Ladies I need your advise...
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Hide all the junk food, and ask her to work out with you0
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I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.0
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Ok I love my wife dearly, deeply, truly madly. We're going on 12 years of marriage now. Over the years of comfort we both packed on the weight I wont lie we got fat. We have 3 very active children aged from 4 to 10 years old. My wife complains about her weight, yet says she's comfortable being her size, yet complains again and more and even more.
How can I nudge her to work out? Myself I'm down 50+ pounds now, 40 from this summer alone. I don't know how I could tactfully say to my wife, "Hey babe, I love.. don't get me wrong, but umm... I miss that body you had before we had kids. Can ya work on gettin it back and stop griping about your weight?" NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'D SAY! I just need some female advise on how I can approach her and encourage her to get back into the shape I know she truly wants.
Post or PM me with input. Thanks in advance.
Offer to help her out with the kids, homework, housework, laundry, meal planning so she has time to work out.0 -
a lot of people do that! Show her this site and tell her it's saving your *kitten* and is she going to complain, or do something about it???0
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Well, I have really struggled with weight and with 4 kids it has been hard at times. I knew i was FAT, knew I needed to lose weight but after a cpl tries it just seemed to hard. Chances are this could be your SO too! For me...it took me wanting it bad enough . No one can make someone else want something for themselves. My husband never ....ever said anything to me about it.EVER!! He always said that he thought
I was the prettiest woman ever. Even now He says that I have worked hard and look amazing but He thinks Ive always looked amazing! Do i believe that he always thought i was the sexiest woman ever? No , but he made me feel that way! I know in the back of my mind that nothing could ever happen to my physical bdy that would make him love me less....example cancer ,no hair etc.!! It makes me love him even more. I would tread carefully !!!! Woman are emotional beings words hurt, you may do more damage than good! Id recommend like many others. Use it as an excuse to date her again! Do fun things together!!! Healthy habits dnt happen over night! And speaking from example ....When i was so frustrated and felt like just giving up the fight....I would say...oh im happy with what I look like...guess ill just be fat and happy! All the while totally miserable!!! TREAD CAREFULLY!!!
What she said! This is a very slippery slope.0 -
Just ask her to work out with you. Make good choices for both of you. How about YOU try cooking some healthy dinners for the family? Or YOU take the family to the zoo or hiking or biking on a weekend (or some other activity that involves lots of activity). Start making it a family obligation to pack healthy lunches and cut back on eating out.0
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I heard that sex can burn at least 100 calories a session. Get going! :-)0
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It really is up to her and on her time BUT you can invite her to work out with you. Make some family event more of an activity like instead of a movie, take the kids outside and everyone play chase or whatever.
Invite her to the site and tell her how awesome we all are here
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EH, when I ask that question, I want a truthful answer. If the answer is yes, I'm taking them off and putting a different pair on. We aren't all unreasonable, you know.I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.0 -
"I could really use some encouragement and motivation in my lifestyle change. It would be so helpful if you and I were doing this together. Would you consider joining me for support in the changes I'm making, even if it just means walking with me at night after dinner (or whatever activity you most want her to join you in)". Don't make it about her getting her rockin' body back. That's just a side benefit. Make it about her being there for you to support you. And in return, you will be supporting her, further strengthening your relationship in the process.
Honestly if my husband said anything about me needing to lose weight, I'd be devastated. Not like I don't know I need to do it. But my self-esteem is a bit fragile and that might do me in.0 -
Unless you want her to be your ex-wife, I'd STFU.0
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Same thing happened to us, but he got back in shape faster. I put on easy 40 pounds in the past 6 years of being together, and he tried to nudge me in the right direction. For me it was a decision I had to make for myself. Husband had told me he wanted me to get healthy so I would be around longer. And said he wouldn't want to have kids while i was at an unhealthy weight and have me pack on more and more. I am very short so its even more unhealthy and I don't carry it as well. I just found something that worked for me and I had that 'click' but for me not from him saying anything. He is very good at maintaining his weight so he eats worse then me now which kinda bugs. I want him to lose those last 10 pounds and be happy with himself, so I kinda feel like I am on the other side now. I am only 5 pounds from where I was on our first date! 118. Goal is 110. I hope he starts p90x with me in the new year. I want us Both to be happy and healthy together for a Long time. Hope you wife comes around. But I do know when it felt forced on me it wasn't something I wanted to do.0
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When my ex husband got me pilates equipment for my birthday I smiled, said thanks, then put it in the closet never to open the box. After our divorce I sold it in a very profitable garage sale. The key words of my message are "ex husband." 0
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I think my husband was in the same spot you are. What he said to me was: "I've been having a really hard time getting myself to the gym. It would be really nice if you would go with me and help keep me motivated." So, I joined the gym. Don't think I was fooled by him - I knew what he was doing. But, he was trying so hard to be nice about it, and I knew I needed to get moving again. When I actually got my butt to the gym I noticed a lot of much thinner women noticing him, and Ta-Da! Instant Motivation!
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All I can say is do it together. I have the same issue and my husband and it is hard to walk that line, but honestly is important and health is even more important. If she is not ready to take that step yet...be patient and keep your journey going and she will come around.0
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I am always asking my husband if I look fat. And if he says yes, that is a wake up call for me and I get off my *kitten* and get to working out again.0
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I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.
Calling for Thor right now...just a minute honey.0 -
This may not work for you, but when I was constantly complaining about my weight my hubby would say things like, "then do something about it," or, "go for a walk," or, "eat less." Common sense stuff. That of couse was something I already thought of but when he said it I would do it. Not sure why it worked, but it did. I was already on my way to working on losing weight though.0
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I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.
LOL!!! That's what my husband would do!!0 -
Nah, no hammering necessary. We just want to hear more about how well this has worked out for you in your marriage. Did it motivate the mother of your children to lose weight? Do share!I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes. 0 -
Turn it into a date night. My fiance and I reconnect when we walk. And it works! He is down 130 and I'm down 60....Good luck to you both!0
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I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.
My husband would say the exact same thing and you bet it would be a wake up for me.0 -
subtle : sign up for some healthy cooking classes. look for activities that you can do as a couple that involve physical activity. groupon usually has a lot of good deals on things like that. if you dont want to go that route then look for places that you can hike or walk together
no so subtle : i agree with those who say if she asks you if she looks fat then say yes. if she complains about it, just let her know that you feel the same (about yourself) and tell her that you're going to schedule something you can do together.0 -
Ok I love my wife dearly, deeply, truly madly. We're going on 12 years of marriage now. Over the years of comfort we both packed on the weight I wont lie we got fat. We have 3 very active children aged from 4 to 10 years old. My wife complains about her weight, yet says she's comfortable being her size, yet complains again and more and even more.
How can I nudge her to work out? Myself I'm down 50+ pounds now, 40 from this summer alone. I don't know how I could tactfully say to my wife, "Hey babe, I love.. don't get me wrong, but umm... I miss that body you had before we had kids. Can ya work on gettin it back and stop griping about your weight?" NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'D SAY! I just need some female advise on how I can approach her and encourage her to get back into the shape I know she truly wants.
Post or PM me with input. Thanks in advance.
If she complains about it, she already knows there is an issue. There's not much you can say that will put her in the state of mind one needs to be in to lose weight.
However, you could go about this in a completely different way. Instead of encouraging her to lose weight, sneak weight loss into her life. Plan family hiking, biking, walking, swimming, whatever. That way, she's joining you and the children in doing something good for herself. You would be surprised how much weight a person can lose simply by hiking for a few hours every Saturday.
Who cooks the food in the house? If it's her, why don't you take up the role one or two days a week. You can plan healthy low calorie meals for your days. Every little bit will help.0 -
Start learning how to cook & cook amazingly healthy meals.. sign up for healthy cooking classes to take together (and tell her its because YOU want to learn to cook FOR HER on anniversarys, birthdays etc.. and you better do it!) and do things like ask her to go on walks with her.. but when you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her how much you love her.. make her WANT to go.. you gotta be tricky.. especially after the kids and all..
Totally wrong. People can get fat on healthy food if you eat enough of it. Cooking "healthy" is silly unless you are going to monitor every bite of food that goes in her mouth. Not to mention, an entire week of progress can be undone with a box of Oreos.
There is NOTHING you can do, whether it's positive (cooking, touching, praise, cleaning) or negative (criticism, fear) to change her mind. PERIOD. At worst, doing positive stuff with the implict expectation that she will act a specific way is passive-agreessive bull****.
Here's what you do. Focus on yourself, eat healthy for yourself, and don't budge. Work out yourself. Ask her to join you occasionally, no more than once every few weeks. She's going to say no a lot. Then, go do something active. Ask her to come along. She's going to say no a lot, so involve your kids. You do what you want to do, and if she doesn't want to be a part of it... her loss.
If she expresses interest in going to the gym or needing time to exercise, THEN you step up and offer to help out by watching the kids or doing whatever is necessary to help her do that. But until then, it's totally pointless.0 -
You cant. sorry Tony. Please dont even attempt this.. If you wanna SEE her body, in ANY form again.. dont do it!! LOL
Start learning how to cook & cook amazingly healthy meals.. sign up for healthy cooking classes to take together (and tell her its because YOU want to learn to cook FOR HER on anniversarys, birthdays etc.. and you better do it!) and do things like ask her to go on walks with her.. but when you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her how much you love her.. make her WANT to go.. you gotta be tricky.. especially after the kids and all..
trust me!! lol
^^^THIS. 100% there is no way you can ask any women to do this. It has to be her decision. Otherwise she will resent you and hold it against you for as long as she lives. Trust me on that. And by golly, if she does start doing something about it, you better be her biggest cheerleader. Don't wait for her to give you updates. Tell her that her hard work is paying off and she looks great and your proud of her.0 -
Heaven help you if you say ANYTHING close to what you posted... your marriage may not last till year 13. You may not last the night (j/k - but really, don't - i punched my SO for something similar to that. Of course the roles are now reversed - I'm working on healthy, he;s happy with his new weight and lack of caring).
As many of the others have suggested - it will have to be her choice. The best you can do is try to find something that interests her or maybe start a new "family" thing where everybody in the family partakes in a activity (bike riding, walking at the park, ect). Maybe start finding new cookbooks and leave them around, talk to the kids and see if they have any ideas about what everybody can do. Getting them to help may help her realize it's not just herself that is effected by her weight/lesser activity level.
You can be honest with her - if she asks you about her weight, try to be kind but lay it out straight to her. It all depends on her and her mood when it comes up, you've lived with her long enough to be able to tell when she'll listen and when you're beating against the "brick" wall.
Good luck and hopefully you'll find something that will help her understand that it's not a punishment to be healthy.0 -
I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.
My husband would say the exact same thing and you bet it would be a wake up for me.
Or find himself sleeping on the couch until he can find other living arrangements...0 -
Start learning how to cook & cook amazingly healthy meals.. sign up for healthy cooking classes to take together (and tell her its because YOU want to learn to cook FOR HER on anniversarys, birthdays etc.. and you better do it!) and do things like ask her to go on walks with her.. but when you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her how much you love her.. make her WANT to go.. you gotta be tricky.. especially after the kids and all..
Totally wrong. People can get fat on healthy food if you eat enough of it. Cooking "healthy" is silly unless you are going to monitor every bite of food that goes in her mouth. Not to mention, an entire week of progress can be undone with a box of Oreos.
There is NOTHING you can do, whether it's positive (cooking, touching, praise, cleaning) or negative (criticism, fear) to change her mind. PERIOD. At worst, doing positive stuff with the implict expecatation that she will act a specific way is passive-agreessive bull****.
Here's what you do. Focus on yourself, eat healthy for yourself, and don't budge. Work out yourself. Ask her to join out with you occasionally, no more than once every few weeks. She's going to say no a lot. Then, go do something active. Ask her to come along. She's going to say no a lot, so take your kids biking. You do what you want to do, and if she doesn't want to be a part of it... her loss.
If she expresses interest in going to the gym or needing time to exercising, THEN you step up and offer to help out by watching the kids or doing whatever is necessary to help her do that. But until then, it's totally pointless.
I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.
In addition, making a workout not a workout, like going on a family hike is a great way to get her to start exercising. I wouldn't invite her to the gym at first, but maybe after the hike when she can't breathe, you might suggest that she come with you to use the stair stepper at the gym to work up better endurance for the hike.
I can never get my DH to workout or to eat healthy. However, when I say, I'm going on a walk, want to spend some time together, he goes with me. Same thing with hiking. Likewise, when I make a healthy meal, he eats it.
Start with little things like this. She will either decide she wants to change or not. I assume you didn't marry her for her body and after having your children, it's unlikely (although it is possible with a lot of work) that she will ever look like she did 12 years ago.
You can help her get healthier. You can't make her 12 years younger. Focus on health. Weight loss will come in time. It may be really slow, but it does happen. And oreos every once in a while are a key part of a healthy diet.0 -
First off, no woman on earth who has complained about her weight is comfortable with her size. Trust me on this one thing, she HATES it, but is trying to accept it. I suspect your wife is a wonderful woman who tries to handle life positively.
VERY, VERY, VERY few women want to hear they don't look desirable. Especially from their husband. Love her madly and make sure she feels gorgeous to you. I've been married 20 years and still melt at the attention of a man. It is perfect when that attention comes from my husband.
Be an inspiration to her, not a parent. You know how hard it is to lose 50 pounds. There is no way a person can lose that kind of weight without their own, internal drive. If you push her, it will probably get her to go to the gym for a week or a month, maybe, and then leave you with a frustrated, less determined person. Inspire her by sharing what you're learning; by showing excitement over your own success, by healthy and delicious food choices. Being your own cheerleader may help her to want to join your team.
You two are lucky to have each other. I love how you take care of her feelings and checking in on the best approach.0
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