seek help for their problem, and I would definitely have to move out until they did. I am a binge/compulsive eater in recovery, so I just don't see me coexisting with a partner who can't share similar habits. For me, it would be like being a recovering alcoholic or drug addict with a partner who still drinks or does drugs. It would be extremely trying, if not impossible, for me to resist falling into old behaviours. This is why I am waiting until I have gotten much more fit before I look for a relationship; I don't expect the kind of person that I'm trying to be to be attracted to the kind of person I am, now. It's just not realistic.
  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
    I don't have an SO right now. If I did, I'd take the "in sickness and in health" route... to a point. My SO would have to be willing to seek help for their problem, and I would definitely have to move out until they did. I am a binge/compulsive eater in recovery, so I just don't see me coexisting with a partner who can't share similar habits. For me, it would be like being a recovering alcoholic or drug addict with a partner who still drinks or does drugs. It would be extremely trying, if not impossible, for me to resist falling into old behaviours. This is why I am waiting until I have gotten much more fit before I look for a relationship; I don't expect the kind of person that I'm trying to be to be attracted to the kind of person I am, now. It's just not realistic.

    AMEN to that!!!!
  • fancyfrenzy
    fancyfrenzy Posts: 52
    Well I've been together with my SO for 8 years now and I just changed my lifestyle last week. He's still eating crap, but he's also ok if we cook something healthy. Furthermore we are on a long-distance relationship because of his work and only see each other every two weeks. To answer your question: It is ok with me if he keeps on leading an unhealthy lifestyle although I hope my new lifestyle will rub off on him. :)

    Please excuse any mistakes, I'm German :)
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
    Please excuse any mistakes, I'm German :)

    Just wanted to mention, fancyfrenzy, that your English is better than at least half of the people who frequent these forums... most of whom supposedly speak English as a first language ;P
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    I Love my husband dearly. When we met, he was rail thin and not muscular at all. Now, he's not rail thin and still not muscular. He's put on probably about 40'ish pounds, and worked off 10.

    I would have loved him dearly if I met him when the had the extra 40. What I can't love is someone who literally eats them self to death. My mom ate like crap most of her life and had a heart attack at 42 when I was 12. and another at 13, and by the time she was 60, a quad byass. Husband's dad, he's been overweight for pretty much ever, but obese the last 10 yrs, morbidly obese about the last 5. Now he's insulin dependent and still eats the most gawd awful stuff like TWO cheeseburgers. for lunch! along with a large fries! This dude has no portion control! He also had to have double knee surgery and has had sleep apnea for at least 10 yrs. His dad is on soo many different medications for different ailments directly due to his weight.

    I'm sorry, I can't get on board with someone like that. I don't want to hook up with some dude, invest 15-20-30 years of my life, only to have him die or have to live a boring / broke life because he can't be bother to put down a few twinkies. I know it sounds harsh, but this comes from someone who almost lost a mom at a young age directly due to eating habits.

    If things were to get difficult I'd tell him, and I know he would say the same thing to me. He sees how much his mom struggles with his dad and how lop sided the relationship is. He has been very supportive of me in trying to get more in shape

    *he gets mild exercise, but he severely broke his foot when he was 20, so it's not like there is much he could do anyway.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    Since. You're only 21 years old why get seriously involved with someone!!! Go out and date other people!!!
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
    Let me ask you this - would you sign a prenup with someone who specified you had to exercise and maintain a certain weight to height ratio or face consequences otherwise? Probably not. People change as they get older, can get injured, gain, lose weight for a variety of reasons, etc. I'd feel pretty bad if my SO got skittish about our relationship due to something like weight gain or committment to exericise. I exercise way more than my SO, and I have no problem with it.

    It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me at all. Like others have said, you can only live your life, not others. I can understand someone wanting to have their values aligned with their SO, but things don't always work that way. Most people I know would probably want to end a relationship if someone said "you don't exercise and eat right so I don't think we are compatible...."
  • Amo_Angelus
    Amo_Angelus Posts: 604 Member
    No, but it does irk me sometimes when his lifestyle isn't just not healthy, but it becomes downright unhealthy lol
  • kimmianne89
    kimmianne89 Posts: 428 Member
    No, but i'm lucky. My boyfriend is very much into health and fitness. Although we have the same downfall of being naughty on the weekends but we are both good through-out the week, it's odd. We are working on getting better at it aha.
  • Dinamita_TNT
    Dinamita_TNT Posts: 333
    For me that I'm single by now, I would rather preffer a relationship with someone who has a way of life similar to mine. That means: sport, exercise or workout, healthy eating, non-smoking, intellectual interests, hobbies... But at the same time, not someone that is a twin of me :smile:
  • SherryR1971
    SherryR1971 Posts: 1,170 Member
    yes!! definitely!!
  • Bethie_B
    Bethie_B Posts: 292 Member
    No, but I'm a feeder, so....
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    Must admit it is proving tricky now we have totally different lifestyles. A lot of it is because I want to be more active with him, but I also want him to fight for a happy healthy future for the both of us like I am. I'm hoping he gets with the programme. It's tricky when your going in different directions! X
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    No
  • Crystaleyed
    Crystaleyed Posts: 229 Member
    As long a my SO or future SO should I say supported and respected the fact that I was trying to be healthier then I don't think it would matter no.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    If he pigs out and doesn't move at all, then yes. Don't feel like being a widow at age 35.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    If he pigs out and doesn't move at all, then yes. Don't feel like being a widow at age 35.

    ^^My sentiments all summed up in one sentence!
  • mhoward685
    mhoward685 Posts: 129 Member
    Love is a verb it is action,doing. It is work not just a feeling. Feelings are fickle. Make a commitment or don't. If you make the commitment then remember your promise in good times and bad in sickness and in health. As tempting as it may look the grass is not greener somewhere else if just looks different and has its own set of issues to deal with.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    No, but I'm a feeder, so....

    I know the type.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Love is a verb it is action,doing. It is work not just a feeling. Feelings are fickle. Make a commitment or don't. If you make the commitment then remember your promise in good times and bad in sickness and in health. As tempting as it may look the grass is not greener somewhere else if just looks different and has its own set of issues to deal with.

    "In sickness and in health"

    Eating so much food that you become obese is typically not sickness. It's a choice. yes, there are some people predisposed with genetics, but they can still exercise self control and staying active.
    "To honor and love" You love me? you honor me? Then do that by choosing to be alive and healthy in ways you can control. You can honor me by not digging your own grave with one extra sized "value meal" at a time. Please, how is that honor?

    "Til death do us part?" what? immature death? death you brought on yourself because they chose to eat large amounts of unhealthy foods? sat in front of their computer or on the couch for hours at a time?

    You bring kids into this world. Isn't it your duty, as a parent, to be there with your best effort? Putting fast food in front of them several times a week, having excess amounts of soda and junk food in the house, routine unhealthy meals. How is this doing your duty as a parent?

    Do I sound harsh? absolutely. But I didn't bring 2 precious kids into this world only to leave them motherless before they're adults. I didn't marry my husband just to leave him crying at my grave before we're 40.

    But most of all, I love myself and respect myself too much to cheat myself out of a long, happy and decent life. I'm not asking my husband to run marathons or hit the gym 7 days a week. I'm not asking him to give up bacon or rum. I Just want him to stay in a healthy range because I love him, honor him and cherish him.

    I have made one too many choices that is leading me in that direction. and I need to honor my vows and my children and get back on the right track.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,284 Member
    Don't know if it would be a deal breaker but it will make the relationship a bit harder to manage. I am sure there will be times where we would butt heads as I am very active and want to do things outdoors and if my SO did not want to and just sit at home eating bon bons

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