Male and Female Opinions
Replies
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He honestly just might not know how hurtful that is. My boyfriend says some stuff like that but he doesn't mean that way. You have to think about how he treats you and if he has made comments in the past. If this was a one time thing, then I wouldn't sweat it and just write it off as him being stupid.0
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did you give him a time-frame for how quickly you expected to lose the weight, i.e. did you say by such and such date, I should or would like to be down to "X" weight?
Did you tell him your target weight was 150 lbs.? Well, even if you did, he should have said something that didn't sound so discouraging. I mean, you know how he is better than any one of us. Very often, guys say things that they think will be encouraging and funny. However, the message comes out asinine and insensitive.
I really hope he didn't mean it the way it sounds... if so, he's a total jerk to invalidate your already impressive progress and make it about himself.0 -
i am probably just worried about my insecurities, i am really trying not to worry about it and over think it, but its hard sometimes....trying to learn to let it go
Excellent plan.
It doesn't sound like he treats you badly at all and he probably didn't think his comment through.0 -
Does he KNOW that you are 180lbs right now? or does he just know that you want to get down to 150? He might only think you weigh 155... which would make 150 not that outrageous of a goal by the time he gets back... Yeah I think it was pretty insensitive... but maybe he really didn't know how unrealistic of a goal he set.0
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I like you
:flowerforyou:0 -
just break up \m/
I was waiting for that....wheres DaniD?0 -
He probably doesn't know how hard (if not impossible, and also unhealthy) it would be to lose 30lbs in one month.
Let's face it, lots of people like their SO to look a certain way and IMO there's nothing wrong with that. It might hurt our feelings but it's human nature to have a preference. I bet he's just excited to see you at your goal weight but obviously failed with how it all came out.
Sometimes my husband has said stupid things and would later explain he thought it would be motivating. He just didn't realize I needed more delicate forms of support/motivation lol0 -
men lose weight much faster than us. I don't think he knows how hard it can be for women to lose that quickly. My ex asked me like the day after I had my son if could lose the baby weight in like 2 weeks. He wanted this friends to come see the baby. When he gains a few pounds he does push ups for like a week and loses the weight and that's it!. just be patient with him. he will know to be more sensitive next time and if not, just ask yourself if you can handle his bluntness in the future.0
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guys are just insensitive about the things they say. I am use to my husband saying stupid stuff. my reaction would have been... dang 30 lbs. Idk about 30 but I can lose 10. lol.0
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If you're going to let it go, let it go. But don't pretend to let it go while it still bugs you.
That being said, you've spoken to him about it, he presumably apologized. Things he said we more likely out of misinformation about weightloss and how to not be presumptive. He screwed up but it doesn't sound as though he was being hurtful. Probably best to let it go this time. If it continues then yeah, cut him loose. But for now, probably just do what ever you do to chill (good movie, long run, hot shower, take your pick).0 -
just break up \m/
I was waiting for that....wheres DaniD?
Exactly...0 -
That's tough, especially since I'm assuming you guys were on the phone so you couldn't really see his face or body language, which would likely have said a lot about what he was thinking when he asked about that.
Obviously, he should accept you at any weight and not make you feel insecure. Perhaps, this could be a conversation for when he gets back. Tell him how you feel and that you need for him to love/accept you the way you are; no more slip ups. You can't live in fear that he's going to react badly if you gain a few. Women's bodies go through a lot, especially if you guys plan on staying together for the long term and having children. This is/should be about you getting healthy, the thin part should be seen as a pleasant side effect of the healthy lifestyle.
Also, if you insulted him back and he really did intend for his comment to motivate you, he may have been too angry to apologize. Or maybe since he figured his intentions were good, he figured he didn't need to apologize? Anyway, who knows what he was thinking; honestly, he probably wasn't thinking at all, lol0 -
IMO, this isn't one of those "typical dumb guy moments". You don't need to answer to him; to explain to him your goals, your lifestyle change.
Life's way too short to worry about this crap. There are guys out there who don't care about your weight. There are. There are guys out there who know how to phrase sentences better. There are better guys out there for you! DON'T SETTLE!!0 -
SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY0
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I know you have had a lot of advice on this already, but I couldn't help but add my 2 cents to the mix.
Men have issues with speaking before they have completely thought about what is coming out of their mouths. Just let it go. If this becomes a reocurring theme with him then you may want to reevaluate your relationship but at this point I think he probably just said something stupid, and while you sit and dwell on it and get more and more upset, he hasn't even thought about it again because to him it was harmless.
Now, something that I think may be fueling this issue. Don't let one comment made by someone else discount all the hard work you have already done, and continue to do. Don't look at what he said like an indicator that you should be farther along than you are. You are doing awesome. This kind of lifestyle change takes dedication, and commitment. You are doing perfectly at the rate you are going. When he sees you again he is going to be amazed at how awesome you look that he isn't going to care about what the number on the scale says.
One last thing, and this is a guess on my part, but....if you make a list of all the wonderful encouraging things he has said to you on one side and all the horrible, demeaning things he has said on the other....which side has more entries? The bad things are more easily recalled than the good. Focus on the good things, and when those questionable comments come up, sometimes you just have to ignore them.0 -
I dont know how long you been with your boyfriend, but don't let yourself get upset over things like this. He is just being a guy0
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Some men are just dumb. I know my SO can say pretty stupid things, too! He thought calling me fat was a way of motivating me. I had to have a serious talk with him about how it started to depress me even though I was losing the pounds, he wasn't complimenting me and encouraging at first. Now he understands better how to motivate me. It's all about being positive. So if your boyfriend keeps it up, I'd have a talk with him if I were you!0
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You could ask him if he'll be up to 10 inches before he gets back...
Or, you could let it slide.0 -
i am probably just worried about my insecurities, i am really trying not to worry about it and over think it, but its hard sometimes....trying to learn to let it go
He met you when you were 180 lbs, right? He was with you because he wanted to be, not because he was hoping you would lose 30 lbs.0 -
SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
its "marry"0 -
OK, so I am trying to really not over react about this so i just want some opinions please!, my boyfriend already knows about me trying to loose weight and be fit, and he is over in India right now and will be back in a month, he asked if I am going to get down to 150lbs by the time he gets back, and I am 180lbs, i've already lost 20 total, and i told him he was being insensitive and mean the way he asked me. I feel like i want someone to accept me the way i am, but at the same time he already knows that i want to loose weight, but how that comment came across really bothered me i just know and i have told him this if i am going to change my lifestlye its MY LIFESTYLE i'm going to do it for anyone else. I am basically trying to learn to let it go, and i've already talked to him about it, but it still nags at me in the back of my head....any thoughts?? this is really frustrating and i would really love some opinions on this!!!
Oh and he did go out with me when i was a little bigger, so i try to tell myself that's got to count for something, but i know how some guys can be...please share your thoughts!!! i love honesty
Men can be insensitive butt heads sometimes...
I love my husband, I really do...and after 18 years I KNOW that he isn't trying to hurt me, but sometimes he doesn't realize that what he says can be perceived in any way other than the way he intended for me to take it.
Just a few months ago he told me that I was looking good...but that I had a LONG way to go. He also told me recently that he almost wished that I would stay fat so he wouldn't have to worry about other guys looking at me!
If your man is not a gym rat, he may not understand that losing 20 pounds in a month is not something that you can do in a healthy way. I would just laugh it off and tell him that you probably won't, but that is OK. That is kinda the way I feel about my weight loss--I have a goal ( it is 10lbs into overweight), but I know I may not ever make it there but I am going to be muscular!0 -
I'm sure that most men who have never had a weight problem have no idea of how hard it is to lose weight in a healthy way or how long it takes in order to do so and stay healthy. It was insensitive of him but men don't think like women do. We work on our emotions. Men work differently. If someone asked him the same question and he was in yours, he'd likely say " No, not that quickly" and put it out of his head immediately.
Don't stress on it. He likely had something on his mind that took your goal into account and asked just to get the answer he needed without even thought to how it sounded.0 -
One last thing, and this is a guess on my part, but....if you make a list of all the wonderful encouraging things he has said to you on one side and all the horrible, demeaning things he has said on the other....which side has more entries? The bad things are more easily recalled than the good. Focus on the good things, and when those questionable comments come up, sometimes you just have to ignore them.
You do this when your husband sleeps with a hooker, kills her, then blames it on your son, not asking about your weight. This really isnt that big of a deal. The 'list' comes when all hope is lost in the relationship, not because you both know you're fat.0 -
It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ0 -
Maybe he was being a bit selfish in the question? I mean since he is thin, perhaps he just is hoping that your dieting will be concluded by the time he gets home and you will be in the maintenance period. A Lot of the time men ask questions in regards to how it is going to effect them, and not necessarily about how it is going to effect the person they are asking. In this case, he may just be asking to see if he is going to have to restrict what he eats in front of you. I can also see where he may have intended it to be a motivational question, was it mean? Maybe, Has it made you work even a little bit harder? Probably, so did it work? Only you (and him) will know.0
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It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ
anything to help0 -
One last thing, and this is a guess on my part, but....if you make a list of all the wonderful encouraging things he has said to you on one side and all the horrible, demeaning things he has said on the other....which side has more entries? The bad things are more easily recalled than the good. Focus on the good things, and when those questionable comments come up, sometimes you just have to ignore them.
You do this when your husband sleeps with a hooker, kills her, then blames it on your son, not asking about your weight. This really isnt that big of a deal. The 'list' comes when all hope is lost in the relationship, not because you both know you're fat.
Hahah! Perfect.....0 -
LOLZ UNDERWEARZ
anything to help
It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ0 -
Sometimes people say stupid things. I definitely don't think this is a deal breaker. If he apologized when you told him it hurt you, then let it go.0
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LOLZ UNDERWEARZ
anything to help
It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ
yep had to change that, dont need another photo strike
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