How to deflect bullying?

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Meg_78
Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
in Chit-Chat
Parental/teacher Question...A boy in 6th grad called my 3rd grader "ugly" today...not sure exactly how it transpired, but my son has just moved from a small private school that only went up to third grade to this, which goes up to 9th grade so he is pretty curious and in awe of the older boys and was probably staring...I myself was teased horribly in school which is why I have such terrible self confidence....I want him to stand up to this kid right away, but in a non offensive way....How should I approach this??? What should I advise him to say???
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  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Advising your 3rd grader to stand up to a 6th grader is a recipe for disaster, IMO.

    6th grade bully isn't going to say "Oh, that's a reasonable assertion little 3rd grader, let's shake hands and be friends".

    I would talk to your kid about how kids can be mean, and teach him to let it roll off his shoulders. If the problem persists, I would address it with administrators.

    I would agree with this.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Tell him next time the kid says it to respond with, "well your mom didn't think I was ugly last night." Problem solved. No need to thank me.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    When I was in second grade, we had to sit at tables in the lunch room in the order in which we enteered in a line. I, without fail, ended up across from an older girl named Julie who would spend the entire lunchtime called me the Ugly Duckling.

    The best comeback I had was that the Ugly Duckling grew up to be a beautiful swan. Though now that I think about it, that implies that I actually WAS ugly at the time. lol But at that age I didn't even think about it that deeply.

    Make your son secure in himself so that this bully's taunts don't affect him.
  • MiCool90
    MiCool90 Posts: 460 Member
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    Say nothing... tell a teacher
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    isn't it amazing how witty we are when we are older.

    If someone said that to me, my first response would be "well that's ok, you're not my type, and honestly.. I am into girls".

    but I agree with the person who mentioned to let your child know that kids are mean, just like about 80% of the "adults" on this site are childish.. that it is everywhere...
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    As someone who was the centre of bullying attention in a very small school, I cannot answer your question. My parents always told me to ignore them, but that never works.

    I have come to realize that they may have bullied me because they were afraid of me. I was/am very handsome and very smart. I was/am also very introverted.

    I will tell you that it has turned me into a rather bitter person with some serious trust issues who has a very negative outlook towards other men.

    If you can figure out how to get the bullying to stop towards your child, or how to make it so it doesn't effect your child, tell me how.
  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
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    I think the problem is that this is a new school he has been in for only a week, so he has no confidence there right now. I just don't want this to really ruin it for him...I'm probably over reacting, but this is the first time anything like this has happened. He is generally a confident child.
  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
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    Parental/teacher Question...A boy in 6th grad called my 3rd grader "ugly" today...not sure exactly how it transpired, but my son has just moved from a small private school that only went up to third grade to this, which goes up to 9th grade so he is pretty curious and in awe of the older boys and was probably staring...I myself was teased horribly in school which is why I have such terrible self confidence....I want him to stand up to this kid right away, but in a non offensive way....How should I approach this??? What should I advise him to say???

    You have the right idea, but the word you'er looking for is "assertiveness" speak your ground, with out getting angry or upset, while being confident. Set boundaries.

    Yes, yes this is what I am wanting for him! Not a snappy comeback that may infuriate the older boy, but a way to make my son feel confident. Thank you.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    use one of these
    DSCN0315.jpg \m/
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    it could be that since the change is so new, you are amplifying everything. You really don't want to let your kids down with the move and things like this seem to be like "damn... he is going to hate me that we moved.."

    have him watch karate kid... the newer one..:huh:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,248 Member
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    I think it's a good opportunity to teach him that some people are mean and nasty, and you have to expect and accept that mean people will be mean and nasty. That it has absolutely nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the older kid being a brat. The best thing you can do to deflect it is to let it go in one ear and out the other.

    It's kind of the same lesson that you shouldn't touch a hot stove or try to pet a strange dog. Some things in life will try to hurt you. Don't let them.
  • The_New_Christina
    The_New_Christina Posts: 818 Member
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    Teach him how to be a tattle tale. As weird as it may sound, and kids don't like tattle tales, but it will help in the end. My 11 year old was bullied like crazy last year to the point where she wrote a note to a friend saying how she wanted to kill herself. Originally I had told her to just ignore it all and unfortunately that made it worse, not better because she was an easy target for the bullies. It took me to have to go all the way to the school board to get the issue fixed. Now those bullies are her friends. Yes, there are a couple that are doing it this year, but not as bad and she's more happier now so I'm not worried. And I've told her to "tell on the kids" because that's the only way that the bullies will go un-noticed!
  • reasnableblonde
    reasnableblonde Posts: 212 Member
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    Was your son upset by this? Kids say strange things, and some let it get to them and some don't. I don't have children, but when I was a kid I was picked on pretty heavily. My parents probably could have helped by sharing their experiences with bullies and helping me understand why some kids do it and that I was better than that. I would have been less inclined to react to harsh words and more inclined to stand up for myself (which I finally did in high school when I got some confidence).

    My dad highly encouraged me to just "beat the *kitten* out of her" and my mom's stance was complete and total avoidance. Neither approach helped. I wasn't physically bullied (just made fun of, etc.), but my dad's approach would have quickly escalated the problem. I love telling people where my nemeses ended up too... it's a nice little karma story.
  • CincinnatiDEIFan
    CincinnatiDEIFan Posts: 188 Member
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    Oh, I can so hear my 4th grader saying.."So, whats your point?" But she is a little red head and is 100% confident in herself. So, my suggestion? Enroll him in Karate class and tell him to let it roll off his shoulders because not everyone in life is nice.
  • Fit_Vixen1
    Fit_Vixen1 Posts: 419
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    My daughter get's bulliied every once in a while. I sit down and talk to her about it. I tell her not to let that occupy space in her mind, heart or soul. They are simply jealous because she is quiet, respectful, funny, beautiful & talented. These are kids that seek attention anywhere & any which way they can.
    She stands up to those that bully her & other innocent children.

    Her school had an anti-bullying art show last month. This is what she performed, enjoy!!!



    http://youtu.be/qSm_8mEIGR4
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    Tell him next time the kid says it to respond with, "well your mom didn't think I was ugly last night." Problem solved. No need to thank me.

    In 7th grade I met my first true enemy, Mike Friend.

    Home EC class. We were assigned to the same group project. I didnt like what he had created so I stated, "thats ugly, do it over"

    His response: "You're ugly, tell your mom to do it over"

    I hated him for WEEKS untill he told me he had the biggest crush on me and continued to untll highscool, we are now good friends :)

    ** OP agree, sit him down, explain that it is part of growing up. Also get him involved in sports, etc. that will help with Selfesteem
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
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    I can only say what I did. I made them put up or shut up.
    Best case - he beats them up an w/e it's grade school
    Worst case - he gets beaten up and they get in major ****

    As a parent, that doesn't sound ideal. But as a kid who went that route, I feel it worked well for me.

    Option 2: Spit in their faces
    merm-o.gif
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
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    isn't it amazing how witty we are when we are older.

    If someone said that to me, my first response would be "well that's ok, you're not my type, and honestly.. I am into girls".

    but I agree with the person who mentioned to let your child know that kids are mean, just like about 80% of the "adults" on this site are childish.. that it is everywhere...

    I'm sorry :( We have a no bully zone and I am very strict about it. Just next time tell him to tell a teacher that is near him and teach him about bullies in life and how to stand up for himself.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
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    Parental/teacher Question...A boy in 6th grad called my 3rd grader "ugly" today...not sure exactly how it transpired, but my son has just moved from a small private school that only went up to third grade to this, which goes up to 9th grade so he is pretty curious and in awe of the older boys and was probably staring...I myself was teased horribly in school which is why I have such terrible self confidence....I want him to stand up to this kid right away, but in a non offensive way....How should I approach this??? What should I advise him to say???

    There are a limited number of situations in which someone with that kind of size and age difference can have a positive external effect on a bully, but almost never after the fact. The main thing you can do is insulate him from it. I would tell him that happy people aren't mean. This boy was mean, so he's unhappy in some way, and your son should feel sorry for him. I would also tell him that a lot of people will say a lot of mean things, but it doesn't matter what they say or think. I would impress upon him the importance of being a kind person himself, and that he can derive happiness from never doing that to someone else.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    So much depends on the personality of the child, but with this one off I wouldn't react too quickly because you don. Reassure you child that they are smart and good looking, tell him that kids can be mean and he may have to deal with this periodically through his life. Give him options on how he can deal with this, taking him seriously and being proactive will help him feel safe, trying to work with him to come up with a solution may help him to feel empowered. Because this other child is so much older, hopefully it won't impact the friends he's making in his class, and he can focus on those friendships instead of the words of someone who he's not around very often.

    I subscribed to more of the physical brand of justice. I didn't have to really deal with bullying outside of my family until I was in Jr. High, at which point I put one boy in a head lock a explained to him how inappropriate his remarks were and another I pinned up on a wall. I was little, but I packed a big punch.

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