Relationship advice...Please!

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  • DoomCakes
    DoomCakes Posts: 806 Member
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    To be honest... it depends. She may have been having a low self esteem day and he just wanted to perk her up a bit. He may not even have meant it. If he said that, then nothing after that, don't worry. Now, if he says it like ALL the time, or repeatedly goes on about how pretty she is or wants to spend a lot of his free time with her rather than you, maybe then I'd be a bit more worried. But if it was just a casual supposed to be friendly or complimenting style, don't worry. Guys say things a bit more directly than girls do, so try to keep it simple. "If I were single" he's saying he's not, he's acknolwedging he's with you.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Check his text messages.
  • guardian419
    guardian419 Posts: 391 Member
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    I've said "similar" things to girls before. I WAS SINGLE (just clarifying, so my wife doesn't shoot me), but we were a few thousand miles away. I had no intention of ever doing anything with the girl, but it was said to make her feel better. It was along the lines of "if I was there, you definitely wouldn't be single" or something to that effect.

    With that being said, there are nice guys, then there are the deuchebags who say that just to sleep with a girl. I'm an *kitten*, not a deuchebag :happy:
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    My honest opinion: if you asked him about it and it is still bothering you, and he has exhibited doubtful behavior not just once, then it is time to consider if this is the best fit for both of you.

    I don't agree that not wanting to hurt her feelings is an acceptable reason for him to say that. What about your feelings? Were hers more important?
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    Check the scale.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    DTMFA
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    That comment in my opinion is inappropriate, no matter how you look at it.: 1. If she asked him-she's wrong AND his response was wrong. Means she thinks of him that way and he thinks of her the same =They do not respect his relationship. FAIL.... 2. If he told her just for GP: He is wrong all by his self. Means he thinks of her in that way and by hanging out with her puts him in tempting and compromising situation everytime they're together= he does not respect you and/or your relationship. 3. You the OP confronted him and he has not A. quit being friends with her B. Earned your trust after making that statement initially, and therefore may not respect you and/or the relationship. Just my opinion. If he wants to be with you, your feelings she be his number 1 priority. Again this is just my take on the situation, based on the info that was given. Obviously I dont know all the ins and outs of your relationship, him, or what occured that caused him to make such a statement in the first place. Hope everything works out. Good Luck Love :wink:
  • twerkthat
    twerkthat Posts: 23 Member
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    Hey yall, i know this site is about weight loss, but this has been bothering me, and when things affect me emotionally they affect my moods and eating and well u know the drill.............so this happened going on a year now....

    My boyfriend told his female friend " if I was single, you wouldnt be single"....... now i didnt receive that well... and to date it still bothers me....so im not comfortable with them being friends

    what is your honest take on that statement??.... ( want both a male and female perspective)... as honest as possible...

    thanks much

    It means it's time to pack his duffle bag and point to the left..the end is near because he is not the one..at any given moment if given the opportunity he will be with her..SORRY :brokenheart:
  • Fat2Fit145
    Fat2Fit145 Posts: 385 Member
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    In what context did this convo happen? How did that subject come up for him to say that? Did he say that to her in front of you?

    Need more details.

    they were talking about her relatinships.... he brought it up, he asked how things were in that department... she told him, and then he told her not to let guys use her and to run them... d convo continued and then he made that statement..... and they were talking on skype
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Hello! People, she did just say that he's sent messages to other girls too - QUOTE: *'he did send other females messages that i didnt approve of like " there's something about you i really love"....sooooo......yeh'*
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
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    out of boundries for a friend. Would he boost his male friends self esteem this way?
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    It's hard to say. He could have used poor wording. For example, a co-worker told me he's never been on a date. I was really shocked and said, "Really? You're so smart and funny and attractive!"

    Now, I didn't mean that as, "I want you." I was just surprised and trying to boost his self-esteem. If we had been texting and my boyfriend found the text, I'm sure he'd be hurt. If he'd overheard it, though, and heard the tone in my voice, he would have realized I was just opening my mouth ahead of my brain as usual and just trying to buck up a friend.

    On the other hand, I've dated guys who said stuff like that to a few girls they were close friends with, and flirted with them on occasion, and they ended up cheating on me, breaking up with me, or frustrating me to the point of breaking up with them.

    How long have they been friends? If they were close friends long before you started dating, maybe he was just being nice to her in that friend-who-is-family sort of way. You know your boyfriend and the situation best. If you have doubts, talk to him and gauge his reaction.
  • Fat2Fit145
    Fat2Fit145 Posts: 385 Member
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    Well....it's a bit rude and may have implied more to the girl... does he realize this?

    If he does and was apologetic, I may let it pass.

    If he had an excuse, I'd question it more.

    AND I just read down that this happened a while ago and it is bothering you....you either trust him or you don't.

    Its kinda in between, if there cld be such a thing... i trust him not to do anything as in actually cheat.... however i am not and dont think i will ever be confortable with them as friends....
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    out of boundries for a friend. Would he boost his male friends self esteem this way?
    Bad comparison. Her boyfriend isn't gay.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    Sounds more like flirting with an invite to pounce. Not so innocent, but I wasn't there and you are so good luck
  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
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    You could talk to him instead of us? See what was meant by the comments and such. If it isn't working, it isn't working. Fix it or don't, but I don't think you can force it to work. You said it was almost a year ago? Either let it go, or leave. Is he still saying these things?
  • Brenda_Pancakes
    Brenda_Pancakes Posts: 288 Member
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    Check his text messages.

    MissKortney here has it right. Unfortunately, if you check his stuff out - you may find some crap that's upsetting between the 2 of them... possibly other chicks too. I'm all for privacy; but he deserves a snooping. Caution: you may NOT like what you find. Sorry to hear your man is an asshat. :grumble:
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
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    Its kinda in between, if there cld be such a thing... i trust him not to do anything as in actually cheat.... however i am not and dont think i will ever be confortable with them as friends....

    He will find other friends. This is about him and not them. It's disrespectful to you, and you should both know that.
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    Oh for crying out loud. Do NOT check his text messages. Just talk to him.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    Am I reading it right that this happened a year ago? What's happened since or are you just holding on to this one statement? Was the remark inappropriate? Probably. Does it define his feelings for you or this other person? Only his total actions tell that story.

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