He says i am settling for a fat guy....

virichi08

So i REALLY, REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEEEEALLY LIKE my boyfriend. We are new and I am learning to let go of some insecurities and not act out on them which of coarse has been working great. lol. BUT THE PROBLEM FOR HIIIIIM is that he is over weight. he is working on losing weight, which is fine, but he is SO insecure about his weight that i don't know what to say to him other than i GENUINELY LIKE HIM THE WAY HE IS, FOR WHO HE IS. I told him that if he loses weight great, if he does not STILL GREAT. But if i like a picture of some celeb on facebook who is in shape he gets offended and thinks that I do not want him or i am "settling" (his words not mine) with him. I keep telling him that his weight is not an issue to me and that if it was I would not have dated him in the first place. Him acting liking this makes me feel bad. Any suggestions on what to do..... (p.s. I am a very affectionate type of person when I like someone and weather we are alone, around friends, or in public, i am holding his hand or simply showing him and everyone else in the room that he is MINE.... so i know the problem is his insecurties.)


PPPPPSSS... PLEASE NO ONE READ SO DEEP INTO THIS THAT YOU MISS THE POINT: MY BF IS INSECURE ABOUT HIS WEIGHT, I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM THE WAY HE IS, AND I SHOW HIM AFFECTION....BUT HE IS STILL INSECURE AND NOW I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY TO HIM.....

Windy_

It's his problem, not yours. There's nothing you are going to be able to say or do to make it all better.

myofibril

There's nothing you can really do or say other than what you have done already: tell him you love him for who he is and that you support him in his goals.

The rest is down to him.

You can't change someone - they have to do it themselves. You can only give them the inspiration to change.

Windy_

There's nothing you can really do or say other than what you have done already: tell him you love him for who he is and that you support him in his goals.

The rest is down to him.

You can't change someone - they have to do it themselves. You can only give them the inspiration to change.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Brianna72994

Theres really no way you can make him less insecure. He has to do it on his own.

Just keep giving him compliments and showing him affection.

Chief_Rocka

Tell him you'll leave him if he doesn't lose weight

sholtz79

There's nothing you can really do or say other than what you have done already: tell him you love him for who he is and that you support him in his goals.

The rest is down to him.

You can't change someone - they have to do it themselves. You can only give them the inspiration to change.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Hahaha... yeah... me too haha...

SofaKingRad_

This is why I'm lucky to be a male. I'm fat and I have a hot and awesome wife. Sure I want to change my fatness, but the fact remains I still have a hot and awesome wife and I'm fat. :happy:

Jkmumma

take the focus off the weight, thank him for the other awesome stuff he does, as a way of pointing it out without making it TOO direct.

d_Mode

Definitely insecure...shower with him more!

auroranflash

Your BF is not just insecure about his weight, he is insecure period. He needs to work on that or he will be annoying to be around his whole life, constantly doubting himself.

You can't fix him, he has to work on it himself. Women can't change men, ever. They can't change anyone but themselves. You can't change anyone but yourself. So until he's ready, it will never change.

ademiter

My husband says the same thing to me as I am a very insecure person in general. He tells me I'm beautiful EVERY SINGLE day a few times a day and it drives him nuts that I just don't seem to get it. It's difficult to undo all the pain from the past and how we feel about ourselves. You can only be positive and complimentary, but that doesn't mean he's going to change how he feels about himself. His self-perception is something he's going to have to change on his own.

AckieJ

Sounds like my husband. I lost almost 20lbs and he says he should lose weight or get healthy and doesnt. But when I like some fit guy or make a comment he says the same. What you told him is enough... if you didn't want to be with him you wouldn't. Bottom line.

secretlobster

Cheat on him with an even fatter guy

virichi08

This is why I'm lucky to be a male. I'm fat and I have a hot and awesome wife. Sure I want to change my fatness, but the fact remains I still have a hot and awesome wife and I'm fat. :happy:

lol. Thats how he talks about me, but when i go to compliment him or tell him how much i like him and everything, he gets all insecure about it.

virichi08

Cheat on him with an even fatter guy

guess that would show him huh, lol

alpine1994

I used to be this way before I lost weight. My boyfriend told me that he loves me no matter what my weight is and that he has always been attracted to me, etc. I didn't believe any of it because I would look in the mirror and think "how could anyone love THIS?" I had horrible body image issues. Honestly the only thing that helped was to lose weight. As I lose weight, I like my appearance more and I feel so much better in my own skin, which has only made our relationship 10000% better. I still have a hard time believing that he loved me back when I was overweight, but I remind myself that I would still love him and be attracted to him if he was overweight.

So, unfortunately he might not ever truly believe you unless he loses weight and feels better about himself, or somehow otherwise gets over his image issues. I think you're doing the right thing by being affectionate with him and reminding him that you think he's attractive no matter what.

dinosnopro

Stop liking pictures of in shape male celebrities..I think that would help some.

virichi08

Sounds like my husband. I lost almost 20lbs and he says he should lose weight or get healthy and doesnt. But when I like some fit guy or make a comment he says the same. What you told him is enough... if you didn't want to be with him you wouldn't. Bottom line.

EXACTLY!!!! i feel that even after he has lost the weight, he won't thnk i really like him physically.

BritneysStuntDouble

This is why I'm lucky to be a male. I'm fat and I have a hot and awesome wife. Sure I want to change my fatness, but the fact remains I still have a hot and awesome wife and I'm fat. :happy:

Fat guy with hot wife here too.

I'm grateful that Doug Heffernan isn't the only one to have lucked out. Mmm... Carrie Heffernan.

Ge0rgiana

That's so sad. :frown: I personally adore "fat" guys, but nothing kills attraction faster than lack of confidence. I hope he comes to terms with that.