Should I date a man with kids?
Replies
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Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
Oh is that so? Wow...so little you think of the people that are giving SOUND advice.0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
Oh is that so? Wow...so little you think of the people that are giving SOUND advice.
no you miss understood me, those that are just attacking her are not giving sound advise
thats why I said angry posts, so I limited it to only the angry ones silly0 -
Lesson: think before you write.0
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Should he date YOU without them??0
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Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
I don't see anything 'cool' in asking an internet forum if a grown woman should date a grown man because he has nearly grown kids - the only issues being she likes attention and is scared said man might give his kids more.
No, that isn't cool. It's selfish and immature.
Oh, I have still married parents, and I'm 19, and engaged to someone who ISN'T my sons father. Go take your assumptions elsewhere.0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
Oh is that so? Wow...so little you think of the people that are giving SOUND advice.
no you miss understood me, those that are just attacking her are not giving sound advise
thats why I said angry posts, so I limited it to only the angry ones silly
I don't remember seeing any real angry posts. Just ones that were straight forward and I'm not sorry if the OP took offense to any of it. She needed to hear it.
Edited to correct typo0 -
Sorry for all the posts but I actually read your posts lol (sorry)
I would say you don't have to take on any extra responsibility, it should be completely up to you how much you take on, if he is not o.k. with that then no go
Also regarding your high maintiance thing you might have problems with that even with a childless man, so I guess just see if this man will be willing to give himself like that, but if you have any jelously issues regarding his time, and you know now that you wont want to share his time with his kids, I say no go, he does have kids and it is very important for his kids to have time with him just as much as it would be for you to 0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
Oh is that so? Wow...so little you think of the people that are giving SOUND advice.
no you miss understood me, those that are just attacking her are not giving sound advise
thats why I said angry posts, so I limited it to only the angry ones silly
I don't remember seeing any real angry posts. Just ones that were straight forward and I'm not sorry if the OP took offense to any of it. She needed to hear it.
Edited to correct typo
I think you need to take a chill pill, if you think I was derecting my posts to you you are wrong I didnt even see what you wrote,
Since I am a step mom I have been posting on things like this for years and I know the bratty step kids and bitter ex's always come out and spread their anger0 -
I'm sorry, you don't seem mature enough to date...
You want to be a teacher, but hate kids (or so it seems). Just no. I'd never have my child taught by you...
This is a guy who, evidently had children young... as a well paying job. Has his own house. Has future, potential, ambition etc. Which is a lot more than MANY guys can say nowadays - children or not.
^ This is all just so nasty. I'd ignore it.
You thinking ahead before jumping into the relationship actually shows maturity.
I didn't see anything in the OP that suggests that you hate children.
Just because this guy has "a lot more than MANY guys nowadays" doesn't mean you need to settle.0 -
Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.
Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!
This - I have been with my husband for 15 years and love him very much but If I knew at the beginning how difficult it was going to be marrying a man with three kids (10, 13 and 5 at the time) I probably would have bailed.
Just wow.
Seconded. Poor kids. Situations like this is where the term "evil stepmother" was invented.
Why does everyone automatically blame the step-mom. Til you have been in the position you haven't a clue how difficult it can be. I loved my step-kids from the start. I got close to them long before I even met their dad. I love them to this day but they often made my like hell. I fell in love with my husband because he did love his kids so much. I wasn't a matter of not enough attention I always felt the kids should come first. But when you ask a kid to take out the trash and he says "f" you your not my mom it is painful. When they're mom decides she wants your husband back and gets the kids to make your life miserable and your husband doesn't believe you til his sister gets wind of whats going on and sets him straight, it's painful. Kids, especially teenagers are fickle. They love you one minute and hate you the next but when they need to lash out and the choice is between their dad and their step-mom believe me it will be the step-mom. This woman does not sound like she has what it takes to deal with this so I say bail.
Do you really believe that bio parents don't go through hell raising their kids? That you went through something special? Your husband not believing you was a problem between you and him and not the fault of his children or his ex wife. Kids, especially teenagers ARE fickle. They are kids, still growing, still learning and still finding out who are good role models in their lives. Who they can rely on in sticky situations and who they may want to emulate as they become adults. A parents' love is unconditional and doesn't normally come with a "damn, if I knew it was going to be this hard, I would have bailed." Especially after going through it. Normally a parent says, yeah it was hard but it was all worth it in the end. You were the adult. You held the responsibility and were the only one able to make a choice so yes I guess the blame is yours that you decided to stick around and regret it instead of giving them a chance at happiness with someone else.0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
Oh is that so? Wow...so little you think of the people that are giving SOUND advice.
no you miss understood me, those that are just attacking her are not giving sound advise
thats why I said angry posts, so I limited it to only the angry ones silly
I don't remember seeing any real angry posts. Just ones that were straight forward and I'm not sorry if the OP took offense to any of it. She needed to hear it.
Edited to correct typo
I think you need to take a chill pill, if you think I was derecting my posts to you you are wrong I didnt even see what you wrote,
Since I am a step mom I have been posting on things like this for years and I know the bratty step kids and bitter ex's always come out and spread their anger
I also didn't see any real "anger"0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
Oh is that so? Wow...so little you think of the people that are giving SOUND advice.
no you miss understood me, those that are just attacking her are not giving sound advise
thats why I said angry posts, so I limited it to only the angry ones silly
I don't remember seeing any real angry posts. Just ones that were straight forward and I'm not sorry if the OP took offense to any of it. She needed to hear it.
Edited to correct typo
I think you need to take a chill pill, if you think I was derecting my posts to you you are wrong I didnt even see what you wrote,
Since I am a step mom I have been posting on things like this for years and I know the bratty step kids and bitter ex's always come out and spread their anger
I agree, people need to calm down. I'm sorry it sounds like some of these people are bitter because their step parents were *kitten* or their prospective dates bailed on them when they found out they had kids. Either way, give the poor woman a break, she's just asking for advice. At least she's honest about how she is and what she wants.0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
I don't see anything 'cool' in asking an internet forum if a grown woman should date a grown man because he has nearly grown kids - the only issues being she likes attention and is scared said man might give his kids more.
No, that isn't cool. It's selfish and immature.
Oh, I have still married parents, and I'm 19, and engaged to someone who ISN'T my sons father. Go take your assumptions elsewhere.
you need to calm down, you have a lot of growing to do dear, I know 19 seems like your a big girl now but you have a lot of growing to do still,
what would have been selfish is if she just married him and demanded the time, she is asking so she can decide if it is a good idea, I commend her on this
also you need to not be Narcissistic, I wasn't derrecting my post to you dear0 -
sorry this will sound mean....How old are you 18?? mid 30's you are going to have to accept that alot of people that are single just might have kids....grow up a bit and stop acting like the sun and the guy you date need to revolve around you with no space for a little moon child0
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I'm sorry, you don't seem mature enough to date...
You want to be a teacher, but hate kids (or so it seems). Just no. I'd never have my child taught by you...
This is a guy who, evidently had children young... as a well paying job. Has his own house. Has future, potential, ambition etc. Which is a lot more than MANY guys can say nowadays - children or not.
^ This is all just so nasty. I'd ignore it.
You thinking ahead before jumping into the relationship actually shows maturity.
I didn't see anything in the OP that suggests that you hate children.
Just because this guy has "a lot more than MANY guys nowadays" doesn't mean you need to settle.
It's all from perspective.
If a guy came on here, said he was dating a girl but she got pissy he spent time with his kids, she was high-maintenence and so on and so forth, yet said she wanted to settle down, what would you say to him?
And no, she met him on POF, I'm assuming she knew he had kids before they 'started to see each other' (which is a relationship of some kind). if she knew she were high maintenence and such, why even bother responding to someone who clearly had committments that would outweigh her? That is immature and selfish. So is continuing to speak to, and lead on such a person, knowing those facts about yourself. To actually take it further and begin to date someone, and then decide he might not be right because of HER issues, well, words escape me.0 -
sorry this will sound mean....How old are you 18?? mid 30's you are going to have to accept that alot of people that are single just might have kids....grow up a bit and stop acting like the sun and the guy you date need to revolve around you with no space for a little moon child
I understand what your saying but if she knows how she is I think she shouldn't just be with this guy on that chance she will change, she needs to see if this fits for her, and lets say she likes being her mans center of attention, well its her life she should find a situation that would lend to that, maybe marry a man who can't have kids, he I am sure would be happy to have her, I know plenty who only have dogs and they would love to spend attention on a woman0 -
:drinker:Slow down. You're not moving in with this guy...give it some time to see if you two are even compatible. You. Just. Met. Him.0
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Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
I don't see anything 'cool' in asking an internet forum if a grown woman should date a grown man because he has nearly grown kids - the only issues being she likes attention and is scared said man might give his kids more.
No, that isn't cool. It's selfish and immature.
Oh, I have still married parents, and I'm 19, and engaged to someone who ISN'T my sons father. Go take your assumptions elsewhere.
you need to calm down, you have a lot of growing to do dear, I know 19 seems like your a big girl now but you have a lot of growing to do still,
what would have been selfish is if she just married him and demanded the time, she is asking so she can decide if it is a good idea, I commend her on this
also you need to not be Narcissistic, I wasn't derrecting my post to you dear
1. I never once assumed your post was directly pointed at me, but more my category of posting - since I was 'mean'. My post was mean, yours was open, they related. Nothing narcissistic about that.
2. Your patronising ways will get you no where in life, regardless of how much older than myself you are, you seem so much younger by adopting such a tone and assuming it gives some sort of authority.0 -
I'm sorry, you don't seem mature enough to date...
You want to be a teacher, but hate kids (or so it seems). Just no. I'd never have my child taught by you...
This is a guy who, evidently had children young... as a well paying job. Has his own house. Has future, potential, ambition etc. Which is a lot more than MANY guys can say nowadays - children or not.
^ This is all just so nasty. I'd ignore it.
You thinking ahead before jumping into the relationship actually shows maturity.
I didn't see anything in the OP that suggests that you hate children.
Just because this guy has "a lot more than MANY guys nowadays" doesn't mean you need to settle.
It's all from perspective.
If a guy came on here, said he was dating a girl but she got pissy he spent time with his kids, she was high-maintenence and so on and so forth, yet said she wanted to settle down, what would you say to him?
And no, she met him on POF, I'm assuming she knew he had kids before they 'started to see each other' (which is a relationship of some kind). if she knew she were high maintenence and such, why even bother responding to someone who clearly had committments that would outweigh her? That is immature and selfish. So is continuing to speak to, and lead on such a person, knowing those facts about yourself. To actually take it further and begin to date someone, and then decide he might not be right because of HER issues, well, words escape me.
I'd say he should break up with her. I'd also say it was too bad she didn't come to the forums to ask for dating advice before she got involved with him. Which is why I think some people are being harsh. She wanted advice, not attacks on her age, character, and wording.0 -
Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's
So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain
I don't see anything 'cool' in asking an internet forum if a grown woman should date a grown man because he has nearly grown kids - the only issues being she likes attention and is scared said man might give his kids more.
No, that isn't cool. It's selfish and immature.
Oh, I have still married parents, and I'm 19, and engaged to someone who ISN'T my sons father. Go take your assumptions elsewhere.
you need to calm down, you have a lot of growing to do dear, I know 19 seems like your a big girl now but you have a lot of growing to do still,
what would have been selfish is if she just married him and demanded the time, she is asking so she can decide if it is a good idea, I commend her on this
also you need to not be Narcissistic, I wasn't derrecting my post to you dear
1. I never once assumed your post was directly pointed at me, but more my category of posting - since I was 'mean'. My post was mean, yours was open, they related. Nothing narcissistic about that.
2. Your patronising ways will get you no where in life, regardless of how much older than myself you are, you seem so much younger by adopting such a tone and assuming it gives some sort of authority.
^^^^^^This0
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