I am an enormous failure
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YOU are NOT a failure! You can do this. I am sending you a friends request. Feel free to msg me anytime!! Also, I will be praying for you0
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You've got this!! Never give up! If you need more friends for support, I will help you. And I will also pray the right woman comes into your life that will love you for who you are, no matter what. :flowerforyou:0
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I am so sorry. I just wanna hug u! Don't give up. I know the feeling of losing that much and regaining is harder emotionally than not losing in the first place. I lost 68 lbs in 2007 only to gain it back plus about another 20 lbs. It does make you lose heart because you know how hard it was. And it makes you feel like you've failed. I'm still relosing those 68 boomerang lbs, not to mention the bonus 20 pounds. I gain confidence every day but it is hard. But you have one thing you didn't have before...the knowledge that you can do it. You HAVE done it. Maybe starting over was traumatic enough that you won't ever let it happen again. That's how I feel. Sure, I wish I'd come to that realization before gaining back ALL I lost and then some. But if a 10-lb setback woulda been enough to teach me a lesson I woulda learned it and kept going. Apparently I have a hard head because it took me 5 years to get back on the wagon. If you want an encouraging friend, add me. If you want to see it CAN be done, add me. If you want a friend that has a BIG weightloss goal, add me. My total goal is 180 lbs. Seems enormous sometimes. But I'm 25% of the way there. I just have to do what I've already done 3 more times. And you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make the choice to do it again. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done. But it will be the most rewarding. Don't worry about little things like excess skin. One day at a time.0
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Rock bottom is really the only place one can go to realize just what is at stake and that you must then realize there is nowhere else to go but up. I have been there, trapped in my house at 560 lbs. unable to stand for more than 20 seconds at a stretch, It even came down to sitting in a chair for 3 days with a loaded hand gun, until I finally gave in to the process and asked for help... 39 months later and alot of hardwork and dedication I am within reach of my goal weight of 225 lbs. I am starting week 7 of my recouping from circumferential body lift surgery where they removed 17 pounds of skin. I am getting 2 total knee replacements in the spring so know that no matter how bad things look, there is always a way out... I keep my friends list manageable because I like to interact daily with friends on my list but please send me a request and go to my blog at www.gettingfit4life.com it documents my journey through the skin surgery and gives you some before and after pictures and some videos. You have to reach out (which you did on here) and get help, this is not a journey you can take (or should take) alone, we all need someone to lean on especially in the beginning. I started therapy 39 months ago to address my depression and eating disorders and am still going monthly and will for sometime. I am as i say a continued work in progress and this is my lifestyle now...... Best of Luck to you and keep your chin up, you can bounce back from this set back......
^.......See this guy he is my MFP hero and an awesome friend, so please add him! This CAN be your story too and YOU CAN do this starting right now!! You already know you have what it takes so learn from your past mistakes and now you can use them to make you stronger! No judgements from me only support! Feel free to add me I would love to cheer you on!
~ "Out of the darkness and into the light" ~0 -
I have felt the exact same way so many times. You are not alone. I sent you a friend request, and I will try to help you in any way I can.
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You're not an enormous failure. You having a depressive episode. I have been there too. It sucks! You WILL find the love of your life---just keep your faith and wait for her; she's waiting for you and she doesn't give a hoot about weight or saggy skin or anything. Not every woman is as shallow as the media and magazines like to make us think. You have lost weight in the past---you will lose it again---no magic --it's jut math. Calories in--calories out. It always works. Take your time. Often it's this damn depression that defeats us even more than cravings! You can friend me if you want---I would friend you but I'm not sure how! I will if I figure it out.
Hang in there, man!0 -
Read "My Big Fat Greek Diet" by Doctor Nick...he lost 267pounds and found a beautiful woman and had children. Other people are lonely too...all the lonely people. No one is good enough for anyone else after a while- so we all stay alone.0
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Buck up, kid! You have 6 pages of posts from people that don't know you (in less than 24 hours) and most of those posts are saying that we've all been there. This is hard! It's hard being fat, it's hard losing fat, it's hard being skinny fat, and it's hard being mentally fat! But it will be okay. No lectures, but a suggestion....I joined a gym. Last place I ever wanted to be. Somehow just walking in those doors everyday (facing the imagined fears of having "fit" people laugh at me) gave me confidence. I felt healthier just being there. One day at a time I felt more comfortable there. It took the edge off the loneliness because I had chats with random people, then I started taking workout classes (and sometimes only making it through the first 10 minutes). Eventually I hired a trainer and she is my buddy. She peps me up when I'm down, teaches me stuff, & encourages me. I've made friends with people that were in some of those classes I can't make it through (Still go every week though!). Point being, just find a healthy hobby and the company and new friends will find you. And good luck.0
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I don't know what else to say other than I support you and I would be more than happy to be there as a little cheerleader on the sidelines of your journey! I am so sorry that you have had to go through what you have, but remember that a journey is just that - there should be no end result. It's changing for the better, not for the 'until then'. Keep your chin up and keep trying .. you've done it before, you can do it again! Just take progress photos as you go to remind yourself how far you've come and where you DON'T want to be again!
:flowerforyou:0 -
Last night I went on a walk through my neighborhood. I passed a house with a window open and couldn't resist the urge to look inside. There was an overweight man in his kitchen, alone, making dinner. I thought of you and felt sad, because I've been there too. I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. Don't make important decisions at night. Always wait until the morning. Please? You can find something to live for, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.
I love you. I don't know you, but it's true all the same. Find someone to talk to, listen to some happy music, smile even though you don't feel like it (just using those muscles releases endorphins), and give it one more day. Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.0 -
This breaks my heart, because I've been there. In fact, I am there. In the course of my life I've probably lost and gained a few thousand pounds. I struggle every day, and it's really a shame that we base our self-worth on the way we look. I often have an internal struggle, telling myself I'm a good person worthy of a good life, and at the same time, I hate myself and the way I look and the lack of control I have over myself and my life. I'm ashamed to go back the they gym I've been paying dues to for the past year and a half because I gained back all the weight I had lost there last year, and then some. In other words, I understand.
Please don't give up on yourself. There is always hope, as long as you are alive. Take baby steps, reduce your calories, move a little more. You know it's hard work, but you also know it's worth it. When you love yourself, you allow others to love you.
There are many many people here on MFP who know your pain and understand your story, so no you are not alone. Use this site, accept the support, and do what you know you need to do, and even more importantly, what you know you can do.0 -
Last night I went on a walk through my neighborhood. I passed a house with a window open and couldn't resist the urge to look inside. There was an overweight man in his kitchen, alone, making dinner. I thought of you and felt sad, because I've been there too. I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. Don't make important decisions at night. Always wait until the morning. Please? You can find something to live for, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.
I love you. I don't know you, but it's true all the same. Find someone to talk to, listen to some happy music, smile even though you don't feel like it (just using those muscles releases endorphins), and give it one more day. Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.
This is beautiful, you are really special0 -
32 is soooo young! I am 35 and my husband 38. If your worry is that life is slipping away, it really isn't. 37 would be a great age to settle down.... That's still 5 years away. In that 5 years, you can lose some weight, get fitter, make healthy eating a habit not a chore AND sort out some of the issues in your head.... And be all ready for the gorgeous lady that you will by then have the confidence and the charisma to date. Thinking long term is so hard when each day is a struggle, but imagine you in a few years.... Confident, slimmer, active, bubbly, eating like a thin person.... Wow, the next five years could be life changing for you in a really good way. Think long term, like doing a degree or renovating a house... The best and most rewarding things take time.0
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A couple people have asked if I could let them know that I am ok. So, I felt it was my responsibility after my post to say yeah I am still here. I think my posting was more of a confession than anything. I wasn't looking for pity, but maybe empathy and understanding. I really appreciate all the kind things people have had to say. I also appreciate the advuce and suggestions. I assure you I have tried more than you may think. I had worked so hard at the gym that they took notice and used me as their marketing campaign. they put me on fliers and door hangers and eventually on their new website. I am their success story, only now I am a fraud because I no longer live up to that success. In terms of a socail/dating life, I was on eharmony for 2 years. I am on okcupid and plentyoffish. I tried out match.com. I have also done speed dating and tried other avenues like taking cooking classes. I joined some groups on meetup.com and have gotten into some volunteering. So, you can see I have done quite a bit to get myself out there and get a life going.
So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded here or sent me a message or friend request. It wasn't my intention to come across as whining or looking for pity. The huge number of friend requests was unexpected, although nice at the same time. It will take me a while to repsond since there were something like 135 requests and 30 messages.
I just really appreciate the notion that people care. I don't have that in my real life. Thank you.
-Brian0 -
Hey I have lost 16 lbs in 9 weeks, and I feel great about it. Will be thrilled when I am 20 lbs down! 17 lbs is a significant weight loss. Some days its not so easy. I try to focus on one day at a time. Not look at OMG, I still want to lose at least 70 lbs more. When I think of how much more I want to lose its overwhelming and my negative worthless thinking kicks in. Ok, so I still look in mirror and do not like what I look like. My arms have wings! Never noticed that before. Its disgusting. Yesterday after shower I was brave and looked at my arms again and thought..... man if I wasn't so big in the butt I could fly! Then got to thinking. I can fly anyways. Just need to stay in the moment and forgive, accept and love myself today. Yeah, I did this to myself but I can remedy it and with help from the Divine keeping my thinking positive eventually I will manifest the body I want to have. So its day by day, one moment at a time making the right decision.
Can't look at the big picture or my depression kicks in and negativity.. You are fat, you are alone, you haven't dated in 9 years, you are unemployed, haven't worked in 19 years, no one is going to hire you with outdated skills, The negative list goes on and on and on..... but in reality I have much going for me. I have some great friends, have 2 beautiful children, I have a cute little house. My car is paid for. And I have all these awesome people on MFP taking the journey with me! (the list can be quite extensive for all the wonderful things but will stop at that point.)
I am going to log every day. That is my commitment. I am going to move every day (at least a little bit). And the weight is coming off, I just have to keep logging and moving. Usually I garden for my movement which isn't hitting the gym or lifting and when gardening ends for season will have to commit to youtube videos and floor work, but its happening!
Thanks every one for being here.
I was responding to the guy who lost 17lbs.
To the initial poster, please get some help. I was in therapy and on meds for several years. Took me a long time for find a good therapist. Don't give up. You are worth it. I know its hard to seek out help, but someone's gotta pay for those therapist's bills :P0 -
Know that you have excellent support here. Take it day by day and set small goals to keep you committed and on track. Rooting and praying for you! We know you can do it!0
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I know how you feel. I for the first time ever don't feel as strongly as you do but that is only because I am having some great success with my weight loss surgery. And no that does not make me a failure. I just needed a different tool. It is is still work, but it is like having a very influential trainer stopping you from over doing it. It has also helped reprogram my brain in so many ways. Feel free to add me. I would be happy to join you on your journey. BTW I was 304# and now 215# with 65 or so more to go, and yes some loose skin, however, it's still early. I am 36 years old. You will have some elasticity that older people may not have. Now is the time. Everyday is a new day!0
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Brian,
It takes more courage than you might realize to post what you did, to open your inner most self and talk like you did. Many have been there, many with less courage than you I'm sure. I'll be happy to support you on your trip and you are still young, very young. Take it slow, take it one step at a time and you know what? You'll win.
If you like, you can friend me.0 -
You are not alone I'm pretty sure the majority of people on this site feel the same what's important is being healthy and i can tell you this from experience if you are losing weight to attract the opposite sex then you are doing it for the wrong reasons enjoy being single!0
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Last night I went on a walk through my neighborhood. I passed a house with a window open and couldn't resist the urge to look inside. There was an overweight man in his kitchen, alone, making dinner. I thought of you and felt sad, because I've been there too. I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. Don't make important decisions at night. Always wait until the morning. Please? You can find something to live for, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.
I love you. I don't know you, but it's true all the same. Find someone to talk to, listen to some happy music, smile even though you don't feel like it (just using those muscles releases endorphins), and give it one more day. Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.
i didnt know there were still people like you out there.0 -
Please know that you are not alone. My top weight was over 400 lbs , I know how you feel. I have a 19 year old daughter who weighs about the same as you do . She almost mirrors the same thoughts that you are having. I just want you to know , there is always hope. There are people will look outside of your appearance and into your heart and love you no matter what you look like. I was extremely overweight and met the man of my dreams who overlooked the fat and saw the real me buried underneath. We have been happily married for almost 9 years. Please don't give up. You never know what your future may bring . At any rate , if you need a friend I would love to be there to support you. It is never too late to start again .0
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I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I myself started at 441 lbs and can relate to how daunting it feels to have so much to lose but it does get better. I did not have many girlfriends before I started going online. There really is someone out there for everyone but its hard to find them when you stay inside your house all the time. I was in the same situation! But after going on a few dates with girls I met online I met my beautiful fiance and she couldn't be more amazing. We are engaged to be married this December and she is a big motivation for me to lose weight. I met her on Plenty of Fish. I didnt happen right away so keep at it. Good luck to you and add me as a friend if you want.0
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I have never hit your weight, although i have gained and lost enarly a hundred lbs myself, and am doing it again. down 75 now and struggling not to gain it back.
Friend me, sounds like both could use support0 -
HI Brian
I sent you a personal email, I am very glad to see you here and want to say that no-one thinks yo are a loser or a whinger or whining. You reached out and lots of people have responded. Good luck with your renewed attack on your weight. When you feel better about that and life in general, you will feel better - sort of self-fulfilling circle :flowerforyou:0 -
Rock bottom is really the only place one can go to realize just what is at stake and that you must then realize there is nowhere else to go but up. I have been there, trapped in my house at 560 lbs. unable to stand for more than 20 seconds at a stretch, It even came down to sitting in a chair for 3 days with a loaded hand gun, until I finally gave in to the process and asked for help... 39 months later and alot of hardwork and dedication I am within reach of my goal weight of 225 lbs. I am starting week 7 of my recouping from circumferential body lift surgery where they removed 17 pounds of skin. I am getting 2 total knee replacements in the spring so know that no matter how bad things look, there is always a way out... I keep my friends list manageable because I like to interact daily with friends on my list but please send me a request and go to my blog at www.gettingfit4life.com it documents my journey through the skin surgery and gives you some before and after pictures and some videos. You have to reach out (which you did on here) and get help, this is not a journey you can take (or should take) alone, we all need someone to lean on especially in the beginning. I started therapy 39 months ago to address my depression and eating disorders and am still going monthly and will for sometime. I am as i say a continued work in progress and this is my lifestyle now...... Best of Luck to you and keep your chin up, you can bounce back from this set back......
Ed Davenport is my hero - (Hi Ed!!) - check out his story0 -
Well, I must admit, I've been following this tread since yesterday. But I just can't stay there and not say a thing. Sorry guys for any typos or grammar mistake. My primary language is French, so be kind with me.I wasn't looking for pity, but maybe empathy and understanding.I assure you I have tried more than you may think. I had worked so hard at the gym that they took notice and used me as their marketing campaign. they put me on fliers and door hangers and eventually on their new website. I am their success story, only now I am a fraud ...
YOU my friend, ARE NOT a fraud. Nobody here is! :noway: Everybody has the right to take a step in the wrong direction. And you know what? We are allowed to do that many times. It's up to us to really decide what we want to do.
You've done this before, YOU CAN DO THIS AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. And all of us will be here for you if you need it.In terms of a socail/dating life, I was on eharmony for 2 years. I am on okcupid and plentyoffish. I tried out match.com. I have also done speed dating and tried other avenues like taking cooking classes. I joined some groups on meetup.com and have gotten into some volunteering. So, you can see I have done quite a bit to get myself out there and get a life going.
Just work on yourself FOR yourself. YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE! Take care of YOURSELF and the rest will come, without you looking for it. "Life usually happens when you're busy doing other things."So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded here or sent me a message or friend request. It wasn't my intention to come across as whining or looking for pity.The huge number of friend requests was unexpected, although nice at the same time. It will take me a while to repsond since there were something like 135 requests and 30 messages.
You deserve all of those friends requests because you're awesome, courageous, responsible, determined, & we all believe in you!!! We are our worst judges. Don't be that hard on yourself. To copy Nike... "Find your strong". YOU-CAN-DO-THIS!I just really appreciate the notion that people care. I don't have that in my real life. Thank you.
More people care than you think in your real life, you probably just don't see it. And we just don't share with them what we share on this site, because we think they don't care or don't understand. What you talk about in here isn't the subjects you can't always share in real life. Nobody around me wants to know that I was able to NOT EAT those cookies that were looking at me at lunch time, or that there's 'only' 100 calories in Kellogg fruit crisps... Or that I ran 1/4 mile farther than the week before. Honestly, I know that my bf encourage me, but that's about it. So those things are the kind of things that I share around here.
I keep my friend's list short, but those friends that I have on here are the greatest! And they know it. Because we're all here for the same reasons. We have a lot in common, and I really consider a few of those like 'real' friends, and I'm sure I'm not the only one!
You are a great guy Brian. You can do this. And nobody here will ever judge you for letting people know how you feel... because we felt the same at one point in our own lives.
Big hugs & a lot of love is flying your way my friend. Take this wave to kick yourself in the b@tt and make yourself proud!
YOU CAN DO THIS. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
You can do it, Brian. Good luck!0
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I know exactly how you feel, I have had depression in some form for about 18 years, although was only diagnosed this year, and been having real struggles with this recently, and it is difficult to find the will to fight it anymore.
I'm very similar to you in that until I was 29 I never had a girlfriend, and never had any one even remotely interested in me like that, but then I was lucky that the most amazing woman I ever met fell in love with me and chased me until I finally realised she was interested. I had 7 amazing months with her before she finally saw sense and split up with me. She is still a close friend but after 10 months of being split up my feelings haven't changed. people tell me there's someone out there for everyone but the only problem is whether you are right for the person who is right for you! sadly for me I know this is not the case, having said that I'm sure you too will meet someone amazing, and although for me things aren't ideal I am still so lucky to have her in my life in any way. So although it's not a full on positive answer I am truly grateful that I was given even that long, and you seem like a cool guy, with much more about you then I have so am sure there's the perfect person for you just around the corner, and you will be able to keep hold of them and not waste your chance like I did. The one advantage you have over me is you had the confidence to go on dates, I have no confidence for this at all. I am lucky to have some very close female friends but any suggestion of anything else just screws me up with anxiety.
Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like and we can try and pull each other through the bad periods, up to you, you already seem to have some awesome people looking to help you so probably don't need my support.0 -
Brian,
The straight up honest portrayal of your struggles resonates with me deeply. After losing 275 pounds, writing a blog all along the way and then a book about the entire deal...Going from 505 pounds to 230 in two years, two months and a day---and maintaining fairly well for a year and a half after goal weight---I find myself in the fight of my life, again. The past six months have been a constant struggle--Behaviors I thought were long gone, never to return---did... and I've regained 59 pounds... and the feelings you're expressing here mirror some of my own.
We're not failures, Brian. Far from it. I'm a food addict and emotional/compulsive eater. Are we doomed? NO, we're not. Can we pull ourselves back? YES WE CAN.
The best advice I can offer is advice I'm adhering to myself: Take care of you and the rest will take care of itself. Embrace you, Brian... Realize this transformation is more than a number on a scale--it's about taking our lives back.
Make an iron-clad decision.... decide you're going to turn this deal around. Then, slowly start making the choices best benefiting you. One day at a time--one hour at a time--sometimes it's by the minute, Brian... Don't let go. You're worth it.
You have a future ahead of you. We're all either victims or champions of our choices--- It's our choice.
Embrace you.... Give yourself the attention you deserve. Live it---and as you regain your life---watch how things fall into place.
I'm pulling for you, Brian.
I'm rarely on here--I set up an account three years ago or so, I thought---and never really used it. (it says member since 2011...Hmmm...Must have been when I set it up on my iphone) But I know many who have---great site here... and this writing of yours and the support it attracts is a crucial element to your success. I promise you, had it not been for my blog and the supporters who offered along the way---I would still be over 500 pounds, or dead.
I invite you to read my blog archives from Day 1 at 505 pounds---I promise you'll be able to relate in a number of ways.
The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser: www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com
I would love for you to friend me on facebook, if you want: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Or send me an email: sean@transformationroad.com
We can do this Brian. We're not failures at all. We're human. Thank you for sharing this post today.
Also--thank you to the friend that emailed me with your link here!
There's so many more topics I could talk about with you. The loose skin issue, relationships and more...But I'll save that for another time.
The most important thing right now is you, Brian. Take care, okay?
I hope to hear from you.
My best always,
Sean Anderson0 -
damn im pretty heartless but this really got to me in a personal way man, listen at the end of the day your trying you hardest! theres people who sit on there *kitten* and just complain but you actively trying to change for the better so for a start thats amazing! ok it hasnt gone perfect but hell who is perfect ? add me as a friend bud ill give you plenty of support! and seriously your not a failure the hardest part is starting a weight loss program if at first you dont dont do it try again! i just wanna help you man serious drop me a message sometime0
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You are not a failure. You are still on this journey and this struggle is all. It won't be easy. There will be alot of struggle and trouble. It will not be easy. It will not be simple. But it will be life changing. It will be worth everyday of sweat, crying, anger at yourself and where you are and are not, worth all of it. And you will not be the same person at the other end. But you are NEVER a failure. A failure would mean you had given up, said you were just going to keep being this way and do nothing to change it. Failing is not trying. You are still here, still fighting, still doing what you need to and seeing that it can change still. Just remember we are here for you. You can friend me if you like and I will add my voice to the chorus of people who are here to give support and encouragement and to be the cheering squad for you. And the voice on your shoulder telling you not to do something to sabotage yourself. And the smile and laugh to keep you going. To be the voices you need to push you into the next stage of your life!0
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