Sick and tired of defending goal weight!
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I had a man (the appointment setter) at my doc's today tell me I didn't need to lose more weight and "you look fine just as you are." ((My Doc wants me to lose at least another 25#'s...I want 145 (was a bit more, but thinking a bit less will be better) Since he's not seen me ~4 months, he can see the 30-ish I've lost since then.0
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That's smart, why tell people, better to keep it to yourself.0
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I ignore the scale. Get healthy and weigh what YOU want to weigh. The calculators tell me my healthy weight range is 136.4 to 184.4. A 6' guy at 136 is NOT healthy! I have a friend that is 5'4" and 135, and he is THIN! I want to put on a nice amount of muscle and be lean yet weigh around 210-225 or so. That's a fair amount of lean mass to gain, but it's outside of their parameters....0
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Don't tell people, keep it to yourself. It's nobodies business.0
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I should have said how much more I have to lose, people don't know my goal weight. I don't let people know how much I weigh, besides on here. I guess we are just damned if we do and damned if we don't. Its like when people think they know what healthy eating is. Its probably the same people telling us we don't need to lose anymore weight. I could either go the route that oh I only have about 5lbs left or oh no I still have 50/60lbs left! or tell them that I just keep on losing weight and I'm just not sure why. I should probably see someone about it. Maybe just have some fun with it. Cause really its none of their business unless you are hurting yourself and I am not! Some people. I had one friend tell me my goal weight be like 20lbs over what I wanted it to be just so I wouldn't be lighter than her. She was a way different build than me, short and stocky and I am tall and lanky. Needless to say we are not friends anymore, for many more reasons0
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I have told 2 friends in total that I am tracking my food. That's it. Only 2. The reason is that I'm not trying to lose an awful lot but EVERYONE I know would start looking at me like I have a problem if I said I needed to lose a couple of kilos. But I DO need to lose some. I set my goal weight to one that I have been most of my adult life (except the last 18 months). I am comfortable in my clothes at that weight and it suits me. I am lightly boned and at my current weight and without clothes on I look 'skinny fat'. I am hoping to get a little more weight off so I can ease up my exercise again without flaring up past injuries.
I definitely don't advertise the fact to anyone, but when someone notices I just say I've started exercising a bit again (I stopped exercising 18 months ago due to severe plantar fasciitis in my feet that left me hobbling like an old woman...only I kept eating like a weight lifting man LOL)0 -
I get it a lot too... I just ignore it
A lot of people don't know what "healthy" looks like. And no one knows what it's like to be me, that's for sure, so when someone tells me I need to lose more weight or I don't need to lose anymore weight, it just goes through one ear and out the other for the most part. I just try to keep weight out of conversations as much as possible. But, if someone says I look good, I just say thanks and leave it.
If someone tries to talk about weight, I switch the topic to health. I talk about what a healthy lifestyle is like. It seems to work.0 -
OMG! This is how I feel exactly. I was just telling my husband tonight that I'm so sick of people calling me skinny and saying, "Don't get anorexic." Please! Are the blind? I am 5'7" and I weigh 231 pounds. I'm hardly anorexic. I didn't talk to anyone at first about my lifestyle change. They started noticing about a month after I started losing the weight. I was getting discouraged at first because nobody was noticing but now that's all they do is comment on it. Be careful what you wish for...I was talking to my mother the other day and she said, "You really wear a size 12- huh?" I had told her a couple of weeks earlier because it's my mother and I figured I could tell her and she'd be excited for me. Well- she then said, "Your sister said you must be on a starvation diet if you're losing that much weight." It made me kind of mad because I mean do they think I couldn't possibly cut calories and exercise for hours a week when I used to live a completely sedentary life? Seriously...I wanted to say it but it's my mother and I have respect for her, so I bit my tongue. I'm not close with my sister and this means they were discussing me, which annoys me too. Now every time I talk to her she will ask if I am still working out and dieting. My mother is tiny and she has always made comments about her getting fat and how much weight she's going to gain while at my house eating holiday dinners that I cooked from scratch. She weighs like 120 pounds and is like 5'6" tall. Come on...I've always felt like she looked at me as fat just because I was big boned and a bit heavier than I should be, even when I wasn't this overweight at a younger age. I had a step-father that was verbally abusive about my weight, a grandfather that would criticize my weight and I once caught my cousin and uncle making fun of me at Christmas time. These are people that are supposed to love me and accept me. Next time my mom brings the diet up, I will just say yes and change the subject.
I am half way to my goal. I want to lose another 30 pounds or so. I bust my butt doing the treadmill three to five days a week for 45- 60 minutes each time and I have cut out most junk food. I have an occasional oreo binge and I eat Mexican food, pizza or any other meal that I crave but within moderation now. It's almost like people don't want to see others succeed. They only want to see you fail. I am genuinely happy to see people improve or when good things happen for others, I get excited for them. At my job, it's the same way. I am in sales and you have to be careful what you say because people get envious and you end up with a target on your back. Honestly, people always say- don't worry about what others say or think but the fact is that we all want to be accepted and we all care to a degree what people say or think about us. Anyway, enough of my rant. I just got home from the gym, read this and literally this whole situation sounds exactly like mine. My main goal was to add some exercise in my life and stop the blood pressure medicine. I have been off the medicine now for about a month so I'm excited. I want to be healthy...0 -
Oh I can totally relate! Everyone has an opinion and it says more about what they think of themselves than anything else.0
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Nobody can say anything about your body. It's your body and your happiness. So don't let them get to you; just think about the result.0
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I guess at the end of the day, everyone is conscious of their weight. And for you to be losing weight - successfully - it makes them think about their own weight. And if they aren't happy with their own weight, why should you be happy with yours? Hence, negativity.0
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I have skinny arms and legs and the middle is enormous. I will use this line asap.I simply ask them if theyd like to see me naked!
That shuts them up pretty quickly!0 -
I should have said how much more I have to lose, people don't know my goal weight.
I find this doesn't help at all. That's usually what my answer is (because I only share my weight with a select few), "I want to lose another 25ish lbs" and I get a lot of, "FROM WHERE??", "Don't get too thin", "you look great right now", "I think you'll look sick if you lose that much more". In my case, it's just that people have never seen me at a healthy weight...they only know me as obese and now overweight, so I think it's hard for them to picture me at a "healthy" weight. I told a close friend that recently. She seemed actually concerned for me and thought I would look too thin. I reminded her that she has only ever known me as fat and not to be concerned, that my goal weight puts me right in the middle of the "healthy" range. She understood a little better after that. Some people are being nice, some people are paying you a compliment (in an odd way), and some people might be speaking from jealousy. You know what's healthy for you, so just brush them off or talk to them about it like I did if you feel they are coming from a good place and are worth the explanation. You're doing great! Don't worry about the silly opinions of others.0 -
People are just ridiculous, in general.
Now that coworkers are noticing my loss, I hear about it constantly. Most of the comments are nice, nonspecific "way to go" type stuff that is really sweet and motivates me to keep on going.
Then there's all the rest - the snarky comments, the new food police (NOOOOOOO!!!!! DON'T EAT THOSE 12 M&Ms, YOU WERE DOING SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD :sad: ), the typical stuff from my office's group of mean girls, the coworkers who need to lose and think I've discovered some magical easy trick to lose weight and I'm holding out on them. Then there are a couple of good work friends who are starting to "worry" about me and my health (um, I'm a 5',6" female who currently weighs 196, no one needs to lose a minute's sleep over my health lol)
I accept all compliments and refuse to accept any insults, snark, whiny self-pity, or food policing. :bigsmile:0 -
People at work also make comments about how I should stop at the weight I am now because any more weight lost "wouldn't look right".. I've learned to just let them talk and just do me! What I do, where I want to be, what I want to weigh, etc., doesn't affect them the slightest bit so why care what they think or have to say, right?0
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Why do people think you're crazy for losing more weight because you look great? Because we have a rather fat society.. a majority of people are overweight .. so their opinions and "vision" are skewed by what they see as the norm.
Well .. newsflash hunny -- do what is right and healthy for YOU! Say thank you to them for saying that as a compliment .. but tell them your doctor is advising you to lose more weight to get into a healthy range. (or say nothing at all other than thank you and move on).. however if you do oblige them with a comment and explanation .. tell them you are on the road to avoiding a lot of health issues .. diabetes, heart and blood pressure issues .. joints.. you name it!
You're health is more important than their opinion of you at this moment :flowerforyou:
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Those with a high standard for how they want to look are a minority. Most people are overweight and choose to believe that is how they should be. By most people's standards, I am at a healthy weight and in great shape. But I happen to know that I am almost 20 pounds above the highest weight in my healthy BMI range. I work out a lot, and am in good proportion, so I carry it well. But I know what I look like at my ideal weight, and it is NOT what I look like now.
If you really want to be your best, then you have to let the majority opinion fade into the background. The more thin, healthy, fit people there are, the more the lazy ones will start to stand out.
Good enough is just not good enough for me.0 -
I've been getting the wow what happened to you comments all because I've started wearing skinny clothes. Well, It's been a few months since I've lost weight but I didn't start wearing the skinny clothes until now and now the comments come and the envy and snide remarks like it's illegal for me to look good like everyone else that have looked good all along.
I even put on some baggy or layered clothes on some days when I dont want to deal with the comments and of course, cover up and nobody says anything but I deserve to wear the skinny clothes!
I think I would say to these people you are happy with your weight you are just building muscle and look leaner now but the scale really hasn't budged, you are just getting lean with muscle.....0 -
as long as you are healthy, eating correctly, and in a healthy weight range for your height, don't let them get you.
Pam0 -
I def understand the sentiment. My biggest opposition is my mom in ref to my goal weight. I simply don't give to good hot forks. What I want for me trumps what everyone else does.
My weight my decision.
I don't defend anything.0 -
calm yourself. maybe you shouldn't be DEFENSIVE at all and take it as a compliment.
...because it is a "compliment" that undermines some people emotionally. These people are subtly saying that they don't really want you to get any thinner/healthier/better looking because it ups the bar for them. Maybe not in every case, but I have known those people, and when you are struggling to lose weight it can be the smallest thing that sets your mind off track.
I have know someone whose husband became downright abusive because they lost weight (the wife lost weight), and it made the husband insecure.
I agree, it is better to recognize it as insensitive, and then you won't feel responsible for it. Anything beyond, "you look great!" is too personal and out of line.0 -
Stop talking about it to people.
I don't talk to people about it, they keep on talking to me asking me all kinds of questions. I just keep my answers as simple and short as I can. and I don't tell them my goal weight I just tell them I have about 30lbs left to lose. I guess I just need to keep my mouth shut.
Yeah, just don't admit to anything. Keep it as vague as you can and change the subject.0 -
I like to get rid of unwanted opinions by saying, "Enough about me; what are you doing toward Your fitness goals?" Mostly they got nothing so I tell them we can discuss me after we discuss them.0
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I get that all the time too. I think it's because I use to weigh over 300 pounds and people are use to me being obese. Some people think I'm developing an eating disorder...which hello? I was/am addicted to food so I already have an eating disorder which I'm fighting!
Sometimes I think people are jealous because they don't have the motivation to eat healthier.
I currently weigh 175 and would like to get to 145. Though I have to realize it's only a number on the scale and does not dictate my life!
And others I think really mean what they say...they think I look healthy now. I'm sure it's the same with you. I now only tell my close friends my goal weight...if they ask!0 -
Why are you even telling anyone what your goal weight is?
I had one guy pester me for how many pounds I had lost exactly. I just kept saying, "that's personal, sorry" or "I appreciate the compliment but I don't really want to discuss that in detail". He stopped asking.0 -
Oh yeah, I get it too...I want to lose another 15 - 20 lbs and if I say it to anyone they say, "from where?? you're already wearing size 2!" but my thighs are big and I have fat around my belly...I mean come on! I'm only 5'1" and if I gained 4 lbs my BMI would kick me into an overweight category. Not that I put a lot of stock in BMI. According to BMI I could go as low as 98lbs and still be considered normal. 98lbs to 132lbs seems like a pretty big freaking category. But I digress...only you know what is right, I'd like to be around 110lbs, I've been there before and wasn't a size 2...so lifting and trying to eat clean...I've got it to lose, I'll just do it slowly like a ninja know one will know I'm doing it...lol.0
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I hardly talk to anyone about my weight, except on here.
This reminds me of my husband losing weight, his grandmother said he looked sickly! WTH??? He still has more weight to lose and certainly does not look like he is withering away.
Many people do not know what they are talking about. It's annoying!0 -
I used to joke with a friend at church about her weight loss. At first it was all encouragement about how fabulous she was looking, then when she got really trim I'd joke with her and our Pastor about the pastor holding her down while I beat her with chocolate cake. Now looking back I suppose that was insensitive and I hope she understands I was only joking (I haven't seen her in a couple months to apologize). She is the one who inspired me to start eating healthier and getting my own weight under control.
I get the most grief from my husband which is really tough because who wants to be un-attractive to their spouse? I tell him the baggy bottom britches will go away and I'll get better fitting clothes once I'm down to my goal weight...which is just a few pounds less than when I met him. I've quickly shrunk out of my size 14's and now my size 12's are getting loose too. At least I'M very excited about getting in shape again and I keep telling myself that mine is the only opinion that matters as long as I don't get underweight. I'm going for mid-range of my recommended BMI as well. The lower end I know would be too skinny for my body.0 -
I agree with most - don't talk about it. I haven't mentioned a goal weight to anybody I know.
I do remember a male friend telling me I was losing all my feminine curves in the distant past.0 -
unless they know that the "weight number" is not what makes you a "healthy weight"? I would not go by that...if I was to be a healthy weight I would have to have zero body fat...and lose 10lbs of muscle mass...uh no thanks. Just throwing this possibily out there since alot of people have no idea what a healthy weight is and they just go off of these charts which do not take into account you may actually have muscles. But its 2012 lots of women have muscles. I personally would rather have them and be able to move all my furniture myself, give my 90lb dog a bath, carry in all 12 bags of grocceries then be a "healthy weight"
but hey they could just be jealous wackadoodles too:)0
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