Embarrassed for Trying to Lose Weight

SunnyLuc87

I am just wondering if I am alone in this. I have been keeping the fact that I am on a mission to lose 87 lbs and finally reach what I consider to be my ideal weight to myself, aside from telling a few close family members and one friend. I am definitely obese and it should be a good thing that I am trying to reach a healthy weight, but in the past I have gotten some annoying mixed reactions including:

Unsolicited advice from people who don't need to be giving it. (ie "all you have to do is stop eating after 7 and don't drink soda." or "I lost 50 pounds and all I did was give up junk food and work out once in a while. You should do that and you'll lose weight!" Really? That's all you did? May I please have your metabolism?!?!)

Comments that I am fine the way I am (50 pounds overweight) and that I am not fat and do not need to be on a diet. (What!?)

"You're about the same size as me and I'm healthy" type comments from people half my size (Are you kidding me?)

Comments like "You can have just a little bit of (insert diet-disaster-food/drink here). A little bit won't hurt."

Etc, etc...

I also don't want to tell everyone and then fail and have that embarrassment because I've done THAT before.

So my main question is just this: Has anyone else ever felt embarrassed to be on a diet or that you wanted to hide it?

branson101

I've only told my immediate family that I live with. It's no one else's business. I have a lot of overweight relatives and co-workers that would see it as me offending them if I mention that I am on a diet.

Hmrjmr1

I didn't tell anyone I was losing weight until they noticed it. For many of the same reasons. For your to be successful it all has to be about what you want yourself to be. Once it starts to show you'll still get the clowns but more folks will support you than deride you or offer stupid advice. Most will be asking how you're doing it. Get er done kiddo.

Graceious1

I stopped calling it a diet. I call it a healthier lifestyle and people either take it or leave it. I don't tell people anything until they ask me or comment on my fat loss.

sunnyside1213

You have already lost 16 pounds. That is great. Ignore everything the unsupportive people say. Don't tell them anything. It is your journey to being healthy and fit. Looking better is just a wonderful benefit. Friend people on the site. They are on the same journey and will have your back. Remember, it's not a diet. Its a life style.

jmc0806

I wasn't really embarrassed to be on it but I didn't really tell anyone for the first month just in case I didn't follow through with it (happened in the past). After a month though I didn't care who knew

skelley331

first of all you should never be embarrassed for wanting to be healthy and this journey is for you and no one else, please who tell these things are not your true friends. I quit smoking 12 yrs ago and i just turned 57 today but i gained 50 plus lbs and i lost all but 9lbs in the last year and i didn't bother telling anyone what i was doing because it was what i wanted to do for myself, i feel great, yes i had my ups and downs but just jumped back on plan and this past june i went to the Metabolic Research Center for Weight loss and signed up and OMG they are wonderful and i've lost my last 32 lbs with their help. So please do not listen to them, listen to your heart and become healthy. There is alot of supporters on MFP!!

45taylor

Be proud that you r taking charge of your health!!! I found myself to be way more accountable for my eating and activity the more people knew I was trying to lose weight!! Ignore the "advice" and stick with your healthy plan. You may help inspire others with your determination.

besaro

I am at times. I feel like I want a t-shirt that says "I'm fat, but I used to be fatter!". or "ya, I am fat, but you should have seen me last week!"

Same here jmc, I have kept this to a few people, unlike you though, I will continue to keep it to myself. At some point I am sure someone will notice but so far...only 1 neighbor has even said anything.

stepheatscake

This is YOUR body so who cares what anyone else says.. its different for everyone. We all find success by a different road.

There's nothing to be embarrased when you are changing your life for the better. It's not just about losing weight it's about EVERYTHING. You'll think different, act different, feel different of course and have so much more confidence. You CAN do it, that ideal body will be yours.

In the end it all boils down to you. Don't listen to anyone else unless they have encouragement for you.

nardoiaa

I'm in the same boat you're in. I recently lost my job and now I finally have the time to go to the gym after I drop my son off at school. I didn't tell anybody I was going, but then I started to see people there. I would just say that I had nothing else to do since I don't work anymore ;-)
It's nobody's business. I feel exactly the way you do about getting unsolicited advice from people. Just keep doing what your doing and what makes YOU happy.

MaryJane_8810002

I stopped calling it a diet. I call it a healthier lifestyle and people either take it or leave it. I don't tell people anything until they ask me or comment on my fat loss.

THIS! The only person I really disclose this with is my twin sister.

Celeigh12

Oh absolutely I've felt this way. Especially having failed so spectacularly in the past regaining everything and then some more than once. I don't talk about what I'm doing. I just do it. I don't discuss how much I've lost (except here) or how much more I want to lose.

Just do your thing and try to tune out the noise. You can be really polite without encouraging the inane advice!

kcoleman64

You are not alone. I am shy and a very private person. I have friends but when it comes to things like dieting I usually dont say anything because i dont want to hear those comments, especially the ones about me not being very overweight. Technically I am obsesd and still in need of losing at another 40 or more pounds to be at average weight (currently I have lost about 30 lbs). This time around, however, when people ask about my weight loss i tell them i have decided to start living a healthier life style and in the process i have lost weight. This keeps the comments about dieting out of the conversation.

SashThompson

the first thing you HAVE to learn is everybody is a freaking expert..... they all know someone whose uncle's brother's daughter's pet worm once lost weight. Second thing to learn, for the most part, theyre all talking sh*!, theyre not you & they dont know your body like you do.

Learn what works for you and stick to your guns. When people kept trying to give me unwanted advice and trying to tell me "one piece of cake wont hurt" I used to just tell them that I was happy with the changes and decisions i had made and then i changed the subject or left the conversation.

Your friends will quickly understand that you've got it under control and when you want help you will ask for it

and never be embarrased! like i said before, if telling the whole world works for you then tell them, if telling only a few people to keep you on track is what works then follow that.

Good luck x

bpdai

I have heard all the same sorts of comments that you mentioned, and they bother me just as much as they do you. I just find it easier to not discuss it - except on here! This is the place where people understand, and even if the comments get out of control some times, it generally is a pretty good place to find people in the same boat as you. Other than people fighting the same fight, I generally disregard their comments. This is my battle, and I will move toward my goals regardless of what those around me have to say. I know that I am overweight, and nothing is going to convince me otherwise. It is my life that is getting better, and I am damn proud of that. Keep coming back here for support! We are here for each other!

DaveC29

I am at times. I feel like I want a t-shirt that says "I'm fat, but I used to be fatter!". or "ya, I am fat, but you should have seen me last week!"

My shirt would say... 'I may be fat, but you are ugly... An I've lost xxx pounds already!' (Not directed at anyone in particular)

Be proud of your decision to lead a healthier life. People will notice, and tell them that you have changed the way you live... It's not a 'diet' you will live with it long after you are done!

IronSmasher

I am just wondering if I am alone in this. I have been keeping the fact that I am on a mission to lose 87 lbs and finally reach what I consider to be my ideal weight to myself, aside from telling a few close family members and one friend. I am definitely obese and it should be a good thing that I am trying to reach a healthy weight, but in the past I have gotten some annoying mixed reactions including:

Unsolicited advice from people who don't need to be giving it. (ie "all you have to do is stop eating after 7 and don't drink soda." or "I lost 50 pounds and all I did was give up junk food and work out once in a while. You should do that and you'll lose weight!" Really? That's all you did? May I please have your metabolism?!?!)

Comments that I am fine the way I am (50 pounds overweight) and that I am not fat and do not need to be on a diet. (What!?)

"You're about the same size as me and I'm healthy" type comments from people half my size (Are you kidding me?)

Comments like "You can have just a little bit of (insert diet-disaster-food/drink here). A little bit won't hurt."

Etc, etc...

I also don't want to tell everyone and then fail and have that embarrassment because I've done THAT before.

So my main question is just this: Has anyone else ever felt embarrassed to be on a diet or that you wanted to hide it?

Everyone is a fricking expert. I usually don't tell anyone for these reasons, but I've never hidden it when asked, there's just no point trying.

ashlbubba

I'm trying very hard to lose weight any not let anyone know about it.. eventually my secret will have to come out, but by then they'll be like oh- Ashley you've lost weight- looking great!! -- And I'll be like yeah a couple pounds, no big deal.

MichelleLaree13

I think it is only embaressing when I tell people and dont lose weight. I was fat and now I am finally normal weight (BMI) again. When I was fat (10 lbs overweight) people would say I dont need to lose anything. Now my BMI is like 24.9.

Julesbee19

First, congrats on what you've accomplished thus far - way to go!!

This has been a very personal decision for me and that's why I haven't shouted my plan from the top of a mountain...yet. For me, it's been about taking the time to process how I feel emotionally about changing my life and gaining the confidence in my progress before I freely tell people. I'll certainly discuss my plans if asked directly, but I don't bring it up myself.

Prime example: I told one close friend what I wanted to accomplish and her response was, "Oh that will be easy." Easy?! No one has the right to tell me that what I'm doing is easy. Regardless of her intent, her comment still rattles around in my brain and frustrates me a little.

You'll be able to share your decision with everyone when the time is right. Until then - focus on yourself! You're doing a great job!

SunnyLuc87

Thanks for all the replies! It's getting to be that time of year though with lots of get-togethers with family and friends. I'm feeling intimidated by the fact that I'm going to have to explain why I'm not eating much at Thanksgiving, having dessert, or drinking any beer/wine/cocktails. I'm not going to be able to keep it to myself at that point because people will know that's not how I normally eat. I'm hoping to have lost a noticeable amount of weight by then so at least I have some evidence to back it up.

krazyforyou

Don't feel bad, we've all been there with causal callous comments from know it alls who thibk its OK to say whatever. Let this be your safe place to come and talk. If someone notices you lost weight dont make a big deal about it until your ready.

strawberrytoast

The only person you can let down is yourself, BUT if you have a bad day forget it and move onto the next day!!

I dont have any starting weight pics as was too embarassed to take them and didnt think id ever lose anything. Wish i had as they are great for comparing the difference.

Get some pics taken no matter how much you dont wanna, get logging your calories and get moving your already on the way there so stuff everyone else.

ChildrenCryinNCoffee

Honestly, nope. I'm not on a "diet". It's a PERMANENT lifestyle change that I made. I eat REAL food, not diet supplements(vitamins are a different story here)/shakes/instant freeze-a-meal stuff. I like to cook/bake, so I am aware of everything I'm eating. My profile, diary and weight are public on here, Facebook and Twitter. I do not shame myself into darkness until I finally lose the weight, nope it's a process and it's out there for everyone to see, for MY accountability! I know life isn't perfect and I can't always eat clean, organic, non-processed foods. But I also know that life goes on after a night out with the girls, or date night with the husband. Hell I have 4 kids, that's a lot of birthday parties (and a lot of cake) and I know that I can reel it back in after the event is over. I'm honest with my friends and if they're your friends they'll understand and keep your lifestyle/goals in mind. IF you're really serious about making a change, you can't make excuses, and you cannot have saboteurs/enablers as friends. You have to make the conscience choice to change for the better, the healthier, the fitter and you cannot be embarrassed about it.

NatashaShen

Oh I know this feeling. I only talk about my weight with my dad and sometimes my brother. I don't want anyone to tell me that I look fine or that I look smaller, because I know I don't. And a lot of people are complete downers, like you said, unsolicited advice or like my mother... attempt at sabotage or sarcasm.

SunnyLuc87

I also want to say I've read everyone's post and wish I could respond individually to each. But for anyone here who wants more supportive friends feel free to add me and I will accept. You guys are all so great and supportive.

jynxxxed

I didn't tell anybody except family.. I'm not really embarrassed that I'm actively losing weight, I just feel like I should pretend as though I never gained all of the weight in the first place lol.
It was easy to go unnoticed until this week for some reason. Two people came up to me separately mentioning how I've clearly lost weight (first time anybody has said anything except for family).. I just awkwardly thank them and proceed before the obvious questions roll in about how much I eat/weigh/junk that isn't any of their business.

I don't mind agreeing with people that I obviously HAVE lost weight.. I just don't care to discuss my tactics with anybody outside of MFP. So no, you're not alone.

aStrongerSteph

I used to be mortified if people thought "I was trying to eat less or exercise for weight loss". I thought they were all mocking the fat girl for even trying to change. I remember when our Pastor moved first came over for dinner and I had the stationary bike in the living room. He asked who used it and the kids all said, "MOM" I wanted to crawl through the floor. I had only lost about 15 lbs at that time. Now I am at the point where people can think, say or believe anything they want becaue, my living room looks like a home gym. I have my equipment all along one wall right there in the main room of the house. It's where my family spends their time so it's where I want to be. I use it more and I am PROUD of it being there now. Don't let shame or your perception of what others think, keep you from staying motivated and on track. You deserve to live the best life possible and they can kiss your left toe if they don't like it

Steph

Rawr1978

I get ripped a new one for saying. ive eaten anything except veggies by some people...and they're freaking bigger than me.

SunnyLuc87

I love that... they can kiss my toe. I need to adopt that attitude. I think I just need to gain the confidence to believe that I WILL reach my goals, that I DO know what I'm doing (for the most part), and that if anyone doesn't love me when I'm fit (or trying to get there) they aren't true friends.