Someone told my 5 yr old to stop eating or she'll get fat

jessiekanga

I think I would talk to her about it head on. "How did it feel when you were told that? I bet it hurt your feelings, it would hurt my feelings if someone said that to me." You can be honest when you have had hurt feelings about your weight, and then tell her... "Look, there are things we can do about this, and things we can't." Use the term "bullying" because that's what it is. Practice what she'll say to "whoever said this to her." She can simply say, "I like myself, and don't need you to try to hurt my feelings. STOP." Then you can talk about what you can do for "a healthy life." Include all the things you already do. Here's the thing, she's five (my kids are 4 and 5) and a girl, so this is part of her future. Making her a skinny rail only means she'll face this mean-spirited behavior for being "too skinny." So go directly for, "what matters is you feeling proud of yourself, no matter what. They were wrong, and shouldn't have said that to you."

My righteous indignation would also want to whip out the bat, but let's be real, that's only our anger speaking. We wish we could protect our kids from this stuff, but all we really can do is help prepare them as best we're able.

Good luck!

2012asv

My god! I wish I had some helpful advice!

All i can offer is my empathy. What an *kitten*-hole. I would knock their lights out. Luckily she is only 5 and there's still a good chance she may forget about it over time, but man some people....

BeeElMarvin

The meanness in the world makes me sad... both I and my son were told similar things at times in our younger lives; very hurtful.

silver_arrow3

Hope and pray it wasn't someone she looks up to. My grandmother did that to me when I was 8 and I still carry a lot of baggage from it 17 years later.

PBsMommy

What ticks me off and makes me really sad at the same time about all of this, somewhere along the line either an adult or an older bratty *kitten* child said this to a younger child. I don't believe a five year old would come up with this off the top of their head with out a "nudge" from someone older.

Like others have said previously, just continuosly drill into her that food is necessary and she can not continue to skip out on food. Things like this aren't easily pushed to the side or forgoten, even for a five year old.

Also, I know it's harder for younger children to understand, but you may also want to start teaching her that everyone has opinions and she shouldn't listen to what everyone else says. And also, that mommy and/or daddy knows whats best for her and wouldn't tell or show her anything that would harm her.

jenbit

Well first I would invest in a sniper rifle and have her point out the adult she heard this from:grumble:

What I did with both of my kids was explain how food runs the body and gives us energy and makes the mind work. And I also told them that all food is ok to eat its just how much you eat of it. I explained this to them after I heard my 9 yr old girl refer to herself as eating like a fattie.(shes a beanpole). SHe said it was a phrase she picked up from her stepsister.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

This makes me so sad and angry. My young stepchildren have heard things like this, more than once, from their own mother, and it is very difficult to fight such poisonous statements.

We focus on making sure the kids know they are strong, focusing on what they can do vs. what they look like; not labeling foods as good, bad, fattening, etc. but encouraging them to try a variety of foods; straight-up talking to them about other people's obsessions with weight and how that can come out in things they say; and just trying our hardest to help the kids develop healthy and sane attitudes about themselves.

I agree that finding out specifically who said this to your daughter will make a difference in how you discuss it with her. And it sounds like you are already helping her think critically about it and realize that food is fuel for everything she needs to do, every day. I also second PSsMommy's suggestion to talk about how everyone has opinions and not to listen to what everyone says.

I hope she is able to shove off that person's negative and idiotic comment.

tartz66

Whoever said this to her adult or child is truly a bully!! We seriously need to put a stop to this! Our children are suffering because of this and I know from personal experience with my own daughter that has been bullied since the beginning of middle school that unless we take control and get more involved with our children's school, then it will continue to happen. I would talk to your daughter and try and find out who said this to her and go straight to the source and talk to the school and or parents and make sure that the school is taking appropriate measures for this to not continue. There should be a zero tolerance in schools, churches, daycare, etc... it will continue to get worse unless you take action now. I truly wish you and your child well, and I always remind my daughter that people that say hurtful things are hurting inside themselves and are attacking people to get attention. My daughter has learned to be strong and to not let it get to her, but there has been a lot of tears and anger for her along the way. I have a "Parent's Against Bullying" Facebook Page if you would like to check it out. The best of luck to your family Here is a story that my sister sent to me that I thought is a great read....


Status Update
By Parent's Against Bullying
Thank you Sheri for sharing!! Please, please take the time to read this.....Even if this message helps at least one child; it's so worth it!!

“'fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.
I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…
I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’
‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’
What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!
I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I'd rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons” –J.K. ROWLING

I copied this from my nieces FB. ( someone in the family has to stalk the girls to make sure they are okay!) Anyway, we clearly don't have to worry about Alecia...she is ahead of us all.... :-)

http://www.facebook.com/RealMothersOfMarysvilleWaAgainstBullying?ref=stream

annahuebscher

Oh, and if you find out who did it, and it was in fact an adult, beat their face into a bloody pulp. I cannot fathom someone saying that to a child. Ever.

This exactly.