Question for guys…when a woman complains..

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  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.

    I agree with this totally. I was 41 weeks preggers and 220lbs and everytime I heard my husband say I was beautiful, I thought to myslef "What was he drinking"....But I bet ya, he wouldnt be a happy man if I was still 220lbs and complained about it..
  • StyxxandStones
    StyxxandStones Posts: 120
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    When you love a woman everything about her is beautiful, even flaws and imperfections. And since we all have our own insecurities it's your job as a partner to make sure they know you love the way they look all the time.

    And people wonder why you have a fan club? ^^ this is why. Cause we know you mean this.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I guess I am lucky to have the husband I have. I sometimes fish for compliments when I am feeling especially insecure or vulnerable. I usually even tell him I am fishing, because I need the reassurance from him. I don't care what anyone but him thinks about how I look. There are definitely days when I feel really fat, usually right before TOM and I swear that when I look in the mirror I look like I've gained at least 20 lbs.

    He doesn't mind reassuring me. It's not a constant or daily thing. I compliment him all the time. He doesn't always think about complimenting me, even though he tells me he thinks I am sexy and beautiful, he doesn't do it very often. So sometimes I ask, either in a fishing way or directly.
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
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    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    It's only the first one.
    Women don't complain to their partners because they want help changing.

    Yes! Men tend to think, when women complain about something, that they want a solution. So you, being a nice guy, get out your Mr. Fix-it hat and make what you think is a helpful suggestion (i.e., "why don't you join a gym or something if you want to lose weight?) And the next thing you know, she's furious because she thinks you're agreeing with the "too fat" statement she made earlier.
    We don't want you to fix it. We just want you to listen and empathize. This is really a girlfriend thing, so it's hard for guys to get the hang of it. My poor husband kept trying to "fix"anything I complained about, until I explained this to him. After 17 years of marriage, he's now fluent in "fem-speak", as he calls it.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    I guess I am lucky to have the husband I have.

    Well I dont know if you are saying that I am not lucky to have my husband.

    But ..I dont think you got my point...

    My husband ( like most of men ) will listen to me if I complain, will tell me how hot I am, will help me if I need help with it..will do all those things a good partner does.........................

    My point is, is that something he looks forward to when he comes home? I dont think so..Will he be happy if I kept compalining about my weight every month? I dont think so.....Will he change my mind if I already thought I am fat? I dont think so...
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
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    Yes! Men tend to think, when women complain about something, that they want a solution. So you, being a nice guy, get out your Mr. Fix-it hat and make what you think is a helpful suggestion (i.e., "why don't you join a gym or something if you want to lose weight?) And the next thing you know, she's furious because she thinks you're agreeing with the "too fat" statement she made earlier.
    We don't want you to fix it. We just want you to listen and empathize. This is really a girlfriend thing, so it's hard for guys to get the hang of it. My poor husband kept trying to "fix"anything I complained about, until I explained this to him. After 17 years of marriage, he's now fluent in "fem-speak", as he calls it.

    Completely agree. But it's very difficult for the typical male to *not* try to fix it. Even when we know what our role is supposed to be.
  • dawson55510
    dawson55510 Posts: 197 Member
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    I really have never experienced this and ive been with my wife 12years, she would maybe ask my opinion if her dress/outfit was nice if we were heading out if i havent already beat her to it. Confidence is good to a certain degree to much of it is a major turn off for me.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    This topic reminds me of a scene from White Men Can't Jump. Rosie Perez complains about being thirsty. Woody makes the mistake of getting up and getting her a glass of water. She gets bent out of shape because she only wanted him to sympathize with the fact that she was thirsty, not solve her problem for her. Not only did the poor guy have to put up with her annoying voice, he had to put up with that nonsense.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    This topic reminds me of a scene from White Men Can't Jump. Rosie Perez complains about being thirsty. Woody makes the mistake of getting up and getting her a glass of water. She gets bent out of shape because she only wanted him to sympathize with the fact that she was thirsty, not solve her problem for her. Not only did the poor guy have to put up with her annoying voice, he had to put up with that nonsense.

    lol
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…

    I never really thought about things I do possibly turning off my boyfriend..

    I wonder if he gets turned off when I stink up the bathroom while he is taking a shower and refuse to turn the fan on and laugh at him??
  • kooltray87
    kooltray87 Posts: 501 Member
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    Complaining, nagging, and whining, are all on my top list of things to avoid especially when it comes to the bf. HOWEVER, sometimes I do talk about what I still need to work on and where I could improve with my body just to see if he agrees or even cares. The few times I do bring it up he always he seem THOROUGHLY uninterested, so I just change the subject. He does randomly compliment my progress, so I guess his seeming lack of interest is just a guy thing....
  • Troll
    Troll Posts: 922 Member
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    I dont ask if im fat/complain about looks to my hubs.

    I will ask him if my clothes look inappropriate. or if my bum is hanging out. sometimes i get frustrated with my hair/makeup and tell him i need 5 more minutes to fix it.

    ive told him i felt fat....and got chewed out for an hour. wont do it again.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…

    I never really thought about things I do possibly turning off my boyfriend..

    I wonder if he gets turned off when I stink up the bathroom while he is taking a shower and refuse to turn the fan on and laugh at him??

    Nah..Im sure he loves it
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    Well, I do it. I don't like complaining about it either, but if I feel a certain way, there's not much I can do to mask those feelings. So he asks me whats wrong and then it goes into this whole thing about my looks, etc
    However, as I have explained to my husband, alot of times I just want him to listen to my feelings and he is actually pretty good at it.
    So, if it doesn't work for you guys, don't do it. But my husband takes it, accepting that I can be self conscious.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
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    Eh I would never complain about my looks. Maybe my lack of progress in the gym? Or the *kitten* that cut my hair a little too short.
    But I figure if you're a dude and you're here you find it acceptable. If not then the door is always open.
    Im also into solutions and don't trust anyone but myself to fix things to my liking.
  • Crookey21
    Crookey21 Posts: 311 Member
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    its annoying when you try to make them feel better but they dont accept the compliment....so...almost always. lol
  • bugzinc
    bugzinc Posts: 291 Member
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    Complaining is 1 thing. Complaining and not doing anything about it is another thing. Complaining and Not accepting a compliment is another other thing....Just stop complaining...You're not helping anyone. You'd burn more calories if you at least jog in place while your complaining instead of just driving us crazy.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    Nope - I think you are pretty close.

    We all want to feel wanted - and when we come to a point where we feel unattrative to ourselves, or gained a few lbs, we just want reassurance.

    I also ask for help from my bf - Examples....work with me to eat healthy as well, Give me an evil look when I say, "Lets go grab a blizzard" etc.
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    In my household, it's my husband who is always complaining about his weight and looks - not me! :laugh:
  • bugzinc
    bugzinc Posts: 291 Member
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    In my household, it's my husband who is always complaining about his weight and looks - not me! :laugh:




    Maybe you need to get HIm Up Early with you then!

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