I am an enormous failure

Dreamerlove

BTW print off all these comments and post them ALL over your dark house. Print them off on bright colorful paper and hang them up everywhere! the bathroom, closet, mirror, everywhere

Tina2Cats

You are not a failure! you are like us just trying to lose weight, but ran into some bumps in the road along the way. I have been where you are. The most I weighed was 250 lbs and I am only 5'1. I lost all that weight and got down to 120 and wouldn't you know it, I gained most of it back. I gained up to 200 lbs this last time and that is when I found MFP in Sept this year. So far, I lost 10.5 lbs and weigh 189.5 lbs as of today. My problem has been that I gain, lose, gain, lose and gain. It is frustrating to say the least. In the past, whenever I attempted weight loss, I was doing it alone and often I met with failure (fad diets, going at it alone, eating too little, eating too much, etc). On MFP, I have plenty of support and a place to be accountable for what we eat and how many calories we consume. I find this sight a great help in many ways.

I want to give support to others, too. Losing weight is a challenge and we all need support.:flowerforyou:

EnchantedEvening

BTW print off all these comments and post them ALL over your dark house. Print them off on bright colorful paper and hang them up everywhere! the bathroom, closet, mirror, everywhere

That's a great idea!

jenn1808

You are not a failure. Who you are is not defined by a number. You are not single because you are too fat to find love. You are single because you think you are too fat to find love.

There is someone out there for you who will love you no matter what you look like. And you can and will lose all the weight you need to look and feel your best, as long as you make your best effort every day and don't give up on it.

luckycharm1965

Well, I will friend you and try to motivate. They way I look at weight is...you can either do something about it or not. It is up to you... Start today. Take a 15 minute walk and make a plan.

She is RIGHT!!...Make a plan, take small steps..one day at a time. Dont think back to your struggles,leave them behind you and try not to look too far ahead or your plan may seem out of reach. Remember ,one day at a time. I kept "falling off the wagon" and then giving up on myself. You cant punish yourself for it , you just find the strength to hop back on and move forward..Keep us posted, you will want and need support and friends...This isnt easy but it will be rewarding

BeingKevin

You just had a setback which is very different than failure. A setback is when you fall back into bad choices and/or lose focus, regardless of how bad, but it is very correctable. A failure is when you feel that your health isn’t worth the effort anymore. Your post shows clearly that you feel it is worth the effort, and your history proves you can do it. Now you just have to get back on track.

I am in a similar position as you weight wise but I a little older. I stopped needing to lose weight, or wanting to lose weight, or trying to lose weight and started expecting to lose weight. I will lose weight, I am losing weight. Expect to be successful.

I wish you nothing but the best in making the required changes that will lead to a healthier and happier you. If I know anything it is this; you will not get healthier by accident, but by making some changes and working for it. You got to want it.

Feel free to add me if you wish. I will certainly try to help motivate you along the way.

grinner30

Tough journey my friend. I hope that you find it in you to continue the fight. You can do it. Friend me if you like. So far you have lots of supporters in this thread and I would be glad to help out as possible.

Tujuannaevans

So many people on this board care enough about you to take the time and try and motivate you. Wow, people really do care about you and they don't even know you. Now, that should inspire you with real hope. I know how you feel. Please friend those of us who are willing to be a part of your journey. Just breathe today. Its going to be okay!!!

classy2731

Oh my goodness! Trust me, I know exactly how you feel and you are NOT a failure. There is a reason that God still has you here. Your mission on this earth is not complete yet. I've always told people that I can succeed at anything that you put before me EXCEPT for this doggon weight. It is my cross to bear! But after a while I realized that I wasn't truly serious about it and I was trying to lose the weight for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to look like others, I was competing with others, I was doing it because I wanted men to look at me the way they looked at some of my friends or I was doing it because someone told me to do it. But guess what? Not once was I doing it for ME! I never had self-motivation until now and I've been struggling with weight since elementary school. I'll be 30 next year.

What I'm saying is that you have to want this for YOU and nothing or nobody else! Trust me, love will come in due time. Things don't always go according to OUR plan. But before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself. I made the decision in February of this year, that I was going to take my life back no matter how long it takes and I've lost almost 40 pounds now. I would've never in my wildest dreams thought that I could lose 40 lbs on my own because I've never done it before. But I decided to take it one day at a time and to do it for me. I didn't care if my husband got curious or my friends picked at me. This is about me. And eventually, everyone else started falling in line with me and saw that I was serious. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON LIFE! I'm begging you. Trust me, you can do it. You are still young and you are very handsome. You just have to show yourself some love and most importantly get that self-motivation going. This journey WILL be our testimony one day. With love...

Danette73

I have to agree with everyone else who posted! We don't have to know you but we sure are not ever goingto judge you. We are all here for support and when one of us is down, we help each other. PLease feel free to add me if you would like and I am praying that your day gets better!!!!!

justtodayjen333

Oh--I so can relate to that feeling! But you are not a failure! Keep trying! This is your life! For me, deciding that I'm going to do it for me--and live my life today--even though I'm not at the weight I want to be! I'm working hard on -- doing me -- living my life, making choices my way, owning my mistakes--and living the next day! I'm so sorry that you are lonely! What can you do about it today??? I'll friend you here and you can decide. Hang in there friend! You can do this!!!!!

Queenb1212

My friend please be encouraged by all this love and care everyone feels for you. If you don't have enough motivation to stay in this battle for yourself, then please do it for us, because we care enough for you until you can care for yourself. Draw your strength from within. I have been where you are and it's alright to have a pity party for a little while, but then you have to remember that you are here for a purpose. I don't understand all the trials I have to go through, but I know when I come out of it (and I will come out) I will be a better person than before and be able to help someone else going throough the same. BE ENCOURAGED FRIEND, PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND LET'S GET TO WORK!!! Feel free to friend me if you'd like.

MinnieInMaine

First of all, I want to say that I think you are incredibly brave to post something like this. Sure the internet is basically a place where you can be anonymous and not worry about having to deal directly with people's reactions but serious, I would've never been brave enough to put it all out there for everyone to see. So kudos for that. And I don't think it came of as whiny or in search of pity. More than anything, I think this was a cry for help - and obviously this has been heard from the tremendous response. I hope all the new found support from friends helps you! And if you want more, feel free to send me a friend request.

Second, I applaud you for getting out there and being social and hope you keep that up as well. Although we do tend to be a society of pretty trumps personality, truly good people will see you more for what's inside. It may take some time and effort but I don't believe you'll be alone forever as long as you keep putting yourself out there.

As others have said, you're not alone. Although I've never been as heavy as you, I had made several dieting attempts and although I'd have temporary success, none worked for me long term. Three years ago, something clicked and it all made sense all of a sudden. Here are a few things I realized I'd learned along the way and was ready to put in place:

1) I realized that deprivation was the source of my failure. With all the diets I was on, I tried to starve myself or go without certain foods and live on dumb things like salads (sorry, they just don't do it for me) so I was miserable and hungry the whole time. This time I would make better choices but still eat the foods I enjoy, keep the portions low and exercise to work off the difference. These foods include pizza, chocolate, chinese take-out, cookies, etc. These foods aren't healthy but they're not "bad" either IMO. Find a way to make them work and you'll be happier and stick with it longer.

2) I realized that skinny peple aren't just lucky. They may be in their teens and twenties because most of us have crazy high metabolisms at those ages but now I'm in my 30's and no one is lucky like that anymore. So I started observing friends, family and co-workers who I perceived as healthy and slim like I wanted to be and I learned something. They eat right and stay active 90% of the time so that they don't have to worry about the occassional treat, happy hour, party, holidays, etc. Special events are part of reality - you can't avoid them but you try to make good choices and not worry too much if you have a couple mini eclairs at the company luncheon because you'll work them off in the gym later (ior even tomorrow).

3) Find an exercise you enjoy and push yourself slowly. A lot of folks try to go gung-ho from day on and of course that will lead to burnout. They also force themselves to run every day even though they hate running so of course after a while they just give up. Even if it means that you do 10 minutes of 3 different things in the gym and maybe feel foolish - who cares?! You're moving and burning calories and that's all that matters. You don't have to be a pro athlete from day one just because you decide to hit the weight room. Take it slow and steady and enjoy the activity!

Above all, think of every change you make in terms of whether you can do it long term or not. A few years ago, I witnessed a conversation between my friend and her mother. The mother was thinking about taking "Ally" to help her lose weight and my friend asked her a very important question "what are you going to do when you're done taking it?" While the point didn't hit me at the time, it popped back up in my head a year or so later and I thought - duh, that totally makes sense! That's why we talk about this is a "lifestyle change". You don't just eat right and exercise until you lose a certain amount of weight because it's likely to come back on. You need to figure out how to do this in a way that you're developing healthy lifelong habits.

Ok, that's all I got. Hope it helps a little and I really hope you're able to stick to your goals this time around.

P.S. I think you're adorable - love those dimples!

RiseAndConverge

I just wanted to send you lots and lots of e-hugs and say you are not a failure. We all have set backs and I"ve been there. I once lost 40lbs only to gain 80lbs back. I'm in the process of getting that 80lbs off now and it's hard looking back and remembering how close I was to my goal weight and that, if I just kept up with it, I'd be in my ideal body now, but there's no reason in looking back other than to learn from our mistakes and push forward.

That being said, please seek a support group and counseling. I think you would probalby find over eater's anonymous to be a great help and you may just find someone there who understands you and your struggle. Also, please seek counseling. You need to deal with your negative self image and give yourself a fighting shot at turning it around. You sound like a wonderful and sensitive person. Don't let the world miss out on who you are.

frosty73

Hey there,
You are suffering from serious depression, and you need medical help. Today. Just like a person with diabetes, or near-sightedness, you are struggling with something that cannot be fixed without help. I know you feel hopeless, and you are trying to hang on. Please, please go see a doctor or psychiatrist today and tell them how you are feeling. There are medicines that can help, but be aware that they can take up to a month to take effect. Hang in there! Friend me if you want, I've been there and I've seen the other side. "It gets better"--- for real!

VickyO1977

Wow all I can say is we are here to support you 100% I do not have a large amount to lose but like you I seem to take one step forward and two back. You can do this but the sure fire place to start is with your feelings about yourself you need to learn to like you, and in time love and respect you once you can do this you will be happy whatever your size and when this happens you will find love and have all of the things you dream of.

For your diet start with little steps and treat yourself when you reach a goal look at something realistic for you 10lbs and treat yourself to something like a new book, a piece of clothing a massage something like this. Seek support from friends and obviously us on here, I don't know if it would interest you but I have just ordered a fit bit to try and help me it links to this site and will accurately measure your exercise and hopefully motivate you to do a few more steps to start.

No lecture from me we are human and some of us control feelings with food we just need to believe in ourselves and trust the advice and support we get and we will reach our goals and celebrate when we do. Please feel free to add me if you would like although I will not be offended if you don't.

I wish you every success with your future believe you can do it, believe you will have everything you wish for its just around the corner waiting for you. Xxx

TiffersStr1

No lecture from me. Just my short story. Been overweight my whole life. I weighed 360 pounds in 2003. With the encouragement of my late husband, and some dedication I managed to lose 136 pounds. Husband passes in 2005. I manage to gain. Back up to 291 lbs by April 1, 2012. ( in between, while gaining, I met my new guy). Decided to try again. Have lost 73 pounds so far and right now I weigh the least I have weighed my entire adult life! Yes there is loose skin..but I'm twice your age! My fiance loves me for who I am, not how I look naked. (even though he does seem to not mind LOL). Anyway, just want to offer a little encouragement... If I can do this, anyone can...You have started..keep it up! I found two great partners and was very overweight when I did! Don't give up..I didn't find my first love til I was 47 years old! Keep on keepin' on!!!:happy:

solyhhit

All the people in the world giving you sympathy and telling you they will motivate you doesn't matter.

You have to do it for yourself, and you have to want it bad enough. It's all about you and nobody else. Do you know why you gained the weight back? Because losing weight is hard. It's easier to eat fast food, chips, candy, and pop then it is to stay away from it. It's easier to sit on the couch than to take what little free time you have an sweat.

I have two kids and in order to make sure I had time with them I chose to wake up at 6am and run to work everyday. I could't hit the gym or do other things that I find much more appealing because of time. Bottom line, you make time, even if it isn't perfect.

I am not going to diagnose you as depressive (as someone else did). I am going to ask you to take responsibility for yourself. You know why you gained the weight back.

There's no secret. This is probably the harshest comment here. But this is what registers with me, and hopefully it does with you. You don't need sympathy, you need responsibility.

Trust me, once you get close, you won't ever want to stop.

Shamrock_me

Weight doesn't matter.
Size doesn't matter.
Loose skin doesn't matter.

If you are unhappy with you - it pours off of you - it surrounds you and sounds like you let it. Work on being happy with YOU. If that's working out, great. If that's painting massive artwork or being a mime, awesome too. Lose yourself in what makes you happy with you! Find yourself. Don't kill yourself with negativity. People who care - don't care about any of those things.

As for love advice - can't help you dude. I don't believe in it. Oh I know I love my family and my friends and I've loved some really awesome people out there who for whatever reason couldn't hack it and aren't here now. Maybe it was my negativity. Don't know. Don't care. Don't need em.

Scott_Chaput

"There is no failure except in no longer trying"
~Elbert Hubbard