Anyone elses SO less then supportive?
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LOL @ "watching" his own kids.
^^ This - I would BREAK my husband if he ever said that....(Thank goodness I lift heavy)
Third this. They are his kids too, it's not babysitting them, it's being a father!0 -
I do this for myself.
It sounds like you have a lot to negotiate for. I am well into my second year and all my workouts are in the family calendar. Honestly, I would just join the gym and go. He'll learn if he has too - and probably not until
Everyone can refer to the 2nd Amendment.0 -
Is he worried that you're going to be attractive to other men and he doesn't want you working out because now you're starting to feel better about yourself and it shows? I mean, that's the only logical explanation I can come up with for his lazy *kitten*.0
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My wife is not totally on board in a "This won't last" way.
So, I'm planning to make my periodic rewards to be things _she_ really wants.
Why would you make YOUR rewards about her? How will that keep YOU motivated?
A person can love somebody so much that making them happy is rewarding. Just saying.
As for the OP, I feel sorry for her. It seems she married my ex. He was the same way. I finally said to myself, "Girl, you're doing everything around here so you may as well dump the hubby and go it alone." Which is exactly what I did and I am the happiest person in the world (most of the time).0 -
Well my motto is "If they aren't for you - they are against you". However, do this weight loss for you. Find someone to watch YOUR kids or take them with you. Walk, run, stroller, friend, neighbor - make it work.. Sounds like maybe he is in depression or laziness? Do this for you! Keep up the good work and don't give anyone the POWER to control your emotions.0
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...your husband is a douche...he doesn't seem to be a supportive spouse in general and absent from his role as a parent entirely...Good luck
^^This!
Find a gym with child care and tell him to run his own errands!
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I would be piiiiiiiiiiissed. Why can't HE run to the store? Why can't HE take care of his children? He sounds like a child. Tell him to man up.0
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Happy wife = happy husband?My wife is not totally on board in a "This won't last" way.
So, I'm planning to make my periodic rewards to be things _she_ really wants.
Why would you make YOUR rewards about her? How will that keep YOU motivated?0 -
I have been working on this for the 2 week now. I have already dropped close to 12 lbs. I have been working my butt off. My husband acts like my working out is an "inconvenience." Because I haven't been running to the store everyday for him and I have expected him to watch our kids. He won't watch them so I can join a gym, sleeps 12 hours a day, and gets mad if his kids wake him up at 2 p.m. while I'm working out. (no he doesn't work graves.) I am getting so mad because even one of his best friends pointed out the weight loss. He got passive aggressive mad about it. Would you be mad too? Are any of you having the same problem?
mine is supportive, been at it for 16 months now, but he does act as though it's a pain in the *kitten* if I leave him with the kids for an hour to complete my workout, also because it is 6 days a week, he seems to get annoyed. Other then that, he tells me that he is so proud of how far i have come. My hubby does work graveyards so I do try and get my workouts in before anyone in the house is up, like we are talking 4:30 am.
good luck to you, but sounds like hubby may need a swift kick to the *kitten*.0 -
just break up.
Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.
Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!
It's a long-running MFP forums joke...
...but in this case, it doesn't seem particularly inappropriate. Based on the limited information we have, and assuming it is accurate, that's where I would place my bet.
So, let's hear *your* advice that you believe will be helpful for her in this situation.
Edit: because even I typo a homonym occasionally.0 -
I've been there in EVERY way you described.... was there for more years than I care for even after trying for years on end to make it all work.....
If you want it to work counseling may help if he's not willing to communicate and listen on his own and learning how to take care of the kids when its needed and support you when its needed.
I ended my marriage 3 years ago for every reason you specified. My girls were in their teenage years, we had been married 20 years and I was a single parent for 20 years.0 -
just break up.
Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.
Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!
It is going to help her. It'll help her realize that she probably needs to kick her dead beat husband to the curb. And when did you get to tell anyone what to say or not? Who made you a mod?
OP - seriously - either seek counseling or get a divorce.
(There that better for you? sheesh -.- )0 -
Ignore him and his immature behavior. This is about you so don't let him bring you down. He can get on board or get off but don't let it effect you. I know that easier said then done but ignore it if you can. You'll feel better about you if you can. If you focus on his negativity it will become yours and you don't deserve it. You're on the right path, stick to it, if for no other reason than to piss him off for being a big baby about this 0
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What a charmer, I don't get guys who have issues spending time with their kids. It's not baby sitting if they came from your DNA, it's called family time...0
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I think this is very common. I don't have a spouse but I have friends and family that run into the same issue. I think the key, like a few others have stated is to keep the focus on YOU. You have a right to be angry, especially at a man that balks about "watching his own children" but there is little you can do to change him. Try having a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel. There is not much else you can do.
Just DON'T GIVE UP! You might have to do this without his support and that's okay. Maybe it will help you overcome some of the resentment and anger you feel if you think about the situation from his point of view.
He probably feels threatened because you are making a big change in your life, not just talking about it but doing it. He (based on your comments) isn't doing anything constructive or anything to better himself. Maybe he feels "left behind". Doesn't make sense, as you would think he'd be proud of you. I once had a friend that lost 55 pounds and her husband made the comment "I liked her better when she was fat". Yes, true story!!
Anyway, good luck and remember...don't give up! It would be easier with his support but you can do it without him!! You have us, so look to MFP for support if you have rough days!!0 -
just break up.
Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.
Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!
heh0 -
I went through this with my husband also. It just takes time. I used to go to Weight Watchers and I would go in every week to the meetings and vent about my husband. Ha ha! He is the cook in the family and is also from the South. He would cook fattening meals and when I would complain that I really can't eat steak and mashed potatoes with butter, he would say. Just eat less honey. UGH! It's hard to eat less when its delicious and your hungry!! However, as I continued to work on my weight loss and quite complaining and just did what I needed to for me, he started to change his meals. He is over weight and I think he was afraid that I would start to push it on him. He is not ready to make changes yet. Ignore the comments and complaints - and be okay with him being inconvenienced. It won't kill him. 0
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Coming on here and venting is great that's why you have the support. However, have you spoken to your husband about how you feel and expressed your concerns. People can say he is a douche, but if he has been this all along but in different ways, but you have never spoken to him about it, then you can't expect him to change. People need to be told when they have done something wrong, because believe it or not some people just don't know or realize
Speak to your husband and go from there....
Marriage will never work without communication, and once you have spoken to him and he still doesn't change or care to change, then only you can decide from there....
Goodluck0 -
My wife just told me she had an affair that lasted 6 weeks, does that count as unsupportive?0
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I am so sorry that your spouse is being so unsupportive! Congrats to you for starting your new way of life! You have to do it for you, and you will feel so much better for it. Have you thought about finding a gym that has a daycare. Alot of the gyms these days have daycare and the cost is factored into your payment. That way your kids can see you being a positive influence on them and teach them better habits as well.
I hate that you are going through this with your husband because if he loves you he would want you to be healthy and happy and would do anything in his power to make this happen. If he is dragging you down you just have to find your grove and say screw him. If you living your life does not make him spring into action to change his lazy *kitten*, then you might need to sit down with him and communicate that this is how you are living now and if he is not on board he need to figure out his priorities.
Good Luck!0
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