He says i am settling for a fat guy....

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13

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  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
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    Here's something I learned recently about guys...

    We tend to be coddle-y with them? And be like "noooooo it's okaaaaaay don't worryyyyyyy bleh bleh bleeeeeeeeh" and it's lame.

    Sometimes you need to give them a little bit of a shake. Be a bit harsh. If I were you talking to him, this is what I would say...

    "You need to STOP. YOU ARE AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU. DEAL WITH IT. If YOU don't like YOUR body, then DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO FIX IT. And if you're really focused you WILL SUCCEED and then YOU won't dislike YOUR body anymore. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I will be HERE. I will SUPPORT YOU. I LOVE YOU. So STOP PROJECTING YOUR INSECURITY ON ME. YOUR INSECURITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. Now stop whining and let's go to the gym and kick some *kitten* together, okay?"

    :P
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
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    I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"
  • markpmc
    markpmc Posts: 240 Member
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    sadly, I have to agree with everyone else... it's something he will have to deal with.

    It's his issue not yours. Stop trying to fix it. Just support him on his journey in his time.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Stop 'liking' pictures of hot/muscular/toned guys on Facebook. IMO, It's just rude to do when you are in a relationship.

    Agree with this^
  • hnsaunde
    hnsaunde Posts: 757 Member
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    Your BF is not just insecure about his weight, he is insecure period. He needs to work on that or he will be annoying to be around his whole life, constantly doubting himself.

    You can't fix him, he has to work on it himself. Women can't change men, ever. They can't change anyone but themselves. You can't change anyone but yourself. So until he's ready, it will never change.

    This, exactly. I was with a guy just like this for 4 years. He wouldn't listen to a word I said, and used the "settling" term with me as well. I eventually broke up with him because his insecurity was ruining every aspect of our relationship, and I got too frustrated to bother trying to help him through it anymore.

    Turns out, it was the wake-up call that he needed, he's changed and is now in a much better place (and so am I).
  • Icelandic_Saga
    Icelandic_Saga Posts: 2,926 Member
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    I've faced this same issue for years and it's really hard sometimes. All you can do is keep showing him your love and make it known that he is the one for you in every way you can :) There isn't anything else you can do but be patient with him ♥ Good luck!
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    I think supporting your partner and helping them to grow is a great thing.

    However, you do have to be careful as sometimes people who are the "eternal victim" or always seeking assurance can translate to being a power play to lock you in a relationship out of misplaced guilt and loyalty.

    Your own growth as a person gets put on the back burner and stifled whilst you are propping up your partner.

    Be kind but don't become a victim yourself.
  • Icelandic_Saga
    Icelandic_Saga Posts: 2,926 Member
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    3695268_o.gif

    i tried the stop whining approach too! lolol only makes it worse! hahaha!
  • __F4t2f1t__
    __F4t2f1t__ Posts: 97
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    I think supporting your partner and helping them to grow is a great thing.

    However, you do have to be careful as sometimes people who are the "eternal victim" or always seeking assurance can translate to being a power play to lock you in a relationship out of misplaced guilt and loyalty.

    Your own growth as a person gets put on the back burner and stifled whilst you are propping up your partner.

    Be kind but don't become a victim yourself.

    Great advice! Sounds like my ex!
  • BritneysStuntDouble
    BritneysStuntDouble Posts: 849 Member
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    Wanna cheer him up and boost his confidence? Take him to BJ's Warehouse or BJ's Restaurant. Watch "BJ & the Bear". Listen to some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Do these things often.

    You catch my drift?
  • Shamrock_me
    Shamrock_me Posts: 161
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    Negativity will invade and infect.. nothing sucks out more of your soul than having to prop someone else up who refuses to find their own confidence. You can only do so much but one thing I know - a person who doesn't love themselves cannot love you more than that. You can give it time, you can try it out and see if things improve, maybe time will convince him.. it's ultimately up to you. I don't have the strength to carry my own 'negative image' problems and carry someone else's as well. I will go down the happily stuffing my face rabbit hole of hell because negativity and depression are infectious diseases to me... I'd much rather just seduce the hot neighbor and get negative out of my system.

    Good luck to you in whatever you decide!!
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"

    Well, you ruined that...
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    Wanna cheer him up and boost his confidence? Take him to BJ's Warehouse or BJ's Restaurant. Watch "BJ & the Bear". Listen to some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Do these things often.

    You catch my drift?

    haahhahah..........hilarious
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"

    Well, you ruined that...


    Kent.png
  • BritneysStuntDouble
    BritneysStuntDouble Posts: 849 Member
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    Wanna cheer him up and boost his confidence? Take him to BJ's Warehouse or BJ's Restaurant. Watch "BJ & the Bear". Listen to some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Do these things often.

    You catch my drift?

    haahhahah..........hilarious
    And true!
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I'm the big one in the relationship and at the very beginning was very insecure with my weight. Over time, I realized my SO truly did not care about my weight.

    Put out regularly and show him you think he's hot and turns you on. That's what did it for me.
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
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    It's his problem, not yours. There's nothing you are going to be able to say or do to make it all better.

    this unfortunately. My fiance is the same way sometimes, even though he's not really overweight at all. I think he thinks I'm going to go to the gym and find some buff guy and leave him! silly men.

    I feel like a fat tub of lard sometimes, BUT I don't think he doesn't like me the way I am.
  • _KATzMeow
    _KATzMeow Posts: 336 Member
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    Cheat on him with an even fatter guy


    hahahah sorry but that was funny
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    I can't believe no one has said, "Just break up with him"

    Well, you ruined that...


    Kent.png
    cheating with an even fatter guy LOL.....
    Where is Dani anyway??? \m/
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    the only thing I can add is that my ex was like that....he would express displeasure in my actions by throwing what I had done as a negative reflection on him.

    So if I looked at a magazine with celebrities in it, and mentioned I liked the watch in an add that showed Matthew McConaghey wearing the watch, all of the sudden it was about how *i* felt he (my boyfriend) was ugly and that I didn't like him..

    that's emotional manipulation....it really is...

    it got to the point where I couldn't look at magazines, enjoy a movie, see friends, have a coffee, smile at a stranger, without it having some negative reflection on him....

    without him making it a statement about him.

    so I left him.

    the long and the short of it?

    Just break up.

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