5 things you wish you can say without getting fired.
Replies
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"Hey boss, can i get fired for what i THINK?"
"Well, no, you cant get fired for what you think"
"Well, i THINK you are an ***hole."0 -
Im a server in a crappy chain restaurant where the a lot of customers think its an up scale EYETALIAN RESARANTE ( olive garden is NOT authentic italian and I should probably start with that - but moving on..)
1. NO you can NOT have a 3rd bowl of soup- Im sick of running for your big fat buck fifty tip you're going to leave and you already scarfed 3 days worth of sodium so move along- heres your check.
2. "soup of the day"? Are you stupid? This is Olive garden- 4 soups- same all the time- we rip that bag open, dump it in a pot and warm it up- you realllllllllllly think we have some chef making 'soup of the day' ?! READ THE MENU MORON
3. Whats in it? - We have THE most descriptive menu in the industry- Lets read together shall we? idiot.
4. NO YOU CAN NOT have the salad while your dining partner has the soup and I charge for just ONE UNLIMITED soup, salad and bread- I suppose you want more salad now---- oh and a to go box? Assholess.
5. (this one is for management in my hell hole) Manager says 'customer (or guest- give me a break) is always right.
I would say- The customer is HARDLY EVER right- but they ALWAYS have money. Lets not kid ourselves.
Sorry if this damages anyone's outlook on eating in crappy chains.0 -
Wow. Y'all need to look for new employment.0
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You're full of *kitten* dude.
I don't trust you as far as I could throw you, so let's not pretend we're buddies, mmmk?
Um, what do you DO all day?
You know everyone thinks you're nuts right? Tell your therapist. I don't care.
Hey boss man, wash your hands.
Sit on my desk again and I'ma taint punch you.
B!tch, don't hate on me because you're too lazy to work out.
CAN YOU GET A GOOD PICTURE?! <-- Like Stevo from SLC Punk0 -
Wow. Y'all need to look for new employment.
Why? Because you only got half the story from this thread you come to that conclusion.
We all dont get to grow up and be super stars - some of us are in less then our ideal career -for now- for better or worse- or for life.
There are a lot of things about my job that sucks (mostly the general public) but there are a lot of perks- such as flexible schedule- come in late -home by dinner. Oh I never work over time or weekends and basically dictate my schedule. Take vaca whenever I want. Work with some of my closest friends. As much as I hate this chain- it boasts some of THE best benefits in the industry. Im not curing cancer or dancing or studying marine life- but I am happy usually with my chosen path and Id bet most ppl in this thread as well. All? Maybe not- but dont judge based on our vents- rather myopic to be honest.0 -
1. You were dumb**** enough to use a prepaid card at a gas pump, and that's my problem how????
2. You left your credit card in your car so of course it got stolen, and that's my problem how????
3. You thought all people on the internet were honest and trustworthy, and that's my problem how????
4. No, I will not do your work for you because you have poor time management skills and/or spent your day ****ing off on your phone. FU(K OFF and do your own work.
5. You called ME to apply for what kind of credit card? Guess what, dumbsass, you're declined. You're too stupid to own a credit card. Use cash.
I work in payment security/credit card fraud prevention for a gas merchant.0 -
I worked for a while as a volunteer journalist, and while my colleagues were all awesome, some of the people I dealt with were... well... aggravating. Things I wish I could have said in that job without getting fired?
1. "Don't you dare complain to me that your piece isn't in! Our newspaper goes out on THURSDAY. You sent us the article on WEDNESDAY. At which time this week's issue had already flown away to a magical world of unicorns and sloppy sub-editors." - ARGH, THIS HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES. GET STUFF IN A WEEK IN ADVANCE AT LEAST, PEOPLE. GOD. -_-;;
2. "Why didn't we send anybody to cover your charity karaoke night that only raised £70? Because we're a team of four journalists and three photographers covering a WHOLE TOWN on a ridiculously strict deadline and NOBODY BLOODY CARES that a bunch of you stood on a stage and wailed like cats for money. What you did is nice, but makes for pretty naff reading."
3. "Sir/madam, I don't know what the hell you're on about; what you've phoned in isn't a story, you sound crazy and should probably take your meds, and stop talking because you've been rambling 45 minutes and I should have clocked off half an hour ago."
4. "No, you cretin, we didn't print that. Stop having a go at us. You should be ranting at our rival newspaper, who printed the insensitive and poorly worded dungpile that seems to have infuriated you."
5. "This is the fifth time you've phoned in today. NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOUR PIGEON RACING RESULTS."
Although the guy I mentioned in #5 did bring us chocolates every time we printed his stuff, which was kinda awesome of him C:
EDITED TO ADD: I absolutely ADORED this job and would totally go back in a heartbeat, in fact I want to work there as a paid employee one day, when I finally have a degree in English with Creative Writing and an NCTJ qualification.0 -
**** you
**** off
go to hell
this place is hell
take your high faluting *kitten* out of my office before I smash your face in0 -
wow, besides the thoughts on a scumbag of a boss who is clearly a womanizer, I verbalize those thoughts to my boss on a regular basis. We've known each other for 13 years, and every time I quit, he just keeps hiring me back. I guess telling him off works for me
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How the **** did you get promoted?
Do you need a f****ing sign?
Eat sh** and die
Go f*** off
Leave me alone so I can do my job!0 -
How about things I *HAVE* said (or emailed) on the job.
To the boss: You know you're being an *kitten* right? (many times)
To the boss again: If you want me to fix what that idiot did to this system, you need to leave me alone for a few hours. I'll email you updates. Don't call.
To the head of development: If you don't stop yelling RIGHT NOW I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry the code you promoted didnt work, but yelling will not make it better. George? you're still yelling. Call me back when you've calmed down and we'll get this straightened out. *click*
to the web dev director who insisted that they HAD to admin their dev boxes instead of the SA's and then called crying when they got screwed: Well. if you had any admins worth a damn this wouldnt have happened.
It's a damn good thing I'm excellent at what I do
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How about things I *HAVE* said (or emailed) on the job.
To the boss: You know you're being an *kitten* right? (many times)
To the boss again: If you want me to fix what that idiot did to this system, you need to leave me alone for a few hours. I'll email you updates. Don't call.
To the head of development: If you don't stop yelling RIGHT NOW I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry the code you promoted didnt work, but yelling will not make it better. George? you're still yelling. Call me back when you've calmed down and we'll get this straightened out. *click*
to the web dev director who insisted that they HAD to admin their dev boxes instead of the SA's and then called crying when they got screwed: Well. if you had any admins worth a damn this wouldnt have happened.
It's a damn good thing I'm excellent at what I do
Hahaha - indeed! :P0 -
I am a nurse:
My number one is: You are not at the effing Hilton, you can turn your light off yourself.
#2: I have your pills, but because you were such a b*tch a few minutes ago, I think I'll wait a bit longer to give them too you.
#3: I'd love to put a pillow over your head and hold it there for 3 minutes.
#4: (to upper admin) If I had your paycheck, and you had a feather up your azz, we'd both be tickled.
I could go on, and on, and on!!!0 -
You named your child "DENIM"!? WTF is wrong with you?!
I love this!
So how about:
"F" off
Get a real job
I see you take longer breaks than you actually work
No wonder you never get any work done - you talk all day (co-workers, spouse, facebook, etc)
Why don't you try working today?
I know - not very imaginative - but very real none the less!0 -
When I quit, i was a *****. The mngr put new kid in charge who knew nothing. Therefore i refused to respect him. Usually you should wait till person who relieves you comes in...i didnt. I left and he was like wtf? Im like lata, see ya nvr. It was a great feeling to not give a ****.0
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Whoops, double post0
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1) please go kill yourself
2) fuk off and kill yourself
3) i hate u go kill yourself
4) stfu you ugly useless trashy *kitten* piece of shyt
5) i hope you die on the way home
Remind me not to piss you off. 0 -
1. Fill the whole damn form out. Is that so hard?
2. Do you have a problem with capiltalization?
3. Just go staple your nuts together and leave me alone.
4. Did you really think this corporate decision through or were you sniffing glue at the time?
5. Pass the drain cleaner, please.0 -
1. "This isn't a 4 star hotel so quit asking me for crap I can't get you at 2am."
2. "Shut the ***k up and go to sleep."
3. "The call bell is not a toy so quit pressing it like some genie is going to appear."
4. "Your family member is the patient, not you."
5. "Have you ever heard about the boy who cried wolf?"
Ahhhh nursing.0 -
If you're going to act like an *kitten*, I'm going to treat you like an *kitten*!0
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5) It must be awesome to be you. You know everyone (famous people included),have been everywhere, done everything, and seen everything, but your experience was 10 times better and you did it sooner. Bravo!
We have someone who works here that needs this shouted at them daily. I say shouted b/c he's also one of those sorry mthrfkrs that just talks louder if someone else is speaking and he wants to say something. And if you don't stop speaking still ... he gets even louder.
To make matters worse ... he also chimes in to every conversation he gets within ear shot of. Very, very often he has no clue wtf you're even talking about as he throws in whatever comment he can come up with.
And if that wasn't enough to make you wanna shoot him in the fkn face, he can't stand silence so if no one is talking he'll talk to himself or whistle.0 -
love this!0
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1. Do you even HAVE a brain?
2. How did you make it this far being this stupid?
3. Go look it up yourself. It's not hard.
4. You're a cheap *kitten*. Did you know I went back and left more tip? 11% was totally unacceptable.
5. You're the biggest dolt I've ever worked for.0 -
yes, and none of can be said outloud because the public is already being told to hate us. But I have been known to say, "LEave me along and let me freaking teach!" "keep your politics out of my classroom" I have an endless list.... Today I want to say "F Paperwork!!" as I sit here sick on a Saturday doing endless amounts of BS AT HOME instead of getting better, or here's a novel idea, spending time with my own children.Well...I'm an elementary school teacher so, the list is pretty much endless.
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I work in a department store;
1) Get your offspring off my display, it's not a climbing frame
2) Yes, you do have to pay for it before you leave this floor- I know this as I do work here after all.
3) If you'd like to look three inches up, I'd like to finish this convocation
4) It's better then that stuff- and it's generally less for a full room then it is one of those single wardrobes.
5) If IQ was equivalent to income, I'd be your boss's boss's boss's pay cheque.0 -
Ok I love my job and I pretty much love my bosses but I have said sevral of these things to them...
HOney you do know I am not IT right ? Everytime you call me in here to show you how to do something on your computer (again) I want some kind of compensation... SHe taken to having coffee ready for me. Smart women.
OF course I know a little about everything thats what you hired me to do.
Dont ask me unless you want the truth.
Oh and what I tell alot of my co-workers. Just because you dont know what I'm doing all day doesnt mean I'm not doing anything. Its just above your paygrade.
(when I do flu shots and PPD's at work)
Do you really wanna mess with the women about to jab a needle in your arm. Stop giving me the I'm scared of needle speach you have more tats than I do. Your a grown *kitten* man this little bitty needle will not be the death of you unless I jab it in your eye..
I have said all of these . I dont have a filter lol0 -
*kitten*.
That's the dumbest idea I ever heard.
How the hell did you ever get to be a boss?
Go to hell.
Kiss my *kitten*
This.0 -
I wish I could post this sign:
IMPORTANT NOTICE!
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at one time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived sixth in line to ride my *kitten* today, please take a number and wait your turn.
Thank you!0 -
I wish I could post this sign:
IMPORTANT NOTICE!
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at one time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived sixth in line to ride my *kitten* today, please take a number and wait your turn.
Thank you!
I so need one of theys signs lol, love it!0 -
Any thought I have about people is likely to get me in trouble, so I usually choose my words very carefully.
Here's a sample thought: pear-shaped, waddling b#tch doesn't do sh#t, and I doubt she knows the meaning of the crap that comes out of her mouth all f#cking day. If she would stop inhaling popeyes or whatever f#cking brand of fried chicken, she wouldn't have to spend so much time looking for pants that can withstand her refrigerator sized #ss. She is giving her motherf#cking chair scoliosis!
Here's what comes out of my mouth: Heeyyyy, did you lose weight?0
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