Should I date a man with kids?
Replies
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Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
"unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first"
Really? That is unfortunate? Sad, sad state of affairs lady that you would believe this statement.0 -
DO the kids a favor. . . DON'T date their dad. If you're 33 and can't fathom a father spending time with his kids and needing a good deal of his attention. . .You'll make those kid's lives miserable. And trust me, at their age, you don't want to imagine the drama that may start to unfold and demand his attention.
I was 32, divorce with my own kiddo, and in love with my now husband. . .and his ability to be a GREAT dad was a big reason. I have 3 WONDERFUL sons thanks to him. . .
If you aren't ready to be a "mom" in their life. . .Don't mess with their dad.0 -
I'd focus on those who don't have kids. You're 33 and in Seattle. In a major metro, there are plenty of guys who are in their 30s and don't have kids. That's really not a hard demographic to find. Go to any Meetup group and you'll find plenty of 30s guys with no kids.
Single men without kids are usually a terrible fit for single women with kids. Single women with no kids can usually handle single men with kids better than the scenario in the previous sentence.
But yeah, dealing with kids right away is not a good thing. Makes things more complicated. The early stages of dating are already complicated enough without dealing with kids.0 -
Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!
You are awesome. Truly awesome.
gotta 2nd that!0 -
Men who put their kids first = good.
Let me repeat that.
Men who put their kids first = good.
Ive seen too many people choose their spouse over their children and sometimes their spouses are complete *kitten* (male and female). Cannot stand these people.0 -
Men who put their kids first = good.
Let me repeat that.
Men who put their kids first = good.
So very true!0 -
DO the kids a favor. . . DON'T date their dad. If you're 33 and can't fathom a father spending time with his kids and needing a good deal of his attention. . .You'll make those kid's lives miserable. And trust me, at their age, you don't want to imagine the drama that may start to unfold and demand his attention.
I was 32, divorce with my own kiddo, and in love with my now husband. . .and his ability to be a GREAT dad was a big reason. I have 3 WONDERFUL sons thanks to him. . .
If you aren't ready to be a "mom" in their life. . .Don't mess with their dad.
^What she said too. Really, don't date the guy. Let him find someone who is better for him.0 -
Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!
You rock.0 -
You are contradicting yourself here. You love kids and want to be a teacher but don't want to take on the responsibility of dating a guy with kids.I love children, I want to be a teacher myself. however, I am scared to take on that much responsiblity.
Honestly based on this statement I think you should look else where.what about our privacy? Also, I require a lot of attention, and will I grow angry if he doesn't give me enough?0 -
First of all, I want to point out that this a free website, and we are free to post anything we want, as long as it's not x-rated or wahtever. I have posted other topics and I got really good feedback from it. So I feel that there are some really mature and wise people on this site, probably because we are all putting working out being healthy as our goals. It's not something I would be comfortable putting on facebook, and I have talked to a lot of my friends already.
I appreciate the advice of many of the people. Thank you to those who really gave me something other than rude things to say. Usually if I have nothing nice to say, I just don't reply to the posts.0 -
DO the kids a favor. . . DON'T date their dad. If you're 33 and can't fathom a father spending time with his kids and needing a good deal of his attention. . .You'll make those kid's lives miserable. And trust me, at their age, you don't want to imagine the drama that may start to unfold and demand his attention.
I was 32, divorce with my own kiddo, and in love with my now husband. . .and his ability to be a GREAT dad was a big reason. I have 3 WONDERFUL sons thanks to him. . .
If you aren't ready to be a "mom" in their life. . .Don't mess with their dad.
This! It is not about you and him. Its about, you, him and his children that you should see as your children or at the very least your nieces and nephews. If you cant love his kids and be sympathetic of their needs than you really cant love their father because they are an extension of him.0 -
I wouldn't date him... only because it wouldn't be fair to him or the children. No offense but if you complain that a MARRIED man didn't have time for you, you are only going to complain that he is spending too much time on his children and not enough time with you. His children come first, not you and not anyone else. You need to re-evalutate relationships. You dated a married man.... that's a terrible thing to do. Now you are concerned your new possible boyfriend will spend more time with his kids than you.
Find a new man after you let him down gently.
Ultimately you should be with someone for who they are... not what job they do... not if they have a house or not... not if they have a great car of not... etc.0 -
Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
"unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first"
Really? That is unfortunate? Sad, sad state of affairs lady that you would believe this statement.
I was wondering the same thing...why would this be unfortunate? Sorry, but a kids needs are always greater irrespective of your perception of that need. I'm married and I love my wife dearly...but my kiddos come first...they even come before ME. Fortunately, my wife feels the same...because she's all kinds of awesome!0 -
Single men without kids are usually a terrible fit for single women with kids. Single women with no kids can usually handle single men with kids better than the scenario in the previous sentence.
Ha. This is far from true.I've been with my bf for almost 4 years and I had a 3 year old and a 4 year old when I met him. We now have an amazing 2 year old we had together. He was single with no kids when we met.
I also know many single mothers who are now married to men who were single when they met.0 -
It depends. How big is his junk?
LOL That was hilarious! But on a serious note I would say take you time and just date the man. If he ends up being the man of your dreams you will want to be apart of his life in every capacity including his children. You never know through dating you may determine some real red flags or he may be your romeo.0 -
First of all, I want to point out that this a free website, and we are free to post anything we want, as long as it's not x-rated or wahtever. I have posted other topics and I got really good feedback from it. So I feel that there are some really mature and wise people on this site, probably because we are all putting working out being healthy as our goals. It's not something I would be comfortable putting on facebook, and I have talked to a lot of my friends already.
I appreciate the advice of many of the people. Thank you to those who really gave me something other than rude things to say. Usually if I have nothing nice to say, I just don't reply to the posts.
Sorry, but I'm being blunt and honest by saying you shouldn't date him. I'm saying it for the future of those kids. I had a step-dad who I was lucky enough to CHOOSE to be my dad.
So, with your whole mind-frame on wanting to date the father of these kids but obviously not wanting to share him with them....and being so concerned about yourself rather than even thinking how you might affect their lives as well...THAT'S why I say just leave him and his children be.
Divorce is hard enough on kids. They don't need someone to enter into the picture who isn't prepared to take the time to get to know them because they are only interested in the parent. And a divorced parent doesn't need the stress of trying to play mediator between their kids and a potential love interest who isn't willing to be a potential mom.0 -
Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
"unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first"
Really? That is unfortunate? Sad, sad state of affairs lady that you would believe this statement.
I was wondering the same thing...why would this be unfortunate? Sorry, but a kids needs are always greater irrespective of your perception of that need. I'm married and I love my wife dearly...but my kiddos come first...they even come before ME. Fortunately, my wife feels the same...because she's all kinds of awesome!
That is awesome! When I see other good parents putting their kids before EVERYTHING and EVERYONE it makes me happy. To many kids grow up miserable and broken inside. Some can overcome but so many can't!0 -
Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
Seriously? It's unfortunately if a father puts their child before a girlfriend? The children should come first to anyone... not a girlfriend/boyfriend.0 -
HOW DO I TKE OFF THIS POST??? IT WAS A MISTAKE, AND THIS SITE DOESN'T LET YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT!0
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Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
This - I have been with my husband for 15 years and love him very much but If I knew at the beginning how difficult it was going to be marrying a man with three kids (10, 13 and 15 at the time) I probably would have bailed.0 -
i think posting this thread was a mistake. I'm sorry to anyone I offended. Does anyone know how to delete our threads? Im sorry I don't know.0
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Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
This - I have been with my husband for 15 years and love him very much but If I knew at the beginning how difficult it was going to be marrying a man with three kids (10, 13 and 5 at the time) I probably would have bailed.
Just wow.0 -
To the OP...also, keep in mind that being a parent doesn't stop when the kids turn 18...it doesn't stop when they leave the house...it doesn't stop when they go off and get married...being a parent is a lifetime commitment. The responsibilities on your part may never be that great...or they might...who knows. But the father is always going to be the father..it doesn't matter if they are 14, 18, 25, 35, 40...parents care for and make consesions for their children throughout their entire life. Never mind future grand children.0
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HOW DO I TKE OFF THIS POST??? IT WAS A MISTAKE, AND THIS SITE DOESN'T LET YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT!
I don't believe you can remove a post you created. You created this post... you didn't like the responses. Don't keep coming back to it if you don't like the responses you are getting.0 -
No. Do not give him a chance you're not worth it.0
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Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
This - I have been with my husband for 15 years and love him very much but If I knew at the beginning how difficult it was going to be marrying a man with three kids (10, 13 and 5 at the time) I probably would have bailed.
Really? I find this post very sad.0 -
no.0
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Yeah I think you will run him off with all the "attention" you will demanding from him. Better find a guy with no kids and no wife and one that has nothing better to do with his time than to make sure you poop right everyday. I personally think you need to work on yourself and answer some questions about why you have to have so much attention from any one person. And if you can't handle his showing his ex and kids his attention, then you'd better get out now before others get hurt.0
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Men who put their kids first = good.
Let me repeat that.
Men who put their kids first = good.
Amen!
These men are gems. Not easy to find these days either.0 -
Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!
Ahhhhh...I knew there was another reason you were f*cking awesome!!
I put my boys first and I would love to meet a man that had children that did the same!!0
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