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  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    yeah, i can get pretty hot headed sometimes, but after i cooled down and explained why i thought it was insensitive he just changed the subject. :( .....just trying to remember to be positive aaaaand remember good things
    He probably didnt apologize because you immediatly insulted him while being defensive. Which is a little nerve racking for guys because then they are walking on egg shells and dont want to make you mad.
  • RockstarPunch
    RockstarPunch Posts: 203 Member
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    LET IT GO :) sometimes women hold on to things too much. If you already talked to him about it and he apologized, let it go. dont look for a reason to be upset. if you want him to be supportive accept his way of asking about your progress, if you want it to be a private journey between you,mfp and friends then keep it private. Hes not a woman and hes not gonna coddle to weight issue, he's a dude. shake it off and stay focused on YOUR journey :)
  • art3mislecter
    art3mislecter Posts: 57 Member
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    Ouch. My feelings would be hurt, too. I think "dump him" is a little overzealous, though. Talk to him and tell him that what he said really hurt your feelings. Then let it go. It could be that he was trying to be encouraging and he stuck his foot in his mouth instead.

    You're doing awesome-- way to go!
  • DreamersWifey
    DreamersWifey Posts: 181 Member
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    Maybe he was saying you already lost 20 and by the time he gets back you'll be skinny!
    Spin it positively lol
  • metacognition
    metacognition Posts: 626 Member
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    My opinion: a guy isn't worth hanging around for if he is that superficial.
  • pg3ibew
    pg3ibew Posts: 1,026 Member
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    Did you ask him what would happen IF you did NOT lose the weight within HIS time frame?
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
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    erm. I didn't take it as him telling her to lose 30lbs by the time he got back, the way she worded it was "do you think you'll be 150 by the time i get back?" So I take it as yeah, he could have worded it differently because it can easily be misconstrued, but it sounds like it was more of an excitement/motivative intent. And i also think remarking on his body as a retort was pretty mean, this is your journey not his.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    Thanks!!! I am trying to let stupid things though, but maybe it's a pride thing i dont know it's just hard for me to drop something lol, but i will do my best buddy!! :)
    LET IT GO :) sometimes women hold on to things too much. If you already talked to him about it and he apologized, let it go. dont look for a reason to be upset. if you want him to be supportive accept his way of asking about your progress, if you want it to be a private journey between you,mfp and friends then keep it private. Hes not a woman and hes not gonna coddle to weight issue, he's a dude. shake it off and stay focused on YOUR journey :)
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    yes it was pretty mean for me and i apologized, but he never did, so i'm just going to try to let it go!!!
    erm. I didn't take it as him telling her to lose 30lbs by the time he got back, the way she worded it was "do you think you'll be 150 by the time i get back?" So I take it as yeah, he could have worded it differently because it can easily be misconstrued, but it sounds like it was more of an excitement/motivative intent. And i also think remarking on his body as a retort was pretty mean, this is your journey not his.
  • hartnecke
    hartnecke Posts: 2 Member
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    You are soo right in saying do this for YOUR lifestyle NOBODY ELSE!!!!! He is insensitive and unkind.
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
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    A lot of it depends on his tone. It sounds like he just said something stupid. I'd let it go, *especially* if he's never said anything like this before. That's the key. Does he normally treat you well and say nice things? If so, let it go. If not, then it's an issue.

    He probably thought he was motivating you, realized you took it the wrong way, and then clammed up for fear of pissing you off further. My boyfriend does the same thing. He gives me a while to cool down and then apologizes when I'm calm enough to say, "That thing you said earlier really hurt, and here's why." He does the same thing when I say something stupid and he gets mad. I go into his office a couple hours later, put my arms around him, and say, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that. Can we talk about it?"

    Relationships are all about learning about each other. Even if you're deeply in love, you're still two different people, and you're going to have disagreements. So many people are quick to say, "DUMP HIM!" when they're on the outside of things and have no idea what it's like to be in a true partnership. People like that are going to end up alone and bitter.
  • katy84o
    katy84o Posts: 744 Member
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    A couple of things: before he left for India, had you told him your goal was to get to 150? Maybe he remembered that and was really just trying to ask if you thought you'd reach your goal. And what did he say when you talked to him about it, when you told him that you thought it was mean how he asked?

    Sometimes people say things that hurt others feelings. I know that sometimes my boyfriend does it to me, and I do it to him. Not intentionally but somethings come out in a not so sensitive way, and we always apologize to each other. If you are certain he said it to hurt you then I would be bothered by it. But if you aren't certain he was trying to be mean, then let it go, and continue to work on your health at your own pace. If he meant no harm then letting it bother you isn't doing you any good. If he did say it to be an *kitten*, tell him how you feel.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    My opinion? Dump him. Find someone who will be supportive of you and love you for yourself, not what size you are.

    Uh... let's not get crazy... people say stuff all the time that they don't necessarily mean. It was a **** thing to say to you, but it's not worth breaking up over if you really love him.

    Anyways. I agree with another poster... it might have been his way of trying to encourage you... and didn't even realize that what he said was insensitive. Plus, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sensitive about my weight and weight loss "journey" so... I've come to realize that sometimes I interpret things wrong due to my sensitivity to the topic.

    I think what you should ask yourself is: Is he supportive of your weight loss, but also would he be supportive if you decided not to lose any weight? :) Good luck!
  • VanessaHeartsMasr
    VanessaHeartsMasr Posts: 727
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    Nah, don't let it bother you. It's a typical man thing to say. They don't have the tact or sensitivity with words like women do. After 13 years, I've learned what to let slide off my back, and what to make a big deal out of. And you have to be direct with them too, like all the time. Never assume men know what you are feeling, because they don't. Just tell him, "Hey honey. It really bothered me when you said that. I just want to know that you love me for the way I am. You owe me some flowers." Lol.
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
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    A couple of things: before he left for India, had you told him your goal was to get to 150? Maybe he remembered that and was really just trying to ask if you thought you'd reach your goal. And what did he say when you talked to him about it, when you told him that you thought it was mean how he asked?

    I wondered that too. My boyfriend asked, "So are you under 300 yet?" earlier today. I started to get upset, and then I remembered that I hadn't told him my weight in a long time and he knew I wanted to be under 300 by Christmas. He was just asking a simple question, and I took it the wrong way.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    He is a complete and total sweetheart, and people pick on us because of our height, and weight difference and he basically tells them to screw off....but i know he has been with small girls, and he has told me before, "i was with a girl bigger than you before".....i know it bothers him that i'm not skinny, and he has said before it is also about personality, but on occasion he will let somehting like this slip.....he does try to be supportive, but he has never been big himself, so it seems conflicting what he says and does sometimes, like mixed feelings, as mean as it may sound my main thing is i dont want him to think i'm loosing the weight just for him!!!! i'm very independant, and yes stubborn....i just have mixed feelings about it because of his conflicting actions and words....he is very sweet and kind, but has these "moments", and i know that deep down (and has admitted it, but not outright) that he wants me to be skinny.... its a hard thing to deal with for me and i am not going to dump him straight out for it, but lets just say i finally reach my goal and i am skinny, and something happens later down the road and i gain weight, i always wonder how he would see me then? Once again though he is very sweet, just his actions and words from time to time conflict with each other and it completely confuses me, and the same thing happens when i ask him about it.
  • felcandy
    felcandy Posts: 228 Member
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    Sometimes people dont understand weight loss or even how much 30 lbs actually is. My husband always misjudges weight, and not just to be "nice"... I would explain to him how you are trying to lose weight the healthy way so that it will stay off. Don't get offended, it isnt worth it. And to the poster who said to dump him, that is a great way to end up even more hurt than before.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    i am probably just worried about my insecurities, i am really trying not to worry about it and over think it, but its hard sometimes....trying to learn to let it go
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
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    I would have a talk with him. I'm not sure if you feel comfortable talking about your future yet, but I would explain that sometimes, due to pregnancy, menopause, medications, or whatever, women can gain 10-20 pounds. Ask him if those weight fluctuations would bother him or if he'll always have an expectation that you're going to lose that weight and get back to your "younger" body.
  • coffee_rocks
    coffee_rocks Posts: 275 Member
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    Unless you are sure he just isn't clueless about how fast/slow weight comes off, I'd probably just chalk it up to him being a bit clueless.

    If it were me in your shoes, a reply of something like:

    "Ha Ha. The only way I'm down to 150 in the next month is if I lose a leg or something. Hey, I've lost 20 pounds already, and it takes several months to drop another 30 pounds, so ask me again in a year, ok?"

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