5 things you wish you can say without getting fired.

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13

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  • nyxrun
    nyxrun Posts: 60
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    How about things I *HAVE* said (or emailed) on the job.

    To the boss: You know you're being an *kitten* right? (many times)
    To the boss again: If you want me to fix what that idiot did to this system, you need to leave me alone for a few hours. I'll email you updates. Don't call.
    To the head of development: If you don't stop yelling RIGHT NOW I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry the code you promoted didnt work, but yelling will not make it better. George? you're still yelling. Call me back when you've calmed down and we'll get this straightened out. *click*
    to the web dev director who insisted that they HAD to admin their dev boxes instead of the SA's and then called crying when they got screwed: Well. if you had any admins worth a damn this wouldnt have happened.

    It's a damn good thing I'm excellent at what I do ;)
  • SirKelsalot
    SirKelsalot Posts: 62
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    How about things I *HAVE* said (or emailed) on the job.

    To the boss: You know you're being an *kitten* right? (many times)
    To the boss again: If you want me to fix what that idiot did to this system, you need to leave me alone for a few hours. I'll email you updates. Don't call.
    To the head of development: If you don't stop yelling RIGHT NOW I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry the code you promoted didnt work, but yelling will not make it better. George? you're still yelling. Call me back when you've calmed down and we'll get this straightened out. *click*
    to the web dev director who insisted that they HAD to admin their dev boxes instead of the SA's and then called crying when they got screwed: Well. if you had any admins worth a damn this wouldnt have happened.

    It's a damn good thing I'm excellent at what I do ;)

    Hahaha - indeed! :P
  • peachNpunkin
    peachNpunkin Posts: 1,010 Member
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    I am a nurse:
    My number one is: You are not at the effing Hilton, you can turn your light off yourself.
    #2: I have your pills, but because you were such a b*tch a few minutes ago, I think I'll wait a bit longer to give them too you.
    #3: I'd love to put a pillow over your head and hold it there for 3 minutes.
    #4: (to upper admin) If I had your paycheck, and you had a feather up your azz, we'd both be tickled.
    I could go on, and on, and on!!!
  • Ribena145
    Ribena145 Posts: 201 Member
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    You named your child "DENIM"!? WTF is wrong with you?!

    I love this!

    So how about:

    "F" off
    Get a real job
    I see you take longer breaks than you actually work
    No wonder you never get any work done - you talk all day (co-workers, spouse, facebook, etc)
    Why don't you try working today?

    I know - not very imaginative - but very real none the less!
  • starry8740
    starry8740 Posts: 15
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    When I quit, i was a *****. The mngr put new kid in charge who knew nothing. Therefore i refused to respect him. Usually you should wait till person who relieves you comes in...i didnt. I left and he was like wtf? Im like lata, see ya nvr. It was a great feeling to not give a ****.
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    Whoops, double post
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    1) please go kill yourself
    2) fuk off and kill yourself
    3) i hate u go kill yourself
    4) stfu you ugly useless trashy *kitten* piece of shyt
    5) i hope you die on the way home



    Remind me not to piss you off. :wink:
  • Rhia55
    Rhia55 Posts: 247
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    1. Fill the whole damn form out. Is that so hard?
    2. Do you have a problem with capiltalization?
    3. Just go staple your nuts together and leave me alone.
    4. Did you really think this corporate decision through or were you sniffing glue at the time?
    5. Pass the drain cleaner, please.
  • bethygirlie
    bethygirlie Posts: 311 Member
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    1. "This isn't a 4 star hotel so quit asking me for crap I can't get you at 2am."
    2. "Shut the ***k up and go to sleep."
    3. "The call bell is not a toy so quit pressing it like some genie is going to appear."
    4. "Your family member is the patient, not you."
    5. "Have you ever heard about the boy who cried wolf?"

    Ahhhh nursing.
  • Glamrock82
    Glamrock82 Posts: 22 Member
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    If you're going to act like an *kitten*, I'm going to treat you like an *kitten*!
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    5) It must be awesome to be you. You know everyone (famous people included),have been everywhere, done everything, and seen everything, but your experience was 10 times better and you did it sooner. Bravo!


    We have someone who works here that needs this shouted at them daily. I say shouted b/c he's also one of those sorry mthrfkrs that just talks louder if someone else is speaking and he wants to say something. And if you don't stop speaking still ... he gets even louder.
    To make matters worse ... he also chimes in to every conversation he gets within ear shot of. Very, very often he has no clue wtf you're even talking about as he throws in whatever comment he can come up with.
    And if that wasn't enough to make you wanna shoot him in the fkn face, he can't stand silence so if no one is talking he'll talk to himself or whistle.
  • angel79202
    angel79202 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    love this!
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    1. Do you even HAVE a brain?
    2. How did you make it this far being this stupid?
    3. Go look it up yourself. It's not hard.
    4. You're a cheap *kitten*. Did you know I went back and left more tip? 11% was totally unacceptable.
    5. You're the biggest dolt I've ever worked for.
  • samntha14
    samntha14 Posts: 2,084 Member
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    Well...I'm an elementary school teacher so, the list is pretty much endless. :)
    yes, and none of can be said outloud because the public is already being told to hate us. But I have been known to say, "LEave me along and let me freaking teach!" "keep your politics out of my classroom" I have an endless list.... Today I want to say "F Paperwork!!" as I sit here sick on a Saturday doing endless amounts of BS AT HOME instead of getting better, or here's a novel idea, spending time with my own children.
  • frando
    frando Posts: 583 Member
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    I work in a department store;

    1) Get your offspring off my display, it's not a climbing frame
    2) Yes, you do have to pay for it before you leave this floor- I know this as I do work here after all.
    3) If you'd like to look three inches up, I'd like to finish this convocation
    4) It's better then that stuff- and it's generally less for a full room then it is one of those single wardrobes.
    5) If IQ was equivalent to income, I'd be your boss's boss's boss's pay cheque.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,289 Member
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    Ok I love my job and I pretty much love my bosses but I have said sevral of these things to them...


    HOney you do know I am not IT right ? Everytime you call me in here to show you how to do something on your computer (again) I want some kind of compensation... SHe taken to having coffee ready for me. Smart women.

    OF course I know a little about everything thats what you hired me to do.

    Dont ask me unless you want the truth.

    Oh and what I tell alot of my co-workers. Just because you dont know what I'm doing all day doesnt mean I'm not doing anything. Its just above your paygrade.


    (when I do flu shots and PPD's at work)

    Do you really wanna mess with the women about to jab a needle in your arm. Stop giving me the I'm scared of needle speach you have more tats than I do. Your a grown *kitten* man this little bitty needle will not be the death of you unless I jab it in your eye..

    I have said all of these . I dont have a filter lol
  • DenyseMarieL
    DenyseMarieL Posts: 673 Member
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    *kitten*.
    That's the dumbest idea I ever heard.
    How the hell did you ever get to be a boss?
    Go to hell.
    Kiss my *kitten*



    This.
  • Jenna9797
    Jenna9797 Posts: 33 Member
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    I wish I could post this sign:

    IMPORTANT NOTICE!

    The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at one time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived sixth in line to ride my *kitten* today, please take a number and wait your turn.

    Thank you!
  • Naomilette
    Naomilette Posts: 55
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    I wish I could post this sign:

    IMPORTANT NOTICE!

    The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at one time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived sixth in line to ride my *kitten* today, please take a number and wait your turn.

    Thank you!

    I so need one of theys signs lol, love it!
  • MattTheWaterRat
    MattTheWaterRat Posts: 167 Member
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    Any thought I have about people is likely to get me in trouble, so I usually choose my words very carefully.

    Here's a sample thought: pear-shaped, waddling b#tch doesn't do sh#t, and I doubt she knows the meaning of the crap that comes out of her mouth all f#cking day. If she would stop inhaling popeyes or whatever f#cking brand of fried chicken, she wouldn't have to spend so much time looking for pants that can withstand her refrigerator sized #ss. She is giving her motherf#cking chair scoliosis!

    Here's what comes out of my mouth: Heeyyyy, did you lose weight?

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