Wife asked me to leave, try to get her back...

Lipstickcherry

Please be careful. My boyfriend lost custody of his daughter and was living out of car for a time after being a stay at home dad. Both his and his ex's attorneys kept messing up the facts. The court did too. He wanted peace and thought caving in would make peace. Instead. it made for years of strife...his daughter is 15 and now they are finally getting lots of time together...since his ex asked him to take her. He still is being charged child support while unemployed, his unemployment ran out...and I am by myself supported him and his daughter, as the child support envelopes come. He called the court child support people...they all know about it. The only way since his ex won't budge on any child support(yes, even though the daughter lives with me and him in my condo) to change things is to take her to court. Meanwhile he is being charged 300$ a month while I fight to put food on the table for that daughter, the one the courts are billing him monthly for! It's madness. He has zero faith it would help anything. I still ride on him every day to get this sorted out.

My point in telling you this: you still have a chance to do what's right for your children. DO NOT CAVE. Please. They need you. YOU WILL SEE THEM LESS IF YOU DON'T START HIGH AND GO DOWN as explained better than me in a few posts above.

I hated telling you this story on a public forum. And I have heard people become horrified about my situation (supporting a man who's unemployment ran out in May). Perhaps i am a codependent nut. Or I am in love. Or both. But he's healing, his daughter's healing and they are growing closer.

I told you this to say I hope in the midst of the pain, you remember that the courts will automatically want to give 100% custody to you r wife (most courts most time). The rules vary state to state...in California, the more time spent with the child, the more generally is the support. This is an incentive for people to fight for 100% and not try to split it.

I know you are not perfect. You are right now a broken man. But my dear man, you admitted things on a public forum. THAT'S HUGE. :bigsmile:

All of us screw up and screw up. The way to get things right is to be transparent. And to get a lot of support. Your kids are number 1. They need you. They need both parents.

I will send you a request and add you. I will add you to my prayer list. I want you to report back! I hope the cr@p I wrote makes sense and helps you somehow to see you need to fight. My boyfriend was depressed a lot until his ex handed him his daughter out of the blue this June. It's not easy but he feels much better now for all that time lost with her growing up and kept beating himself up that he didn't fight harder for her. But how could he have known how unfair and cold courts can be to fathers. You only hear about the mothers that are treated unfairly.

SA_80_2012

I used to work in the legal field. Your wife's attorney was supposed to BY LAW give you a copy of the dissolution of marriage. He sounds like a real sleazeball. If you have a decent attorney, make sure you get everything you want in writing, signed and notarized. There should be absolutely no problems with either your wife's side or your side when it is all in writing. Make sure that you read EVERY SINGLE WORD of anything that is sent by their attorney and your own attorney If you don't understand something, ask for clarification. If you don't agree with something, then speak up. Keep after your attorney and make sure he sends you copies of everything. Some attorneys will try to do as little as they can get away with. Go after everything and then negotiate downward. If you start at a reasonable division of the assets, visitation, etc., then there is no room to negotiate and you will lose more than you want. That why I said to start out asking for everything.

I hope you're broken heart will mend quickly so that you can get on with your life.

Seems like all good advice

SA_80_2012

William, you can count on my support, and you can add me if you want. I've gone through a divorce too; it is not easy no matter who initiates it. However, if you think there's hope for you guys then by all means, go get your girl back! But in order for you to have the self-confidence and the strength to do that, you have to work on you for a while. Regardless, if she comes back to you or not, you at least will get your life back. Think of the end result: You'll be fit, good looking, single and a successful Sheriff's deputy, oh yeah!

I like the last sentence: The end result will be a good one for you