"Just break up already"

2

Replies

  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    I'm sorry. I really couldn't answer this question. I have a tendency to stay much longer than I should. I always seem to want it to work out even when I know it's not going to. I really need to work on that.
    2013 Resolution? (:
  • pinkgumdrop123
    pinkgumdrop123 Posts: 262 Member
    I wasted 3 years of my life on somebody who wasn't worth a day. Luckily once I decided to leave I didn't spend another second dwelling on it!

    yup! only difference is I wasted 4.5 years
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    Life is too short to dwell is misery and unhappiness for any reason - you can never get that time back, and all too soon there's no more left.
  • lglg11
    lglg11 Posts: 344 Member
    As much time as it takes each individual to drop all the emotional baggage that comes with a relationship break up .
    For some people that may be a day, or a month . For others it might take a year .

    Its no fun being the new person , bringing all good positive things to a new relationship , only to have a bunch of emotional baggage dumped on you and you are expected to carry it around .
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Exactly. You just need to grow to hate the very sight of the person first :)

    I've been married 25 years and I think about 2 years ago is when I got to this spot. Still with him as roommates though-- can't afford a lawyer and can't afford to live without his income. ..and well he's got nowhere else to go so it's a matter of convenience. When you get to be our ages sometimes that's as good as it gets.

    I'm jealous of all you young people that can change things and get out and find the "right" one.

    There is hope. My mum was in a very similar situation with my biological contributor. She did get out eventually. It wasn't easy, but she eventually remarried, they started a business together and have a really excellent life now. Things will always get better if you don't give up.
  • Helloitsdan
    Helloitsdan Posts: 5,564 Member
    If you can imagine the rest of your life feeling how youve felt over the last year......if its good then great if not then move on.
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
    Either way you try to minimize it and move on, because if anything you should be angry that you allowed this other person to waste your time when you could have found something more meaningful \m/

    Yep
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    What's REALLY annoying is people trying to tell you you're not over it when you know you are ... :grumble:
  • steph124ny
    steph124ny Posts: 238 Member
    I met my current husband in passing when I came home to visit family while contemplating what to do about husband #1. It was an awful relationship and I was young and stupid...but I had 2 kids to consider and I lived 6 states away. My current husband is a contractor and was doing work on my best friend's house. It was nothing more than a "Nice to meet you" type of situation, but we both ended up having a little crush on the other. When I made the decision to move home about 4 months later, I almost immediately started dating Jim. Everyone thought I was insane to jump into something new so quickly. But they are eating their words now as we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary this year. He's the one and I would have been crazy to let him get away due to some arbitrary "time frame" imposed by outsiders who knew nothing about how bad my first marriage was.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Exactly. You just need to grow to hate the very sight of the person first :)

    I've been married 25 years and I think about 2 years ago is when I got to this spot. Still with him as roommates though-- can't afford a lawyer and can't afford to live without his income. ..and well he's got nowhere else to go so it's a matter of convenience. When you get to be our ages sometimes that's as good as it gets.

    I'm jealous of all you young people that can change things and get out and find the "right" one.

    There is hope. My mum was in a very similar situation with my biological contributor. She did get out eventually. It wasn't easy, but she eventually remarried, they started a business together and have a really excellent life now. Things will always get better if you don't give up.
    Finally a happy ending!
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Life is too short to dwell is misery and unhappiness for any reason - you can never get that time back, and all too soon there's no more left.
    exactly
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
    Assuming you mean a relationship other than a marriage and no children are involved, then I'd say move on as soon as you realize there are more negative things than positive ones about the relationship.
  • R0asted
    R0asted Posts: 83 Member
    It usually takes me about 3 months to fully get that person out of my head and go into full single mode. Nothing wrong with having hookups in that time but I would never jump into another relationship any quicker than that. MANY people seem to think different though.
  • Windy_
    Windy_ Posts: 1,012 Member
    Life is too short to dwell is misery and unhappiness for any reason - you can never get that time back, and all too soon there's no more left.

    True story.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Assuming you mean a relationship other than a marriage and no children are involved, then I'd say move on as soon as you realize there are more negative things than positive ones about the relationship.
    Yes, I do! I understand that those situations are more serious.

    However I do believe in getting away from any kind of abuse, whether it be you or children or both
  • R0asted
    R0asted Posts: 83 Member
    Oh yeah, when I was single I would never ask much about a girl's past other than "how long have you been single?". If it was under 3 months I would assume I'm basically a rebound and wouldn't take her seriously.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    It usually takes me about 3 months to fully get that person out of my head and go into full single mode. Nothing wrong with having hookups in that time but I would never jump into another relationship any quicker than that. MANY people seem to think different though.
    Alot of women are programmed to believe men don't have a healing time hah
    Thanks for sharing!
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
    However I do believe in getting away from any kind of abuse, whether it be you or children or both

    Agreed.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Exactly. You just need to grow to hate the very sight of the person first :)

    I've been married 25 years and I think about 2 years ago is when I got to this spot. Still with him as roommates though-- can't afford a lawyer and can't afford to live without his income. ..and well he's got nowhere else to go so it's a matter of convenience. When you get to be our ages sometimes that's as good as it gets.

    I'm jealous of all you young people that can change things and get out and find the "right" one.

    is he aware you are just hanging around because you can't afford to leave?

    convenience schmonvenience - let each other be happy.
  • JerseyPook
    JerseyPook Posts: 135
    Either way you try to minimize it and move on, because if anything you should be angry that you allowed this other person to waste your time when you could have found something more meaningful \m/

    So true - my friend and I have a saying: "Acknowledge and move on!" Sometimes easier said than done...but the bottom line is; why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you and/or doesn't respect you? That's not love...

    If it's a fight and a struggle to make it work; you need to reevaluate. When it's meant to be...it will fall into place naturally.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you and/or doesn't respect you? That's not love...

    If it's a fight and a struggle to make it work; you need to reevaluate. When it's meant to be...it will fall into place naturally.
    this. forever.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    i don't think there is a minimal amount of time. I have a friend still pining for his ex, and trying to date others. he was upset when the first girl he went out with wasn't interesting to him. i told him he shouldn't expect to find a life-long relationship on the first person he dated, but it was good to get out there and meet people.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    i don't think there is a minimal amount of time. I have a friend still pining for his ex, and trying to date others. he was upset when the first girl he went out with wasn't interesting to him. i told him he shouldn't expect to find a life-long relationship on the first person he dated, but it was good to get out there and meet people.
    Sometimes it hurts but I think you should give yourself the little 'pushes' to build your strength back up
  • LucyT4dieting
    LucyT4dieting Posts: 284 Member
    I don't know. I think everything that happens, happens for a reason. I was married (unhappily) for 31 years to an addict. As bad as it was, I feel like there was a reason I stayed so long. We did have children, so that made a difference. Now that I'm happily married, I feel like if I left my first husband earlier, I might not have met the man of my dreams because it would have changed everything. I also feel like I gave the first relationship all I had, and when I finally decided to end it, I left with a clear conscience knowing that I gave it my all. I guess everyone has to make that decision on their own, and of course, like everyone else here has said, it all depends upon the circumstances. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. It's a tough decision either way.
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    I think it depends on how bad the relationship is before you end things. If it was terrible for several months before the end, I am sure it will take less time to move on (because you will just be so darn glad to be free). But I think everyone needs to take the time to heal & just be with yourself for a while before jumping into another relationship.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    No time period. Although with me it seems that the time it takes to heal is about how long the relationship was. Eventually it will be a distant memory and a small ache. Cutting off all communication and time are the best medicine.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Cutting off all communication and time are the best medicine.
    I fully believe in this, and exes seem to want to stay friends -_-
  • BlackStarlight
    BlackStarlight Posts: 554 Member
    For me I kind of had my recovery before I'd broken up. I knew it wasn't working and I had to make a change but I guess everyone is different x x
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    For me I kind of had my recovery before I'd broken up. I knew it wasn't working and I had to make a change but I guess everyone is different x x
    I feel like in some way or another you can ALWAYS tell...
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    I think it depends on how you feel about yourself in all honesty. It has NOTHING to do with another individual. If you feel strong, confident, happy, and know it doesn't come from anyone but yourself then you're ready to get out there and rock on.

Categories