Everyone here is so mean

hmadrone

True story, and the moral here is this: The people on here who have the least patience for BS, stupidity, and excuses, and have the greatest tendency to respond to such with sarcasm and attitude are often the people you want to pay the most attention to. They're the ones who have been there and done that, so when you take the advice of someone else who is still struggling to achieve their goals over theirs, yeah. You'll get looked down on. Deal with it.

You hear this argument on almost every forum and it's only partly true.

Sure, there are people who have been through the terrain and have a lot of good information for you if you can get past the ugliness of their personality and presentation.

There are also people who have been through the terrain and have a lot of good information for you who *know how to communicate effectively*. They can tell you things in a way that enables you to hear them.

Sure, I can let the rudeness and snarkiness wash over me and try to get to the meat of the person's message. I often do just that.

The thing is, you don't have to be rude and snarky to get your point across. It's not necessary, and it almost always adds more heat then light to the situation. People who feel they're entitled to be mean because they are so awesomely right need to take a good hard look at themselves and just what they get by disrespecting other people.

If someone says that you're being mean and unhelpful, they're probably right. You can probably find a better way to get your point across.

WinnerVictorious

"I'm not mean, you're just a sissy"

LeanerBeef

Different strokes for different folks...not everyone responds to tough love.

mrincredible93

Only time I ever got called mean here was when a woman "pal" claimed to have lost 14 lbs in 5 days eating nothing but 300 calories a day of buscuits and tea. I told her (by a private message mind you, not in a public post) that she was either an anorexic in serious need of professional help or she was full of crap and what she was claiming was a game to get attention and was disrespectful to all the hard-working folks here who have real food and weight issues they are trying to overcome. She called me mean and unfriended me. If that was mean, so be it.
Newbie advice: This is a life changing decision. Do it with all your heart and dedication and you'll get the respect and attention you want. If you whine and complain, expect to be called to task for it.

BTW: I'm accepting serious friends, new or not.

I like your last comment, it's good advice. I lost 9 lbs in three days doing something radical like this. Had I gone another two days, I may have lost another 5 lbs. You really don't think it is possible?

cmriverside

How did this turn serious all of a sudden? I thought it started out so well.

mrincredible93

Sorry. Clicked the wrong button.
Whether it was possible or not, it certainly wasn't healthy and shouldn't be encouraged. She was also the type who felt the need to change her profile picture every 4 hours to some new provocitive pose.
The critisim was in private, where it should be.

MizTerry

It's only mean if it's a lie. People need to grow a thicker skin and not be so darn sensitive. We're ALL miserable cutting out things we are used to.
As my daughter says: Build a bridge and get over it.

NEXT!

vicrandom

A thought:

For all the people who say "caloric deficit, nyah nyah nyah" - there ARE other factors to calorie burning, including when you eat, and when you exercise, and whether you are already insulin resistant. Metabolic rate blah blah blah. So don't get on your high horse when people find your comment unhelpful.

As a thumb rule, OF COURSE cutting calorie intake and/or upping calorie usage is how fat loss occurs. For most of us who are fatter, the tangle comes from the psychological side, not ignorance of how caloric a particular food is. How did we learn to eat? what did we learn to eat? how did food and emotions get stuck together over the course of our lives, and how do we unstick them? what do we USE FOOD FOR besides fuel (cultural connection, family connection, "treats"?) and how are we going to fill those functions in other ways? A subset of us have experienced people yelling at us about our weight a lot already; further "yelling" is NOT motivation for us. For those of us who need a fierce coach or a drill sergeant, the tough advice is great. Their psychological hang-ups with food are totally different from mine. For some of us, a friend and some unearned sympathy are exactly what we need to forgive ourselves and keep going.

Personally, I have to alternate between the two. Some days, it's "no excuses!" all the way. Other days, depression gets the better of me and every well-meaning mantra or communication advising me to suck it up, put on my big girl pants, and do what I need to do makes me feel hopeless and worthless about my perceived failure, and triggers a "can't do it, might as well say eff it" response. You can call it being lazy; I understand it as a reflection of my mental health. I have to work with it to win. Pretending I don't have depression is a one way trip to 400 pounds.

Whatever, tl:dr. Point is, different things motivate different people, different people have different things stopping them, and what makes people bristle is the idea that your advice, not-mean-person, is universally helpful to everyone, at every time. It might very often be true, in the literal sense (yes, if I went for a run instead of having some mashed potatoes, I would lose calories instead of gaining them! THANK YOU, HELPFUL GENIUS); it won't address whatever is keeping my *kitten* glued to the couch. Sometimes that's a simple revelation that some kick-in-the-pants advice can trigger (omg, I totally have the power to just stand up and run!); other times, it is honestly not that simple.

Jizes318

"STOP WHINING" is more more motivating than "there there, bubula, cry on my shoulder"

Now all I can think of is ah-nold movies.

hahahahahahahahahaha now this is funny

cmriverside

A thought:

For all the people who say "caloric deficit, nyah nyah nyah" - there ARE other factors to calorie burning, including when you eat, and when you exercise, and whether you are already insulin resistant. Metabolic rate blah blah blah. So don't get on your high horse when people find your comment unhelpful.

Weight loss is all about a calorie deficit .

Calorie burning and weight loss are two different things. All the rest of what you said....:huh:.

no1belongs

i believe that people take things too personally they are putting what they think is the emotion behind the words, but without actually hearing the words dont take it personal. i put up a thread where people said i was just making excuses and i will make time when i am finally determined enough to do it. I will admit at first i was like i wtf i did put this up to be attacked. then i saw that they were just saying that things happen and when you use them as a crutch you have to own up to that. i would say read things every time with a happy tone and dont take it personal. they are trying to help

KimLovesDon

I must be oblivious or something. Everyone I've met thus far has been very supportive. Which I need at this point because I'm freaking starving! This site has been so helpful to me, I think I'll keep it. As far as "meanies " go, if. I need it, bring it!

ninerbuff

I get paid for being mean........................then when they reach goal weight, I'm considered great.:laugh:

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

chocl8girl

LadyMud17

I so need some mean friends I am usually the mean one in my group!

Elzecat

I totally agree. Although I have come across some posts that are deliberately cruel. No one really needs to be told "You are so stupid. Your thought process is F*ed up". In that case just offer advice instead of being a sh*thead.

I agree with what you wrote. Recently I've seen a lot more posts than I used to that seem deliberately cruel, or the commenter is just trying to get a laugh from others by being witty and sarcastic, rather than helping someone who is asking for advice. Those posts should not be mistaken for the "tough love" posts I think we're talking about here. "Tough love" doesn't mean you have to be an *kitten* :glasses:

verptwerp

One "pal" recently dropped me ....... after months of encouraging her, nothing ever changed ..... and then I suggested she stop whining & actually DO something constructive ...... guess that makes me a mean person ....... oh well, so be it ......

Life's too short

pspetralia

Hello new years resolvers of 2013.

You might notice that people here seem maybe mean sometimes, or snarky, or say things that make you sad.
Before you decide that these people are trying to make you sad, please consider that they may be trying to help you:

"TRY HARDER" is more motivating than "take it easy"
"YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT" is more motivating than "you already look great"
"STOP WHINING" is more more motivating than "there there, bubula, cry on my shoulder"
"GET STARTED NOW" is more motivating than "spend a week coming up with a plan and see if you lose weight planning."

The journey of 1,000 miles starts with but a single step . . . in the right direction . . . and you'll get there faster if you run.

**LOVE**

territurner908347

I like it.

AniyahsMommy324

Love this!