Can you still be best friend with your ex after a break up?

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  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
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    I went out with a girl for 7 years, we broke up and severed all ties for the best part of six months to allow ourselves to move on. We're now very close friends but in no way interested in each other, she's getting married soon and all is fine. So yes, it's doable.

    What I will say is you cannot do it from day one. You need to move on, and that can't be done with constant reminders. Remove them from your life for as long as it takes to get past those feelings, then reassess the situation.
  • ariesmom07
    ariesmom07 Posts: 57 Member
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    I guess it depends on the person. I can't be friends with my ex. I despise him.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    It's the 'best friends' thing that is off-putting.

    Not least of the worries is how difficult it would be for new partners. I think a lot of people would naturally find their new partners 'best friend' being their ex very threatening.
  • beansprouts
    beansprouts Posts: 410 Member
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    I remember reading something along the lines of "If you stay friends after a break up you're either still in love or never really were". I think it depends on why you broke up. If it was because there was no chemistry or things just fizzled out, I think it's fine to be friends.

    One of my sisters (now married) is still friendly with every boyfriend that she has had since junior high school...We (the family) call them the "chain of fools".
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    My boyfriend, his x-wife and I are all great friends. They are still 'best friends' . They have a child together, who I am now 'step-mom' to.

    If you can see each other as 'people' and not 'hook ups' AND if you have no romantic feelings anymore then I don't see why not. However if there is any 'hope' of a relationship or if there are still feelings then no, forget it.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    My boyfriend, his x-wife and I are all great friends. They are still 'best friends' . They have a child together, who I am now 'step-mom' to.

    If you can see each other as 'people' and not 'hook ups' AND if you have no romantic feelings anymore then I don't see why not. However if there is any 'hope' of a relationship or if there are still feelings then no, forget it.

    This... My fiance, my ex and I are all good friends as well. My ex and I have kids and it's nice that we can still be friends and cordial to each other.
  • steelyjoe22
    steelyjoe22 Posts: 40 Member
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    No. If you really liked each other that much, you'd be together. Plus, do you want to explain this person and your relationship with them to the next person that you date? Most people would be uncomfortable that he is still such a big part of your life - even if they trust you, they may not trust his intentions.
  • WishfulShrinking331
    WishfulShrinking331 Posts: 244 Member
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    I've never had luck with that and in my opinion what is the difference between dating and being best friends? Your partner is supposed to be your best friend anyway so the only difference is that you are allowed to date other people. Any relationship, friend or not is about commitment and I just have not had any luck with my exes.
  • Skeels
    Skeels Posts: 929 Member
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    Nope, but you can still have random sexytime
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    If I cant love you why should we be friends.
  • GlutesthatSalute
    GlutesthatSalute Posts: 460 Member
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    Hi,

    You really should allow yourself time to heal. Someone's feelings in the relationship will still be raw. It's important to allow those feelings to heal and give yourself time to move on. Also, you'll be too temped to give him the cookies. Guess what, if he isn't good enough to be your full-time man, then he doesn't get the honor and benefit of your cookies.

    Use this time to focus on your. He'll be fine, if he's not, it's not your problem anymore.

    This exactly... ^^^^^^^^^^^ well put

    And I'm taking this to heart bc I'm dealing w the same issue.. good luck mama:flowerforyou:
  • FJMilner
    FJMilner Posts: 407
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    My ex husband and I are really good friends now. initially not, it wasn't very nice at the time, but I still love him, he still loves me, we just don't work as a couple (I know, we have tried 3 times haha!) But sure you can be good friends if you were before....
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
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    They can in my world. I was matron of honor at my ex boyfriend's wedding... I'm very close with his wife. I suppose it depends on the circumstances of the break up.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I've never had that ability ....so no....I would say no...but i'm not you...so..
  • hypergrl
    hypergrl Posts: 188 Member
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    My ex is my best friend. Things that we had in common are still there...we just didn't have what romantic relationship compatability LOL
  • ukstarlight05
    ukstarlight05 Posts: 86
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    No. I tried to remain friends with my ex, and it only complicated my life and future relationship. I had to let something go if I wanted it to work out with my current, awesome boyfriend, and it was the ex. My boyfriend was in the same scenario as well, and in order for it to work between us we had to lose the baggage!

    Yes there was a bit of jealous issues going on, but it was mostly jealousy issues on the part of the ex's.. I had to threaten his ex-girlfriend with a restraining order because she stalked me and hacked my accounts!
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    Imagine your next boyfriend is still best friends with his ex and they talk and text all the time, and he tells you she's still in love with him. How would that make you feel?
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    No. If you really liked each other that much, you'd be together. Plus, do you want to explain this person and your relationship with them to the next person that you date? Most people would be uncomfortable that he is still such a big part of your life - even if they trust you, they may not trust his intentions.

    I will tell you from the position of being the 'new' person. It took me probably about 1 year to be comfortable with the amount of texting/talking/phone calls that happen. It was a lot easier for me because there was a child involved and the majority of the conversations are to do with him. I don't know that I would have been as accepting of it if they didn't have a child together now that you mention it. BUT I'm also an insanely jealous person so YMMV.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    I have 3 ex-wives, yes, 3 of them. I do not speak or see a single one of them. I have one child with the first, but she is already in her 20s, so have not had reason to speak to her mother in years, thank god!!! If I was to see one of my exes on a street, I would turn my head, walk away and pretend I didn't see them.

    Exes are Exes for a reason!
  • IndyMario
    IndyMario Posts: 236
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    I don't know about "best friends", but, friends? Yes.
    Personal experience tells me so.
    The trick is to understand and be able to notice when one's relationship is on the decline and be able to stop,
    evaluate and decide to act before the very core of the relationship is ruined.
    I'd rather be (and have) a good friend than a ****ty lover, whom I will inevitably resent.

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