Fat Shaming: Drawing the line.

spongekitty

So a lot of us wouldn't be here if we weren't trying to stay or get in shape. We've come to the conclusion that being how we are (read: fat) is not how we want to be, and this quickly develops into a feeling of fat shaming. We just don't believe that being thick is the way to a happy healthy life.

That said, everyone has their own goals in mind. There are big-boned people out there who are going to be curvy no matter how much they try, their bodies can become healthy but not model-thin. There are a lot of people who don't even believe model-thin is the way to be, and a full-bodied (though not obese) shape is the way to go.

I saw a group discussing this picture on facebook today:


And the most shocking thing I read in the comments was "I think what the dove ad is trying to say is, it's okay to hurt yourself."

Obviously the comparison here was trying to shift the image of a healthy woman, though saying that being extra-small (and photoshopped) is ugly universally might not be the best way to do it... but at what point do we say that being curvy is too curvy? How much belly is too much belly? Are we better off not weighing in on what someone ought to look like at all? And going both ways, how to encourage our friends to look one way without shaming the other way?

toottoots

actually i scrap my comment and agree with the lady below

usmcmp

How about we stop body shaming period. I've seen people bash on every body type. Fat, skinny, muscular, doesn't matter. I may not like looking at a specific body type, but I'm an adult and can keep my comments to myself.

ETA: We shouldn't be concerned with how our friends look either. We each do our own thing and one day maybe we can be a good example to our friends when it comes to general health, not body type.

Bobby__Clerici

There are body fat charts that define ranges that relate to peak levels of fitness.
That's more definitive than silly pictures of people.
When I think of this, specific numbers comes to mind: 12% body fat, 185 lbs, 32 waist...
That to me represents optimal health,
Some guys my height and build would consider that fat while others too little.
To each his or her own.
Strive toward your own ideal, be happy with that while not making excuses for failure.
Success Is A Choice :drinker:

manderson27

I think everyone is getting far too caught up in the skinny versus curvy debate.

The point is to be at a healthy weight for your height. A weight that you can maintain. A weight that you are happy with.

What other women may or may not look like is irrelevant.

meshashesha2012

sorry but how is someone expressing their opinions and preferences the same as fat shaming?


i think many people on here need to understand that just because someone says they find one type shape attractive doesnt mean they are denigrating any other shapes.

not everyone is going to like you, your personality, how you look, how you talk etc. that's called life and living on a planet with billions of other people.

i also think many of the people who feel they are being shamed need to take a step back and look into how much of their own issues they are projecting on to the issue and stop trying to make other people responsible for their own sensitivities. after all, if someone pushes your buttons, you have to remember that they are YOUR buttons, created by you...


PS by you i mean the general you, not the OP

almc170

It has to start at the individual level. I'm here for my own health and fitness goals, as defined by me alone. It's not about comparing myself to others, judging anyone, or trying to adhere to someone else's standard of perfection.

crystalflame

We've gotten oh-so-sensitive about this. If you call someone fat, you're being rude, cruel, and stuck up; if you call someone skinny, you're just jealous because you're fat. That's crap. Some people are fat, some people are skinny, and very few people are 100% satisfied with their bodies. I think the point where it matters is when you start having medical problems because of your body, one way or the other. At that point, you're too curvy or too skinny. And while a lot of people might want to warn a friend to not gain more weight to avoid getting diabetes, or to eat more so she doesn't lose her period, I've found most people won't change until they have their own personal wake-up call. It comes from within. If someone were to ask me what I think of their body and their lifestyle I'll comment; otherwise it's none of my business, and I'll carry on doing what I'm doing and so will they.

VenusEnvy

I agree with usmcmp. People tell me I look "anorexic", which is a serious illness, when I'm simply thin. Every one of my numbers are in healthy ranges. Stop shaming indeed.

bigfatbino

There's a difference between thin and anorexic

There's a difference between fat and slobby, and round/curvy.

I'd say the deciding factor of what is "too big" is how much "jiggle" and "overlap" of things are there.

Round is ok, as long as you're healthy.
But if you have a gut that could compare with a beer-chugging man-bear, then that's going to look pretty bad.

Of course, different strokes for different folks. I prefer petite Asian women for the most part /shrug

ktsmom430

I don't think I get it. Am I supposed to think that the models in the Dove ad are fat? Because I sure don't think that.
Personally, I think they look perfectly healthy to me. The Victoria's Secret models look a little anorexic. You can see the bones in the one models thigh.
BTW, the Dove models look happier, at least they are smiling.

rsharper97

I agree that everyone is built differently, therefore will look differently. I think that as a society, women are harsher than men when it comes to body image and what is acceptable. In a perfect world, everyone would accept each other as they are, but we don't live in a perfect world and it is so hard to get rid of the body bashing.

usmcmp

sorry but how is someone expressing their opinions and preferences the same as fat shaming?


i think many people on here need to understand that just because someone says they find one type shape attractive doesnt mean they are denigrating any other shapes.

The difference between expressing an opinion and shaming are how you put it. There was a woman who was competing in a bodybuilding competition. Someone else shared her pictures and people commented how gross or disgusting she looked. That's shaming. Saying they preferred how she looked post bulk over her competition look is not shaming. Do they really need to say anything at all if they don't like it? No.

Missjulesdid

The whole fat=unhealthy campaign is used as an excuse for fat shaming. Being a little overweight can actually have protective qualities for women. Being very obese (like me) is definitely not healthy I'm not trying to say it's ok to be very obese.. but slightly overweight is necessarily NOT a health issue for women.

meshashesha2012

sorry but how is someone expressing their opinions and preferences the same as fat shaming?


i think many people on here need to understand that just because someone says they find one type shape attractive doesnt mean they are denigrating any other shapes.

The difference between expressing an opinion and shaming are how you put it. There was a woman who was competing in a bodybuilding competition. Someone else shared her pictures and people commented how gross or disgusting she looked. That's shaming. Saying they preferred how she looked post bulk over her competition look is not shaming. Do they really need to say anything at all if they don't like it? No.

i dont see it that way. feeling shame is a personal thing and once again in that example, other people are projecting their own feelings onto the matter. they are ASSUMING that if they were in the lady's position being depicted she would feel shamed by the comments. i seriously doubt that considering she probably doesnt give a crap about what people on MFP are saying about her. if she were then odds are she wouldnt be doing what she's doing.


no one can make you feel shame unless you already feel it..

i guess i dont understand why people are letting anyone - especially strangers on the web - determine what their self-esteem is yet not looking to the true root of the problem : self-esteem is an internal process more so than an external one

reese66

sorry but how is someone expressing their opinions and preferences the same as fat shaming?


i think many people on here need to understand that just because someone says they find one type shape attractive doesnt mean they are denigrating any other shapes.

not everyone is going to like you, your personality, how you look, how you talk etc. that's called life and living on a planet with billions of other people.

i also think many of the people who feel they are being shamed need to take a step back and look into how much of their own issues they are projecting on to the issue and stop trying to make other people responsible for their own sensitivities. after all, if someone pushes your buttons, you have to remember that they are YOUR buttons, created by you...


PS by you i mean the general you, not the OP

I couldn't have said it better myself.

sabolfitwife

I would kill tolook like any one of the women in the Dove campaign. Not a single one of them has "too much belly". I am built thick and no matter how much weight I lose, I will never be thin and I'm learning to be okay with that.

usmcmp

sorry but how is someone expressing their opinions and preferences the same as fat shaming?


i think many people on here need to understand that just because someone says they find one type shape attractive doesnt mean they are denigrating any other shapes.

The difference between expressing an opinion and shaming are how you put it. There was a woman who was competing in a bodybuilding competition. Someone else shared her pictures and people commented how gross or disgusting she looked. That's shaming. Saying they preferred how she looked post bulk over her competition look is not shaming. Do they really need to say anything at all if they don't like it? No.

i dont see it that way. feeling shame is a personal thing and once again in that example, other people are projecting their own feelings onto the matter. they are ASSUMING that if they were in the lady's position being depicted she would feel shamed by the comments. i seriously doubt that considering she probably doesnt give a crap about what people on MFP are saying about her. if she were then odds are she wouldnt be doing what she's doing.


no one can make you feel shame unless you already feel it..

So if someone was sitting there telling you that you are gross and the way you look makes them want to vomit you wouldn't have a problem with that? Shaming is independent of the person's reactions. She may or may not have cared. It simply doesn't need to be said. I have thick skin, but my mom still taught me that if I don't have anything nice to say that I shouldn't say anything at all. Common decency, not being an *kitten*, treating others how you want to be treated, etc.

usmcmp

i guess i dont understand why people are letting anyone - especially strangers on the web - determine what their self-esteem is yet not looking to the true root of the problem : self-esteem is an internal process more so than an external one

There are two different forms of esteem: the need for respect from others and the need for self-respect (inner self-esteem). Respect from others entails recognition, acceptance, status, and appreciation, and was believed to be more fragile and easily lost than inner self-esteem. Sure people shouldn't give a *kitten* what others think of them (especially on the internet), but why bother being a jerk if you don't have to be?

desiv2

Personally, I love the Dove campaigns. They have a little bit of variety, unlike the other ads that only feature very thin girls.. they promote feeling good about yourself. I don't think people should shame skinny people any more than fat people, but at the same time there are reasons people do the extreme things they do to be 'model thin' and a lot of that has to do with media and how it influences people. Can't there be room for both ads? /shrug

quirkytizzy

i dont see it that way. feeling shame is a personal thing and once again in that example, other people are projecting their own feelings onto the matter. they are ASSUMING that if they were in the lady's position being depicted she would feel shamed by the comments. i seriously doubt that considering she probably doesnt give a crap about what people on MFP are saying about her. if she were then odds are she wouldnt be doing what she's doing.


no one can make you feel shame unless you already feel it..

i guess i dont understand why people are letting anyone - especially strangers on the web - determine what their self-esteem is yet not looking to the true root of the problem : self-esteem is an internal process more so than an external one

False.

Assuming you don't have any influence on those you interact with is careless. Self esteem is an internal process - but it is not created in a vacuum. Expecting others to do so is asking others to go against human nature.