I am an enormous failure

LivingJuicy

I don't know if I can say anything new, anything that hasn't already been said here, except that I feel all of your pain. You can get healthy again and you will. The only other choice is to lay down and die, and since you are here, reaching out, you are not dying. Specifically on the topic of dating, I completely hear you. I am new to the dating world after 15 years and so far, I want to just retreat! So scary. Take some time to get your mind right and then try it again. You have a divine spark, you are worthy of giving and receiving love, and you will find it. Good luck, friend. I look forward to cheering on your successes!

Rowena02148

Fyi, you are not a failure. As far as your weight issue, everyone goes through that. We lose it, then we gain it back and then some. We just don't give up. We have to keep trying. As for the other stuff you wrote about, those issues are issues that everyone faces also. Not just fat people but skinny people too. Regular people like you and me.

But I think you need to focus on yourself for now rather than finding someone to love. You first before anybody else. Use that as your mantra.

Good luck!

JTick

Read EdDavenport's post. Again and again and again. And then read his blog. What an incredible man with an incredible story. It CAN be done.

I think that anyone with a large amount of weight to lose has felt the way you feel at some point in there life. I've never weighed 400 lbs, but at only 5'3" 265 was not a pretty thing to look at. I hated myself. Some days, I still hate myself. I hate what I've done to myself. I hate that I'm not happy. I hate that my own hand was responsible for putting every single one of those pounds into my mouth.

I feel depressed. I feel useless. I feel that no one can ever possibly love me.

Then I realized I need to love myself first. I need to make myself happy. I need to find the strength to lose the weight, by myself. No one else can do this for me.

Somewhere, deep down, there is a man who believes in fighting. If not, you would have never written that post. Find that man, realize he is worth being loved, and FIGHT FOR HIM. The rest will fall in place.

rebeccaac2003

It sucks doesn't it. You start and you get there then you go back and start the cycle all over again. People that are big can all relate to this as we all obviously struggle. You are not alone though most of the population suffers and getting a girl has alot to do with what you believe yourself. I have a partner and it aint because I am thin. So you could have someone if you let it happen too. As for your self , well you are not happy with yourself and it doesn't matter what anyone else says if you are not happy then you have the fight in you to change and be who you want to be and if that is thinner you can do it. It takes time and it is a struggle and yeah you might fall off every now and then ,like right now but you already know you can do it and you already know thats what will make you happy.Don't waste energy feeling low like I said you are not alone and you will be who you want to be. Good thoughts.

notenoughspeed

From someone who has bee overweight nearly their whole life (1999-2001 reached 179 and 2004, 232), I know what you mean. This has to take a high priority in your life. It's your body. Eat, breathe, and live this stuff. Get your mind right for this journey again. Eat to live, don't live to eat. If you feel like you're bored, and you want to vege out out at home, go get some exercise. From a person who has been in the 170 range, as well as the 350 range, you can do this.

simonkurth

You're not a failure! Please feel free to friend me if you would like some support.

Kline123

I am not going to lecture you, I promise!! Your post really made me sad because I know what it feels like to think of myself as a failure. I am 5'0 and weigh about 190 lbs. I would like to lose about 65 lbs. To some people, this may not seem like a huge amount to lose, but for me sometimes, it can seem like I am climbing up an endless mountain and not moving fast enough, or moving backwards instead of forwards. I know what it feels like to be depessed, I struggle with it everyday, and it's hard to motivate myself to do the things I know I have to. I know other people have suggested it, but if you are really feeling that low and depressed, maybe seeing your doctor for some suggestions might help (if you haven't already). Also, I know it's hard to start something new and open up sometimes, but maybe talking to a counselor and/or support group might help. It is hard to do anything that takes a lot of work alone, and it is so much easier to have support and people to talk to. I don't know you, but I believe in you. You will pull yourself back up, no matter how bad you feel, and take a small step forward. Please friend me if you'd like, we can help each other.

thinjustfabulous

I learned that failure is when you stop trying

alisonjj

You are not a failure. You are here and people here will help support you. I was 360lbs at one point, and as a 5'4" woman that wasn't great. I have lost 84 lbs and it has been tough I wont lie. But, and this is important, try not to just measure by what the scales tell you. Get a workout in, start with a few weights and a walk.As you are a guy measure progress by measuring your chest, waist and neck. If you can measure your body fat% as this is more reliable that just 'weight'. My scales have a body fat monitor, but you can have it done at a gym too. Keep moving, track your food, track your exercise and drink a lot of water. Cut out processed food and white bread, rice, pasta and sugar. I can guarantee that small changes and moving about will make you feel physically a lot better and exercise lifts mood as it produces endorphines....Good luck, add me as a friend if you want to : )

phatgirl4

You have touched my heart. I am here for you and so many other mfp people are 2. add me as a friend. we are alll trying to lose weight our looks are not what makes us a person, its our insides. we just shine on the outside, you dont have to be lonely any more you have my friendship and my surport. lift your self up look toward to those dreams and lets make them come true, there is someone for everyone and ms right will come in your life when its the right time, until she does come just work on getting healthy and preparing for when she walks in your life. you are beautiful.

gidgeclev

I look at your photo and see a really good looking bloke. Everyone has already said all those motivational things but I would say go and join a slimmimg group somewhere - not necessarily for their diet plan but for the motivational support and for friendship. It will be mostly women... they will not be judging you for being overweight and you could find some people to exercise with or possibly even someone special who will understand your struggle.

darbest

You are young, a friend lost over 280 lbs, yes she had flabby skin but it was all cut off by a plastic surgeon, you can even see the cut marks and she looks like she has never been over weight. Your a very handsome man, please don't beat yourself up. You can have anything in this world that you want. Some of us just have to work a little harder.
Darlene

darbest

Very nice reply..

DCpaleochick

I learned that failure is when you stop trying

Repost...

meredith1123

If you pay attention to the comments left for you - youll see exactly why you posted this for everyone to see. Not only did you need to vent and talk about it - internally you firmly believe that others will be here for you - even if you want to pretend to yourself that what I am saying isnt true.

You're story is heart wrenching - as most of us have been close to where you have been or know of someone very dear to us. In saying that - we all want to be here for you and support you in every way! I hear something in your tone that leaves me believing you are not ready to give up. you just need support.

So here we are......... all of us.... in this forum..... here to support you in every way. I hope you are able to read all of the comments left for you because i believe in every way that every single person who left you a comment - believes in you and wants to be here for you!
hold on to life - you can be strong for you man!!!

catpea33

Sorry to hear it BV but you can keep going. Take this feeling you feel now and imagine feeling like that for the rest of your life. Pretty horrible isn't it? So you've stumbled but you've hopefully learnt from it and now you can press forward to reach your goal. One day, when you're at your goal weight, future-you will feel so proud of current-you for having had the strength to continue beyond this moment. Now imagine how good that it will feel when you hit your goal weight: that feeling of pride and happiness and of a goal reached through sheer determination and stubbornness. You can do it! And enjoy the journey...

purpleipod

I know how you feel. I lost 56 pounds year before last and regained 70. I seem to know how to lose weight but then I let my laziness take over and can't seem to keep it off. It's hard feeling like a failure every single day, but I'm not letting that stop me from trying. I have a really hard time reminding myself to focus on the future and stop dwelling on the past. You can't change the past but you can change your future.

AmberLee2012

I have a friend who has lost over 100 lbs. He posted a picture of himself at around 350 lbs on a broken treadmill eating an ice cream cone and I couldn't believe the difference. It took him a few years, but he DID it. He does have some saggy skin in the chest area and I'm sure some other areas, but he is SO confident now. It's like he is a completely different guy. He is going on dates and still managing to lose more weight.

I know it's not the same but I have gained and lost 50lbs 3 times. This is my 4th time. Depression and medication for depression + pure laziness really brought me down several times. You can do this. It's not going to be quick and easy, but you know you can do it as you've lost 100 lbs before. You look very handsome in your photo

Fvaisey

I have never been where you are and can only imagine how you feel. I would like to say that I have known different people with different problems that made them feel a failure. Almost no one sees them or you that way. Don't give up on life, man! Just reading your post I can see that you have a lot to offer. Don't give up...

ash8184

You aren't alone.

I have been pudgy since I was about 4 years old.

At my biggest, sophomore year of college, I weighed 383lbs and was pre-diabetic. I stayed active though - I volunteered, worked hard, and even worked out but it just didn't all click. However, when I was told I was pre-diabetic, I did some soul-searching and lost about 100lbs.

After I graduated from college in 2007, I moved to Berlin, where I was active and a little less stressed than when I lived in the states. I lost 50lbs, but gained it back literally weeks after moving back to Houston in mid 2008.

A few months later, I had a consultation with a bariatric surgeon, who agreed that I was a good candidate for a lap band. I was in the upper 200s at the time, and had to go in an all protein shake diet a couple of weeks before surgery. After surgery, I didn't eat much and lost weight the 1st few months I had the band, but 1 year post surgery had gained back all of it, plus some.

In July 2011, I got a bad stomach virus, and ever since then, the pieces of all fallen in to place. I cut dairy and gluten almost completely out of my diet, exercise about 6 hours/week (and have added in running recently), and am now in the low 170lb range, which is the lowest I can ever remember (probably literally since elementary school). I eat clean, use the lap band as a tool (I was chronically hungry), and stay motivated by buying clothes. I have officially lost over 200lbs since my heaviest weight after being overweight/obese/almost dead my whole life.

I now run 10 minute miles regularly (which is improving), and shoot to jog at least 3 5ks/week which I never ever would have thought I can do. I'm training for a half marathon!

My point in telling you all of this is that YOU CAN DO IT TOO. I am in a now 3-year-long relationship with my boyfriend (my 1st serious relationship), I go out with friends, and enjoy life which are all things I've never done before. I love buying size 10/12/medium clothes (at my peak, I was a 28/30 and 3/4x) and feeling confident. I have never been happier and every single work out and good food choice IS WORTH IT.

Don't get discouraged. You will have good days and bad days. There will be days you drag yourself to the gym, and days you really want that fried x, y, or z but remember that this is a lifestyle choice and health is a habit. Today is a new day, so start right this minute. Go for a walk (even 10 minutes), do 5 sit-ups, start somewhere. Put one foot in front of the other and your slow walk will turn in to a power walk, then a jog, then a run. Your 4x clothes will shrink to a 3x, 1x, and then a L. You didn't gain weight overnight, so you won't lose it overnight, but trust me, do the right things and it will happen. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I had reached my goal weight about two years ago and managed to gain it all back. I spent a lot of time floundering around, upset, discouraged, disappointed, calling myself every name in the book. Then I decided I had two choices: keep wasting time putting myself down, or get up and do something about it.

It is hard to start over again. But as you can see from the many pages of posts here, there is support here, and many of us understand to some extent the struggle from our own lives. You are not alone in this.

Fragilebird24

You do not deserve to feel this way. It wouldn't matter if you weighed 600 pounds or 92 pounds, you are so much more than your weight. What the scale says does NOT define you. Think of how strong you are. You lost that 100 pounds before. You did it. And I am 100 % positive that you can do it again. Except this time, you'll remember how you felt today. You'll remember how much shame gaining back that weight brought you, and you'll never, ever want to gain it back. Your journey is not over. It's only just beginning. You deserve to feel good about yourself, be happy with yourself, and experience the simple joys in life. So, I pray that you realize how awesome and important you are. I pray that you find the courage to get back up again and prove to yourself and the world that you can do this. Remember, "Sometimes you have to fall before you can fly."

dreilingda

Brother, the fight isn't over. I've never been a real big guy but I know alot about being down and out and not wanting to wake up. I can remember the worst point in my life, when I spent Christmas drunk at a bar by myself because I had no one. If someone would have told me where I'd be today, and how my life would have changed, I would have laughed in their face.

There is a fire in you, you just don't know it. Begin today by building a resolve and tackle the things you don't like about your life one day at a time. Excersise is a tool that you can still use at the age of 32. Begin by walking and set some training goals (walk .25 miles today, .5 miles next week, etc.). Training for those goals will give you small purpose that will lead to more confidence and even grander goals. I don't know you but this is a fight I know you can win. Rise up above the pain and realize that there's still time to get what you want out of life. But...YOU MUST NOT GIVE UP

And on your desire to be with someone? My wife is the most wonderful woman I've ever met and don't deserve her. But if I would have met her while I was down and out she would have hated me. Work on you first and the rest will fall into place.

Praying for you dude. You can do this.

tnjackso1

You aren't alone!!!

I've been where you are! Although I've lost some weight I'm still single but along this journey I've learned to love me and to enjoy life! The scale nor a companion defines who you are nor will either make you happy if you aren't happy with yourself.

Feel free to add me as a friend, Its obvious that you know what to do so lets get moving together!!

newjourney2015

No lectures! Only enouragement and support! One step at a time. As others have said, you have done this before so you know you CAN do it! It took you a year to gain it back, right? Ok - you are 32 - in 5 years you will be 37. Still NOT 40! 5 years is going to be here regardless. I know it sounds like an eternity looking at it now - but think back. How fast has 2012 flown by? I can't even believe it's almost over! The next year will fly by just as fast!

I know this time of year is especially difficult with the holiday's coming up. Lean on friends and family. You didn't mention if you live close by to family. Instead of going home after work, go to a gym. Join walking groups. I know there is a club/group here on MFP for people that need to lose 100+ pounds. Don't give up on yourself. Take a walk and regroup. Get a plan and make just 1 change. Then add something to that once you've conquered that make another change. In no time at all, you will begin lose that weight again. But this time, slow and steady. Give your skin time to shrink along with you. I do understand that with as much as you have to lose, you will have skin to deal with but there are surgeries for that. Cross that bridge when you get to it but in the mean time, make it your goal to get to that bridge!! Good luck!! Friend me and I'll try to help, too! Sometimes having "friends" that you don't know can be better than the friends you do know. I think here there is less judgement and more understanding and enouragement.

bushidowoman

Look how many people care and want to see you succeed! Maybe it would be worth it to give it another shot? I'd like to cheer you on.

whskygrl30

Dieting does not work for everyone. I have a friend who weighed over 500 pounds for much of his adult life. He too thought he would never find a girl friend at that weight. He tried dieting, going to the gym, went on a liquid diet and lost weight only to gain it back. Finally he had gastric by-pass surgery at age 35. He could not have it done in Canada because doctors here were afraid they might lose him during the surgery and had it done in Detroit. in the next 2 years he lost 300 pounds. During his weight loss journey he met a sweet girl who could see him for who he was not what he looked like. They will be married next year and yes with all that extra skin hanging in all sorts of places. But, he battles the scale each and every day of his life just like we all do. He still has to work out each day and still watch what he eats and drinks. Surgical weight loss or dieting only works if we are honest with ourselves and treat our bodies with respect- not always an easy thing to do when all you want is a greasy cheeseburger or a chocolate fix. Probably surgical weight loss is not what you wanted to hear on this site but I brought it up as an option but knowing that maintaining a healthy weight-whatever that might be for you-is not something fixed by surgery. It takes real work and effort. You know you can do without surgery- you have done it while the rest of us are still trying. You know the mistakes you made and you know how to fix them this time around. Why not tell the rest of us how you did the the first time-your mentorship would be greatly appreciated by many.

KellyAlyssa84

Given the number of replies here, please know that you are not alone in feeling defeated. It's a hard and depressing feeling but it's real, authentic, and human.

Start the journey again. You are so worth it.

Do it for YOU!

Friend me if you'd like.

BroiledNotFried

I am here to support you. Please add me as your friend.

Dreamerlove

Hey sweet pea!

Listen up. Its okay. It really is. This is where you are. So starting NOW, not tomorrow you are getting back on track. You are going to find some healthy friends, like gym trainers..etc. People who live the lifestyle of being healthy. They will help you, get back on track. You are worth it!! I can really see your story now. God is there. Looks do NOT define someone in being beautiful or handsome. Looks fade away. Its the character and personality that people fall in love with. Once you build up confidence, other people will see that. Please listen and today is the day, you have to start somewhere. Dont think, "Oh, if i were at my goal weight, life would be easy and good." No, that's not how it works. I have worked my butt off and I am failing in my classes in college. I am actually glad I am writing you, I wanted to give up and just not have an education. Thats the easy way out. I am so overwhelmed, I am afraid I cant do it. But I will make a deal. I promise to start my homework tonight if you promise to start tonight too. Make a vision and a vision board. Just start. Youtube workout videos to do at home. Something. Dang This sucks...I don't want to do school, work