How do I deal with enablers?

collingmommy

My husband is an enabler. He makes excuses that we can get a pizza because I've been "good about my diet" all week. Or he says I look fine to him, which really isn't true.

I finally had to make it about my health. Dear, if you want to raise the kid alone because I've had a heart attack and died, then go ahead and get a pizza.

This is the longest he's cooperated with my calorie restricted diet. He was really annoyed that I wouldn't have a pina colada yesterday, but, it just wasn't worth it.

I turned away a cookie the other night after my bf told me the calorie count.. I said, im not eating that and wasting my calories on that itty bity thing.. I'll eat a yogurt later.

kaseysospacey

If you aren't confrontational (I'm not), then always be proactive. YOU should shop and YOU should cook. Tell your SO that it's something you are trying out. It's A LOT of work, but just do it. If you don't have crap in the house to binge on, your spinach-and tomato salad binges won't be that hard to undo. Seriously though, this is what I had to do because I'm a binger too. I also make a meal plan, with dinner decided for two weeks at a time. If I can't cook, my husband KNOWS that this is what we eat, like it or not. Hope this helps!

I've been trying to do the cooking. With so many little kids I often end up not eating for such a long time that its hard not to just eat whatever crap I can grab on the go when I get the chance and I realize that its hard, I just have a hard time getting organized enough to figure out how to manage it.

I'm going to ask him to keep his junk in the cabinet/fridge/freezer in the dining room and out regular sight. I can't ask him to just stop eating the crap he likes (honestly, he works a lot of hours and he works nights, so I feel like he works hard enough he should be allowed to eat what he likes) so I'm just going to try to get it out of sight. It's not stuff I have to cook, its mostly ready to eat snacks and frozen dinners that he brings to work. And I'm going to talk to him about enabling tomorrow night since we have a babysitter for my birthday.

Responding to other posts, I don't think its wrong to call it an "addiction". It's not an excuse, its step 1 in overcoming a serious problem. I compulsively overeat and I'm as addicted to sugar as a crackhead is to crack. I can't eat sugary foods like a cupcake without getting awful sugar cravings and often just eating compulsively until I get sick. Sugar like frosting just sets it off. If I stay away from it, I don't have any cravings or problems. I've completely gotten away from drinking diet soda for over 2 mos now and that has helped with curbing cravings in general.

kaseysospacey

My husband is an enabler. He makes excuses that we can get a pizza because I've been "good about my diet" all week. Or he says I look fine to him, which really isn't true.

I finally had to make it about my health. Dear, if you want to raise the kid alone because I've had a heart attack and died, then go ahead and get a pizza.

This is the longest he's cooperated with my calorie restricted diet. He was really annoyed that I wouldn't have a pina colada yesterday, but, it just wasn't worth it.

That's a lot like me. All the time its like, you eat so well have this pizza! Make these brownies! And its all the time and your willpower only goes so far. Between my sister and my SO it seems like someone is constantly trying to get me to eat pizza with them or make cheese quesadillas or something.Like every meal. I tell my SO that if life was fair he'd be SO fat because he's so slim and he eats the worst! He just skips meals a lot and he figures it must even out. My sister is starting to get pretty fat but she's trying to ignore it and will push me to get this or that with her, like has been suggested on here, to make it ok for her to eat it I guess

kaseysospacey

Get out a pair of your undies. Ask him to put them on and then tell him how much more fun it is going to be when you can both be in those undies together, and if he continues to bring you junk home then this is the ONLY way he will get into your undies ever again...

1. This makes me lol. rofl. If laughing burns calories then I lost a pound.
2. This would work if he cared but he is more than ok with my fat butt! And he tells me that he thinks that yeah im overweight but not obese or anything...and was like that at my all time high of 355. 3.5.5.! Can you believe it? There's no desire here where he thinks that I'd be sexier thinner. Kind of wish there was!

msbunnie68

Get out a pair of your undies. Ask him to put them on and then tell him how much more fun it is going to be when you can both be in those undies together, and if he continues to bring you junk home then this is the ONLY way he will get into your undies ever again...

1. This makes me lol. rofl. If laughing burns calories then I lost a pound.
2. This would work if he cared but he is more than ok with my fat butt! And he tells me that he thinks that yeah im overweight but not obese or anything...and was like that at my all time high of 355. 3.5.5.! Can you believe it? There's no desire here where he thinks that I'd be sexier thinner. Kind of wish there was!

I didn't mean to imply that you would be sexier thinner (obviously you guys have no problem in that department - wink wink).. more that I have a feeling that he just doesn't 'see' that you are overweight. It isn't that he needs to feel sexy about you - maybe YOU need to feel sexy about you again.

I was being a little funny and a little serious with my post

I made my husband put on my jeans - he kept telling me that I didn't need to watch what I ate blah blah as he still saw me as the little twig he married nearly 20 years ago (bless him). He told me my jeans would be too small because I am a girl etc etc. When he realized my jeans were too big for him he looked really surprised and did a huge turn about with regards to helping me achieve my goal. Maybe your fella needs a visual example as to WHY you really want to make a change.

sagetracey

If you don't feel that you can have the conversation with him, try writing a letter. It's a great way to get your thoughts in order and lay out your case without interruption. And he will realise how serious you are.

good luck.