wedding/ engagement rings...

oregonzoo

I'm honestly tired of people speaking positively or negatively about the size of any person's ring. I have a beautiful 1.4 carat solitaire set on a platinum band. My fiance and I got our wedding bands last week, and mine is a row of diamonds set in platinum. His is a white gold band. They were not cheap.

We both have good jobs, and my diamond is a family heirloom on his side. It's amazing, beautiful, and it's mine. Neither of us are in debt due to these rings, and I don't understand why I wouldn't "deserve" something beautiful just because I'm young.

We are spending 40K on a wedding (which, by the way, is not very high). Come to NY and see the 100-200K weddings happening every day.

While I realize that 40k is not a particularly expensive wedding as modern weddings go, and I also realize that it is your money and absolutely none of my business, I would like to point out that for many people, 40k is a lot of money. In concrete terms:

- 40k is a down payment on a house in many places in the U.S..
- 40k is two inexpensive new cars, or one fairly nice new car.
- 40k is more than my undergraduate education cost.
- 40k is nearly twice the poverty level income for a family of four (about 23k in the U.S.).

40k is a ton. Weddings are a rackett. However it's just above average depending on where you marry.

JustANumber85

I'm honestly tired of people speaking positively or negatively about the size of any person's ring. I have a beautiful 1.4 carat solitaire set on a platinum band. My fiance and I got our wedding bands last week, and mine is a row of diamonds set in platinum. His is a white gold band. They were not cheap.

We both have good jobs, and my diamond is a family heirloom on his side. It's amazing, beautiful, and it's mine. Neither of us are in debt due to these rings, and I don't understand why I wouldn't "deserve" something beautiful just because I'm young.

We are spending 40K on a wedding (which, by the way, is not very high). Come to NY and see the 100-200K weddings happening every day.

While I realize that 40k is not a particularly expensive wedding as modern weddings go, and I also realize that it is your money and absolutely none of my business, I would like to point out that for many people, 40k is a lot of money. In concrete terms:

- 40k is a down payment on a house in many places in the U.S..
- 40k is two inexpensive new cars, or one fairly nice new car.
- 40k is more than my undergraduate education cost.
- 40k is nearly twice the poverty level income for a family of four (about 23k in the U.S.).

I agree. I wouldnt know what to do with 10K let alone 40! My wedding was maybe $1000 if that. I couldnt imagine 40k!!!

_VoV

While I agree, many younger women are very obnoxious with their rings, and I personally get tired of hearing how much their fiances/husbands spent on their ring. I really don't care, although I could see better uses for that kind of money. But I'd like to point out that not all younger women are like that. My engagement ring is a small sapphire set in white gold with some tiny diamonds around it, it cost about a weeks worth of my husband's salary at the time--if he had spent more on it I would have been really annoyed with him. My wedding band is titanium, and was even less expensive than my engagement ring. And our entire wedding cost about $500, we could have afforded (paying cash upfront) a far more expensive wedding, but we decided we would rather have money in the bank than a large, stressful wedding. Other people make different decisions, and that is their prerogative.

One funny thing I have noticed though is that many women are surprised, and even seem to feel sorry for me when they realize that the pretty but small ring on my hand is my engagement ring. They say nice things to try to sort of make it better, it almost makes me want to laugh, but their hearts are in the right place I guess.

I, too, chose a sapphire with white gold and tiny diamonds around it. I found it at a consignment shop, and told my husband-to-be all about it. He 'surprised' me with it the next day.

I had a good $25 K saved when I met my husband, which I had been saving for a down payment on a condo. So, I funded our wedding, which was covered by the food section of the Hartford Courant at the time. It was a green, vegan wedding, before green took off. I had a cotton gown made for myself and my mother, I wanted simple flowers, so my bouquet was made of daisies. Our only splurge was a vegan multi-course dinner at a fancy French restaurant overlooking a beautiful river.

All these years later, I'm not sure I would have done the fancy dinner, or invited all the relatives I only see at weddings and funerals. Still it was a fun day for around $10 K in 1991. I don't know what that translates in 2012 dollars.

charelg

I like big rings and I cannot lie. Lol.
Honestly my ring is beautiful, not cheap but not outrageous. I believe a man should save for a ring, not go in debt, but save for something his future wife will love wearing every day. I agree young people are bad with money, but they will live and learn.

VelociMama

Way to make sweeping generalizations.

I find patting yourself on the back for having the "sensibility" to get a smaller, more modest ring and holding yourself higher than those you choose to judge just as distasteful as those who insist they have the biggest/most expensive/flashiest ring they can find and brag about it.

Agreed.

So other people have bigger fancier diamonds and spend more on their wedding than what you think is "reasonable." People have different income levels, priorities, and different ideas about what a wedding should be. As long as they can afford it and pay for it, why do you care?

Get over yourself.

I've got a sweet rock and if anyone has an opinion about it, they can bite me

^ this too.

oregonzoo

Way to make sweeping generalizations.

I find patting yourself on the back for having the "sensibility" to get a smaller, more modest ring and holding yourself higher than those you choose to judge just as distasteful as those who insist they have the biggest/most expensive/flashiest ring they can find and brag about it.

Agreed.

So other people have bigger fancier diamonds and spend more on their wedding than what you think is "reasonable." People have different income levels, priorities, and different ideas about what a wedding should be. As long as they can afford it and pay for it, why do you care?

Get over yourself.

I've got a sweet rock and if anyone has an opinion about it, they can bite me

^ this too.

This is why I heart you.

jesswait

I never received and engagement ring and I've been married for 6 years. It would have been nice to have one at all, but I really don't think about it often. To each their own I suppose.

VictoriaWorksOut

I wish someone post some pictures of some rings. Love looking at rings.

For me two things were (and still is) important:

1. Ring is paid for in cash,
2. I don't ever want to know how much it was, because i know I will be thinking "you paid too much".


My ring is the most beautiful ring I have seen.

charelg

Toya2xcel

I don't think its right to judge others based on their engagement ring size if you don't know their situation. Some people make more money than others so spending more on a ring probably doesn't hurt them financially. Just because someone has a huge ring doesn't mean they spend their money frivolously, maybe their fiance worked really hard and saved for months to get that ring, you never know. I do agree with you though that if you know for a fact someone is struggling financially, yet they go out and buy a huge ring then yeah they need to get their priorities straight.

I got married at 23, my husband and I paid for our own wedding and it was about 9K for the wedding and our rings combined. Our goal was to have everything wedding related paid off as of the day we got married and we achieved that goal and therefore we went into marriage with no wedding debt. Now student loan debt is a different story hahaha. My ring isn't very big either but I LOVE it and I LOVE the man that gave it to me even more!

CrystalZ2012

When my fiance proposed to me, he didn't even have a ring. He cannot afford a diamond but he's doing the best he can. But I know his love is true, and a ring doesn't mean much to me. (I'm 22) Not all of us in this generation are all about big, flashy rings. I love my fiance and I didn't need a ring to make me want to become his wife.

Same with mine as well. My mom gave me my grandmothers rings to wear and I loved wearing them till I got too big to wear the solitaire anymore, and than to my utter dimay, the band snapped on the bottom of the wedding band and I couldn't wear that anymore either.

My husband just bought me the rings in my profile picture. He used his bonus check from work on it, and an extra $100 from our account and I love them!!! Its 1/2 carat tw, which means the center stone is pretty small, but I LOVE it!! The diamonds are bright and sparkle and flash, and heck yeah, I flash my hand all over the place showing them off! I love my rings, I love that it didn't break the bank and that it came from my husband, and they match his band now! Sorry if its obnoxious, but I can't help but feel pride in this set on my hand!:flowerforyou:

XXXMinnieXXX

I'm wearing a £30 engagement ring. The ring means very little to me... It's the every day proof that my partner will fight for us a happy future that I need. I do have a £400 engagement ring I cannot wear due to weight loss... It means no more to me than the £30 one.

I don't want an expensive or flashy wedding... If I were to get married it'd be a small ceremony. The only thing I'd want is to be at goal weight and have a nice dress. Few closest people for a meal and I'd be happy.

I'm, 27...So consider myself young. I don't understand the vast amounts people spend on rings, but I also don't judge them. Each to their own. My twin sister had a £12000 wedding plus 2-3000 in rings. It's important to her, but males no odds to me!

Zara x

LMT2012

I have a practical nature and am not impressed or turned on by ostentacious displays or rituals/traditions for their own sake. But I also recognize that I am not typical and have been to some gorgeous weddings and seen some gorgeous rings. As long as you don't try to borrow money from me, more power to ya.

pinkraynedropjacki

Mine is a simple sterling silver wedding band. No stone in it. Engagement ring, if you can call it that cause it was only needed for 1 month, is a simple CZ in sterling silver. Cost us all of $30 I think & that was 17 years ago. Don't need anything fancy, flashy or expensive to show for it. Hell, don't even NEED a ring. All it is, like getting married, is to show OTHER people you are married.

DonM46

One aspect to consider is the investment.
Diamonds and gold have ballooned in price over the last decade or so.
My wife's set cost $725 ... in 1966.
If they were appraised today, I'm sure the set would go for 10-15 times what I paid.
Maybe more.
I'd say put all the money you can in the rings -- they'll last forever; and put a minimal amount into the ceremony -- that's gone in an hour or two.

kwatkin

I like big rings and I cannot lie. Lol.
Honestly my ring is beautiful, not cheap but not outrageous. I believe a man should save for a ring, not go in debt, but save for something his future wife will love wearing every day. I agree young people are bad with money, but they will live and learn.

Disagree with your last part. It's the same generalization that the OP made, even though you love big rings!
Not all YOUNG PEOPLE are bad with money. I am a young person and am proud of my investments and savings at such a young age. However, I see numerous OLD PEOPLE (40+, yes I'm categorizing that as "old" if I'm categorized as "young') who live so far beyond their means it's embarrassing that after 40+ years they still haven't lived and learned.

To the OP, my soon-to-be fiance and I have discussed what we think is an appropriate amount for a ring that we're both happy with and that we can afford and that we'll both love to look at, and that's that. It's not $20, and it's not $10,000. It's perfect for US and our realistic financial situation.

cuterbee

I have a lovely engagement ring, but I opted for a CZ instead of a diamond, flanked by two little pink heart-shaped garnets (I knew what I wanted, so we had a jeweler make it, and it's sterling). Our wedding bands are sterling fede rings (recreations of medieval rings). We didn't spend much on any of the rings, but I love what we have. We had our wedding outside (on Halloween) and dressed in costume...so did our guests. I think our biggest wedding expense was the cake, which is the only thing we didn't do ourselves.

The money we didn't spend on rings or a big wedding was instead spent on a honeymoon to Greece and Rome (also low budget -- we couchsurfed for part of it and met some amazing people). What a wonderful time!

But -- that's us and that's what we like. Everyone else should do what THEY prefer. It's a whole lot easier to get a wedding planner and spend the money, especially if you are having a large wedding and a big reception. The smaller the party, the easier it is to do yourselves, but doing everything yourselves is not always an option and not necessarily easy.

Expensive rings are fine too -- after all, it's something you're hoping to wear for your entire life, so it had better be something you REALLY like. If you can get that done for $40, go you! If you can't get it done for under 15K (and can afford it), go for it!

Bentley2718

One aspect to consider is the investment.
Diamonds and gold have ballooned in price over the last decade or so.
My wife's set cost $725 ... in 1966.
If they were appraised today, I'm sure the set would go for 10-15 times what I paid.
Maybe more.
I'd say put all the money you can in the rings -- they'll last forever; and put a minimal amount into the ceremony -- that's gone in an hour or two.

The resale price on a piece of used jewelry, and what you would pay for it retail today are not the same thing, and often not even close. Also, many people are attached to their rings, and would have a hard time selling them. Overall, there are probably better investments.

Louisianababy93

I don't even like rings..is that weird?
So, whatever my future husband spends wont matter as long as its
1) real. 2)pretty
Heck the diamond doesn't even have to be real.. As long as the band is real silver or white gold..

3) i can think of a lot better things to do with $10,000, like a down payment on a house.

marynificent

hahaha tell me you wouldn't wear this ring:


and if you think that's extravagant, you should see my birthday present.

but hey, i also cooked dinner for the guests at our wedding, planned and executed it myself for under $2000, and am renovating our house (which I bought, btw) with my own two hands. I also cook, clean, work hard to look good and put out on the regular and therefore think that I deserve every damn diamond I own. doesn't matter if you can or can't - having one or many doesn't make you any more or less loved, just more or less judicious with expendable income. or non-expendable income in some cases, I suppose. it's not a reason to judge people who have any more than it's a reason to judge people who have not.