Anyone elses SO less then supportive?
Replies
-
I've been there in EVERY way you described.... was there for more years than I care for even after trying for years on end to make it all work.....
If you want it to work counseling may help if he's not willing to communicate and listen on his own and learning how to take care of the kids when its needed and support you when its needed.
I ended my marriage 3 years ago for every reason you specified. My girls were in their teenage years, we had been married 20 years and I was a single parent for 20 years.0 -
just break up.
Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.
Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!
It is going to help her. It'll help her realize that she probably needs to kick her dead beat husband to the curb. And when did you get to tell anyone what to say or not? Who made you a mod?
OP - seriously - either seek counseling or get a divorce.
(There that better for you? sheesh -.- )0 -
Ignore him and his immature behavior. This is about you so don't let him bring you down. He can get on board or get off but don't let it effect you. I know that easier said then done but ignore it if you can. You'll feel better about you if you can. If you focus on his negativity it will become yours and you don't deserve it. You're on the right path, stick to it, if for no other reason than to piss him off for being a big baby about this
0 -
What a charmer, I don't get guys who have issues spending time with their kids. It's not baby sitting if they came from your DNA, it's called family time...0
-
I think this is very common. I don't have a spouse but I have friends and family that run into the same issue. I think the key, like a few others have stated is to keep the focus on YOU. You have a right to be angry, especially at a man that balks about "watching his own children" but there is little you can do to change him. Try having a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel. There is not much else you can do.
Just DON'T GIVE UP! You might have to do this without his support and that's okay. Maybe it will help you overcome some of the resentment and anger you feel if you think about the situation from his point of view.
He probably feels threatened because you are making a big change in your life, not just talking about it but doing it. He (based on your comments) isn't doing anything constructive or anything to better himself. Maybe he feels "left behind". Doesn't make sense, as you would think he'd be proud of you. I once had a friend that lost 55 pounds and her husband made the comment "I liked her better when she was fat". Yes, true story!!
Anyway, good luck and remember...don't give up! It would be easier with his support but you can do it without him!! You have us, so look to MFP for support if you have rough days!!0 -
just break up.
Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.
Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!
heh0 -
I went through this with my husband also. It just takes time. I used to go to Weight Watchers and I would go in every week to the meetings and vent about my husband. Ha ha! He is the cook in the family and is also from the South. He would cook fattening meals and when I would complain that I really can't eat steak and mashed potatoes with butter, he would say. Just eat less honey. UGH! It's hard to eat less when its delicious and your hungry!! However, as I continued to work on my weight loss and quite complaining and just did what I needed to for me, he started to change his meals. He is over weight and I think he was afraid that I would start to push it on him. He is not ready to make changes yet. Ignore the comments and complaints - and be okay with him being inconvenienced. It won't kill him. 0
-
Coming on here and venting is great that's why you have the support. However, have you spoken to your husband about how you feel and expressed your concerns. People can say he is a douche, but if he has been this all along but in different ways, but you have never spoken to him about it, then you can't expect him to change. People need to be told when they have done something wrong, because believe it or not some people just don't know or realize
Speak to your husband and go from there....
Marriage will never work without communication, and once you have spoken to him and he still doesn't change or care to change, then only you can decide from there....
Goodluck0 -
My wife just told me she had an affair that lasted 6 weeks, does that count as unsupportive?0
-
I am so sorry that your spouse is being so unsupportive! Congrats to you for starting your new way of life! You have to do it for you, and you will feel so much better for it. Have you thought about finding a gym that has a daycare. Alot of the gyms these days have daycare and the cost is factored into your payment. That way your kids can see you being a positive influence on them and teach them better habits as well.
I hate that you are going through this with your husband because if he loves you he would want you to be healthy and happy and would do anything in his power to make this happen. If he is dragging you down you just have to find your grove and say screw him. If you living your life does not make him spring into action to change his lazy *kitten*, then you might need to sit down with him and communicate that this is how you are living now and if he is not on board he need to figure out his priorities.
Good Luck!0 -
My wife just told me she had an affair that lasted 6 weeks, does that count as unsupportive?
^ Wow..THAT sucks...0 -
My husband wasn't very supportive in the beginning. He would say snide remarks and poke fun at my efforts. I think he was really afraid that I would overdo it and get skinny. Also, he being a big man, I think he was a bit insecure and didn't want me to succeed. I just kept at it, day by day. I lost 23 pounds and work out with a personal trainer twice a week. Now he often tells me how proud he is of me for losing the weight; how much healthier I am.
On another note, 12 pounds is an awful lot to lose so quickly. Be sure you are eating healthy and not overdoing it with the exercise. Just make it work for you. Maybe the kids could play with you or visit a friend sometimes. Leave your husband to his grumblings.0 -
I would say keep doing what you are doing and try to deal with your marital problems if it be counseling or something but do not make any half hazard decision from a weight loss forum discussion post .people are saying leave him and all sorts of things but that is not what marriage is about at least try to fix the problems first. yes he could be a better spouse and supporter but we dont know the whole story we dont know if it has always been like this or if he is going through something that he needs help with come on people dont be so fast to give the verdict without knowing the whole matter0
-
If I had a SO, I'm pretty sure they would be supportive.0
-
I was going to reply that yeah, my boyfriend won't work out with me because he's too tired and that tends to make me not want to either...plus he will buy unhealthy snack food to eat right in front of me which makes it harder!
But not quite the same as your situation...he's working 12 hours a day to my 8 hours so I suck it up and work out when he's not around.
In your case it sounds like the problems run much deeper and if he acts like this all the time, at minimum maybe some couples therapy is in order?0 -
My bf is sort of like that. I think guys have that fear if you look good other men are gonna swoop in and carry you away. I really hope I have a great guy swoop in. lol. jk a bit of humor. Have you tried talking to him about it?0
-
I can't say mine is completely unsupportive... however he does poke fun at me sometimes and tells me I am overly obsessed with tracking my calories.. he makes fun when I am cooking in the kitchen and have my laptop on the counter so i can log each and every ingredient calorie on MFP... I am a tad obsessed with being as accurate as possible with it all, but I dont think its a bad thing. he will also sometimes try to offer me something not very good for me (piece of candy, chips, etc) and when I decline he says stuff like "one piece of candy is not going to make you fat!"... it bothers me... but it not all the time he does it, for the most part he seems supportive.
* this-although he swears now that he is going to get serious....he also states he isnt going to watch the calories just cut back on serving size.....mmmmm ya don know.....
your SO ....boy I feel bad for him...NOT....tell him to get up off his lazy a** and help with the kids and household chores....thats his responsibility too not just yours....especially if you are working and he is not but irregardless he can be a parent/spouse....if he thinks its just too much then maybe he would be happier being alone ....good luck0 -
Nothing is sweeter than watching your tormentor's head explode in anger and frustration at your own success and blessings.
But is is hardly revenge. It is a prescription for life with an enjoyable side effect. :glasses:0 -
Find a new husband.
Sounds like there are a lot more issues in your relationship than just weight loss.0 -
Mine doesn't support it either. My workouts don't impact any part of our day so she can't really nitpick...........but she still does
0 -
I keep seeing the divorce word being tossed around. Has anyone even listened to vows " for better or worse" jeez at least suggest therapy or something first. I think he is being lazy by not going to the store himself and sleeping in so late, and he is being an irresponsible parent by sleeping instead of watching his kids but obviously this isn't a new situation she has allowed him to continue this for a while so he is not completely to blame. Also even if she talks to him he wont change overnight it may take some time.
I suggest talking to him alone without the kids around (in case of a fight and also so there are not any distractions from the conversation) and explain to him that you would like him to make an effort to change (ex: helping more with the kids, shopping) and you will make an effort to not expect a 180 overnight, that you will try to be patient . Good luck I hope everything works out.0 -
just break up.
Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.
Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!
My comments are derived from experience. I agree with the first two posters, time to re-think your future.0 -
My spouse (prematuremango on MFP) is supportive, and is taking this 'journey' with me. The only think that irks her a little is that I'm the obsessive type that tries to learn everything there is to know about a new subject, and I love to try to teach her too. I think if I try to teach her the difference between BMR, RMR and TDEE one more time, she may divorce me, weight loss be damned.0
-
Not going to tell you how I feel about your SO since I don't know your full situation. But if you went from laying around and being at his beck and call every day to up before dawn and changing both his and your diet, and being gone to the gym every day all day... I could understand him not being totally on board. Take into consideration how your lifestyle change affects him... and try to keep the change in his life as minimal as possible without sacrificing your own. I was making two separate suppers in my house when I started, one for my high metabolism-ed hubby and one for my fat @$$... Then I found I could change ground hamburger for ground turkey and he didn't even notice. And he saw where he could help/encourage/stay out of my way so I can get things done for myself and he started coming around. I wouldn't say my hubby was supportive, and in seeing me every day he never "saw" the results, until I posted my 50lb before and after photo... THEN his eyes opened, NOW he gets it, and NOW he understands that this does work, I do want it, and it is worth a touch of discomfort on his end to help ME. Best of luck, make yourself happy first, be conscious of his needs... and try to work together on this...0
-
So sorry you are going through this. I kind of have the same sort of situation. My SO drinks and binges and doesn't have the best temper. And the longer I do this, the more he is mad at me for not failing and not joining him in his bad behavior. We are growing into 2 different people. Probably more accurately I am growing (or shrinking) into my full potential. He wants me to be a drunken drug addict.
Makes me so sad to think about it.. But, I don't think we will make it together anymore.0 -
It's not babysitting if they're your own kids! That's called "parenting." He sounds a LOT like my abusive first husband. Eventually, I had to acknowledge that his controlling and abusive behavior was not going to change, and I divorced him. Now I have a wonderful, supportive husband who gladly shares my parenting responsibilities with me, even though the kids are not technically his. He's on board with the healthy eating and weight loss, too, but wouldn't mind if we just ate junk, either. He's generally a good sport. That's what a marriage should be like. BOTH partners support what is best for the both of them, and make compromises where necessary to make sure everyone's needs are met.0
-
Well, I can say that my SO is only not on board in one way. She likes to buy/eat crap I do not want in the house. She is more than willing to hide it from me though. ;-)
Your SO on the other hand sounds like a total selfish *kitten*. He should be pulling his own weight watching the kids when he is awake. Oh and sleeping 12 hours a day? WTF is up with that? People only need 8 hours of sleep, period. Hell I do just fine on 6. So tell him we all said it is time for him to grow up or get out! You can find MUCH better than this loser.
Don't ask his permission to get to the gym. Just tell him you will be back in a couple of hours and leave his *kitten* there to watch the kids. You do not need his permission. I hope this means more coming from a guy. We are not all douches, sadly it seems like yours is and will need to be forced to step up. He will not likely do so on his own. Make him step up and take on some responsibility!0 -
Happy wife = happy husband?My wife is not totally on board in a "This won't last" way.
So, I'm planning to make my periodic rewards to be things _she_ really wants.
Why would you make YOUR rewards about her? How will that keep YOU motivated?
Yeah, exactly! She will provide enough motivation.
Also, I'm pretty sure she'd be willing to starve me to death for a new freezer or a cruise or something.
But yeah, not like, "If I lose 10# you get a manicure" type deal.0 -
He sounds like my dad. My mom goes for runs and sometimes the gym, and everytime he argues about it. I dont even think he knows why he argues about it. He just does. I believe that he is so used to my mom slaving away doing everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, that he just dislikes this sudden change. Hes now out of his comfort zone and im sure he has bigger responsibility to take care of while your gone. Bottom line though, you need to take care of yourself. My mom still goes for her daily runs and goes to the gym once a week after dinner .. You need to make time for yourself. He may not understand that or like it, but if you really want to be fit and healthy, DO IT!
There is no greater feeling than being determined, working HARD, being and staying motivated, feeling like youve accomplished something, feeling proud of yourself, and being successful. You can do this!!!0 -
What a charmer, I don't get guys who have issues spending time with their kids. It's not baby sitting if they came from your DNA, it's called family time...
I think I love you!! Don't tell my husband I said that lol0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions