Ladies I need your advise...

toogsmom

Well, I have really struggled with weight and with 4 kids it has been hard at times. I knew i was FAT, knew I needed to lose weight but after a cpl tries it just seemed to hard. Chances are this could be your SO too! For me...it took me wanting it bad enough . No one can make someone else want something for themselves. My husband never ....ever said anything to me about it.EVER!! He always said that he thought
I was the prettiest woman ever. Even now He says that I have worked hard and look amazing but He thinks Ive always looked amazing! Do i believe that he always thought i was the sexiest woman ever? No , but he made me feel that way! I know in the back of my mind that nothing could ever happen to my physical bdy that would make him love me less....example cancer ,no hair etc.!! It makes me love him even more. I would tread carefully !!!! Woman are emotional beings words hurt, you may do more damage than good! Id recommend like many others. Use it as an excuse to date her again! Do fun things together!!! Healthy habits dnt happen over night! And speaking from example ....When i was so frustrated and felt like just giving up the fight....I would say...oh im happy with what I look like...guess ill just be fat and happy! All the while totally miserable!!! TREAD CAREFULLY!!!

bushidowoman

You could also offer to take over fixing dinner a couple nights a week. Treat her to some yummy, healthy, home-cooked meals. There are lots of recipes/blogs/Pinterest boards on the internet to help with this.

eileenchristine

For me I need to be accepted for who I am. Someone even hinting that I needed to lose weight would get my defenses up. Friend of mine lost 70 lbs and he was so patient with me. He knew I was unhappy with my health and I was major frustrated, but he said I was fine the way I was and that when I am ready I will decide to do something. Until then I looked fine the way I was. Who was he kidding? I looked in the mirror and ack! Besides not being able to be active like I wanted to be. He joined MFP day before I did. He told me about it and I thought, what the hey, sounds simple enough. I knew I had to account for my food to lose and this sounded so simple! So I joined and in 7 weeks have lost 12 lbs. Not great but hey its a loss.

Main thing is I accepted that he liked me for who I was and that my being fat was not a problem for him..... it was a problem for me! His acceptance got me to where I could say, yes, I want to do this for me.

I like the idea of biking together or doing something little bit active together.

Remember bout 2 years ago took my friend hiking in the woods nearby and he complained after 20 min. was too primitive of a hiking area. He needed water, etc. etc. etc. Now he walks 5 to 6 miles! Just gotta be patient and accepting of people for who they are. Only person you can change is yourself.

You can pray for your wife also that she comes to realize how damaging the weight is for her. Ask the Universe to help her. I think positive thoughts can change situations greatly! I know I was asking for my friend to be willing to be more active....yeah and he has far surpassed me! Now I am trying to catch up!



C

heatherloveslifting

I have this theory that women who are well-taken care of by their men will also take care of themselves. I can't prove it...but *anectdotally*...my friends (and I) who have happier marriages and whose husbands regularly give us lots of help around the house, time away from the kids, and praise/affection put more effort into our appearances. My friends whose husbands come home from work, sit in front of the tv, are selfish with their time, and heavy on the criticism are the ones who seem to struggle more in this area. When a woman is overwhelmed or unhappy, it's hard to find the energy to make changes.

OK, just throwing that out there, and with that out of the way...

Tell her often how beautiful she is to you, no matter what. Express your desire to spend more time with her, and suggest doing things like dancing, hiking lovely fall trails, biking, etc. Since you've adopted a healthier lifestyle and are feeling good, it's natural that you want her to share in that with you. If she is unhealthy, it's OK to express your concern for her health. You love her; of course you want to take care of her.
There are plenty of ways to encourage her without making her feel bad about herself.

And what if she does express interest in something that would take her away from the house more (like gym time or a class)? Be willing to make those adjustments to your own schedule, and don't complain about having to fix dinner, watch the kids, etc.

SO TRUE! We become what we believe ourselves to be. Touch her a lot. Tell her she is beautiful. If you make her feel beautiful she will want to be that way, and she will start changing.

chubbygirl253

ask her to help you.

"honey, I know I can do this but I feel like I need a partner sometimes. I wish we could do it together and keep each other accountable."

"I feel like I need a workout buddy to stay motivated. will you do it with me?"

"I feel so much better since I've started losing and I wish I hadn't abused my body for so long. I think we should teach the kids better about nutrition and fitness while they're young so they don't make some of the same mistakes. Can we start making heathy choices for the whole family?"

bcattoes

For goodness sake do not mention her past body. Comparing now to 12 years ago is not much different than comparing her current body to another woman's body.

Why not suggest activities you can do together. A hike or backpacking trip. Maybe trail or mountain biking. If you can get her active, chances are she'll like the changes in her body enough to want to do more. Don't say you want to do these things together so she'll look better. Just suggest them because you want to spend time with her (and the kids, if you want).

Hollycat

Dangerous territory guys. You can't MAKE someone change. They have to WANT to. Seriously, if you want to stay married, don't EVER mention the shape of her body or how you miss her old one. If you do mention her body, you can only tell her how much you like it, whether you do or not. Resentment grows like a cancer and we ladies never forget 'fat' remarks, however slight or tactful. Instead of inspiring, it can make us angry and think thoughts like "Damn him! I am what I am and I'm just going to stay this way to spite him!" You definitely do not want to go there and you do not want to put yourself in a position where you are telling her what to do. It won't fly and it will make things worse, because her focus will be on YOU instead of herself.

Lead by example. When your wife is so sick and heavy that she can't join you and your kids on outings, perhaps feeling left out will be the catalyst, but you can't bank on it. Everyone has to make their own choices and everyone has their breaking point and you can't force it. You can only lead by example.

There are some things you can do. Don't bring junk into the house. Bring healthy food choices into the scenario without blame or accusations. In other words, don't discuss it and for heaven's sake don't lecture. Boring! Just do it. Buy veggies and cut them up small for the kids. Present the family with a beautiful plate of cut up veggies and dip and don't say a word. Don't ask them if they want some. Just present it with the expectation they will try it. They might not, at first, but if you keep doing it, eventually they will. Do this every other day. Alternate each day with a beautiful salad - romaine [cut very small], spinach ["It's lettuce!"], shaved radishes, celery, green onion, grated carrot, lemon juice, a few croutons. Mix in the oil and balsamic-based dressing before serving. Instead of it being a 'discussion', it becomes a habit and change will evolve slowly without guilt, drama or shame.

In the evening, put your shoes and coat on, stand at the door, look longingly at your wife and say, "Walk with me around the block. I miss you."

For better or worse.

Hollycat:flowerforyou:

Koldnomore

Every woman will be different..YMMV.

If my boyfriend ever told me I needed to lose weight I'd kick his *kitten* to the curb. What works for me is being loved for who I am - you're already on the right road. Tell her how much you love her and how beautiful you think she is (every day - if you don't already). She is obviously unhappy if she is voicing it - maybe she feels you will dump her now that you're all 'hot' and she is scared... I would highly suggest being very gentle..

If she is the one who does most of the cooking then offer to cook so she has some time to 'relax' - it can't be easy taking care of 3 kids. When you cook you can start making some healthier changes - don't say anything about it, and do NOT try to make her eat weird things..just make things a little healthier.

Tell her you'd like to have a 'date night' without the kids, once a week and then plan to do something that requires activity..go for a romantic walk in a park after dinner or something like that.

Start planning activities as a family...take everyone, that way mom has to go Go play kick ball with your kids and include mom in the circle.

Once you have her up and moving and eating more healthily and she starts dropping a couple of pounds THEN you can notice "You're looking even hotter than normal!" keep it up slowly and she WILL eventually want to be the 'hottie' you see in her.

If you make this about "you" I can't see it working out very well.

Good luck!

shrinkingsusie

1. Don't say anything. Communication about weight is for girlfriend's and trained professionals. Spouses are off limits until you are mentally on the same page. Until she accepts the challenge and hard work ahead of her, keep your mouth shut. Sorry.

2. Encourage her to get her yearly annual exam. My hubby has been reminding me for weeks

2. Grab her butt and tell her she looks pretty. She might want to take a walk with you.

3. Tell her she's a good mom.

4. Print some motivational pictures "for yourself" and put them on the fridge. She'll look at them.

My qualifications. Four babies in 10 years. My husband never said a word to me about my weight and went about his workout routine. I appreciate that so much.

Juliejustsaying

lead by example and nothing more...

totally love your ink, dude...and I stole the Teddy Bear pic...just saying.

Brianna72994

Hide all the junk food, and ask her to work out with you

jefedesalto

I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.

lizziebeth1028

Ok I love my wife dearly, deeply, truly madly. We're going on 12 years of marriage now. Over the years of comfort we both packed on the weight I wont lie we got fat. We have 3 very active children aged from 4 to 10 years old. My wife complains about her weight, yet says she's comfortable being her size, yet complains again and more and even more.

How can I nudge her to work out? Myself I'm down 50+ pounds now, 40 from this summer alone. I don't know how I could tactfully say to my wife, "Hey babe, I love.. don't get me wrong, but umm... I miss that body you had before we had kids. Can ya work on gettin it back and stop griping about your weight?" NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'D SAY! I just need some female advise on how I can approach her and encourage her to get back into the shape I know she truly wants.

Post or PM me with input. Thanks in advance.

Offer to help her out with the kids, homework, housework, laundry, meal planning so she has time to work out.

kimosabe1

a lot of people do that! Show her this site and tell her it's saving your *kitten* and is she going to complain, or do something about it???

TinaBean007

Well, I have really struggled with weight and with 4 kids it has been hard at times. I knew i was FAT, knew I needed to lose weight but after a cpl tries it just seemed to hard. Chances are this could be your SO too! For me...it took me wanting it bad enough . No one can make someone else want something for themselves. My husband never ....ever said anything to me about it.EVER!! He always said that he thought
I was the prettiest woman ever. Even now He says that I have worked hard and look amazing but He thinks Ive always looked amazing! Do i believe that he always thought i was the sexiest woman ever? No , but he made me feel that way! I know in the back of my mind that nothing could ever happen to my physical bdy that would make him love me less....example cancer ,no hair etc.!! It makes me love him even more. I would tread carefully !!!! Woman are emotional beings words hurt, you may do more damage than good! Id recommend like many others. Use it as an excuse to date her again! Do fun things together!!! Healthy habits dnt happen over night! And speaking from example ....When i was so frustrated and felt like just giving up the fight....I would say...oh im happy with what I look like...guess ill just be fat and happy! All the while totally miserable!!! TREAD CAREFULLY!!!

What she said! This is a very slippery slope.

DrMAvDPhD

Just ask her to work out with you. Make good choices for both of you. How about YOU try cooking some healthy dinners for the family? Or YOU take the family to the zoo or hiking or biking on a weekend (or some other activity that involves lots of activity). Start making it a family obligation to pack healthy lunches and cut back on eating out.

rachelleahsmom

I heard that sex can burn at least 100 calories a session. Get going! :-)

AshleyWintters

It really is up to her and on her time BUT you can invite her to work out with you. Make some family event more of an activity like instead of a movie, take the kids outside and everyone play chase or whatever.
Invite her to the site and tell her how awesome we all are here

DrMAvDPhD

I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.

EH, when I ask that question, I want a truthful answer. If the answer is yes, I'm taking them off and putting a different pair on. We aren't all unreasonable, you know.

TheCaren

"I could really use some encouragement and motivation in my lifestyle change. It would be so helpful if you and I were doing this together. Would you consider joining me for support in the changes I'm making, even if it just means walking with me at night after dinner (or whatever activity you most want her to join you in)". Don't make it about her getting her rockin' body back. That's just a side benefit. Make it about her being there for you to support you. And in return, you will be supporting her, further strengthening your relationship in the process.

Honestly if my husband said anything about me needing to lose weight, I'd be devastated. Not like I don't know I need to do it. But my self-esteem is a bit fragile and that might do me in.