Serious question for the swingers.....

Jacwhite22
Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
edited January 2 in Chit-Chat
From this thread:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/776989-married-and-dating

A lot of swingers came out and were posting in it......Since it it locked I can't respond there but have a real question and don't want to read through all of those responses to see if it has been answered. Why get married? If you want to date/have sex with other people why even get married in the first place? Not trying to attack......Hoping to have a real debate/discussion.
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Replies

  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    There are appropriate groups for these questions. Don't be surprised if your thread gets locked too.


    <--- wet blanket.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    I have alot of swinger friends, alot !! We are the only couple in our friend circle that dont join them.

    I think ( again just my opinion) that people get bored and want something exciting, but they still love their spouse.
  • ilovedeadlifts
    ilovedeadlifts Posts: 2,923 Member
    OP has a pretty valid question.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    There are appropriate groups for these questions. Don't be surprised if your thread gets locked too.


    <--- wet blanket.

    To be fair. I am not going to look for or join a swingers group as I am happily married. I do not know of any other groups that contain swingers as members......Debatable Debating would be a good option if I knew there were singers in that group (which I do not). If you do know of a group where I might get an appropriate response for this question please feel free to let me know.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    "Girls just wanna have fun"
    Hope that stays in your head Jack.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
    People get into the lifestyle for different reasons. There is no cookie cutter answer for you.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Excuse me good sir, have you ever heard of Dan Savage?
  • joeysox
    joeysox Posts: 195 Member
    i guess everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of what is and is not acceptable within a committed relationships. personally i find it wrong im married, happily and we gain everything we need but thats only my view what makes us happy may not make others happy x
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    People get into the lifestyle for different reasons. There is no cookie cutter answer for you.

    Let me rephrase.....If you are not satisfied physically/emotionally with the person you are with and it bothers you enough that's not how you want to live your life....why marry them? or if already married to them....why not divorce them?
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Excuse me good sir, have you ever heard of Dan Savage?

    No and I am afraid to google at work. Feel free to enlighten me.
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
    I'm poly, not a swinger. I got married because I want to share the rest of my life with my husband. Being with one person doesn't have to mean you're not with other people, if that's agreed on.

    You have room for family, kids, friends, work, etc. in your life. Why can't you have room for more love (or sex?).
  • nphect
    nphect Posts: 474
    "So what happened?"
    "She's into it."
    "Into what?"
    "The menage. And not only that. She just called me and said she talked to the roommate and the roommate's into the menage too."
    "That's unbelievable."
    "Oh, it's a scene man."
    "Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
    "What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it."
    "You're not goin to do it? What do you mean, You're not goin to do it?"
    "I can't. I'm not an orgy guy."
    "Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident."
    "Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
    People get into the lifestyle for different reasons. There is no cookie cutter answer for you.

    Let me rephrase.....If you are not satisfied physically/emotionally with the person you are with and it bothers you enough that's not how you want to live your life....why marry them? or if already married to them....why not divorce them?

    Most people get into swinging after many years of being married.
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
    i guess everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of what is and is not acceptable within a committed relationships. personally i find it wrong im married, happily and we gain everything we need but thats only my view what makes us happy may not make others happy x

    Why is it "wrong" if both spouses agree? How does it affect your life if I choose to be with other people?
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
    I have alot of swinger friends, alot !! We are the only couple in our friend circle that dont join them.

    To much disappointed to all of your swinger friends!
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    I'm not a swinger but sex does not equal love and vice versa.
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
    I'm not a swinger but sex does not equal love and vice versa.

    Awesome response.
  • 18guyhornet
    18guyhornet Posts: 195 Member
    I guess only someone who gets involved in a swinging lifestyle can answer that. If there is a legitimate answer . . . do share. Inquiring minds want to know.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Not everyone sees sex as love.

    Many people, especially those growing up in the hippy era of cali, and by their parents, were raised differently.
    For me, growing up, sex was seen as an extra curricular activity. It wasn't something "You save yourself for the one you married"
    "saving yourself for marriage" was antiquated, out dated and even looked down upon. I simply was not raised to see sex the way the majority of people were. Even now.. I don't equate the two.

    keep in mind, not everyone was raised with the traditional view of sex when you contemplate this.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
    i guess everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of what is and is not acceptable within a committed relationships. personally i find it wrong im married, happily and we gain everything we need but thats only my view what makes us happy may not make others happy x

    Why is it "wrong" if both spouses agree? How does it affect your life if I choose to be with other people?

    Agreed. Cheating means to hide and lie about having a relationship/sex. Swingers do things together (sometimes apart too, but mostly together) and Poly's are extremely open and honest. If both (or all) parties agree to the terms, it is not cheating.
  • ErB56
    ErB56 Posts: 71 Member
    I took both anthropology and sociology in school. I don't remember a lot of it other than everyone is not subjected to the same mores during their development. While the majority of people equate sex to love, some do not. They can separate the 'fun' of sex from the emotion of 'making love'. For those people, they marry because they truely love someone and want to be with that person. However, since they have not had the same morals imparted upon them as others, going out to a swingers club is not much different to them than any other thing that adults do for enjoyment.
  • gdortiz
    gdortiz Posts: 169 Member
    "So what happened?"
    "She's into it."
    "Into what?"
    "The menage. And not only that. She just called me and said she talked to the roommate and the roommate's into the menage too."
    "That's unbelievable."
    "Oh, it's a scene man."
    "Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
    "What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it."
    "You're not goin to do it? What do you mean, You're not goin to do it?"
    "I can't. I'm not an orgy guy."
    "Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident."
    "Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it.

    classic ...


    Oh it's a scene man ... so funny.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Mandy Moore has play time with a large vegetable in Swinging with the Finkles.

    Just an FYI...
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member

    "Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it.

    OMG, that is damned funny... LOVE IT
  • Bethaniey
    Bethaniey Posts: 10
    Seriously, why are these discussions even on here? This is a diet and exercise website. But since I'm reading this, I shall give my opinion. This society has lost sight of what the sanctity of marriage really is. I have seen COUNTLESS marriages end while "swinging" just because they thought they needed some excitement. One I know of, even went on to have sex with her BEST FRIEND"S HUSBAND! It truly disgusts me that this world takes marriage so lightly. In this world of "if it feels good, do it", we have truly lost sight of what a REAL marriage is. And I tell you what, I have 4 kids (a daughter and three boys) one of the main things I try to instill in them is that marriage is a COMMITTMENT to one person, for LIFE. ANd that is will not always be romance and roses. Times will be hard and marriage is work. And you do not just throw in the towel because things are not what you thought they'd be.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I'm poly, not a swinger. I got married because I want to share the rest of my life with my husband. Being with one person doesn't have to mean you're not with other people, if that's agreed on.

    You have room for family, kids, friends, work, etc. in your life. Why can't you have room for more love (or sex?).

    What is the main difference between poly and swinger?.....I am assuming poly stands for polyamorous......which I would take to mean love many...

    disease/ emotional attachment/ body image issues / confusion

    I do not think everyone has the ability to completely separate sex as a strictly physical thing.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
    I took both anthropology and sociology in school. I don't remember a lot of it other than everyone is not subjected to the same mores during their development. While the majority of people equate sex to love, some do not. They can separate the 'fun' of sex from the emotion of 'making love'. For those people, they marry because they truely love someone and want to be with that person. However, since they have not had the same morals imparted upon them as others, going out to a swingers club is not much different to them than any other thing that adults do for enjoyment.

    Not to sound harsh, but you went to college (approx) 30 years ago. Times have changed.

    We do not all fit into the perfect peg hole you would like.
    The majority relate sex to love? Do you? Why? Because your parents told you to? A book told you to?
    I was raised in a strict religious home and I don't believe in those things. Your theory is broken.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Seriously, why are these discussions even on here? This is a diet and exercise website.

    This is the Chit-chat section... You want fitness talk there are plenty of other sections just for you.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    From this thread:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/776989-married-and-dating

    A lot of swingers came out and were posting in it......Since it it locked I can't respond there but have a real question and don't want to read through all of those responses to see if it has been answered. Why get married? If you want to date/have sex with other people why even get married in the first place? Not trying to attack......Hoping to have a real debate/discussion.

    Interesting question, given your profile pic.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    From this thread:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/776989-married-and-dating

    A lot of swingers came out and were posting in it......Since it it locked I can't respond there but have a real question and don't want to read through all of those responses to see if it has been answered. Why get married? If you want to date/have sex with other people why even get married in the first place? Not trying to attack......Hoping to have a real debate/discussion.

    Interesting question, given your profile pic.

    What does anything have to do with his profile pic?
This discussion has been closed.

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