Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

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  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    Ok. Hi all.

    I normally don't post things that are this serious or personal but I don't really have anywhere else to bounce this around.

    My partner accused me of cheating on him. With my trainer.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience/ can give a girl some advice?

    Aww, bless your poor partner - he sees you enjoying the gym buzz and being hot & sweaty and gets the wrong idea.

    I am surprised by the replies on here that people suggest you dump your trainer - that sets a weird precedent that surely you don't want to take into a lifelong relationship!

    When I got married I promised myself and my husband my attitude towards him spending time with other women (he does art and a lot of the time his models are naked) wouldn't change - I don't have a problem with it because I trust him. I have posed for him too, he was a total professional and I have a good understanding of how modelling can make women feel really good about themselves.

    For me to insist it stopped because I was feeling jealous or insecure would be really petty.

    Perhaps it is possible for you and your partner to have a training session (or 5) together with your trainer so he can see for himself that there isn't anything going on?

    Better yet, tell your partner ALL the sessions from now on he can attend as well and see how long it is before he gets bored and leaves you to it? ;)
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    I don't understand under what circumstances this person qualifies as a friend?

    Admittedly I only read a few pages before I wanted to drink something to dull the pain but you said that he isn't even your trainer. He is some guy who works at your gym who adjusts your program sporadically. So what's that once a month once every 6 weeks? If I was in my early 20's and had a fiance who was hanging out at a gym to discuss "shared outside interests" with some guy she only really has the need to be around for 30 minutes every 6 weeks I would also wonder what is going on.

    I will postface this by saying it is incredibly slow at work today otherwise I wouldn't have taken the time to respond.

    I go to the gym to lift. I don't see why it would be an issue to have a conversation with a friend whilst I'm there.
  • _reno_
    _reno_ Posts: 87 Member
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    Well I am glad we were able to settle this for you.

    It only took 300 posts
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
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    Well that is really black and white dude, how about something in the middle ey :)

    I also agree with Matt
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Well I am glad we were able to settle this for you.

    It only took 300 posts

    The Internet solves every problem don't cha know
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    In all seriousness though, usually the cheater is the one to accuse.
  • Italiano7
    Italiano7 Posts: 382 Member
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    Sit down and have a talk with him. He may be feeling insecure. (we all do at times). Insure him that you are not cheating. maybe encourage him to work out with you so he can see what is really going on at the gym instead of imagining . I use to have alot of insecurity issues-trust me if you sit down and talk to him-it will make a difference. I know from experience. Good luck!
  • tsherm3850
    tsherm3850 Posts: 353 Member
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    Trying to quote the OP....insecurities about commitments, what you wear, who your friends are not to be ignored. I'm sorry to say....but he would get dumped!
  • Matt_1972
    Matt_1972 Posts: 56 Member
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    I don't understand under what circumstances this person qualifies as a friend?

    Admittedly I only read a few pages before I wanted to drink something to dull the pain but you said that he isn't even your trainer. He is some guy who works at your gym who adjusts your program sporadically. So what's that once a month once every 6 weeks? If I was in my early 20's and had a fiance who was hanging out at a gym to discuss "shared outside interests" with some guy she only really has the need to be around for 30 minutes every 6 weeks I would also wonder what is going on.

    I will postface this by saying it is incredibly slow at work today otherwise I wouldn't have taken the time to respond.

    I go to the gym to lift. I don't see why it would be an issue to have a conversation with a friend whilst I'm there.

    Like I said how does he even qualify as a friend? He isn't your trainer, he is the guy at the gym who walks around the machines, weights wearing a lanyard or two and saying "Nice form" and you don't see him outside of the gym so your definition of friend must be different to mine. Maybe that is what is concerning your partner.

    Do you refer to the guy/girl at your local 7/11 as your friend? The guy who makes your coffee every morning on the way to work?
  • moehenkels
    moehenkels Posts: 8 Member
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    Guys are so lame. Re evaluate your relationship, and talk about those insecurities he has. Try your hardest not to feel insulted by it. Feel empathy for him and he should come around. Also remind him it's a compliment that guys look at you!
  • plcowner
    plcowner Posts: 106 Member
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    I am surprised by the replies on here that people suggest you dump your trainer - that sets a weird precedent that surely you don't want to take into a lifelong relationship!

    When I got married I promised myself and my husband my attitude towards him spending time with other women (he does art and a lot of the time his models are naked) wouldn't change - I don't have a problem with it because I trust him.

    For me to insist it stopped because I was feeling jealous or insecure would be really petty.

    Perhaps it is possible for you and your partner to have a training session (or 5) together with your trainer so he can see for himself that there isn't anything going on?
    [/quote]

    You nailed it. You made the choice to trust him - full stop. Good for you!
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
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    Guys are so lame. Re evaluate your relationship, and talk about those insecurities he has. Try your hardest not to feel insulted by it. Feel empathy for him and he should come around. Also remind him it's a compliment that guys look at you!
    Well im glad girls are all perfect, hahaha please
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    I've been getting my coffee from the same lady for two years. I would consider her a friend.

    Maybe I'm just generous with the word "friend" I would call quite a few people on MFP "friends"
    I have to say I've never really seen that as a negative thing.
  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
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    I'm not a terribly huge fan of male/female platonic relationships..especially those that get too close. Usually the motivation of one person may be good, but the other person may not have good motivations. Ultimately it is your decision as a woman to act upon it. He probably feels like you are flirting, like you admire him. He probably is self conscious or insecure. Honestly I would not feel good if my fiance was spending time with and sharing conversation with another female for a long length of time...I suppose I can be jealous and insecure myself, but it's mostly a respect thing. I respect him and want him to feel special. If I want to talk about hobbies, I try to take up his hobbies and learn about them, or he can teach me and vice versa. We are a team. In fact, to avoid problems,we got an elliptical and other work out gear for the home. It's nice to be able to work out with each other and share things, motivating one another.

    I think he took it too far by saying that you are cheating, especially without any hardcore evidence. Maybe he feels emotionally cheated on because you have more in common with another man than you do with him. It must be hard for him.

    Hopefully you can sit down with him and try to understand his point of view...and work toward solutions that are not restricting yet respectful.
  • Matt_1972
    Matt_1972 Posts: 56 Member
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    I've been getting my coffee from the same lady for two years. I would consider her a friend.

    Maybe I'm just generous with the word "friend" I would call quite a few people on MFP "friends"
    I have to say I've never really seen that as a negative thing.

    And yet you are the one who started this thread
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    I've been getting my coffee from the same lady for two years. I would consider her a friend.

    Maybe I'm just generous with the word "friend" I would call quite a few people on MFP "friends"
    I have to say I've never really seen that as a negative thing.

    And yet you are the one who started this thread

    You've lost me
  • bub_snig
    bub_snig Posts: 56
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    Has your fiancé met your trainer? Maybe invite him to one of your sessions and then he can see for himself that you are just friends

    This sounds like a great idea
  • freddykid
    freddykid Posts: 265 Member
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    I am not for giving up all personal freedom/rights. But it is your right and sometimes you may have to give up a little bit for the relationship. That is only your choice to make. Maybe do the PT sessions less frequently. He also could be having a bad week. Just an FYI I am horrible at giving relationship advise. hope you stay under your daily goal!
  • dtiapril
    dtiapril Posts: 41
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    I love all the posts saying "guys and girls can't just be friends" - this isn't a friendship, it's a professional relationship of client and trainer.

    If she gives up the PT, does that mean she can only see female doctors, dentists, hairdressers, wedding planners, accountants, solicitors, mortgage advisors? etc etc etc etc

    The PT isn't the issue - his insecurity is. Giving up the PT is putting a bandage on a much bigger problem that needs sorting out.
  • tsdaughe
    tsdaughe Posts: 88
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    As a counselor, the insecurity and him being concerned about what you wear, going out, etc. are all red flags for a controlling relationship. I also speak as someone who was in one of those relationships and I ignored the red flags and things went south fast. I will add I only put up with behavior for 3 months before he got the boot. I am not saying this is the case for you but this all something to consider.

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