"Fluffy" Ladies: Does your man...
Replies
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1] Please don't say "fluffy" - I feel like terms of this nature do no good for women struggling with their size and body shape.
2] I am definitely medically obese, and I'd never wear clothes if I didn't have to. My 'man' loves my insides, and doesn't have a problem with my outsides. (and neither do I)
Trust me, I know how fluffy makes you feel, but I didn't want to say fat. I was 240+, I'm 100 pounds over my ideal medical weight.
Then why would you say it? It's okay to say "fat" - it's a describing word. "Fluffy" is a pop culture term meant to dehumanize the facts, which (IMO, of course), makes it more difficult to own your body, your size, and your choices.
Because the truth is, nobody wants to hear any of those words.0 -
I have stretch marks all over my body.Okay, we have been together 8 years and he has seen plenty lol Just since having kids he hasnt seen me.
I have a slight pooch of excess skin right above the ugly C section scar.
I have acne...on my back FFS.
My body is FAR from perfect.
My husband sees me naked all the time, whether we're being intimate or I'm simply getting out of the shower. And ya know what? He still thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, even after pregnancy "ruined" it.
And I bet your husband thinks the same about your body. Check you insecurities at the door. This isn't even remotely close to normal behavior, and it's absolutely unhealthy and detrimental to your marriage.
You don't have to love your body, but recognize and accept the fact that your husband does, and let him SEE it in all of it's glory.
this was so well said
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Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.
Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm
What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:
Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.
I am not dissing on your post by any means. It is interesting.0 -
I have stretch marks all over my body.Okay, we have been together 8 years and he has seen plenty lol Just since having kids he hasnt seen me.
I have a slight pooch of excess skin right above the ugly C section scar.
I have acne...on my back FFS.
My body is FAR from perfect.
My husband sees me naked all the time, whether we're being intimate or I'm simply getting out of the shower. And ya know what? He still thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, even after pregnancy "ruined" it.
And I bet your husband thinks the same about your body. Check you insecurities at the door. This isn't even remotely close to normal behavior, and it's absolutely unhealthy and detrimental to your marriage.
You don't have to love your body, but recognize and accept the fact that your husband does, and let him SEE it in all of it's glory.
this was so well said
yeah, this is now voted the best answer! lol0 -
One thing that is hard for women (some) to understand… men… especially their man…. DO NOT SEE WHAT YOU SEE. PERIOD. Now toss on something sexy, toss on some music, turn on the lights, and strip for him. I promise you… nothing but amazing things will come from it!
You are so smart. More women should listen to you.0 -
He has and he is obsessed with it no matter what size. See I have this rule where I dated and ultimately married a man who wants and loves me.0
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1] Please don't say "fluffy" - I feel like terms of this nature do no good for women struggling with their size and body shape.
2] I am definitely medically obese, and I'd never wear clothes if I didn't have to. My 'man' loves my insides, and doesn't have a problem with my outsides. (and neither do I)
Trust me, I know how fluffy makes you feel, but I didn't want to say fat. I was 240+, I'm 100 pounds over my ideal medical weight.
Then why would you say it? It's okay to say "fat" - it's a describing word. "Fluffy" is a pop culture term meant to dehumanize the facts, which (IMO, of course), makes it more difficult to own your body, your size, and your choices.
Because the truth is, nobody wants to hear any of those words.
Speak for yourself. I own my size and my choices. I am fat. My guess is you are fat too. No amount of sugar coating that is going to take the fat away.0 -
I have stretch marks all over my body.Okay, we have been together 8 years and he has seen plenty lol Just since having kids he hasnt seen me.
I have a slight pooch of excess skin right above the ugly C section scar.
I have acne...on my back FFS.
My body is FAR from perfect.
My husband sees me naked all the time, whether we're being intimate or I'm simply getting out of the shower. And ya know what? He still thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, even after pregnancy "ruined" it.
And I bet your husband thinks the same about your body. Check you insecurities at the door. This isn't even remotely close to normal behavior, and it's absolutely unhealthy and detrimental to your marriage.
You don't have to love your body, but recognize and accept the fact that your husband does, and let him SEE it in all of it's glory.
Well said. And I'd add that whatever childbirth did to you, it was in service of bearing *his* children. No woman should ever be ashamed of her scars or stretch marks and no father should ever have a problem with them.
These two things right here. So well put.0 -
No. He has never seen me fully naked or even naked in the light. And even though I lost weight and look skinny again, I still won't let him see me naked.0
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Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.
Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm
What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:
Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.
I think your frontal lobe is extra sensitive. Prove me wrong by not reporting this.0 -
I've never been shy about being nude anytime..... pre-pregnancy, while pregnant or post-pregnancy. And I gave birth to twins!
Confidence goes a long way. : )
You should be brave and let your husband see all of you. I'm sure he will be so pleasantly surprised by your boldness that he won't even notice what you consider "flaws". Plus, I'm sure he'll have fun exploring your body all over again. ; )0 -
1] Please don't say "fluffy" - I feel like terms of this nature do no good for women struggling with their size and body shape.
2] I am definitely medically obese, and I'd never wear clothes if I didn't have to. My 'man' loves my insides, and doesn't have a problem with my outsides. (and neither do I)
Trust me, I know how fluffy makes you feel, but I didn't want to say fat. I was 240+, I'm 100 pounds over my ideal medical weight.
Then why would you say it? It's okay to say "fat" - it's a describing word. "Fluffy" is a pop culture term meant to dehumanize the facts, which (IMO, of course), makes it more difficult to own your body, your size, and your choices.
I like fluffy, mostly because that's what my son said about my belly when he was young. He said he loved cuddling with me because my belly was so fluffy, like a pillow.0 -
know what you really look like? I mean does he know what you look like completely naked, standing up, in the light?
Edit: Been together 8 years, and hes seen anything and everything in the light before but since having kids 2 years ago he hasnt seen me FULLY naked in the light.
Here's the thing - you ever get that joke sent to you about the woman having a shower vs the man? You know the one where she covers herself up to the neck and then guy waves his wang at her while saying woohoo? http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/267.html
Mostly I think guys are pretty happy in their lot in general and it is women who have that mass of media, inner voices, judgement etc... behind them who are out there thinking themselves into oblivion...
My man thinks he is at a naturist retreat every damn day. So far no complaints.
I know I will sound like an exhibitionist but one of the best things for improving either you body image or your ability to not give a *kitten* about it is the common showers at the local gym. I was forced to shower there because of the fact that the water pressure in the private stalls won't actually rinse the shampoo out of my hair (well not within any reasonable time-frame) and since doing that and having to cope with my feelings about my body i have come to the conclusion that I really just needed to get over myself. It may not be perfect, but the majority of bodies walking around have a flaw or two, and it is pretty amazing (gave birth to 2 babies, can run 10K, can lift pretty impressive amounts of weight, helped me survive a growth in my brain, and is sort of fun)! I am more interested in how I feel about my body these days because I find when I am feeling good and not miserable about it so is everyone else!0 -
She had some kids and gained some weight and now she's got some confidence issues with her body. This has nothing to do with at what age you get married or your frontal lobe. This has to do with body image issues.Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.
Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm
What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:
Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.
And, just to be "that guy": my wife and I were 23 when we got married. We will hit 17 years this year and we're happy as pigs in *kitten*.
And to put it back on track: She's had my kids and I still love seeing her nekkid every chance I get.0 -
One thing that is hard for women (some) to understand… men… especially their man…. DO NOT SEE WHAT YOU SEE. PERIOD. Now toss on something sexy, toss on some music, turn on the lights, and strip for him. I promise you… nothing but amazing things will come from it!
You are so smart. More women should listen to you.
Why think you :flowerforyou: 0 -
1] Please don't say "fluffy" - I feel like terms of this nature do no good for women struggling with their size and body shape.
2] I am definitely medically obese, and I'd never wear clothes if I didn't have to. My 'man' loves my insides, and doesn't have a problem with my outsides. (and neither do I)
Trust me, I know how fluffy makes you feel, but I didn't want to say fat. I was 240+, I'm 100 pounds over my ideal medical weight.
Then why would you say it? It's okay to say "fat" - it's a describing word. "Fluffy" is a pop culture term meant to dehumanize the facts, which (IMO, of course), makes it more difficult to own your body, your size, and your choices.
Because the truth is, nobody wants to hear any of those words.
Speak for yourself. I own my size and my choices. I am fat. My guess is you are fat too. No amount of sugar coating that is going to take the fat away.
You're right but weight loss will and that is why we are all here. Cheer up!0 -
Of course, how can u have a fully satisfying sexual relationship otherwise? My guy likes to inspect things up close, from every angle.0
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Of course, how can u have a fully satisfying sexual relationship otherwise? My guy likes to inspect things up close, from every angle.
NIIIICE! I love this!! Go girl!0 -
Well, in 30+ years DH has seen me skinny, fit, fat, pregnant and now with the body of a 60+ year old (granted - I am in really good shape now, but still have old skin). He still thinks I am hot. NOT an ISSUE.0
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know what you really look like? I mean does he know what you look like completely naked, standing up, in the light?
Edit: Been together 8 years, and hes seen anything and everything in the light before but since having kids 2 years ago he hasnt seen me FULLY naked in the light.
Same here sister. Ten years together, but after two kids and a 40 lb weight gain.....I have to have a shirt on. I'm sooooo self conscious about it, but he insists he doesn't care. I don't do it for him though....I do it for me.0 -
I'm going to be "that girl". I was 20 when I got pregnant (purposefully), 21 when I gave birth, and 22 when I got married.
She had some kids and gained some weight and now she's got some confidence issues with her body. This has nothing to do with at what age you get married or your frontal lobe. This has to do with body image issues.Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.
Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm
What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:
Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.
And, just to be "that guy": my wife and I were 23 when we got married. We will hit 17 years this year and we're happy as pigs in *kitten*.
And to put it back on track: She's had my kids and I still love seeing her nekkid every chance I get.
My grandmother was 17 when she got married. She and my grandfather were married up until he passed away 30 some odd years later.
Like I stated before, the idea of waiting until *after* you're 25 to get married is a relatively new concept.
This is one instance that science does not apply to everyone. And, like I also said earlier, this particular science has absolutely nothing to do with the OP, and is completely irrelevant to this thread.0 -
There are things on his part that have led to this insecurity and I'm trying to get over it. Also, that's kind of why I'm here losing weight, to be a better me (:
so you are doing this for him, but covering it up by saying its to be a better you? Gotcha.0 -
There are things on his part that have led to this insecurity and I'm trying to get over it. Also, that's kind of why I'm here losing weight, to be a better me (:
so you are doing this for him, but covering it up by saying its to be a better you? Gotcha.
No, I am not doing this for him. This is for me to be happier. I am saying he has things that have led to me to feel insecure. He says he doesn't care and still rubs on my body all day long. I want to be able to go into a store any store I want and shop for regular sized clothes. That has nothing to do with him.0 -
Men want to see their wives naked. I'm pretty sure it's a biological law. If you deny your man this he will look elsewhere.0
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She had some kids and gained some weight and now she's got some confidence issues with her body. This has nothing to do with at what age you get married or your frontal lobe. This has to do with body image issues.Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.
Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm
What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:
Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.
And, just to be "that guy": my wife and I were 23 when we got married. We will hit 17 years this year and we're happy as pigs in *kitten*.
And to put it back on track: She's had my kids and I still love seeing her nekkid every chance I get.
I got married age 18, we've been married or 8 years, and are still together and in love. .
To answer the op's question. Yes!0 -
I'm going to be "that girl". I was 20 when I got pregnant (purposefully), 21 when I gave birth, and 22 when I got married.
She had some kids and gained some weight and now she's got some confidence issues with her body. This has nothing to do with at what age you get married or your frontal lobe. This has to do with body image issues.Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.
Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm
What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:
Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.
And, just to be "that guy": my wife and I were 23 when we got married. We will hit 17 years this year and we're happy as pigs in *kitten*.
And to put it back on track: She's had my kids and I still love seeing her nekkid every chance I get.
My grandmother was 17 when she got married. She and my grandfather were married up until he passed away 30 some odd years later.
Like I stated before, the idea of waiting until *after* you're 25 to get married is a relatively new concept.
This is one instance that science does not apply to everyone. And, like I also said earlier, this particular science has absolutely nothing to do with the OP, and is completely irrelevant to this thread.
Sigh. It's called a base rate comparison. Your observations lack it. Happiness is a relative concept, yes? The question is not dichotomous-- ie: you aren't either happy or unhappy. It's a continuous measure. So... the only way to "prove me wrong" with your singular case study data point, would be to compare how happy you are with your pre-25 year old marriage, to how happy you are to your post 25-year old choice of life partner. What's that? you don't have a time machine to perform that experiment? So, because you don't have the necessary base rate to compare your current happiness to, your point that you got married before your frontal lobe was fully formed and you are "happy" doesn't invalidate the point that it's tougher to make decisions about relationships before one is 25.0 -
[/quote]
"Sigh. It's called a base rate comparison. Your observations lack it. Happiness is a relative concept, yes? The question is not dichotomous-- ie: you aren't either happy or unhappy. It's a continuous measure. So... the only way to "prove me wrong" with your singular case study data point, would be to compare how happy you are with your pre-25 year old marriage, to how happy you are to your post 25-year old choice of life partner. What's that? you don't have a time machine to perform that experiment? So, because you don't have the necessary base rate to compare your current happiness to, your point that you got married before your frontal lobe was fully formed and you are "happy" doesn't invalidate the point that it's tougher to make decisions about relationships before one is 25."
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haha I agree with her post, but this one was funny .0 -
Love this answer, and definitely one of the reasons we're friends...I've never been shy about being nude anytime..... pre-pregnancy, while pregnant or post-pregnancy. And I gave birth to twins!
Confidence goes a long way. : )
You should be brave and let your husband see all of you. I'm sure he will be so pleasantly surprised by your boldness that he won't even notice what you consider "flaws". Plus, I'm sure he'll have fun exploring your body all over again. ; )
My wife and I have been together almost 18 years and we see each other naked every day (sometimes multiple times). It's fun to sometimes get "sidetracked" while putting on your socks. And It all starts with just getting caught "looking".0 -
Every inch! I hate the lights out, I love eye contact! :bigsmile:0
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I can't imagine living like that. I'd be worried she'd grown testicles or something.0
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