Ladies I need your advise...
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You could try subtle things like cook healthy dinners for her and why not to start things off, ask her to go for walks, just the 2 of you. Or biking like someone else mentioned on here. Do either of you like dancing? Maybe you could take a dancing class together. That's an awesome way to shed some pounds plus you can both get time together and you'll be getting a form of exercise in. If you keep incorporating the small things then maybe she'll jump on the bandwagon. she'll realize she's feeling better and possibly want to advance the workouts. Just don't be harsh because at the end of the day it is her body and if she is happy with it then you really can't do anything. Best of luck to you though.
This above is a wonderful idea. Start cooking super healthily and invite her for walks or other activities that are low impact to start with. If you take over the cooking, shopping, and keep the junk food out of the house, the temptation won't be there. Good luck!0 -
To get my husband to join, I had to ask him gently for 6 months if he wanted to join me for workouts. He'd always say he wouldn't be able to make it through (I was doing P90X) . So, we started small. He would join me for walks. And then we gradually started walking longer, faster. To the point that he started going on walks by himself as well. Then he started Zumba (weird I know, me doing the weight lifting and he doing the Jazzercise stuff, but our relationship was always backward).
Just tell her you want her to join you. Don't pit yourself against her and definitely don't say it is to change her looks. She has to do it for herself and feel you are supporting her in her efforts to better herself for her own sake.
Maybe offer to make dinner sometimes and just make healthy things, so she isn't eating bad things.
Until someone really makes the decision for him / her self, the only thing you can do is gently nudge and ask. And lead by example (which it sounds like you're doing).0 -
This and maybe once you have been walking more together or biking etc you could find a small race or charity walk to train for together- even if she doesn't lose weight from it she will be fitter and you will get some quality time togetherI had a boyfriend once who showed up one day and brought me a bike and said he wanted to go cycling with me. It got me moving! Maybe the same approach would work with your wife? Start off small with "let's start taking walks together after dinner with/without the kids." Start making dates to do activities together. It could work.0 -
"I'd really like you to be happy and you obviously arent at the moment, so why not join me in what I'm doing? We could spur each other on."
This.... I *****ed constantly about wanting to lose weight..and would ask if he thought I should lose weight
finally he responded.
'I want you to love yourself as much as I do, and you don't. So yes, lose some weight, if thats what it takes. I love you however you come"
thats probably paraphrasing more then a direct quote.. but you get me.0 -
I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.
I completely degree with all of this. A 150-calorie per day surplus is hardly a "binge", but do it for a bunch of years, and now you're 50 pounds overweight.
Without a profound, intentional, mental shift made entirely of your own volition, or being starved, you can't lose weight.0 -
All you have to do is tell her about the very attractive woman that asked to start working out with you, so that you both could motivate each other. Then say you are considering telling her that is a great Idea unless you think you would like to start working out with me honey.
Problem solved. :smokin:0 -
You can always tell her you feel so much better now that you've lost a bunch of weight and would love the company in eating healthier and potentially working out.
When all is said and done though, she's going to be the one who decides whether or not she wants to do it. She needs that "push" to start, which you've already found.
I wish you the best of luck 0 -
All you have to do is tell her about the very attractive woman that asked to start working out with you, so that you both could motivate each other. Then say you are considering telling her that is a great Idea unless you think you would like to start working out with me honey.
Problem solved. :smokin:
I'd be curious to know how that worked out for you if you actually tried it. Still married?
Hollycat:flowerforyou:0 -
I agree with what others said.. and honestly, you don't want to cause MORE self-esteem or confidence issues. She might not be sharing with you, but women have major issues regarding their bodies.. we are obsessed (and society makes sure that we stay that way).
I say start with something easy. Ask her to go on a walk with you .. maybe every other day of the week, even if only for 20 minutes. If she does that, she'll eventually see some physical changes, even without a significant calorie change... and maybe she'll want more.
Also, keep in mind that husband/wife weight loss don't usually go hand in hand. Men lose weight very differently than women. A friend of mine and his wife started eating healthy and going to the gym every day. He has lost double the weight that she has (nearly 70 lbs) even though they literally eat and exercise the same amount. He also started losing immediately, while it took her body about a month to start dropping.
And also keep in mind that she might never lose all the weight you want her to lose. But you'll see the changes regardless; My husband notices if I lose 5lbs. And a friend of mine lost 30 lbs, and is now maintaining. She's still slightly overweight, and will never go back to her 20s, but she and her husband are both thrilled with her new bod. It's also a healthier and stronger body.
Good luck!0 -
When she's nearby, go over old photos of you and her before the kids came. Casually invite her to join you. Comment on the good times and how hot she is (IS is the key word, don't be like "you WERE hot back then" - unless you want to sleep in the doghouse :laugh:). Give her a kiss and be playful. Remind her of who she was before the kids came. Maybe she'll be inspired to get back to that.0
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next time she says she is comfortable with her size, ask her with as much empathy and compassion as you can muster, why she then complains about her weight all the time. Tell her that what you hear is she isn't happy with it but maybe wants to be, and that you love her for who she is but if she'd rather try to lose it then accept it, you would be there to help and support her. Then if or when she is ready you could ask her for some guidance on what she needs and what her goals might be so she feels encouraged not judged.0
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I'd just tell her like it is... let her get pissed... then maybe once she's cooled off, the constructive criticism will register in her brain. Or not. Only you know your wife :flowerforyou:0
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All you have to do is tell her about the very attractive woman that asked to start working out with you, so that you both could motivate each other. Then say you are considering telling her that is a great Idea unless you think you would like to start working out with me honey.
Problem solved. :smokin:
LMAO. Either it'll go brilliantly and the wife will start working out with hubby or hubby will have a shoe shoved up his keister (hopefully for him not heeled or steel-toed).0 -
Provided she is still committed to the relationship, do something together and help with the grocery shopping. Most of my married friends who had a similar situation started just walking and talking together. Help with the grocery shopping so better food choices are made. Is she getting a full nights sleep? That can be a real weight loss killer.0
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A couple people have mentioned bringing up how good YOU feel now. DON'T DO THAT. It can be discouraging.0
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Get jiggy more often and burn off some calories
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Have you changed your diet to compliment your exercise regime? If not...do.
If you have, maybe you need yot start doing the grocery shopping. if there's only good stuff in the house, then only good stuff can be eaten. I don't know very many overweight people who eat a healthy diet.0 -
Whatever you say, don't tell her "I miss your old body." Just ask her if she's considered doing what you've done, losing weight. Encourage her to join you... ask her what he goal would be... support her...0
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Even if she says she's comfortable with her weight, the fact that she returns to complaining about it leads me to believe that she's really just trying ton convince herself. Perhaps you can find a cardio class or a spin class or something and suggest going together. That way you aren't saying, "Hey, you need to work out," you're saying "Let's do something healthy together."0
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First of all, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your wife to be healthier so she can live a long, happy,healthful life with you and the kids. I'm a woman (I think I was really supposed to be born a guy), but the same thing happened to me n the hubby. So, I bought my hubby workout clothes w/shoes to match. He asked, "why workout clothes"? and I told him, well these can be worn on the weekends or if u decide to hit the gym. Keep in mind We both hadn't worked out in over 7 years. So, I told him, "hey, how about we go to the gym for some US time" (we also have a 9 and 13 yr old). So we started going and let me tell you, there is nothing more motivating than having ur spouse helping you through your sets and while you're at it, you talk about things you would at date night. Maybe you could introduce her to the sauna and/or jacuzzi...does she have back problems? wink, wink!! I think if you explain to her it comes from love and take the focus off of how she used to look, it might motivate her to get health for her family. Maybe if you bought her some new kicks or apparel she likes that would work in the gym, that could be a motivator also. Just a thought!!0
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My b/f would always say to me, "I love you the way you are...I just want you to be healthy." That's probably the best approach. 0
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Suggest an activity that you could both do together.
My husband and I took ice skating lessons one year.
This year we are thinking of joining a bowling.
Something a little more active than normal, but won't kill you like running a 5K or anything like that...don't even mention the word GYM.0 -
First off, don't mention past body, because that will bring up a lot of resentment.
Two, my husband is very supportive and to this very day, though he doesn't work out, he sees what I am doing and is on board with eating healthier (thank God) but he always tells me "you are beautiful, you are sexy" blah blah even though i don't feel it. And trust me, I have suggested him and working out together and he won't (he says its too much work, and then will make in fun of JM
) He also knows that I am trying to set an example for our son.
All I can say is she has to make the choice, and if not then she will realize it before you know it. Support her, spend time with her, tell her she looks beautiful and communication is key. Ask her what her goals in life are, support her no matter what.0 -
ask her to come take a walk with you, and while walking talk about how good you feel ,and shell want it to i bet and just do it together, it would be better if you dont tell her anything let her bring it up her self but keep at it everyday, hey babe lets go out for a walk.. or when going to the store or the mall park far awau from the door and get some sort of workout everywhere you can, dont take the elevator, take the stairs, it better if she does it on her own, or she will start to thnk you dont love her because of her weight, then shell tell her friends and yuoll end looking bad infront of everyone because you brought her weight up not her0
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I have this theory that women who are well-taken care of by their men will also take care of themselves. I can't prove it...but *anectdotally*...my friends (and I) who have happier marriages and whose husbands regularly give us lots of help around the house, time away from the kids, and praise/affection put more effort into our appearances. My friends whose husbands come home from work, sit in front of the tv, are selfish with their time, and heavy on the criticism are the ones who seem to struggle more in this area. When a woman is overwhelmed or unhappy, it's hard to find the energy to make changes.
OK, just throwing that out there, and with that out of the way...
Tell her often how beautiful she is to you, no matter what. Express your desire to spend more time with her, and suggest doing things like dancing, hiking lovely fall trails, biking, etc. Since you've adopted a healthier lifestyle and are feeling good, it's natural that you want her to share in that with you. If she is unhealthy, it's OK to express your concern for her health. You love her; of course you want to take care of her.
There are plenty of ways to encourage her without making her feel bad about herself.
And what if she does express interest in something that would take her away from the house more (like gym time or a class)? Be willing to make those adjustments to your own schedule, and don't complain about having to fix dinner, watch the kids, etc.
Absolutely this!!! I agree wholeheartedly! Taking care of her emotionally & physically will go a long ways!
Also, is she the competitive type at all? Maybe some sort of friendly exercise challenge between the two of you might help get things started? Like miles walked or biked, or # days exercised in a week, or minutes spent with a video or something? I have a friend who is very much the competitive type, and there is no way she would let her husband beat her in a challenge. She would work hard to make sure she wins it. I know that wouldn't work for every woman, it's just one more idea for you to add to the list.0 -
Why not ask if she'll join you at the gym for you-and-her time? And, a hot date after at a healthy restaurant
I think if you're focusing on it as a way to spend time together and enjoy a similar hobby, it's a win-win for your health AND your relationship. 0 -
Set an example. Cook healthy food. Work out.
Encourage her when she looks good, when she works out, when she eats healthy.
Affirmation is much more effective than criticism, especially when it comes from someone you trust completely, and who maybe you have gotten too comfortable around. Criticism is dangerous, as it's so easy to get defensive. Not saying it's right, but that's probably what will happen.
Edited: Also, I feel like one of the biggest misunderstandings that happens all the time between men and women, is that men want to offer solutions, and women want empathy. Neither is wrong, but it leads to all kinds of trouble. I think you can make a lot of progress by talking about your own struggles, and allowing her to relate or share, if she wants to.0 -
Is she a stay at home mom? Does she REALLY have any time that she CAN devote to herself? And when I say CAN, I mean is the 4 year old in preschool more than just say 2 hours a week. I had both my girls in preschool when I started back to the gym. They were there for about 4 hours-so I could work out, do some shopping alone and pick them up. What excuses does she give, if any? If she says "I don't have time", then offer up suggestions and implement them with her. Say, "OK, we'll put the baby in preschool 2x a week. Then you use that time to work out and shop for groceries and meal plan." Like a previous poster said, the whole family may need to let her be so she can take care of herself.
If she works as well, you need to take on more duties to allow her time to work out. And assure her that an hour at the gym after work instead of at home with the kids will not kill anyone. In fact, she'll come home refreshed and more able to focus on the kids, their homework, making dinner(crock pots are a wonderful thing!).0 -
There is plenty of evidence out there that a dependant person (whether food alcohol ciggarettes or anyother problem) will only change when you catch them at that moment when they are wanting something better for themselves. tell her if she ever wants to you are ready to keep her company on attempting to be fitter and healthier. Please aviod the word help and fat... a womans ego is very very precious... fit happier healthier and even when she says fat don't agree just tell her that she can change what makes her unhappy. In the meanwhile keep doing what you are doing and lead by example.0
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I have this theory that women who are well-taken care of by their men will also take care of themselves. I can't prove it...but *anectdotally*...my friends (and I) who have happier marriages and whose husbands regularly give us lots of help around the house, time away from the kids, and praise/affection put more effort into our appearances. My friends whose husbands come home from work, sit in front of the tv, are selfish with their time, and heavy on the criticism are the ones who seem to struggle more in this area. When a woman is overwhelmed or unhappy, it's hard to find the energy to make changes.
Brilliant!! I really think this is true (from personal experience).0
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