So is anyone willing to give relationship advice?
Replies
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You should have just titled this "Dani, what should I do?"
Just break up.
Can't believe it took you 4 pages to get in here with that.
You're slacking.0 -
Wait for him to be different than who he is now? How long seems like a good amount of time?
In truth, people are who they are and if you can't accept them that way, then there is little chance for success. This problem is about you, why would you want to be with someone you really seem to think rather poorly of?
My advice, decide what you want from a partner, go for that. If you can't see a future after you have had 6 months together, chances are you will not have a future together.0 -
I don't think I have that right...... there's a reason i'm almost 29 and still single. :ohwell:0
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This is simple. You're too young and beautiful to be with a video gaming pot-head. Dump the loser and find someone who deserves you.0
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Okay well .. me and my boyfriend have been together a year now. I'm 18 and he just turned 20 in November. I feel as if I do a lot for him, pretty much anything he wants, but he just stopped putting in any effort at all. I mean I really don't ask for much. I bike to and from his house daily, he never comes over mine and I don't bother asking because everytime I have he says he's too lazy.. he smokes pot every 20 minutes of the day.
I stopped reading when I read "he smokes pot"
Dump his sorry carcass. He obviously has issues you don't want to be involved in.
As for everything before that, it sounds alot like one of my exes. He obviously lost interest and doesn't care about you enough to put in any effort to even better himself much less make you happy.
Seeing as you're a member on a fitness program, you have intentions on making yourself a better person.:) Stick to your goals and don't let lazy potheads like that jerk hold you down. You deserve better.
You're young, you've still got your whole life ahead of you. Focus on yourself. It may hurt now, but in the end, it will all work out, and you'll feel so much greater! ^^0 -
Better to be single (and quite cute, if I may add) than to be stuck to a loser, and not have the cojones to drop him.I don't think I have that right...... there's a reason i'm almost 29 and still single. :ohwell:0 -
This is 4 pages, I didn't read one word of it.
Just break up.0 -
"WT" would tell you propose NOW!0
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I'd run from that ASAP...
Sounds like you're getting nothing good from the relationship. Why stay?
he says he's 'depressed' and is going through a rough time in his life. and not to leave him. then he treats me like this and wonders why i'm in his words, only happy w him when I'm asleep. lmao
I have a friend who is married to a guy like this, only he drinks all the time. They've been married about 20 years and she still thinks he can change. Kick him to the curb.0 -
If you're not ready to break up, why don't you just stop biking to his house. Tell him you're too lazy and find out how important he thinks you are. Don't waver. Just DON'T go there.0
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he sounds like a manipulative piece of *kitten*. Sorry, but I wasted my 20s on guys like this, and if I can help save just one young girl from the mistakes I made, I'm going to call it like it is. Please break up with him and don't look back.0
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move on !!!!!!!!!!!
theres a lot better out there0 -
Wow! Love that you're open to relationship advice... This same quality is what saved my marriage when most crumble and disolve. Don't ever lose this strategy!
My advice is more for your next relationship, as this one should be over. The important thing is learning from this experience so that it doesn't happen again.
#1. Make sure that with your next relationship that you avoid at all costs, "Shacking up" or 'sleeping' with whomever the guy is. Relationships start their turn for the worst once this happens (e.g. while dating and not married). Yeah this sounds old fashioned and stupid, but mark my words, I can prove with a high degree of accuracy that all relationships where sex comes before marriage, that all relational intimacy stops, and in the case of men, they check out. Stop the Sex and guess what happens? The man you met and couldn't stop talking to, comes back to life and begins treating you like you should be treated. Then as you begin to get the frequent calls, voicemails, texts and flowers, your interest in loving and respecting him, goes back to where he wants it and the bliss begins/resumes.
#2. Do what you can to change your, "Self-talk" about yourself. If you're using MFP, you obviously care about yourself and are trying to improve your health/weight/outlook on life and have the personal discipline to do so. This is a rare and beautiful quality that can be shared with someone who values the same things and is going in the same direction. Anyone who is prone to self medication with alcohol, drugs, or couch potatoing, will not get you, respect you or support you. So as you look in the mirror and or have those conversations with yourself, remind you of how awesome you are, how great you're looking and how bright your future is going to be as you continue your weight loss, exercise gains, control over eating, etc.
#3. Raise the bar on your next relationship -- set higher standards for who you date next, or better yet, stop dating for a while and seek out group settings where you can get to know someone outside of a dating scenario. In the old days this was called Courting, where guys/gals got to know eachother in groups, vs. one on one. One on one leads to the disaster of my point #1. Stick in groups and you'll have a fighting chance to find a new person worth investing in. You won't find this person in a bar or at a club either. Join a running club, seek out a healthy and relevant church to go to, and or enrol in a city college, etc. where you can meet up with people who are going somewhere. The minute you sense pot/alcohol/other additictions to medication, move on, and move on quickly. Group settings enable quick exits. One on one dating makes it much tougher.
Great luck to you! You're wise beyond your years for seeking advice too.
THIS!!!!!
Your words cannot be any truer. Believe it or not, I made those same mistakes in relationships, but then I took a step back, discovered my self-worth, and raised the bar as you said. I leanred from my mistakes and now things are going great fo rme
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Honestly, you deserve 100 times better than that. You deserve somebody who is going to make you feel better when you're crying, and somebody who will partake in an actual conversation instead of trying to dodge it. You need to be with somebody who will put in the same amount of effort as you are putting in, and in this case it sounds like you're 1 person trying to make a relationship work and to be completely honest, that never lasts. It's always better to be single than to be taken advantage of or mistreated. I know you probably love him a lot and it's not easy to hear, but it really doesn't sound like a relationship you should or want to be in. I've done my fair share of being the only person in a relationship trying and all that really did was postpone the inevitable end a few months (in 1 case a few years that i absolutely regret)
The way I see it, you're just delaying yourself meeting someone worthwhile being with this guy. And don't EVER believe when someone says they will change, because if they really wanted to change, they would have showed that a long time ago.0 -
the best advice that I can give, I agree with everything that everyone is saying but I do feel like you might need to learn to value yourself a little more. Once you learn just how amazing you are, you will no longer waste time on people who treat you like you don't matter because you do.0
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I'm going to skip the relationship and go to life advice:
Leave this guy, and don't look back. Whatever you like about this guy can be found in another guy who will actually be into you, and not himself.0 -
Your relationship is a relationsh!t.... You don't realise it right now maybe but the world is full of men and lots of them are absolutely fantastic, wonderful, fun, kind, hot men! You're wasting time with an actual bona fide loser! He doesn't even sound like he likes you to be honest never mind love you and if any fecker called me names and treated me with so little respect at your age he'd have been getting a visit from my brothers and his marching orders! Sack him off!0
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Get. Out. Now.
Do not look back, move on! You wouldn't be losing a boyfriend, you would be gaining a life....yours! Do not waste your time with him. You cannot change him. I repeat....you CANNOT change him.
I wish you all the best.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Okay well .. me and my boyfriend have been together a year now. I'm 18 and he just turned 20 in November. I feel as if I do a lot for him, pretty much anything he wants, but he just stopped putting in any effort at all. I mean I really don't ask for much. I bike to and from his house daily, he never comes over mine and I don't bother asking because everytime I have he says he's too lazy.. he smokes pot every 20 minutes of the day. I'm not sure if pot is a truly addictive drug but he definitely can't stop it. It's to the point that he can't be sober for more then 10 minutes.. not over-exaggerating. It's difficult for me to want to be with him because even though he's 20, all he does is sit inside and play video games / smoke. It's made me so upset that sometimes I can't help but cry, and when he notices, he says "wtf is wrong with you?" "you're so stupid" "you're a joke" .. he's constantly telling me how much he needs me and how he loves me more than anything, but his actions are showing almost the complete opposite. he keeps on calling me crazy for trying to tell him what's wrong but whenever I try to talk, he says I'm dumb or retarded and stops me before I even get to finish. I feel like this relationship is going nowhere but downhill at this point and I'm not sure if I should end it or just wait it out to see if he if just going through an *kitten*, video games 24/7, lazy phase. I'm just so confused and really don't have anyone else to talk to about this.
And the reason you're still in this relationships is......why?0 -
Time to cut your losses, move on, and never look back imho. There are far better fish in the sea, and you deserve to land one.
Good luck!0 -
did anyone say "just break up" yet?0
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Break up with him. Right now.
Like, I don't care what you're doing at the moment. Stop, and break up with him.
It doesn't even sound like you like him. Why are you even still with him?0 -
Drop the *kitten*. He is taking advantage of you, you deserve so much better!0
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www.reddit.com/r/relationships+relationship_advice0
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RUN AWAY FROM HIM.
DON'T BREAK UP WITH HIM, DON'T TEXT HIM, DON'T EMAIL HIM.
JUST NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN...*kitten*!!!0 -
RUN FORREST RUN!
You are too young to give up your life for someone like that. At the minimum, he is neglectful-but it sounds borderline abusive to me and you deserve much better. Everyone does.
Lots of guys out there who would appreciate you.
Hurt a little now-or wait and hurt a LOT.
Sorry for the blunt reply; I guess tough love is the intent.0 -
I have an 18 year old daughter and if a man ever talked to her in such a manner, I would go over to his house and have my boyfriend KICK HIS *kitten*!
Honey, it's time to move on. It's time to be selfish, gather up your courage and make yourself happy. Find someone worth your time.
Your boyfriend sounds like a total druggie. Time to let go.0 -
Do you really want to marry this man and have kids with him? Im going to bet no. So why waste your time?0
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18...you are so young!!! Get out there and enjoy life, no need to tie yourself down now.0
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Run, run, run. You are way to young to have someone holding you down like that! Sounds like the whole relationship is misserable except for when he "tells" you that he loves you and needs you. Actions speak louder than words.
You should read the book "He just not than into to you"0
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