Serious question for the swingers.....
Replies
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Seriously, why are these discussions even on here? This is a diet and exercise website. But since I'm reading this, I shall give my opinion. This society has lost sight of what the sanctity of marriage really is. I have seen COUNTLESS marriages end while "swinging" just because they thought they needed some excitement. One I know of, even went on to have sex with her BEST FRIEND"S HUSBAND! It truly disgusts me that this world takes marriage so lightly. In this world of "if it feels good, do it", we have truly lost sight of what a REAL marriage is. And I tell you what, I have 4 kids (a daughter and three boys) one of the main things I try to instill in them is that marriage is a COMMITTMENT to one person, for LIFE. ANd that is will not always be romance and roses. Times will be hard and marriage is work. And you do not just throw in the towel because things are not what you thought they'd be.
Spoken like a True Christian :flowerforyou:
and we all know all christians have perfect marriges that NEVER EVER end in divorce0 -
I am not going to look for or join a swingers group as I am happily married.
What makes you think that being happily married precludes swinging?
As I have learned from some of my friends on here some people may be able to separate sex as a completely physical act with no emotional tie etc. I for one could not....So by being married I am not willing to explore (or even give the image of exploring by joining said group) the swinger lifestyle. I did have a question which I do feel has been answered and I can see where some people would be able to do this and why they still get married.
I'm not attacking your motivation for the thread. I saw your statement as exposing a fundamental ignorance (which isn't a bad thing as you *are* asking) and sought to expose it.
Now, what makes you think that you need to be able to separate out emotional ties to be a happily married swinging couple? Are swingers who care about their other partners bad swingers?0 -
I don't equate sex with love unless I'm having sex with someone I love.0
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I am not going to look for or join a swingers group as I am happily married.
What makes you think that being happily married precludes swinging?
As I have learned from some of my friends on here some people may be able to separate sex as a completely physical act with no emotional tie etc. I for one could not....So by being married I am not willing to explore (or even give the image of exploring by joining said group) the swinger lifestyle. I did have a question which I do feel has been answered and I can see where some people would be able to do this and why they still get married.
I totally support your decision. If you want to be mono, be mono. It is a perfectly valid lifestyle for some people.
I also happen to think my lifestyle is perfectly valid for some people. Including me
I'm glad to see that you agree! 0 -
I have alot of swinger friends, alot !! We are the only couple in our friend circle that dont join them.
I think ( again just my opinion) that people get bored and want something exciting, but they still love their spouse.
This. You can still love and wanted to be married to your spouse but enjoy sex with others. Some people just purely have lots of loving to give. Sex does NOT equal love.0 -
Sorry folks,
I had locked this topic to review it. Then had to deal with a family emergency and neglected to unlock it. It is now unlocked. Please keep the conversation on topic and civil as has been done to this point.
Cheers,
Scott
MyFitnessPal Staff0 -
Sorry folks,
I had locked this topic to review it. Then had to deal with a family emergency and neglected to unlock it. It is now unlocked. Please keep the conversation on topic and civil as has been done to this point.
Cheers,
Scott
MyFitnessPal Staff
Hope everything is ok!0 -
Woo Hoo. Let's get back to the swinging!
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Woo Hoo. Let's get back to the swinging!
This made me lol :laugh:0 -
Seriously, why are these discussions even on here? This is a diet and exercise website. But since I'm reading this, I shall give my opinion. This society has lost sight of what the sanctity of marriage really is. I have seen COUNTLESS marriages end while "swinging" just because they thought they needed some excitement. One I know of, even went on to have sex with her BEST FRIEND"S HUSBAND! It truly disgusts me that this world takes marriage so lightly. In this world of "if it feels good, do it", we have truly lost sight of what a REAL marriage is. And I tell you what, I have 4 kids (a daughter and three boys) one of the main things I try to instill in them is that marriage is a COMMITTMENT to one person, for LIFE. ANd that is will not always be romance and roses. Times will be hard and marriage is work. And you do not just throw in the towel because things are not what you thought they'd be.
But what is a real marriage? Through most and much of history, it was about property, ownership. Guess who was property in the equation? At other times, it was purely societal alliances; forging connections through families, expanding property, money, and trade. It was very political, economical. Want to throw in religion? Please refer to multiple holy books to see exactly where "love" connects to marriage (And guess what? Solomon wrote that love poem everyone likes to read at weddings, and he had multiple wives). So, marriage has been political, religious, and societal... and when people want it to be about love and healthy sexuality, whatever that may be (religious, polyamourous, swinging, BDSM, whatever)... they've "lost" sight of something? What, lost sight of antiquated, highly unequal partnerships?
The thing is--what works for you doesn't work for everyone. Vice-versa happens, too. Those marriages ending because of swinging? Sounds like swinging was an attempt for them to solve an existing problem, or in some cases, was ONE person finding they enjoyed the lifestyle more than the other... something that, unfortunately, was not solved before marriage. Oftentimes this happens because current Western society (specifically the US) is so against sex and talking about sex and learning about sex and understanding sex, that people go into marriage not fully knowing their sexuality. Hell, if they find out and make it work during, that's great.
But don't use an anecdote to make a generalization. That's just not logically sound.
And OP, Dan Savage is a pretty well known advice columnist, specifically on sex, love, and relationships. He's about as objective as they come (usually). Give him a read or listen.0 -
Woo Hoo. Let's get back to the swinging!
*right click, save as*0 -
Sorry folks,
I had locked this topic to review it. Then had to deal with a family emergency and neglected to unlock it. It is now unlocked. Please keep the conversation on topic and civil as has been done to this point.
Cheers,
Scott
MyFitnessPal Staff
what in the hell are you holding the new ipad? lol0 -
To me, it's morally wrong, and I can't wrap my head around it. One man is good enough for me.
If a couple can be happily married and both want the same thing (to be swingers) then it's really none of my business, but my brain can't help thinking "WTF is wrong with these people." Then I tell it to shut up and carry on.0 -
I have not read all the replies, but let me say that swinging is somewhat the norm around here. Men/men, Men/Women, Women/women and all mixtures.
My husband and I do not participate, but we have MANY friends who do. They love/adore their spouse (SO), but they love the excitment of having other people too. They have a real emotional connection with their spouse, but to them sex is just....well sex. Fun, primal, no strings attached - just SEX!! Marriage is not all about sex - there is a much deeper bond. And if two people care to expand of their sexual boundries with other partners, I do not think that means they love their spouse less. It takes a lot of trust and love to be able to swing ( I would think) - so it gives them what they want/need to be happy.....so be it!!0 -
I'm poly, not a swinger. I got married because I want to share the rest of my life with my husband. Being with one person doesn't have to mean you're not with other people, if that's agreed on.
You have room for family, kids, friends, work, etc. in your life. Why can't you have room for more love (or sex?).
What is the main difference between poly and swinger?.....I am assuming poly stands for polyamorous......which I would take to mean love many...
disease/ emotional attachment/ body image issues / confusion
I do not think everyone has the ability to completely separate sex as a strictly physical thing.
Swingers have sex with people/couples etc for fun.
Poly is to open your heart to other people. Poly's come in different relationship forms as well (3's, 4's and more).
Agree with the above. I have an old friend who is polyamorous...he and I have had lengthy discussions about what it means, how it's different from swinging, etc. The lifestyle is still not for me, personally, but I understand and respect his and his wife's choices...and I appreciate their honesty (this actually came up because he approached me a while back about entering into a poly relationship with him. We had a thing for each other in high school that we never acted on). I opted to not change our friendship, but I do have to say I learned a lot...and I believe the lifestyle can work very well for those who choose it and live by it honestly.0 -
Hey to each their own haha
It's not something I could do....never was good at sharing lol
And I've found for me to really enjoy sex, I have to an emotional connection with the person
If it makes you happy and you aren't hurting people, then cheers
After all few mammals actually mate for life....0 -
Not everyone sees sex as love.
Many people, especially those growing up in the hippy era of cali, and by their parents, were raised differently.
For me, growing up, sex was seen as an extra curricular activity. It wasn't something "You save yourself for the one you married"
"saving yourself for marriage" was antiquated, out dated and even looked down upon. I simply was not raised to see sex the way the majority of people were. Even now.. I don't equate the two.
keep in mind, not everyone was raised with the traditional view of sex when you contemplate this.
Frikkin hippies!0 -
But what is a real marriage? Through most and much of history, it was about property, ownership.
Ah, those were the days!0 -
Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know0
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feel free to swing on over any time.0
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Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know
If you don't care, why avoid the swingers you know???0 -
I have two friends with decades of poly life, both of whom gave it up for monogamy.
The first one: her husband accepted her polyamory for 16 years. Then he found his polyamory partner, insisted his wife give the new partner the same acceptance he had given to her polyamory over the years. She was shocked, SHOCKED! They divorced, she moved to a new state, and is now monogamously remarried.
The second friend: Her main fellow accepted her poly-ness and waited. Her poly relationships tanked. Her main fellow asked for her hand, she accepted ... and they have been happily and monogamously married for more than two years.
There is something in the human psyche that craves the deep levels of trust that come with monogamous matehood. Swinging will explode that trust.0 -
Like someone earlier said, I have no problem with decisions people make within their lives. I understand why people swing and why some people are poly. As long as they are honest with all parties, I wouldn't consider it cheating. It's a lifestyle. To each his own. I personally; however, would find myself a jealous wreck and unable to share. I tend to be a one-woman woman.0
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Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know
If it doesn't bother you, why would you avoid them? you can't catch "swinging" by hanging out with a swinger.
If they know you're not into swinging they wont try to recruit you. Its a lifestyle thing - not some club!!0 -
Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know
If it doesn't bother you, why would you avoid them? you can't catch "swinging" by hanging out with a swinger.
If they know you're not into swinging they wont try to recruit you. Its a lifestyle thing - not some club!!
I bet some (more like ALL) of your swinging friends wished it was contagious and you would catch their bug.
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I have two friends with decades of poly life, both of whom gave it up for monogamy.
The first one: her husband accepted her polyamory for 16 years. Then he found his polyamory partner, insisted his wife give the new partner the same acceptance he had given to her polyamory over the years. She was shocked, SHOCKED! They divorced, she moved to a new state, and is now monogamously remarried.
The second friend: Her main fellow accepted her poly-ness and waited. Her poly relationships tanked. Her main fellow asked for her hand, she accepted ... and they have been happily and monogamously married for more than two years.
There is something in the human psyche that craves the deep levels of trust that come with monogamous matehood. Swinging will explode that trust.
Evidence outside of anecdotal stories, please. (There's a "human psyche" that men wish to go forth and spread their seed is a common one, too. What explosions do those cause... outside of the obvious ones?)0 -
It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so sanctimonious about others lifestyles (swinging, bdsm, poly etc) when they really know nothing about them. To say that someone has "no morals" just because they and their S/O come to a mutual agreement about their sexual lifestyle, its just silly. There are people in these lifestyles with more morals than a lot of vanilla couples, so you really can't equate it.0
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Maybe they are really in love and don't want to end their life together, but find themselves so drawn to others that rather than cheat on eachother, they just work together for mutual satisfaction
I don't know if I could share my husband knowingly though, I would probably be jealous.0 -
I found the thread very interesting and learned a lot. Pretty cool of you guys who participate to be so forthcoming for those of us who just had no idea how it all works.
Another question for those of you who are in such relationships. Was this something you discussed prior to getting married or was it something that you decided to explore once you were already married?0 -
I found the thread very interesting and learned a lot. Pretty cool of you guys who participate to be so forthcoming for those of us who just had no idea how it all works.
Another question for those of you who are in such relationships. Was this something you discussed prior to getting married or was it something that you decided to explore once you were already married?
We were both poly before we met. When we got into a relationship we hammered out some guidelines, and those were in place before the marriage.0
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