He says i am settling for a fat guy....
Replies
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Stop 'liking' pictures of hot/muscular/toned guys on Facebook. IMO, It's just rude to do when you are in a relationship.0
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i know exactly how he feels.I fight with that insecurty everyday.Giving him more compliments isn't going to help.He would automatically assume you are lying.Just be very sensitive around him..like dont check out hot guys or even hang out with them..you will have to stop "liking" pictures on fb too bcuz he is just looking for excuses to confirm what his mind already believes.The only sure way out of this is that he loses that weight or worst case he might break up you himself because he wont be able to deal with this for long. I would suggest you really support him lose that weight in every way possible.Good luck
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Non snarky question. . .if you "liking" photos of hot looking men is a trigger for his insecurity, why do it? I purposefully do NOT do things that may trigger an insecurity I know my husband has. Why? Because I love him MORE than I care about the other activity. Is it wrong to "like" a random hot guy on FB? No. But if you know it makes your BF's insecurity flare, why go there? Would you like it if you had a particular senstivity and he did things routinely to rile you up??
All that being said, the insecurity issue is his and his alone to come to terms with. You can't fix it. You choose to modify your actions to lessen the trigger moments, but ultimately HE has to get a grip or you'll be facing this issue for the entire length of your relationship. If he gets to a healthy weight, he'll find another issue to focus on. I've seen it happen.0 -
We all have insecurities - Our insecurities can turn into something that is not pleasant. Imagine yourself watching a football game - this hot dude walks across the screen (MOST OF THEM ARE) - you comment and the next thing you know, you are getting "cussed" out. You try and try and try to explain that you were just commenting on his good looks but you love him more. It will be a loosing battle. I'm not reading too deep into this - I'm reading the signs. We as women know how to love - we know what we want - it can look like a piece of crap and we will make it do what it do.......
Personally - I would re-evaluate the relationship - not because he is fat - but because he is insecure and if he does not deal with it, YOU will. Insecurity will turn into jealousy and you will find yourself tip toeing around him.
Ask me how I know? I've been in it and I've seen it.
I thought that if I kept doing nice things, showing him how much I loved him - he would "catch" on and be cool - Didn't happen.
I kept doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result - you know what I got? A shattered heart.........
To me - it ain't worth it! I can do bad by myself until what I REALLY deserve comes along. How long? Not sure but I'm willing to take the risk of waiting.........
Exactly this! You will never be able to fill a vessel with holes in it - he needs to patch himself up. You said it makes you feel bad - why should YOU feel bad? I, too, have personal experience with this. Nothing you say or do will EVER make it better. It is something HE needs to work on. Good luck!0 -
I love this. It's so true.i know exactly how he feels.I fight with that insecurty everyday.Giving him more compliments isn't going to help.He would automatically assume you are lying.Just be very sensitive around him..like dont check out hot guys or even hang out with them..you will have to stop "liking" pictures on fb too bcuz he is just looking for excuses to confirm what his mind already believes.The only sure way out of this is that he loses that weight or worst case he might break up you himself because he wont be able to deal with this for long. I would suggest you really support him lose that weight in every way possible.Good luck0 -
show him this post....
I thought about that.0 -
Non snarky question. . .if you "liking" photos of hot looking men is a trigger for his insecurity, why do it? I purposefully do NOT do things that may trigger an insecurity I know my husband has. Why? Because I love him MORE than I care about the other activity. Is it wrong to "like" a random hot guy on FB? No. But if you know it makes your BF's insecurity flare, why go there? Would you like it if you had a particular senstivity and he did things routinely to rile you up??
All that being said, the insecurity issue is his and his alone to come to terms with. You can't fix it. You choose to modify your actions to lessen the trigger moments, but ultimately HE has to get a grip or you'll be facing this issue for the entire length of your relationship. If he gets to a healthy weight, he'll find another issue to focus on. I've seen it happen.
I totally agree with you, but seriously this FB thing came up this morning. I liked some picture and I got a not so happy txt this morning. NOW i know not to do it and i really did not see how DEEP his insecurity was.0 -
i know exactly how he feels.I fight with that insecurty everyday.Giving him more compliments isn't going to help.He would automatically assume you are lying.Just be very sensitive around him..like dont check out hot guys or even hang out with them..you will have to stop "liking" pictures on fb too bcuz he is just looking for excuses to confirm what his mind already believes.The only sure way out of this is that he loses that weight or worst case he might break up you himself because he wont be able to deal with this for long. I would suggest you really support him lose that weight in every way possible.Good luck
Thank you. And i am supporting him.0 -
We all have insecurities - Our insecurities can turn into something that is not pleasant. Imagine yourself watching a football game - this hot dude walks across the screen (MOST OF THEM ARE) - you comment and the next thing you know, you are getting "cussed" out. You try and try and try to explain that you were just commenting on his good looks but you love him more. It will be a loosing battle. I'm not reading too deep into this - I'm reading the signs. We as women know how to love - we know what we want - it can look like a piece of crap and we will make it do what it do.......
Personally - I would re-evaluate the relationship - not because he is fat - but because he is insecure and if he does not deal with it, YOU will. Insecurity will turn into jealousy and you will find yourself tip toeing around him.
Ask me how I know? I've been in it and I've seen it.
I thought that if I kept doing nice things, showing him how much I loved him - he would "catch" on and be cool - Didn't happen.
I kept doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result - you know what I got? A shattered heart.........
To me - it ain't worth it! I can do bad by myself until what I REALLY deserve comes along. How long? Not sure but I'm willing to take the risk of waiting.........
*sigh* GOOD POINT... =(0 -
This is hard; he seems to be very insecure about your relationship. Sounds like you are doing your best to reassure him, but if he won't listen and accept what you're saying, then the question is how long you can take him constantly being insecure about things. There isn't much more you can do than what you have done to reassure him. He needs to change his mindset about himself.0
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Here's something I learned recently about guys...
We tend to be coddle-y with them? And be like "noooooo it's okaaaaaay don't worryyyyyyy bleh bleh bleeeeeeeeh" and it's lame.
Sometimes you need to give them a little bit of a shake. Be a bit harsh. If I were you talking to him, this is what I would say...
"You need to STOP. YOU ARE AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU. DEAL WITH IT. If YOU don't like YOUR body, then DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO FIX IT. And if you're really focused you WILL SUCCEED and then YOU won't dislike YOUR body anymore. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I will be HERE. I will SUPPORT YOU. I LOVE YOU. So STOP PROJECTING YOUR INSECURITY ON ME. YOUR INSECURITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. Now stop whining and let's go to the gym and kick some *kitten* together, okay?"
:P0 -
I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"0
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sadly, I have to agree with everyone else... it's something he will have to deal with.
It's his issue not yours. Stop trying to fix it. Just support him on his journey in his time.0 -
Stop 'liking' pictures of hot/muscular/toned guys on Facebook. IMO, It's just rude to do when you are in a relationship.
Agree with this^0 -
Your BF is not just insecure about his weight, he is insecure period. He needs to work on that or he will be annoying to be around his whole life, constantly doubting himself.
You can't fix him, he has to work on it himself. Women can't change men, ever. They can't change anyone but themselves. You can't change anyone but yourself. So until he's ready, it will never change.
This, exactly. I was with a guy just like this for 4 years. He wouldn't listen to a word I said, and used the "settling" term with me as well. I eventually broke up with him because his insecurity was ruining every aspect of our relationship, and I got too frustrated to bother trying to help him through it anymore.
Turns out, it was the wake-up call that he needed, he's changed and is now in a much better place (and so am I).0 -
I've faced this same issue for years and it's really hard sometimes. All you can do is keep showing him your love and make it known that he is the one for you in every way you can There isn't anything else you can do but be patient with him ♥ Good luck! 0
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I think supporting your partner and helping them to grow is a great thing.
However, you do have to be careful as sometimes people who are the "eternal victim" or always seeking assurance can translate to being a power play to lock you in a relationship out of misplaced guilt and loyalty.
Your own growth as a person gets put on the back burner and stifled whilst you are propping up your partner.
Be kind but don't become a victim yourself.0 -
i tried the stop whining approach too! lolol only makes it worse! hahaha!0 -
I think supporting your partner and helping them to grow is a great thing.
However, you do have to be careful as sometimes people who are the "eternal victim" or always seeking assurance can translate to being a power play to lock you in a relationship out of misplaced guilt and loyalty.
Your own growth as a person gets put on the back burner and stifled whilst you are propping up your partner.
Be kind but don't become a victim yourself.
Great advice! Sounds like my ex!0 -
Wanna cheer him up and boost his confidence? Take him to BJ's Warehouse or BJ's Restaurant. Watch "BJ & the Bear". Listen to some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Do these things often.
You catch my drift?0 -
Negativity will invade and infect.. nothing sucks out more of your soul than having to prop someone else up who refuses to find their own confidence. You can only do so much but one thing I know - a person who doesn't love themselves cannot love you more than that. You can give it time, you can try it out and see if things improve, maybe time will convince him.. it's ultimately up to you. I don't have the strength to carry my own 'negative image' problems and carry someone else's as well. I will go down the happily stuffing my face rabbit hole of hell because negativity and depression are infectious diseases to me... I'd much rather just seduce the hot neighbor and get negative out of my system.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide!!0 -
I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"
Well, you ruined that...0 -
Wanna cheer him up and boost his confidence? Take him to BJ's Warehouse or BJ's Restaurant. Watch "BJ & the Bear". Listen to some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Do these things often.
You catch my drift?
haahhahah..........hilarious0 -
I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"
Well, you ruined that...
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And true!Wanna cheer him up and boost his confidence? Take him to BJ's Warehouse or BJ's Restaurant. Watch "BJ & the Bear". Listen to some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Do these things often.
You catch my drift?
haahhahah..........hilarious0 -
I'm the big one in the relationship and at the very beginning was very insecure with my weight. Over time, I realized my SO truly did not care about my weight.
Put out regularly and show him you think he's hot and turns you on. That's what did it for me.0 -
It's his problem, not yours. There's nothing you are going to be able to say or do to make it all better.
this unfortunately. My fiance is the same way sometimes, even though he's not really overweight at all. I think he thinks I'm going to go to the gym and find some buff guy and leave him! silly men.
I feel like a fat tub of lard sometimes, BUT I don't think he doesn't like me the way I am.0 -
Cheat on him with an even fatter guy
hahahah sorry but that was funny0 -
cheating with an even fatter guy LOL.....I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"
Well, you ruined that...
Where is Dani anyway??? \m/0 -
the only thing I can add is that my ex was like that....he would express displeasure in my actions by throwing what I had done as a negative reflection on him.
So if I looked at a magazine with celebrities in it, and mentioned I liked the watch in an add that showed Matthew McConaghey wearing the watch, all of the sudden it was about how *i* felt he (my boyfriend) was ugly and that I didn't like him..
that's emotional manipulation....it really is...
it got to the point where I couldn't look at magazines, enjoy a movie, see friends, have a coffee, smile at a stranger, without it having some negative reflection on him....
without him making it a statement about him.
so I left him.
the long and the short of it?
Just break up.0
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