Question for guys…when a woman complains..
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When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.
I agree with this totally. I was 41 weeks preggers and 220lbs and everytime I heard my husband say I was beautiful, I thought to myslef "What was he drinking"....But I bet ya, he wouldnt be a happy man if I was still 220lbs and complained about it..0 -
When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.
And people wonder why you have a fan club? ^^ this is why. Cause we know you mean this.0 -
I guess I am lucky to have the husband I have. I sometimes fish for compliments when I am feeling especially insecure or vulnerable. I usually even tell him I am fishing, because I need the reassurance from him. I don't care what anyone but him thinks about how I look. There are definitely days when I feel really fat, usually right before TOM and I swear that when I look in the mirror I look like I've gained at least 20 lbs.
He doesn't mind reassuring me. It's not a constant or daily thing. I compliment him all the time. He doesn't always think about complimenting me, even though he tells me he thinks I am sexy and beautiful, he doesn't do it very often. So sometimes I ask, either in a fishing way or directly.0 -
to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-
reassurance that they are still desireable
or
because they want help to change their appearance
or am i being naive?
It's only the first one.
Women don't complain to their partners because they want help changing.
Yes! Men tend to think, when women complain about something, that they want a solution. So you, being a nice guy, get out your Mr. Fix-it hat and make what you think is a helpful suggestion (i.e., "why don't you join a gym or something if you want to lose weight?) And the next thing you know, she's furious because she thinks you're agreeing with the "too fat" statement she made earlier.
We don't want you to fix it. We just want you to listen and empathize. This is really a girlfriend thing, so it's hard for guys to get the hang of it. My poor husband kept trying to "fix"anything I complained about, until I explained this to him. After 17 years of marriage, he's now fluent in "fem-speak", as he calls it.0 -
I guess I am lucky to have the husband I have.
Well I dont know if you are saying that I am not lucky to have my husband.
But ..I dont think you got my point...
My husband ( like most of men ) will listen to me if I complain, will tell me how hot I am, will help me if I need help with it..will do all those things a good partner does.........................
My point is, is that something he looks forward to when he comes home? I dont think so..Will he be happy if I kept compalining about my weight every month? I dont think so.....Will he change my mind if I already thought I am fat? I dont think so...0 -
Yes! Men tend to think, when women complain about something, that they want a solution. So you, being a nice guy, get out your Mr. Fix-it hat and make what you think is a helpful suggestion (i.e., "why don't you join a gym or something if you want to lose weight?) And the next thing you know, she's furious because she thinks you're agreeing with the "too fat" statement she made earlier.
We don't want you to fix it. We just want you to listen and empathize. This is really a girlfriend thing, so it's hard for guys to get the hang of it. My poor husband kept trying to "fix"anything I complained about, until I explained this to him. After 17 years of marriage, he's now fluent in "fem-speak", as he calls it.
Completely agree. But it's very difficult for the typical male to *not* try to fix it. Even when we know what our role is supposed to be.0 -
I really have never experienced this and ive been with my wife 12years, she would maybe ask my opinion if her dress/outfit was nice if we were heading out if i havent already beat her to it. Confidence is good to a certain degree to much of it is a major turn off for me.0
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This topic reminds me of a scene from White Men Can't Jump. Rosie Perez complains about being thirsty. Woody makes the mistake of getting up and getting her a glass of water. She gets bent out of shape because she only wanted him to sympathize with the fact that she was thirsty, not solve her problem for her. Not only did the poor guy have to put up with her annoying voice, he had to put up with that nonsense.0
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This topic reminds me of a scene from White Men Can't Jump. Rosie Perez complains about being thirsty. Woody makes the mistake of getting up and getting her a glass of water. She gets bent out of shape because she only wanted him to sympathize with the fact that she was thirsty, not solve her problem for her. Not only did the poor guy have to put up with her annoying voice, he had to put up with that nonsense.
lol0 -
I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…
I never really thought about things I do possibly turning off my boyfriend..
I wonder if he gets turned off when I stink up the bathroom while he is taking a shower and refuse to turn the fan on and laugh at him??0 -
Complaining, nagging, and whining, are all on my top list of things to avoid especially when it comes to the bf. HOWEVER, sometimes I do talk about what I still need to work on and where I could improve with my body just to see if he agrees or even cares. The few times I do bring it up he always he seem THOROUGHLY uninterested, so I just change the subject. He does randomly compliment my progress, so I guess his seeming lack of interest is just a guy thing....0
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I dont ask if im fat/complain about looks to my hubs.
I will ask him if my clothes look inappropriate. or if my bum is hanging out. sometimes i get frustrated with my hair/makeup and tell him i need 5 more minutes to fix it.
ive told him i felt fat....and got chewed out for an hour. wont do it again.0 -
I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…
I never really thought about things I do possibly turning off my boyfriend..
I wonder if he gets turned off when I stink up the bathroom while he is taking a shower and refuse to turn the fan on and laugh at him??
Nah..Im sure he loves it0 -
Well, I do it. I don't like complaining about it either, but if I feel a certain way, there's not much I can do to mask those feelings. So he asks me whats wrong and then it goes into this whole thing about my looks, etc
However, as I have explained to my husband, alot of times I just want him to listen to my feelings and he is actually pretty good at it.
So, if it doesn't work for you guys, don't do it. But my husband takes it, accepting that I can be self conscious.0 -
Eh I would never complain about my looks. Maybe my lack of progress in the gym? Or the *kitten* that cut my hair a little too short.
But I figure if you're a dude and you're here you find it acceptable. If not then the door is always open.
Im also into solutions and don't trust anyone but myself to fix things to my liking.0 -
its annoying when you try to make them feel better but they dont accept the compliment....so...almost always. lol0
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Complaining is 1 thing. Complaining and not doing anything about it is another thing. Complaining and Not accepting a compliment is another other thing....Just stop complaining...You're not helping anyone. You'd burn more calories if you at least jog in place while your complaining instead of just driving us crazy.0
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to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-
reassurance that they are still desireable
or
because they want help to change their appearance
or am i being naive?
Nope - I think you are pretty close.
We all want to feel wanted - and when we come to a point where we feel unattrative to ourselves, or gained a few lbs, we just want reassurance.
I also ask for help from my bf - Examples....work with me to eat healthy as well, Give me an evil look when I say, "Lets go grab a blizzard" etc.0 -
In my household, it's my husband who is always complaining about his weight and looks - not me! :laugh:0
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In my household, it's my husband who is always complaining about his weight and looks - not me! :laugh:
Maybe you need to get HIm Up Early with you then!0 -
ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:
Lets face it, guys don't look at our faces when we're talking anyway but thanks for our next forum post material.
i think this reflects more about what type of guys your attracting...0 -
I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…But still I know a lot of women that do it. I think this is one of those conversations that are saved for your girl friends (if you really have to complain about it). I think one should not complain but work hard and be proud of whatever the results are..but we all have those days when we don’t feel so pretty ( some more than the others).
Yea yea yea... our partners are supposed to be our best friends..but still I think there are some things you dont talk about, and complaining about your body is one of them.
What do you think?
I communicate my insecurities without it being a complaint. I can't imagine having to hid any of my feelings with my husband, just the thought makes me feel horrible. But at the same time I minimize things I don't have any control over, it doesn't have to be mentioned over and over, dwelled upon or made a big deal of.0 -
Women with issues are the best!0
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ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:
Lets face it, guys don't look at our faces when we're talking anyway but thanks for our next forum post material.
i think this reflects more about what type of guys your attracting...
She was joking0 -
ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:
Lets face it, guys don't look at our faces when we're talking anyway but thanks for our next forum post material.
i think this reflects more about what type of guys your attracting...
She was joking
Yes, lighten up!0 -
I do not have a problem with it unless its a complaint that can be fixed and you just continue to complain about it with out finding the solution. Its a big turn on to see a female take control and handle her business and not have to relay on a mans opinion. But when she constantly complains about her weight or other things but has done nothing then its such an turn off.
Wear your Big Girl Panties and get S**t done0 -
ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:
Lets face it, guys don't look at our faces when we're talking anyway but thanks for our next forum post material.
i think this reflects more about what type of guys your attracting...
She was joking
Yes, lighten up!
You were joking? :indifferent: That's actually somewhat disappointing. The resulting comments on that subject would have been good reading.0 -
Are you kidding?
Every guy I've ever dated has complained to ME about HIS appearance. If he can do it so can I.0 -
I don't complain a lot, but when I do it's usually in the middle of either putting on a bathing suit or trying to find clothing that fits right and looks good. I didn't have any weight problem at all most of my life, so being overweight to me is like not being myself at all and sometimes I end up in tears. And after two years of not being able to lose an ounce (and gaining like crazy) because of a poor choice in birth control, it was getting VERY overwhelming and frustrating to me.
The boyfriend lives here. My girlfriends don't. So when I'm having a breakdown, he's the one who's going to hear it.
But, good news is that the BC is done and the weight is practically falling off now, so that should come to an end.0 -
ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:
Lets face it, guys don't look at our faces when we're talking anyway but thanks for our next forum post material.
i think this reflects more about what type of guys your attracting...
She was joking
Yes, lighten up!
You were joking? :indifferent: That's actually somewhat disappointing. The resulting comments on that subject would have been good reading.
I'm sorry to disappoint...let me see If I can manage to offend someone else!0
This discussion has been closed.
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