Male and Female Opinions

lovechicagobears

A lot of it depends on his tone. It sounds like he just said something stupid. I'd let it go, *especially* if he's never said anything like this before. That's the key. Does he normally treat you well and say nice things? If so, let it go. If not, then it's an issue.

He probably thought he was motivating you, realized you took it the wrong way, and then clammed up for fear of pissing you off further. My boyfriend does the same thing. He gives me a while to cool down and then apologizes when I'm calm enough to say, "That thing you said earlier really hurt, and here's why." He does the same thing when I say something stupid and he gets mad. I go into his office a couple hours later, put my arms around him, and say, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that. Can we talk about it?"

Relationships are all about learning about each other. Even if you're deeply in love, you're still two different people, and you're going to have disagreements. So many people are quick to say, "DUMP HIM!" when they're on the outside of things and have no idea what it's like to be in a true partnership. People like that are going to end up alone and bitter.

katy84o

A couple of things: before he left for India, had you told him your goal was to get to 150? Maybe he remembered that and was really just trying to ask if you thought you'd reach your goal. And what did he say when you talked to him about it, when you told him that you thought it was mean how he asked?

Sometimes people say things that hurt others feelings. I know that sometimes my boyfriend does it to me, and I do it to him. Not intentionally but somethings come out in a not so sensitive way, and we always apologize to each other. If you are certain he said it to hurt you then I would be bothered by it. But if you aren't certain he was trying to be mean, then let it go, and continue to work on your health at your own pace. If he meant no harm then letting it bother you isn't doing you any good. If he did say it to be an *kitten*, tell him how you feel.

jamiem1102

My opinion? Dump him. Find someone who will be supportive of you and love you for yourself, not what size you are.

Uh... let's not get crazy... people say stuff all the time that they don't necessarily mean. It was a **** thing to say to you, but it's not worth breaking up over if you really love him.

Anyways. I agree with another poster... it might have been his way of trying to encourage you... and didn't even realize that what he said was insensitive. Plus, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sensitive about my weight and weight loss "journey" so... I've come to realize that sometimes I interpret things wrong due to my sensitivity to the topic.

I think what you should ask yourself is: Is he supportive of your weight loss, but also would he be supportive if you decided not to lose any weight? Good luck!

VanessaHeartsMasr

Nah, don't let it bother you. It's a typical man thing to say. They don't have the tact or sensitivity with words like women do. After 13 years, I've learned what to let slide off my back, and what to make a big deal out of. And you have to be direct with them too, like all the time. Never assume men know what you are feeling, because they don't. Just tell him, "Hey honey. It really bothered me when you said that. I just want to know that you love me for the way I am. You owe me some flowers." Lol.

lovechicagobears

A couple of things: before he left for India, had you told him your goal was to get to 150? Maybe he remembered that and was really just trying to ask if you thought you'd reach your goal. And what did he say when you talked to him about it, when you told him that you thought it was mean how he asked?

I wondered that too. My boyfriend asked, "So are you under 300 yet?" earlier today. I started to get upset, and then I remembered that I hadn't told him my weight in a long time and he knew I wanted to be under 300 by Christmas. He was just asking a simple question, and I took it the wrong way.

BonnieandClyde29

He is a complete and total sweetheart, and people pick on us because of our height, and weight difference and he basically tells them to screw off....but i know he has been with small girls, and he has told me before, "i was with a girl bigger than you before".....i know it bothers him that i'm not skinny, and he has said before it is also about personality, but on occasion he will let somehting like this slip.....he does try to be supportive, but he has never been big himself, so it seems conflicting what he says and does sometimes, like mixed feelings, as mean as it may sound my main thing is i dont want him to think i'm loosing the weight just for him!!!! i'm very independant, and yes stubborn....i just have mixed feelings about it because of his conflicting actions and words....he is very sweet and kind, but has these "moments", and i know that deep down (and has admitted it, but not outright) that he wants me to be skinny.... its a hard thing to deal with for me and i am not going to dump him straight out for it, but lets just say i finally reach my goal and i am skinny, and something happens later down the road and i gain weight, i always wonder how he would see me then? Once again though he is very sweet, just his actions and words from time to time conflict with each other and it completely confuses me, and the same thing happens when i ask him about it.

felcandy

Sometimes people dont understand weight loss or even how much 30 lbs actually is. My husband always misjudges weight, and not just to be "nice"... I would explain to him how you are trying to lose weight the healthy way so that it will stay off. Don't get offended, it isnt worth it. And to the poster who said to dump him, that is a great way to end up even more hurt than before.

BonnieandClyde29

i am probably just worried about my insecurities, i am really trying not to worry about it and over think it, but its hard sometimes....trying to learn to let it go

lovechicagobears

I would have a talk with him. I'm not sure if you feel comfortable talking about your future yet, but I would explain that sometimes, due to pregnancy, menopause, medications, or whatever, women can gain 10-20 pounds. Ask him if those weight fluctuations would bother him or if he'll always have an expectation that you're going to lose that weight and get back to your "younger" body.

coffee_rocks

Unless you are sure he just isn't clueless about how fast/slow weight comes off, I'd probably just chalk it up to him being a bit clueless.

If it were me in your shoes, a reply of something like:

"Ha Ha. The only way I'm down to 150 in the next month is if I lose a leg or something. Hey, I've lost 20 pounds already, and it takes several months to drop another 30 pounds, so ask me again in a year, ok?"

rml_16

I would have to actually have heard the entire conversation to give an opinion. Snipping one comment completely out of context doesn't help me at all.

chivalryder

Unless you are sure he just isn't clueless about how fast/slow weight comes off, I'd probably just chalk it up to him being a bit clueless.

If it were me in your shoes, a reply of something like:

"Ha Ha. The only way I'm down to 150 in the next month is if I lose a leg or something. Hey, I've lost 20 pounds already, and it takes several months to drop another 30 pounds, so ask me again in a year, ok?"

^THIS

Ignorance is bliss, and EVERYONE is ignorant. He may have meant well, or he may have been joking. If you've been dating for a long time, you would know whether or not he meant well. You're just over reacting because you can't read his body language.

gseburn

You could also talk to him about it and not risk bringing it up to a forum of strangers who don't know you or him and will say ridiculous things like "dump him"

SoDamnHungry

If you love him and he's a good guy, then he probably didn't mean it offensively. He might just have been curious as to whether you'd meet your goal by then.

SoDamnHungry

You could also talk to him about it and not risk bringing it up to a forum of strangers who don't know you or him and will say ridiculous things like "dump him"

But our outside advice based on a small paragraph and one side of the argument is the best advice to follow!

odusgolp

Talk to him. Tell him you didn't like the way he phrased that comment or whatever... There's no where near enough info here to justify dumping him b/c he asked what weight you will be in a month but dated you regardless of your size to begin with.

vim_n_vigor

Is he generally a douche? Could it possibly just be the stress of being away for a long period of time and you overreacting to a comment where you couldn't even see his face? I wouldn't bring it up again or worry about it, even after he is home.

MyM0wM0w

o.0 I don't get why everyone is so upset with him? He asked a question..... unless there's something snotty in the way he said it or if there was MORE he said.

I would have just pointed out that a 30 lb loss in a month isn't likely to happen and if it did it wouldn't be healthy.

He doesn't sound mean, just dumb.

JessicaEsqueda

I think he was trying to give you a compliment, or even be cute, but it came out insensitive. I'd shrug it off and go about my business. Keep losing weight and doing what you're doing. I bet he's just excited to see a new, sexier you.

I doubt he was trying to be hurtful. Sometimes, people just say stupid things.

DBiddle69

"he asked if I am going to get down to 150lbs by the time he gets back"

I'm a little confused here...this is what he asked you and you are upset about this comment....Or you have not provided enough information for me to understand why he asked this question.

Did you bother to ask him why he asked this? What if his plans are to buy you something that would require a different sized based on your weight?

There is not enough information from you to help us determine why he might have said this.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

did you give him a time-frame for how quickly you expected to lose the weight, i.e. did you say by such and such date, I should or would like to be down to "X" weight?

hollyk57

Ok... *Lose* not *loose* K, that was driving me crazy....

Now... Seriously? If he's as much of a douche-o-saurus as you have described him to be, and that's merely an assumption because we really don't know the whole story here, then why the heck would you want to stick around with him? This is seriously where your own sense of self-worth needs to step in and kick his bum to the non-chubby-chasing curb. Why would you put up with that and live in fear that you'll fail to meet someone else's expectations of you? Wait for it... truth tea being spilled here - if he doesn't love/respect/appreciate you as who you are when you're not at your (or maybe his idea of what is your) ideal weight - then he doesn't deserve you when you reach your goals either - and he's not really in it for you. Find someone who loves and supports you, no matter your weight, or you'll never really be happy.

Also, as a side note - In general, if you're at the point where you need to air out the laundry on a public internet site, then you probably already know it's not working out, no?

<end rant>

Amplifiedx11

Coming from a guy, but I think it's applicable for all of us...

When I'm heavy, my self esteem goes right down the toilet. Anything anybody says about my weight sets me off, and I take everything as a direct, personal attack, even if it's not what they intended.

When I'm lighter, I'm much more confident and can roll comments like that off (if they are purposefully hurtful) or just accept them for what they are (if they were just a random, innocent remark).

I know it's easier said then done, but let those kind of things roll off your shoulder. There's no point in letting stuff like that get to you, whether it wall ill-intended or not. Not only will you stew on it and feel angry/hurt, but it could negatively affect your progress. You're doing AMAZING! Don't let anything stop you - be it him or even yourself.

KEEP ROCKING!

coe28

Sooooooo.....you want him to support you in your journey to lose weight, not actually CARE if you lose the weight or not, AND not question or comment on your changes? You may just be asking too much of him.

oregonzoo

He might not understand a lot about weight loss and how long it takes. I doubt he was trying to be a d*ck.

FauxNinja

Hey. Get down to the 150's and it won't be an issue.

jackpotclown

just break up \m/

coe28

Ok... *Lose* not *loose* K, that was driving me crazy....

Now... Seriously? If he's as much of a douche-o-saurus as you have described him to be, and that's merely an assumption because we really don't know the whole story here, then why the heck would you want to stick around with him? This is seriously where your own sense of self-worth needs to step in and kick his bum to the non-chubby-chasing curb. Why would you put up with that and live in fear that you'll fail to meet someone else's expectations of you? Wait for it... truth tea being spilled here - if he doesn't love/respect/appreciate you as who you are when you're not at your (or maybe his idea of what is your) ideal weight - then he doesn't deserve you when you reach your goals either - and he's not really in it for you. Find someone who loves and supports you, no matter your weight, or you'll never really be happy.

Also, as a side note - In general, if you're at the point where you need to air out the laundry on a public internet site, then you probably already know it's not working out, no?

<end rant>

I like you

gseburn

You could also talk to him about it and not risk bringing it up to a forum of strangers who don't know you or him and will say ridiculous things like "dump him"

But our outside advice based on a small paragraph and one side of the argument is the best advice to follow!

LIKE :-)

amberlykay1014

Only you know him well enough to know his intentions for sure, but my first instinct is that he is just trying to motivate you. Keep going girl!