Should I date a man with kids?

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Replies

  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
    Not sure why you're asking us. You either like someone, and accept the whole package that is "them", or you don't. It shouldn't really be a question of 'date a guy with kids or not." That means all men are interchangeable to you, some just have kids, some don't. You either care enough about THIS GUY, as a unique person, or you don't. It's as ridiculous as my mom when she used to constantly tell me "you can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as a poor man." How about falling for (dating) the RIGHT guy. You'll know when you know and we have nothing to do with it.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    Men who put their kids first = good.

    Let me repeat that.

    Men who put their kids first = good.

    I second this

    Agree. Also, men who don't cheat on their wives with you = good. So...your "good" meter might need a little calibration.
  • jeremyw1977
    jeremyw1977 Posts: 505 Member
    I was a single father from when my daughter was a little over 1-year old until I met my wife, which is when my daughter was 2.5-years old (my daughter's Mom has never been in the picture). For most "broken family" type situations, you have to have a certain level of maturity and level headedness before you make a decision like this.
    In my situation, my wife had to decide whether she wanted to hop into a "ready-made family"..........and with my daughter's bio-Mom not in the picture, my wife had to make that decision if she wanted to be recognized as "Mom" as my daughter grew up.
    Even in homes where the parents are divorced, you still need a level of maturity and level headedness, as you might end up dealing with occassional inter-parental conflicts, rebellions against you by the children, and many other items that may arise.

    If you don't feel that this is something you can endure, make the break now. Before meeting my wife, I dated several women who did not have the maturity or level headedness, and in the end, what was best for my daughter was paramount.

    If you feel that this is something you are mentally ready to jump into, enjoy your time together.......you and him, and you with him and his family.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    You dated a MARRIED MAN who didn't have enough time for you, and now you're concerned that this new guy has kids who will need his attention?

    Do him a favor; don't date him.

    It sounds like you need either a SINGLE guy with no kids or one with grown kids. And no pets. Because they'll need time from him too. Make sure you put "no kids or other commitments that will detract from me" on your dating profile request sheet too. You'll be much, much happier with the guys you find.

    ^ What Rekindled said
  • WorkoutWarrior76
    WorkoutWarrior76 Posts: 179 Member
    Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!

    You are awesome. Truly awesome.
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
    You are 33 and childless and now you are unsure about pursuing a relationship with a man who has children. Sound to me like you don't want children. They are older however and that makes a big difference. I don't think he would expect you to be a mother to his children. Why don't you talk to him about it instead?
  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
    I dated a guy with a daughter when I was 22 but we weren't really that serious, I was rebounding from a long term-relationship.

    The biggest issue I dealt with (and the reason I ended it) was that his baby-mama would get jealous of me being around his daughter. Or of him spending time with me. She used his daughter to control him an tried to stop us from hanging out by saying if I was going to be there he couldn't see his daughter, and would get mad and ban him from coming over if she found out we were together.

    She was a psycho.

    As long as there is no baby mama drama I wouldn't have issues dating someone with kids and I'm guessing I am younger than you. It's not like you'd be their Mother even if things did get serious. And the kids are old enough that you could develop a different type of relationship with them since they understand the concept of a girlfriend.

    I admit I'd PREFER not to date a guy with kids just because it IS added responsibility but I don't think it needs to be a deal breaker. You just need to decide if it's something you're mature enough to handle. The plus side about guys with kids is they tend to be more mature and put together. But that isn't always the case.
  • TheConsciousFoody
    TheConsciousFoody Posts: 607 Member
    Should he date somebody who doesn't have kids? Sorry but you sound a bit selfish and high maintenance, I suggest letting him find somebody who isn't so needy and selfish. Sorry but that's the way you made yourself out to be.
  • paleirishmother
    paleirishmother Posts: 242
    Ask strangers on the internet what you should do.
  • Chubbyhulagirl
    Chubbyhulagirl Posts: 374 Member
    Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.

    Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!

    "unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first"

    Really? That is unfortunate? Sad, sad state of affairs lady that you would believe this statement.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    DO the kids a favor. . . DON'T date their dad. If you're 33 and can't fathom a father spending time with his kids and needing a good deal of his attention. . .You'll make those kid's lives miserable. And trust me, at their age, you don't want to imagine the drama that may start to unfold and demand his attention.

    I was 32, divorce with my own kiddo, and in love with my now husband. . .and his ability to be a GREAT dad was a big reason. I have 3 WONDERFUL sons thanks to him. . .

    If you aren't ready to be a "mom" in their life. . .Don't mess with their dad.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    I'd focus on those who don't have kids. You're 33 and in Seattle. In a major metro, there are plenty of guys who are in their 30s and don't have kids. That's really not a hard demographic to find. Go to any Meetup group and you'll find plenty of 30s guys with no kids.

    Single men without kids are usually a terrible fit for single women with kids. Single women with no kids can usually handle single men with kids better than the scenario in the previous sentence.

    But yeah, dealing with kids right away is not a good thing. Makes things more complicated. The early stages of dating are already complicated enough without dealing with kids.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!

    You are awesome. Truly awesome.

    gotta 2nd that!
  • Chubbyhulagirl
    Chubbyhulagirl Posts: 374 Member
    Men who put their kids first = good.

    Let me repeat that.

    Men who put their kids first = good.

    Ive seen too many people choose their spouse over their children and sometimes their spouses are complete *kitten* (male and female). Cannot stand these people.
  • Aeriel
    Aeriel Posts: 864 Member
    Men who put their kids first = good.

    Let me repeat that.

    Men who put their kids first = good.

    So very true!
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    DO the kids a favor. . . DON'T date their dad. If you're 33 and can't fathom a father spending time with his kids and needing a good deal of his attention. . .You'll make those kid's lives miserable. And trust me, at their age, you don't want to imagine the drama that may start to unfold and demand his attention.

    I was 32, divorce with my own kiddo, and in love with my now husband. . .and his ability to be a GREAT dad was a big reason. I have 3 WONDERFUL sons thanks to him. . .

    If you aren't ready to be a "mom" in their life. . .Don't mess with their dad.

    ^What she said too. Really, don't date the guy. Let him find someone who is better for him.
  • TheConsciousFoody
    TheConsciousFoody Posts: 607 Member
    Look I lost my wife to cancer a couple years ago and have young kids. They come first. They always will. I am not goign to blow them off cause some woman wants to go to the movies or spend the day ****ing. You plan ahead though. I am very upfront. I got asked out by a woman a few weeks ago and it was on basketball practice night. It was the only night she was free. I told her I could no do then. ANy good woman will RESPECT that a dads first priority is his children. Women seem to gripe about good dads who nurture their kids as much as they gripe about dead beat dads! Its just crazy!

    You rock.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    I love children, I want to be a teacher myself. however, I am scared to take on that much responsiblity.
    You are contradicting yourself here. You love kids and want to be a teacher but don't want to take on the responsibility of dating a guy with kids.
    what about our privacy? Also, I require a lot of attention, and will I grow angry if he doesn't give me enough?
    Honestly based on this statement I think you should look else where.
  • fitforlife34
    fitforlife34 Posts: 331 Member
    First of all, I want to point out that this a free website, and we are free to post anything we want, as long as it's not x-rated or wahtever. I have posted other topics and I got really good feedback from it. So I feel that there are some really mature and wise people on this site, probably because we are all putting working out being healthy as our goals. It's not something I would be comfortable putting on facebook, and I have talked to a lot of my friends already.

    I appreciate the advice of many of the people. Thank you to those who really gave me something other than rude things to say. Usually if I have nothing nice to say, I just don't reply to the posts.

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