Embarrassed for Trying to Lose Weight

HealthyForMyDearestLove

I know how you feel, my family supports me and all but girls my age (I'm 19 tomorrow) don't understand and they make comments that are rude. You just gotta keep your head up because all in all no one knows your body and what's healthy for it like you.

ClassicPearl

I wasn't really embarrassed to be on it but I didn't really tell anyone for the first month just in case I didn't follow through with it (happened in the past). After a month though I didn't care who knew

Me too! I find if I don't tell people what I'm doing, then I'm going to stick with it. Weird, huh?

blues4miles

I used to be mortified if people thought "I was trying to eat less or exercise for weight loss". I thought they were all mocking the fat girl for even trying to change.

That's how I feel about it too. I started running before I started seriously trying to lose weight (i.e., watching what I eat instead of out-eating my running) and I felt embarrassed about that too. I still don't really tell people, even though during the winters due to daylight I am jogging around during work at lunch. I certainly don't let it get out I watch what I eat nowadays.

I feel like people are so competitive and that no matter what you accomplish they'll always be trying to outdo you in some way or point out your shortcomings. I think how nobody said anything when I gained the weight, so I don't want them to say anything when I start to lose it either, then maybe I can pretend nobody noticed :laugh: I guess I'm also afraid that I'll fail. Or that my weight loss will be so laughably slow that it would feel like failing if anyone knew. I am proud of the 4 lbs I've lost. But if anyone kept asking me "how many pounds did you lose this week?" even if they were trying to be supportive I would just feel like a failure. If I know I can do it on my own terms and take another year to lose another 20 lbs, then I don't feel so bad. It's just me in my head, not someone else's expectations.

Helen_Luvnlife

I still don't tell anybody unless they ask. Everybody knows I've lost weight. Even now when the ask how I'm doing it I simply say I'm counting calories and exercising. A few have asked for more details and I will tell them, but I don't broadcast it. I'm not out to impress anybody. I'm doing it for me.

DixieStarr76

Honestly, nope. I'm not on a "diet". It's a PERMANENT lifestyle change that I made. I eat REAL food, not diet supplements(vitamins are a different story here)/shakes/instant freeze-a-meal stuff. I like to cook/bake, so I am aware of everything I'm eating. My profile, diary and weight are public on here, Facebook and Twitter. I do not shame myself into darkness until I finally lose the weight, nope it's a process and it's out there for everyone to see, for MY accountability! I know life isn't perfect and I can't always eat clean, organic, non-processed foods. But I also know that life goes on after a night out with the girls, or date night with the husband. Hell I have 4 kids, that's a lot of birthday parties (and a lot of cake) and I know that I can reel it back in after the event is over. I'm honest with my friends and if they're your friends they'll understand and keep your lifestyle/goals in mind. IF you're really serious about making a change, you can't make excuses, and you cannot have saboteurs/enablers as friends. You have to make the conscience choice to change for the better, the healthier, the fitter and you cannot be embarrassed about it.

Exactly! When I got my head back in the game, I started cutting out the things and people who were helping me make a mess out of my life. I've found that people are quick to have an opinion because they need the light to shine on someone else while their flaws hide in the shadows. I'm a live-out-loud type of girl, so here I am in all of my flawed glory!! I will be a better version of me. The weight loss is just a perk. Those who want to journey with me are welcome. Those who want to be negative can ramble on....

toni7467

This is great advice...the truth is that you are working to become healthier. It is so negative to call it a diet!

traceface71

Sometimes. But I don't want others to see me as they see my friend.... My very good friend has been losing weight at a very rapid pace. She is excercising but she is NOT eatting healthily. In her defense, it is a very difficult time in her life right now and she's coping to the best of her abilities. Regardless, she brings her weight loss up every 10 minutes or so. And while I'm happy for her, it has become a bit tedious. She's proud of herself (and I don't blame her), it's a big ego boost (which she really needs right now) but it's just too much self obsession. Anyway, as of now when I mention my weight loss I always think "I hope they don't think this is all I'm about anymore" and "have I brought it up too much".

* yes, I have sat down and expressed my concerns/ healthier choices with her.

lwagnitz

I don't tell anyone, except the only person who really "knows" is my husband. If someone asks if I want to eat somewhere unhealthy or question something I'm doing, I just tell them I'm trying to eat better.

I've found a lot of people are generally not understanding, or they are betting on me to fail, so I just keep it to myself.

saraann4

I've received a lot of the same comments actually. At first, I was embarassed. I didn't want to talk about it. Just let me do my thing my own way. I didn't want the criticism. I didn't want people to tell me I should eat this and this not eat that and blah blah blah. People still noticed I was losing weight and still put in their 2 cents, but I brushed it off.

THEN, you get the whole "how are you doing it?!" like you're some sort of God. I even had one person ask me how much weight I lost and I told her 50 at the time, and she replied "You haven't lost that much, have you?" I looked at her dumb founded. Then, she preceded to ask me how I did it. I bluntly replied diet and exercise.

It all comes to down not giving a flying *kitten*. If you do care (which who doesn't??), brush the comments off. Do it for yourself. If you fail, you fail. TRY AGAIN. Give yourself a break every now and then.

anifani4

Hi, good topic, OP and great responses too. I am embarrassed about my size but not about my efforts to be healthier. In the past when I decided to diet I told no one, because I expected to fail...after all, I had always failed at diets. And now know I will continue to fail at a diet. What I needed all along was a way to live and eat in a healthy way (took a long time to understand that).

Eventually I realized I needed support for my efforts and I took 2 of my sisters into my confidence. They understood and still are supportive. But it is the understanding from others facing the same hurdles as me that has given me the ongoing support I need. Also the education. Before I found MFP I was in a Yahoo group of weight loss buddies. It was great, just like MFP because everyone there was about changing patterns and habits so they could sustain the fat loss after reaching a healthy weight.

I have always thought this: No one says anything about my gaining weight so they get to say nothing about my losing weight.

If someone made a remark in the past I'd just say thanks, no big deal. Because it really wasn't a big deal. I was doing my thing and there was nothing special about it....eat less, move more. People always want to know what magic thing I did.

I was hurt, many years ago, when my grandfather, whom I hadn't seen for a very long time, said when he saw me, Ani you're FAT! I can still recall how I felt...totally ashamed. He was an old man so I forgive him. I come from a very large family with lots of Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and siblings. They all had to see me growing bigger and bigger but my Mom was the only one who said anything. She said, You better get busy and lose that weight. She never had a problem so she sure couldn't tell me how...I was to "just do it" by some magical means, I guess. So, if she were alive today, she would be the only family member who gets to comment on my weight loss....even though it's been 45 years. Oh, my 2 sisters could too, but all they will say is " I see the difference...good job".

NewMnky1

I kept my weight loss from pretty much everyone excpet for my husband and a 1 co-worker until people started to notice the wight loss. I did it for some of the reasons you did, didn't want to fail and have everyone know. I am a pretty private person and don't need to share my life with everyone. Eventually people will notice and then you will have to talk about it, but when people ask how or what am I doing I always just say eating better and excercising. Not everyone needs to know my business and and much as I thank people when they do comment on my weight loss and congratulate me it is still uncomforatble for me.

Everyone is different in what motivates them and for me it is not other people. I don't mean to sound cold about it but I think in order to be successful you really only need to do it for yourself and the praise and comments from others should not be your main motivator. I think I will more open to it if in a year from now I have maintained the loss and people comment then.

DixieStarr76

Sometimes. But I don't want others to see me as they see my friend.... My very good friend has been losing weight at a very rapid pace. She is excercising but she is NOT eatting healthily. In her defense, it is a very difficult time in her life right now and she's coping to the best of her abilities. Regardless, she brings her weight loss up every 10 minutes or so. And while I'm happy for her, it has become a bit tedious. She's proud of herself (and I don't blame her), it's a big ego boost (which she really needs right now) but it's just too much self obsession. Anyway, as of now when I mention my weight loss I always think "I hope they don't think this is all I'm about anymore" and "have I brought it up too much".

* yes, I have sat down and expressed my concerns/ healthier choices with her.

One of my best friends has lost approx. 80 lbs since February. She's been obnoxious about it. It's all she talks about, and I would be excited for her if she was living a healthy lifestyle, but she's done it by living off of prescribed diet pills, cigarettes, and Monster Java. She gets light-headed, and her personality has completely changed. She was condescending when I told her I was losing with attention to caloric intake and exercise. She waved her hand, literally, and told me she would just bring me some of her pills! She wonders why I have stayed away from her with the exception of the Breast Cancer walk we did two weeks ago (it was what I asked my BFFs to give me as a birthday present. Our pic is in my profile.) I am working hard to change my life. I want to be healthy for all of the right reasons. I don't want to hear how she is basically wrecking her body, and she doesn't want to hear how I am trying to take care of mine. :ohwell:

JenniBaby85

Nope. And it should not be a diet, it should be an entire lifestyle change.

Look at this way; You are strong, with enough self respect to change your life for the better. No shame in it!

kenazfehu

I didn't tell anyone, either. I've started too many weight loss plans, then abandoned them. I figured nobody close to me would have any confidence in my ability to change. But I'm into my third month of change, and my husband and daughter are noticing. They're very encouraging.

Selunca

I have found that telling anyone other then my husband has lead to them trying to sabotas mine efforts. :C So I recently told my family I wasn't doing it anymore, then started again in secret.

ninabaz

I had someone two days ago tell me oh you need a cheat day I do that and eat fast food all day. Hmmm. Yea. That's why your *kitten* is too big for your pants right? Do what ever works for you ignore the critics their opinion doesn't matter.

claritarejoice

I totally sympathise. I started out not telling anyone, even myself. This is very much a mental and emotional journey, not just physical. I didn't even know if I could do it at first, so I didn't want to announce my hopes and then fail. My first huge step was to tell a supportive friend that I wanted to be healthier - I didn't have a pound goal at that time. Then the weight started coming off and people started noticing. It was also hard for me to start talking to my husband about it because I was afraid he would judge me. I was suprised to learn that everyone was very supportive and it wasn't wierd to them at all that I was counting calories. In fact, most of my friends' reaponses were "oh I've done that too, I was on weight watchers." Now I'm very open about it with everyone and I've gotten a lot of support.

kao708

I don't think it's embarrassment, I think it's the need for privacy for the exact reasons you mentioned. It's nobody else's business what you are doing and if you want to keep it to yourself to avoid unsolicited comments and advice, do it! Good luck to you!

ChancyW

Oh yeah I've been embarrassed to admit it! It brings upon you unsolicited advice and also judgment if you happen to slip up.


On the other hand it gives you accountability...so there are good sides of it and bad sides of it.

Mel_Anne

I didn't even tell my husband I was trying to lose weight until I had to - he brought me home a delicious carton of coffe ice-cream, and I had to explain why I there was no way I would be eating it. I've tried and failed so many times, I feel like the little boy who cried wolf... or the fat chick who cried diet. Whatever. I have not told anyone I work with either. I'm not sure why, but it is a private thing, and I don't want to share yet. I feel like it is an invitation for attention, criticism and advice. Do what feels right for you - this is your life, your journey.

cdwiggy

I've told my family and wish I hadn't.
I went to a get together last weekend (after not seeing these people for 2 months) and no one asked about or noticed my 30 pound weight loss, even though they know I'm trying to lose. Super supportive. /sarcasm
I splurged a little at the party and my mom and grandmother looked at me like I was doing something evil! I'm just not talking about it with them anymore.

gmad87

Most of what I'd say would only echo what so many others have already said in terms of it being a change in lifestyle, there's no need to be embarrassed, etc. People might make snide comments or give unsolicited, ridiculous advice, but only you will know what it really takes for bettering your health. Do your research, know your goals, and NEVER give up. You CAN do it.

bertabird

I used to feel the way you do. Honestly. I have been morbidly obese ALL my life. After ridicule and teasing, I became introverted and unsocial. After three decades I decided I had had enough. So, I started working out, trying different diets and ended up yo-yoing like a crazy person. In February I finally found a diet that worked. Just simply lowering my carbs, giving up refined sugars, and junk food. I also started working out 15-30 minutes per day. I don't know your body type, but with me, I found that "normal or fad" diets just wouldn't work because for MY body, I couldn't process all the carbs like 2/3's of the population can. I just started on a Monday and didn't say anything to anyone, except my hubby because he lives with me of course. I also found MFP. It keeps me grounded. The support from others in the "same boat as me" is a gift from God. Also, logging my food intake and exercise keeps me focused and accountable for what I put in my face and what I do with the energy I am consuming. MFP also shared something with me that NOBODY ever gave me: hope. I found on MFP a saying that I have printed up and placed on my bedroom door. It is a few words, but they pack a punch. I hope that the words help you and make you realize that the only thing to be embarrassed about is NOT doing anything about the problem and giving up because what others may say or do. Ignore what others who don't have a clue about weight issues, keep focused on your goals and keep your chin up. You'll get there with hard work and dedication to yourself and the way YOU WISH TO BE PERCEIVED.

Here are the words that I hold so dear to my heart. I hope they help you to understand that this is YOUR journey.

It takes four weeks for you to begin seeing the changes in your body. It takes eight weeks for friends and family to see the changes. It takes twelve weeks for everyone else to see the changes in your body, your health, your outlook and your physical being. Keep going! Never give up!

My mantra since February 2012 has been, "Keep Going and NEVER Give Up!" Don't let THEM distract you and if you need some support, friend me, and I promise to support you, chide you when you need it, and I will praise you for your committment to yourself and your willingness to change. God bless, Sweetie!

JeanetDK

I am at times. I feel like I want a t-shirt that says "I'm fat, but I used to be fatter!". or "ya, I am fat, but you should have seen me last week!"

ROFL Someone should definitely make this t-shirt! I want it!

I'm also quiet about what it is I'm doing. My husband knows it but for some reason this time around I'm not feeling the need to make the statement 'I'm on a diet'. Maybe because I don't feel like I'm dieting - I'm simply living a healthy life.

But in the past I've heard all those comments and they definitely didn't help me in my process. But in the end we are all just humans and we want to be acknowledged for what we've achieved and if we don't tell anyone what we are planning than no one is going to acknowledge us. So thank god for MFP, right?

crazybookworm

Firstly, good for you for wanting to make a change!

Secondly, do not call it a diet! Diet's are short-term, this needs to be a lifestyle change!

Thirdly, do not say "What if I fail" take that right out of your vocabulary. You have just started and your already thinking about the embarrassment from people if you fail? Stop thinking like that.

The last thing you should be worried about is what other people think. Look YOURSELF in the mirror, and tell YOURSELF that you will do this. Letting down friends and family is yes, maybe embarrassing, but letting down yourself is even worse. Other people's feelings shouldn't even take place in your new healthy journey. When starting a new healthy lifestyle, that is your time to be selfish. To take care of yourself and only worry about yourself.

Do not be embarrassed to lose weight! Yes, people may be saying now "What for, or why?" but give it a few months and they will ask you "Wow, how did you do it!"

Take charge and give it your all. It's not going to be easy, but it is going to be SO worth it. Focus on one day at a time. And don't worry about quick fixes or fad diets. Healthy choices, moderation, portion control and exercise are the only 4 things you need.

You got this!!!

And P.S. Criticism will never go away. When I was overweight NO ONE said a word to me that I was unhealthy. Now that I'm at my goal weight, people are telling me that I need to relax and eat a cookie. I just tell them in a creative way what they can do with that cookie

SunnyLuc87

People really like to harp on the fact I used the phrase "on a diet", so I figured I'd try to defend myself.

First of all I just want to say with all due respect the post wasn't asking for nutrition/fitness/weight lose advice. It was only pertaining to the mental and emotional aspects of losing weight. So by criticizing the way I describe my approach, people are kind of doing that "unsolicited advice" thing.

Also, it's awesome that many people feel like shouting their plans from the rooftops, and I think that shows a lot of self-confidence. That may come to me later, after I've proved to myself that I can make significant progress toward my goals.

And although it wasn't supposed to be the focus, yes I am aware that this is not a temporary thing as the word "diet" implies. I usually use that term generally when I don't want to talk about it. Somewhere in my brain, I think if I start talking about a "healthy lifestyle change" that invites too many questions and divulges too much information. I'm getting there, though... after I have some success I will open up about it. But too many times I've told people and then failed.

ecw3780

I am at times. I feel like I want a t-shirt that says "I'm fat, but I used to be fatter!". or "ya, I am fat, but you should have seen me last week!"

Same here jmc, I have kept this to a few people, unlike you though, I will continue to keep it to myself. At some point I am sure someone will notice but so far...only 1 neighbor has even said anything.

Love this! I want one of those t shirts too.

rudegyal_b

you should never be embarassed about trying to better yourself, those that make you feel bad about it are probably just jealous and unmotivated to do it for themselves

but i get this all the time:

Comments like "You can have just a little bit of (insert diet-disaster-food/drink here). A little bit won't hurt."

and i wish it was socially acceptable to just say "thats why i look like this and you look like that" :noway:

anemoneprose

I didn't read other responses, but losing weight is one of those things that's like an antenna for people, like buying a house, etc. Everyone's got an opinion/method (whether they've been through/done x, or want to.)

If you want to keep people off your back, just tell them you have some kind of allergy or digestive thing and HAVE to eat what you eat, thanks.

(I didn't mind talking about it, but if I just wanted people to shut up, I'd do that.)

phyllio77

I have not shut up about MFP...you think I get paid to promote it. My friend on weight watchers was shocked at my inches lost in 1 month...and 8lbs...she asked if it was healthy..I said...you have to check it out...I use the Canadian Food Guide and my calories and I am doing great. I still eat what I want and I have altered a significant amount of choices due to salt levels. I also do not consider this a diet...I call it healthy choices...always positive....diet...is no negative...and does not sound substainable...healthy choices you can do forever and ever:) I wish you all the best on your journey and I feel MFP pal has started me on my journey to a healthy lifestyle. Remember to smile and best wishes.