Ladies I need your advise...

Tony_Brewski

Ok I love my wife dearly, deeply, truly madly. We're going on 12 years of marriage now. Over the years of comfort we both packed on the weight I wont lie we got fat. We have 3 very active children aged from 4 to 10 years old. My wife complains about her weight, yet says she's comfortable being her size, yet complains again and more and even more.

How can I nudge her to work out? Myself I'm down 50+ pounds now, 40 from this summer alone. I don't know how I could tactfully say to my wife, "Hey babe, I love.. don't get me wrong, but umm... I miss that body you had before we had kids. Can ya work on gettin it back and stop griping about your weight?" NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'D SAY! I just need some female advise on how I can approach her and encourage her to get back into the shape I know she truly wants.

Post or PM me with input. Thanks in advance.

kit_katty

This sort of situation has come up before on the site. The main thing is that she wont budge until seh's ready to. Pushing or suggesting isn't going to work. However, perhaps broaching the subject from a health stand point and wanting the best for your kids, to be there for kids and to be the best example for the kids... that may work. I wish you good luck!

ginandchocolate

The only thing I could suggest would be to invite her to work out with you or maybe if you could afford it, get her a few personal training sessions. She has to want it for herself.
Or you could threaten divorce

jynxxxed

The ONLY thing you can do is invite her to work out with you. Ear healthier with you. You can't ask her to go do it, you have to kind of guide her into it and do it together. Asking her or discussing it will NOT work and probably just upset her.

MdmAcolyte

I had a boyfriend once who showed up one day and brought me a bike and said he wanted to go cycling with me. It got me moving! Maybe the same approach would work with your wife? Start off small with "let's start taking walks together after dinner with/without the kids." Start making dates to do activities together. It could work.

lauren3101

It's up to her if/when she decideds to lose weight unfortunately, but you could mention it tactfully.

"I'd really like you to be happy and you obviously arent at the moment, so why not join me in what I'm doing? We could spur each other on."

"I love you and your health matters to me a lot, I've realised how much better I feel since losing x amount, why don't we do it together, etc etc."

Women can be funny about their weight but if you approach it well, and make sure she knows you love her however she is and you want to support her, you will be fine. Good luck. :-)

Heather_Rider

You cant. sorry Tony. Please dont even attempt this.. If you wanna SEE her body, in ANY form again.. dont do it!! LOL

Start learning how to cook & cook amazingly healthy meals.. sign up for healthy cooking classes to take together (and tell her its because YOU want to learn to cook FOR HER on anniversarys, birthdays etc.. and you better do it!) and do things like ask her to go on walks with her.. but when you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her how much you love her.. make her WANT to go.. you gotta be tricky.. especially after the kids and all..

trust me!! lol

salcha76

i got happy & gained 10lbs when i got a boyfriend, he did the same...then he started improving himself & i was like whoa....hold on....i have so much room for improvement too! i wanted to improve myself for me....but he inspired me. How can you inspire her? it is a mental switch in her head that needs flipped....she needs to want to be a milf....not just stuck in mom mode like so many women are....

GuardiansChild

What if you make working out something you do together? Instead of running on a treadmill or doing a workout routine in your home, make it something fun. Go hiking, go swimming, take up a Zumba class, walk in a nearby park, etc. Instead of having it look like a chore, turn it into a date that's allowing you to do something fun together and pushing both of you to where you want to be.

PJ64

I had a boyfriend once who showed up one day and brought me a bike and said he wanted to go cycling with me. It got me moving! Maybe the same approach would work with your wife? Start off small with "let's start taking walks together after dinner with/without the kids." Start making dates to do activities together. It could work.

This lil nudges work!

tekwriter

I am afriad it would be hopless as well. I have suggested and begged my husband to diet with me and it is useless. Even if she were to do it you end up being the food police and it sucks. The best you can do is what you are doing, be an example.

fstephanie4

The only thing I could suggest would be to invite her to work out with you or maybe if you could afford it, get her a few personal training sessions. She has to want it for herself.

^^ I agree with that one. Not in a "work out with me now woman" way but in a "hey I'm about to go for a walk, want to join" kinda way :happy:

meredith2780

You could try subtle things like cook healthy dinners for her and why not to start things off, ask her to go for walks, just the 2 of you. Or biking like someone else mentioned on here. Do either of you like dancing? Maybe you could take a dancing class together. That's an awesome way to shed some pounds plus you can both get time together and you'll be getting a form of exercise in. If you keep incorporating the small things then maybe she'll jump on the bandwagon. she'll realize she's feeling better and possibly want to advance the workouts. Just don't be harsh because at the end of the day it is her body and if she is happy with it then you really can't do anything. Best of luck to you though.

vaness7578

My husband knows if he's doing something, I'm likely to follow him. So he really leads by example when it comes to "getting moving". And I've been trying to change our eating habits because I do the food shopping and cooking usually. But I agree, she has to be ready to do it. Leading by example is the best way to help her on the right track too. Good Luck!

kenazfehu

If you have to listen to her whine and complain about her weight, then I think she has to listen to you suggest remedies. If she doesn't like it, she can quit whining.

krickeyuu

Maybe you could show her some of the before and after pics on this site. "Hey, honey, look at this!" Sometimes people need to see that others have lost weight in a healthy way to believe that they can do it too.

laural007

She has to want to lose the weight for herself. I would personally be humiliated if my SO suggested I lost weight. If it's truly something that is bothering you maybe you could tell her that a gym membership would be a lot less expensive if you purchased a buddy pass and the only buddy you want to work out with is her.

Good luck! lol

1plumpmom

Good Luck!! I take offense to everything. The only way a person will lose weight is for them to be sick of themselves.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I like the idea of inviting her to go for walks with you, hiking with you if there is anywhere to do that, make it a couple's activity if she is willing to go along, and keeping it as positive as possible.

Telling someone they are fat and that you would like for them to lose weight likely isn't going to go over well, no matter how true it is. She clearly already knows she has a weight problem if she is complaining about it, anyway. There is no guarantee she will want to join you in becoming fitter and healthier, but just keep doing what you are doing, keep inviting her to be a part of it, and maybe eventually she will want to start making some changes as well.

NJSunshine13

My motto is you can't whine about something if you aren't willing to try to fix it. Next time you hear her complain, that's your opening. That's when you can say, well if it bothers you, then let's do something about it and give her all the ideas you have about walks and cooking class or dance class. Be prepared to offer suggestions. If she knocks them down, then she's just not ready and there's not much you can do except worry about yourself and maybe she'll be motivated by your success.

bushidowoman

I have this theory that women who are well-taken care of by their men will also take care of themselves. I can't prove it...but *anectdotally*...my friends (and I) who have happier marriages and whose husbands regularly give us lots of help around the house, time away from the kids, and praise/affection put more effort into our appearances. My friends whose husbands come home from work, sit in front of the tv, are selfish with their time, and heavy on the criticism are the ones who seem to struggle more in this area. When a woman is overwhelmed or unhappy, it's hard to find the energy to make changes.

OK, just throwing that out there, and with that out of the way...

Tell her often how beautiful she is to you, no matter what. Express your desire to spend more time with her, and suggest doing things like dancing, hiking lovely fall trails, biking, etc. Since you've adopted a healthier lifestyle and are feeling good, it's natural that you want her to share in that with you. If she is unhealthy, it's OK to express your concern for her health. You love her; of course you want to take care of her.
There are plenty of ways to encourage her without making her feel bad about herself.

And what if she does express interest in something that would take her away from the house more (like gym time or a class)? Be willing to make those adjustments to your own schedule, and don't complain about having to fix dinner, watch the kids, etc.