Would it be a deal breaker..

Options
124

Replies

  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Options
    Nope. My fiance and I have very different ideas as far as fitness and diet.
    He comes and goes, sometimes he will get in modes where he works out a lot and eats well.

    I try not to judge and let him be. If his doctors ever express concern I will make certain to help him the best I can.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Options
    No. We all go through life at our own pace.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    No.
  • HLeAnn
    HLeAnn Posts: 261 Member
    Options
    Nope. I got together with my boyfriend, and have stayed with him knowing his habits. I love him, and can only hope that some of my healthy habits catch on. If not, that's his choice.
  • myth4ever
    myth4ever Posts: 372
    Options
    if it is one of your core values..... you can't waiver You have to believe in something!!!!!!. But if you feel it is what it is about health/fitness then I am sure it will be fine

    For myself you have to be in the neighborhood......if not we can't talk about community issues!!!!! Ya dig!?
  • dr2k12
    dr2k12 Posts: 291 Member
    Options
    My wife is one of the lucky ones who is three sit-ups away from being a swimsuit model no matter what she eats, so while I prefer she ate better because it would make it easier on me she is reasonably respectful about it.

    She recently started going to the gym a little which I am happy about as it's great for her overall health.

    So no it's not a deal breaker in this case, but if I ever found myself dating again I would gravitate towards someone who took a more healthy approach overall...
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    Options
    well No because you should know this going into a relationship so if you have a problem with it, then you should never have gotten serious.

    OK. But I've been married for 26 years. I've only gotten healthy for the last 2. She has not, so now what do you say?

    For me, not a deal breaker, but very disappointing, indeed.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Options
    Nope. My husband doesn't choose to eat the healthiest now. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I try to make meals that are better for all of us, and he does eat them. I encourage us to be physical ( not sexual... like take walks or whatever ) and he usually does as well. You change when you're ready and that's that. I hope some day he will be. I will continue to be encouraging. I would never ever call it off he if choses not to.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Options
    Love is a verb it is action,doing. It is work not just a feeling. Feelings are fickle. Make a commitment or don't. If you make the commitment then remember your promise in good times and bad in sickness and in health. As tempting as it may look the grass is not greener somewhere else if just looks different and has its own set of issues to deal with.

    "In sickness and in health"

    Eating so much food that you become obese is typically not sickness. It's a choice. yes, there are some people predisposed with genetics, but they can still exercise self control and staying active.
    "To honor and love" You love me? you honor me? Then do that by choosing to be alive and healthy in ways you can control. You can honor me by not digging your own grave with one extra sized "value meal" at a time. Please, how is that honor?

    "Til death do us part?" what? immature death? death you brought on yourself because they chose to eat large amounts of unhealthy foods? sat in front of their computer or on the couch for hours at a time?

    You bring kids into this world. Isn't it your duty, as a parent, to be there with your best effort? Putting fast food in front of them several times a week, having excess amounts of soda and junk food in the house, routine unhealthy meals. How is this doing your duty as a parent?

    Do I sound harsh? absolutely. But I didn't bring 2 precious kids into this world only to leave them motherless before they're adults. I didn't marry my husband just to leave him crying at my grave before we're 40.

    But most of all, I love myself and respect myself too much to cheat myself out of a long, happy and decent life. I'm not asking my husband to run marathons or hit the gym 7 days a week. I'm not asking him to give up bacon or rum. I Just want him to stay in a healthy range because I love him, honor him and cherish him.

    I have made one too many choices that is leading me in that direction. and I need to honor my vows and my children and get back on the right track.

    You're wrong. It is a sickness. A mental one. Just like any other addiction to drugs or the like. Addiction to food is real.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Options
    No, but there's a but.

    SOME unhealthy things would be a deal breaker. Smoking. Alcoholism. Drug abuse.

    Not being as into nutrition and exercising as I am is not a deal breaker. We have enough other things in common.... we don't need to be clones of each other.
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
    Options
    Lol, we've been married almost 40 years and always eaten differently. I can talk myself blue in the face or just deal and eat my way and let him eat his. Doesn't bother me anymore but I tease him all the time about how he's going to be old and fat and won't be able to run fast enough to get away when he makes one of his smart *kitten* remarks.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    Options
    No.

    Wait, how bad we talking about? I couldnt live with somebody whose idea of dinner was wendys.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
    Options
    Currently I'm single, but being healthy and fit has become something that's really important to me, so I'm not sure how compatible a future SO and I would be if we both weren't active. I also want to have kids and want them to be active and healthy. Both partners being on the same page is important to me.
  • djsawruh
    djsawruh Posts: 8
    Options
    hmmm... i've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm super attracted to a persons personality so i don't think i would have a lot in common with someone who wasn't on the same path as me or didn't support me.
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
    Options
    If by SO you mean spouse or a person you've made a lifetime commitment to, I don't see how this would be a deal breaker. Now, if you're talking about someone you're just dating, then perhaps that isn't the right person for you.
  • soulfulsally
    soulfulsally Posts: 326
    Options
    If it's a new relationship, I'd say deal breaker. But if you've been with this person for a while and have built a meaningful relationship, I wouldn't say their eating habits are an excuse to break up. Maybe if you're planning on having children and your SO is a total junk food junkie who sees nothing wrong with raising kids on a junk food diet. That'd be a serious cause for concern.

    When I met my husband, I was a total health nut and weighed 110 lbs. His bad exercise and eating habits rubbed off on me and I'm paying for it now. I just never thought I could ever get this big and relaxed too much into the relationship. If you're going to stay in a relationship with someone who has unhealthy habits, make sure you don't lose your healthy habits in the process. It WILL take effort to pass on junk in the house and out to eat and to exercise when your SO wants you to be a couch potato buddy.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Options
    If by SO you mean spouse or a person you've made a lifetime commitment to, I don't see how this would be a deal breaker. Now, if you're talking about someone you're just dating, then perhaps that isn't the right person for you.

    Exactly! You don't just ditch someone because YOU have changed your values even if they are for the better. Encourage your SO. Help them see how important changing for the positive is. But you don't say oh well you're no longer what I want, we aren't on the same page so see ya! If you can do that, you were never truly commited to that relationship anyway.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    Options
    well No because you should know this going into a relationship so if you have a problem with it, then you should never have gotten serious.

    OK. But I've been married for 26 years. I've only gotten healthy for the last 2. She has not, so now what do you say?

    For me, not a deal breaker, but very disappointing, indeed.

    What if she had been the one to choose a healthy lifestyle 4 years ago, or 6 years ago. Would you have been ready to make the changes? What if it takes her 28 years or 30 years to change her ways? Would you have been ready at some other point in time that would be more coincidental with her decision? Likely not. You were ready when you were ready. She probably wasn't disappointed in you when you were living an unhealthy lifestyle. You shouldn't be disappointed in her because she's not ready to change just because you are. That's conditional love and really has no place in marriage IMO. The more you love her and support her just for being her, the more likely she'll feel able to step out of her own comfort zone. But even if she is never ready... that's what the commitment is for.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    Options
    well No because you should know this going into a relationship so if you have a problem with it, then you should never have gotten serious.

    OK. But I've been married for 26 years. I've only gotten healthy for the last 2. She has not, so now what do you say?

    For me, not a deal breaker, but very disappointing, indeed.

    What if she had been the one to choose a healthy lifestyle 4 years ago, or 6 years ago. Would you have been ready to make the changes? What if it takes her 28 years or 30 years to change her ways? Would you have been ready at some other point in time that would be more coincidental with her decision? Likely not. You were ready when you were ready. She probably wasn't disappointed in you when you were living an unhealthy lifestyle. You shouldn't be disappointed in her because she's not ready to change just because you are. That's conditional love and really has no place in marriage IMO. The more you love her and support her just for being her, the more likely she'll feel able to step out of her own comfort zone. But even if she is never ready... that's what the commitment is for.

    That's a very narrow minded view you have. No doubt he just wants them to have a healthy happy future because he really loves her. It IS disappointing when your SO is not willing to fight for it to. In my case my SO used to complain about my inactive lifestyle, I have chronic fatigue and pain syndrome but I've really had to fight to get fit and active and lose the weight... I've done it through major liver surgery, depression, anxiety, loads of other problems. Why? Mostly for us, and so we have that nice healthy life together,

    He's gone the opposite way and now is not active and is unhealthy. Considering he made it obvious he wasn't happy with my previous lifestyle and he said he wanted a happy healthy future together, and I've fought for it and he won't.... Yes I'm very very disappointed. He knows as much as I do its difficult when your going in different I directions.

    You don't know the full picture of this man's marriage, it could be similar to me and my partner, don't judge so harshly. I know exactly where he's coming from. Disappointing.

    I love my partner to death, but at a time where I'm looking to the future and having kids, if hen doesn't really get with the programme it won't work. Yes I love him, I love his kids, more than you'll ever know. That is why I do want this for us.... Love is not standing by and watching someone sabotage themselves. Part of a loving relationship is kicking each other up the *kitten* when needed. If I ever started slipping away back I'd expect him to talk to me about it, nor ignore it blissfully because he loves me I don't see that as very loving! X

    Just my 2 cents.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Options
    My fiance is no body builder. He's gained a little bit of weight since we got together. I don't really mind to be honest. I know that his body can't properly digest certain veggies, and he's a big meat eater. He doesn't pig out or anything either. He's an artist, so most of the time he's sitting and creating things. He works the most important muscle of all, which is the brain and he works it really hard.

Categories