Sick and tired of defending goal weight!

kyzalie

I guess at the end of the day, everyone is conscious of their weight. And for you to be losing weight - successfully - it makes them think about their own weight. And if they aren't happy with their own weight, why should you be happy with yours? Hence, negativity.

sunnyside1213

I simply ask them if theyd like to see me naked!

That shuts them up pretty quickly!

I have skinny arms and legs and the middle is enormous. I will use this line asap.

AmberCHM

I should have said how much more I have to lose, people don't know my goal weight.

I find this doesn't help at all. That's usually what my answer is (because I only share my weight with a select few), "I want to lose another 25ish lbs" and I get a lot of, "FROM WHERE??", "Don't get too thin", "you look great right now", "I think you'll look sick if you lose that much more". In my case, it's just that people have never seen me at a healthy weight...they only know me as obese and now overweight, so I think it's hard for them to picture me at a "healthy" weight. I told a close friend that recently. She seemed actually concerned for me and thought I would look too thin. I reminded her that she has only ever known me as fat and not to be concerned, that my goal weight puts me right in the middle of the "healthy" range. She understood a little better after that. Some people are being nice, some people are paying you a compliment (in an odd way), and some people might be speaking from jealousy. You know what's healthy for you, so just brush them off or talk to them about it like I did if you feel they are coming from a good place and are worth the explanation. You're doing great! Don't worry about the silly opinions of others.

NCchar130

People are just ridiculous, in general.

Now that coworkers are noticing my loss, I hear about it constantly. Most of the comments are nice, nonspecific "way to go" type stuff that is really sweet and motivates me to keep on going.

Then there's all the rest - the snarky comments, the new food police (NOOOOOOO!!!!! DON'T EAT THOSE 12 M&Ms, YOU WERE DOING SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD :sad: ), the typical stuff from my office's group of mean girls, the coworkers who need to lose and think I've discovered some magical easy trick to lose weight and I'm holding out on them. Then there are a couple of good work friends who are starting to "worry" about me and my health (um, I'm a 5',6" female who currently weighs 196, no one needs to lose a minute's sleep over my health lol)

I accept all compliments and refuse to accept any insults, snark, whiny self-pity, or food policing. :bigsmile:

GabyG69

People at work also make comments about how I should stop at the weight I am now because any more weight lost "wouldn't look right".. I've learned to just let them talk and just do me! What I do, where I want to be, what I want to weigh, etc., doesn't affect them the slightest bit so why care what they think or have to say, right?

Katbody10

Why do people think you're crazy for losing more weight because you look great? Because we have a rather fat society.. a majority of people are overweight .. so their opinions and "vision" are skewed by what they see as the norm.

Well .. newsflash hunny -- do what is right and healthy for YOU! Say thank you to them for saying that as a compliment .. but tell them your doctor is advising you to lose more weight to get into a healthy range. (or say nothing at all other than thank you and move on).. however if you do oblige them with a comment and explanation .. tell them you are on the road to avoiding a lot of health issues .. diabetes, heart and blood pressure issues .. joints.. you name it!

You're health is more important than their opinion of you at this moment :flowerforyou:

thr33martins

Those with a high standard for how they want to look are a minority. Most people are overweight and choose to believe that is how they should be. By most people's standards, I am at a healthy weight and in great shape. But I happen to know that I am almost 20 pounds above the highest weight in my healthy BMI range. I work out a lot, and am in good proportion, so I carry it well. But I know what I look like at my ideal weight, and it is NOT what I look like now.

If you really want to be your best, then you have to let the majority opinion fade into the background. The more thin, healthy, fit people there are, the more the lazy ones will start to stand out.

Good enough is just not good enough for me.

elivingston68

I've been getting the wow what happened to you comments all because I've started wearing skinny clothes. Well, It's been a few months since I've lost weight but I didn't start wearing the skinny clothes until now and now the comments come and the envy and snide remarks like it's illegal for me to look good like everyone else that have looked good all along.

I even put on some baggy or layered clothes on some days when I dont want to deal with the comments and of course, cover up and nobody says anything but I deserve to wear the skinny clothes!

I think I would say to these people you are happy with your weight you are just building muscle and look leaner now but the scale really hasn't budged, you are just getting lean with muscle.....

cherubcrnp

as long as you are healthy, eating correctly, and in a healthy weight range for your height, don't let them get you.

Pam

Impy84

I def understand the sentiment. My biggest opposition is my mom in ref to my goal weight. I simply don't give to good hot forks. What I want for me trumps what everyone else does.

My weight my decision.
I don't defend anything.

thr33martins

calm yourself. maybe you shouldn't be DEFENSIVE at all and take it as a compliment.

...because it is a "compliment" that undermines some people emotionally. These people are subtly saying that they don't really want you to get any thinner/healthier/better looking because it ups the bar for them. Maybe not in every case, but I have known those people, and when you are struggling to lose weight it can be the smallest thing that sets your mind off track.

I have know someone whose husband became downright abusive because they lost weight (the wife lost weight), and it made the husband insecure.

I agree, it is better to recognize it as insensitive, and then you won't feel responsible for it. Anything beyond, "you look great!" is too personal and out of line.

AngryDiet

Stop talking about it to people.

I don't talk to people about it, they keep on talking to me asking me all kinds of questions. I just keep my answers as simple and short as I can. and I don't tell them my goal weight I just tell them I have about 30lbs left to lose. I guess I just need to keep my mouth shut.

Yeah, just don't admit to anything. Keep it as vague as you can and change the subject.

katkins3

I like to get rid of unwanted opinions by saying, "Enough about me; what are you doing toward Your fitness goals?" Mostly they got nothing so I tell them we can discuss me after we discuss them.

tawny7

I get that all the time too. I think it's because I use to weigh over 300 pounds and people are use to me being obese. Some people think I'm developing an eating disorder...which hello? I was/am addicted to food so I already have an eating disorder which I'm fighting!
Sometimes I think people are jealous because they don't have the motivation to eat healthier.
I currently weigh 175 and would like to get to 145. Though I have to realize it's only a number on the scale and does not dictate my life!
And others I think really mean what they say...they think I look healthy now. I'm sure it's the same with you. I now only tell my close friends my goal weight...if they ask!

secretlobster

Why are you even telling anyone what your goal weight is?

I had one guy pester me for how many pounds I had lost exactly. I just kept saying, "that's personal, sorry" or "I appreciate the compliment but I don't really want to discuss that in detail". He stopped asking.

Juliejustsaying

Oh yeah, I get it too...I want to lose another 15 - 20 lbs and if I say it to anyone they say, "from where?? you're already wearing size 2!" but my thighs are big and I have fat around my belly...I mean come on! I'm only 5'1" and if I gained 4 lbs my BMI would kick me into an overweight category. Not that I put a lot of stock in BMI. According to BMI I could go as low as 98lbs and still be considered normal. 98lbs to 132lbs seems like a pretty big freaking category. But I digress...only you know what is right, I'd like to be around 110lbs, I've been there before and wasn't a size 2...so lifting and trying to eat clean...I've got it to lose, I'll just do it slowly like a ninja know one will know I'm doing it...lol.

Tiff050709

I hardly talk to anyone about my weight, except on here.

This reminds me of my husband losing weight, his grandmother said he looked sickly! WTH??? He still has more weight to lose and certainly does not look like he is withering away.

Many people do not know what they are talking about. It's annoying!

brainfreeze72

I used to joke with a friend at church about her weight loss. At first it was all encouragement about how fabulous she was looking, then when she got really trim I'd joke with her and our Pastor about the pastor holding her down while I beat her with chocolate cake. Now looking back I suppose that was insensitive and I hope she understands I was only joking (I haven't seen her in a couple months to apologize). She is the one who inspired me to start eating healthier and getting my own weight under control.

I get the most grief from my husband which is really tough because who wants to be un-attractive to their spouse? I tell him the baggy bottom britches will go away and I'll get better fitting clothes once I'm down to my goal weight...which is just a few pounds less than when I met him. I've quickly shrunk out of my size 14's and now my size 12's are getting loose too. At least I'M very excited about getting in shape again and I keep telling myself that mine is the only opinion that matters as long as I don't get underweight. I'm going for mid-range of my recommended BMI as well. The lower end I know would be too skinny for my body.

kenazfehu

I agree with most - don't talk about it. I haven't mentioned a goal weight to anybody I know.

I do remember a male friend telling me I was losing all my feminine curves in the distant past.

daggs95

unless they know that the "weight number" is not what makes you a "healthy weight"? I would not go by that...if I was to be a healthy weight I would have to have zero body fat...and lose 10lbs of muscle mass...uh no thanks. Just throwing this possibily out there since alot of people have no idea what a healthy weight is and they just go off of these charts which do not take into account you may actually have muscles. But its 2012 lots of women have muscles. I personally would rather have them and be able to move all my furniture myself, give my 90lb dog a bath, carry in all 12 bags of grocceries then be a "healthy weight"

but hey they could just be jealous wackadoodles too:)