Question for guys…when a woman complains..

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  • Crying_In_Color
    Crying_In_Color Posts: 246 Member
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    I disagree with you. I feel that I should be able to talk about anything with the person I am with including any negative thoughts about myself. I feel that he should be just as comfortable bring up things about himself that bother him as well. A good relationship should be completely open and honest, even about things that may make the other person involved uncomfortable.

    I agree that you should be able to talk about everything..but the question is "is it a good idea to"..

    Like I wonder how many times the man wants to jump your bones right after you complaining about your body ?? Thats my point, like does it bother men when we do it?

    On a regular basis, it would be annoying not just only for a male to hear but for a female as well. I have an ED so most of my body image issues are kept to myself. Once in a while something is said to my boyfriend (I'm also pregnant) about how I am feeling about my body. I'm not looking for him to want to sleep with me after something is said though. I'm having an issue with my body and really don't want to be touched when I am feeling that way.

    Does it bother men? It pisses the BF off each time I say something 1. Because I am not overweight by medical standards and 2. My issues at the moment are simply because my body is changing based on pregnancy.
  • guardian419
    guardian419 Posts: 391 Member
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    This goes for every woman I talk to. I sympathize and if it's a weight issue, I try to help (workout advice, diet help, etc...), but after it gets repetitive, I either just start agreeing, or blatantly ignore it.

    It's not that complaining about something is necessarily the issue, it's about how most men think. You voice an issue you're having, we try to fix it. That's what we do. We don't do pity parties, we fix things. (again, most, not all men...)
    The issue is when we try to fix it, and we either get b****ed at because we "aren't being sensitive" or advice isn't what she was looking for.
  • misskittyfantastico1991
    misskittyfantastico1991 Posts: 145
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    I disagree with you. I feel that I should be able to talk about anything with the person I am with including any negative thoughts about myself. I feel that he should be just as comfortable bring up things about himself that bother him as well. A good relationship should be completely open and honest, even about things that may make the other person involved uncomfortable.

    I agree. My boyfriend listens to any problem I have and is caring and receptive everytime, whether I'm having a bad day, week or month. And I do the same for him. We're open and communicate with each other.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    First, I agree with the OP. I rarely say anything about me "feeling fat" becuase it upsets my husband...and because I don't want or need him to fix it or compliment me.

    The reason I say something from time to time is simply out of frustration.
    Like if you keep trying together a model airplane and sometimes the parts just won't go together or stick... You might exasperately exclaim... "Arg! These pieces are horrible!" not for reassurance, compliments on your airplane model making skills, or to have someone tell you how to fix it.. Just frustration.

    Somedays nothing seems to fit well or comfortably and I miss my pre-childbearing hips.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    I fortunately don't have to fish, my husband compliments me all the time. He is always telling me how sexy he thinks I am. But I'm not gonna lie, if he stopped doing that, I may start fishing, because we need to hear those things. Even after 7 years of marriage and two kids.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
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    When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.

    Wut
  • Katt1320
    Katt1320 Posts: 94 Member
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    It's only the first one.
    Women don't complain to their partners because they want help changing.

    Yep. When I was doing it, it was fishing. Tell me I'm pretty because I'm 60 pounds over weight and I don't want to do anything about it.

    Fortunately my man took it as a cry for help instead. Started harping on me a bit.

    You can't get motivation from other people, it has to come from yourself. But he makes me eggs some mornings and kale chips and he drags my *kitten* to the Y when I don't feel like it. Cheers me on when I lose weight. That, to me, is the best possible reaction to complaining. Bottom line "I love you baby, but if you're not happy, this is totally within your control. I can help, but I can't do it for you." Worked for me, man.
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
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    I will listen to my wife complain about her body, but I find it hard to be too sympathetic because I think she looks great and love her as she is and allthough she does try to eat well, she won't make time to exercise. I have told her that if she would just carve out 45 min 4-5 days a week, she would do so much better. So, bottom line is I support her in trying to lose but don't really feel bad for her (even though I pretend to some) because she won't do all she really needs too as well as because I will always love her as is. Hopefully that is a good enough answer. :)
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
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    When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.

    Best answer by far!
  • nonstopper
    nonstopper Posts: 1,108 Member
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    Yes, women to complain about their figure and weight ALOT, but of course they need someone to complain to. They want a honest opinion. And of course the truth hurts when their looking for it, but even when she looks great, she doesn't think so haha ;)

    Its not all about looks i say.
  • toomuchbootyindapants
    toomuchbootyindapants Posts: 811 Member
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    When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.

    Yup - unconditional love. My husband *never* said a word when I blew up to 220 lbs. He still tried to tap that every night... he still told me how beautiful I was (am)... he even wiped my *kitten* for me when I had food poisoning and it was coming out both ends at the same time (and never once told me how nasty my butt was). Yeah, true love. Brett nailed it.
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…But still I know a lot of women that do it. I think this is one of those conversations that are saved for your girl friends (if you really have to complain about it). I think one should not complain but work hard and be proud of whatever the results are..but we all have those days when we don’t feel so pretty ( some more than the others).

    Yea yea yea... our partners are supposed to be our best friends..but still I think there are some things you dont talk about, and complaining about your body is one of them.


    What do you think?

    simple..either put up with their ****, or leave them.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    ya know, all they are really thinking is "bish, make me a sammich!"

    Nah. We are thinking, go put on that sexy maid costume
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    I think men tend to be problem solvers.

    If a woman occasionally complains about something, then this is my opportunity to shower her with compliments (not that I shouldn't be doing this anyway, but sometimes in long-term relationships we forget to show how much we appreciate our SO often enough). This is a subtle reminder to step up!. .

    If It's a constant complaint about the same thing and she's not doing anything about it. .I'll try to figure out how we can work on it together (e.g. diet, exercise, etc) . This can be a problem, because more often than not, she doesn't want to do any work. .she just wants you to constantly tell her it's not an issue for you. For me, it usually Isn't an issue. .but the complaining IS an issue and complaining without action is annoying.
  • Scotland_forever
    Scotland_forever Posts: 64 Member
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    I don't necessarily complain about my looks.... but my bf compliments my appearance consistently, and it just feels awkward. After years of negativity towards myself due to weight, or years of negativity from a few others I encounter just because of the way I chose to dress at that point.... I feel as though I'm a) undeserving of compliments, and/or b) that anyone who says something nice to me is lying.

    Completely identify with this.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    It's a fishing scam...

    or a sign that I haven't thrown out enough complements recently.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    When is she not complaining...

    My wife knows I'm crazy about her. There's no need to fish for compliments in my house cuz I tell her she's beautiful every day.

    But seriously... she's always complaining. Always.
  • Katt1320
    Katt1320 Posts: 94 Member
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    When is she not complaining...

    My wife knows I'm crazy about her. There's no need to fish for compliments in my house cuz I tell her she's beautiful every day.

    But seriously... she's always complaining. Always.

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    It's fishing and it's annoying. It stinks like insecurity and basically? No other human being is going to convince you of something that you don't think is true, anyway. It makes me feel bad for men who have women that do this. I used to do it in my younger days.

    I do ask my husband for his opinion on how I look and yes, I do ask him if he thinks I could do anything differently....... not because I'm setting him up to answer me wrong so I can get angry, I think sometimes we just tend to turn a blind eye to ourselves after looking at the same person in the mirror for so long. He likes me with long hair, so I grew it out for him. He likes my natural hair color, so I keep it that way now. There are things that I like on him as well that he keeps for me.. sideburns, his curly hair. It's little things and there's nothing wrong with offering an opinion. But expecting someone else to pat you on the head and tell you you're pretty when you can't figure that out for yourself? UGH.

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