I don't want a big wedding...how do I stop this???
Replies
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Please please please please create some kind of t-virus and start a zombie apocalypse. Zombie apocalypse and avoided wedding all knocked out in one week - might as well have a cheat meal!0
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Your idea sounds lovely (courthouse, grandfather's blessing, small dinner party) so why not just do it? A wedding is for you and your fiance - not your future mother-in-law.
One way to avoid a big production is to do it fast (like in a few days) Invitations by phone - "are you free Saturday?" My sister in law did the short notice thing and it worked wonderfully. (My mother in law stopped worrying about the church thing eventually - its hard to challenge a wedding's sincerity at the couple's 30th anniversary.)0 -
can your fiance's grandfather perform the ceremony for you in a small chapel? There is no such thing as a typical wedding anymore, you have to do what will make you most happy when you reflect back on your day.
If you want it small? have it small, a couple of friends of mine had their weddings in the courtyard of a beautiful little restaurant and then had their "reception" dinner at the restaurant afterward, it was lovely!0 -
I got married in a park (our small wedding was on Halloween, and everyone -- including the guests -- came in costume). Low key and lots of fun.
My daughter decided to get married when her boyfriend got out of boot camp and had a month before he had to report to duty -- we found a dress at a consignment shop, borrowed a friend's landscaped backyard, her aunt made the (very fancy) cake, I made her bouquet, did the rest of the flowers (didn't need many since it was outside) and made her veil from a premade one from Hancock's (and sewed on 80 swaroski rhinestones). Another friend did the music, an uncle did the photographs, and yet another relative was the minister (he was the only professonal -- all the rest of us were amateurs). She really felt special because we all worked so hard to make everything come together -- and all of us took pride in the beauiful ceremony we managed to pull together.
You do what YOU want. My mom thought I was crazy for my Halloween wedding, but it was just exactly right for my husband and me.
PS -- there's a picture on my profile if you want to see my wedding party...0 -
First, not all women want a big, expensive, hassle-filled wedding. And in my option women who do not want such things are *not* failures. My husband and I had a very small wedding, with a few close friends and that was it. We had the wedding we wanted, because it was *our* wedding. If someone else wants a big wedding, let them have it. As for the church, perhaps you could find one with fewer rules? Or you and your future husband can tell your future MIL that this is your wedding, and you will do what you feel most comfortable doing.0
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Congrats on your engagement!!! It's YOUR wedding and your finance's wedding, as long as he is in agreement with you no one else opinion should matter. At the end of the day you can't please everyone.
I myself had a small wedding and don't regret it. Now that we are approching 10 years married we've considered having a big ceremony and renewing our vows. You always have that option as well.0 -
My aunt had a big church wedding with a shower and reception and all that over 20 years ago. Just in the last year or so she told me she and her husband had really just wanted to go off on vacation together somewhere and get married with no fuss, but her in laws immediately dove in and started making plans and she felt like she couldn't stand against them. She's always regretted not doing what they initially wanted to do.
Big weddings are a lot of expense, and a lot of stress. If it's not what you really want, then don't do it. Tell your fiance to explain to his mother that you'd rather save the money and avoid all the stress. Maybe you could still have a big party of some sort afterwards if it's really important for them to have something like that, that will involve much less stress and expense than a full blown wedding/reception.
This is you and your fiance's wedding, and the start of a new chapter in your lives. You should make it something that you will both be happy with and can fully enjoy and look back on fondly and without regret.0 -
I have been married now for 5 years. I did the wedding. My advice now to people who get engaged? Elope. Or rather don't do a huge wedding. I don't remember most of it, it was stressful, and not that much fun. Our photographer harassed me until I just finally told her to leave. The photos from our friends and family were way better then what we got from her. I spent $500 on a dress I haven't worn again. Ours was inexpensive wedding ($3000) but I still wouldn't do it again. My hubby and I were offered the money we spent on the wedding to go and have a honeymoon. But I "needed" that wedding. Instead it was 2 years and 3 months before we had anything like a honeymoon. Our site was dry (no alcohol) so our friends put on an after party. We were so tired we didn't stay long, as we had to drive ourselves to our hotel.
If you don't want this, don't do it. Remember it's you and your fiancee's day. If you're worried about his mom, maybe you can ask her to help out with something. So she gets to feel involved. But stand your ground. She already had her day, and this isn't about her.0 -
I caved into the pressure with my first marriage, and it wasn't worth the cost, monetary and stress-wise.
My second wedding was a mere four hours long - ceremony was at 10 am with close family (21 people including me and my husband), pictures until noon and then a fun lunch until 2 pm. Then we said thanks and went back to the hotel for a nap! Dinner, drinks and dancing that evening at OUR favorite pub with an open Facebook invite for everyone we know to show up or not - many did. I did not purchase stationary, decorations, flowers, etc. A week before the wedding I decided I wanted the cake-cutting pic so I ordered one and had it delivered straight to the restaurant and I didn't even see it until it was placed in front of me for cutting. And it was perfect, just like the entire day!
My fave quote of the day was from my new mom-in-law: "Thanks for not making us sit through all the boring wedding-y stuff."
Bottom line - sit down and have as many chats as it takes with your fiance to figure out what the two of you want your day to be, and then do that. (Especially before you start sinking cash into it!)
Congrats and best of luck!0 -
This is YOUR day... well, technically BOTH of your days. I'm sorry, but I don't subscribe to the pleasing everyone else, especially on THIS day.
Call an impromptu meeting with all the important parties, or make a phone call - and say, "I am so excited, thank you for your enthusiasm as well! I've given this lots of thought, and here's what I want....."
Just DO IT.
We got married in a dive Mexican restaurant (the scene of our 3rd date)... just a few family and friends... and it was AWESOME. Yes, a few people might have had their feelings hurt because we couldn't accommodate a large group and all the fanfare, but.... *IT WAS PERFECT* And even better, our entire wedding was paid off before we said "I do" because we were able to control expenses. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Do it... do what you want... do it your way. There are so few times in life when it gets to be unregrettably and undoubtedly about YOU.... this is one of them.
One way I've found that works when talking with family is to start off the conversation right. Don't be afraid of it, just go with gusto. Maybe try, "Mom-in-law, I AM SO EXCITED! I can't wait to be part of this family and I want to thank you for your shared excitement. I know you want this day to be perfect for me, here's my plan. . . I'm so excited for you to be a part of this, would you be willing to X and Y?" Give a task - make her feel included - and move on.0 -
My husband is from another state, so we stressed for the longest time on how to plan a "perfect" wedding that will include family and friends from there and family and friends from here. But we realized that the only thing that mattered was being Mr. and Mrs. at the end of the day. So within two weeks, we got hitched at the county courthouse with just my parents, his parents and his best friend. After, we went for margaritas and quesadillas at Chilis, which was where we had our first date two years earlier. And THAT was perfect.
I'm the youngest of six kids, and all my siblings had been married - some more than once - before us, so my parents didn't care that I didn't want a wedding. Besides, they eloped, too. My husband is an only child, but if his parents were disappointed in our choice, we never heard a peep. They were just happy that he was doing what he wanted and was happy. And that's how it should be.
Every now and then, especially if someone I know is planning a wedding or I watch some of the TLC shows, I think, "Maybe we should renew our vows and have second wedding." I put serious thought into it a few years ago... then realized that having a kickass costume party for Halloween was more representative of our relationship than some fussy event with a puffy white dress.0 -
You mentioned that you wanted your grandfather (a retired minister) to do a blessing after a courthouse wedding. Have you thought about this (it's what my sister and BIL did since neither of them is religious, but they wanted to make some family members happy) have a small wedding (theirs was outside... in Massachusetts.. in October... I froze, but it's what THEY wanted) have your grandfather officiate (my grandfather who is a retired Episcopal priest officiated with the assistance of my Uncle who is a non denominational pastor), does not have to be in a church, can be in a back yard (a friend of mine had a lovely Hawaiian themed backyard wedding,) or at a park (hey, if I ever find Mr Right, I have a similar plan, grandfather-if he's still alive, if not I have two other priests that want to marry me off, at a park with a BBQ reception planned.)
It can be done to be what you want with a tiny concession to what the others want, just remember its YOUR wedding0 -
I'm sure you can find a small church or chapel to have the ceremony in. The other option is find the smallest one there and still only invite a few people- though I would suggest doing it at a warm time of the year or you may freeze!
At the end of the day it you, as a couple, who need to feel please. After all those little touches that make it special, hand written menus and dinner settings to the blessing you talked of, really come alive with a smaller group of people rather then the big brash weddings.
Hope you two have a beautiful life together
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Ugh.....can somone explain how to follow up on individual posts? not only can I make a decision about my own wedding, I cannot figure out how to do individual replies!
I need to set a precedence NOW that this is our wedding, our day when it comes to how my MIL wants things done. I want simple and easy. I want a beautiful day with people I love. I don't care about showers, favors, centerpieces and stuff people are going to forget and that I clearly I do not care about.
You are all amazing and giving wonderful food for thought. This is perfect timing!
I just really want our new life to start as soon as possible. I don't think there's any sense to wait until November to have something just to say "ok, we're married now". I'm not into that. From the moment he proposed I wanted to be his wife. I would have married him wearing a potato sack the next day. At the end of the day it's about us and our union.
You guys rock, btw!
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This is YOUR special day.
Who cares about pleasing everyone else?
Are you getting married so that you and your future husband can spend the rest of your lives together, or are you getting married because you want to throw a party for everyone else and spend a ridiculous amount of money on one day?
Do what YOU want.0 -
Since neither of you seems to really know what his mother wants (sounds like you're surmising), I'd recommend his talking to her first, finding out what her expectations are, and then both of you can talk to her about the wedding you truly want.
Also, who is paying for this whingding? If it's the two of you, or your family, then you get to say what the wedding will be.
The most important thing, though, is that it is YOUR (you and your fiance's) day, and YOUR party.
Congratulations, and may you have a long, wonderful and fruitful life together!0 -
It's your wedding; do what you want to do, but there is a way to do both. You can have a small, intimate church wedding instead of being married at the courthouse. The latter seems so impersonal, and the decorations would be minimal. You could just have a lovely floral arrangement on the altar. Then you could still have your formal dinner.
My daughter thought about getting married at the courthouse, but we encouraged her to get married in a small church ceremony. I knew our family would be devastated to miss such a special event. She told me later how thankful she was, because she would have regretted that decision forever.
Best wishes on your marriage.0 -
I got married and wanted a courthouse wedding then a nice intimate dinner with closest friends and family.
My now ex-husband and his parents pressured me so hard to have a big wedding. They actually bribed me with "The more you spend on the wedding, the more we'll pay for the honeymoon." So I had the big wedding.
I totally regret it. My parents went into debt for it. I stressed for a full year over it. I don't remember much of the day because it was so much work and so stressful that I couldn't enjoy it. It cost so much to do and the wedding is more for family & friends than for you. Why did I sacrifice so much work for something I never wanted? I'll always regret that.
This is a huge moment in your life - do it for YOU, not for anyone else's idea of what it should be. Your day, your marriage. People will have opinions on what you should or shouldn't do. They should be supporting you both in your decision. What you've listed as your plan is perfect. Not every woman wants a wedding - and that's OK.
Congratulations and I hope the day is exactly what you want.0 -
To me, being a grownup means making your own decisions, as opposed to having your parents (or someone else's parents) making decisions for you. I am repulsed by the idea that someone would have an opinion about how or where their grownup offspring "should" get married.0
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if you hit quote, you can reply to individuals. we got married in his parents backyard, a few decorations, nice dress, 1000 bucks total. it was lovely. great pics to remember and no big bills at the end. in the end be happy with what you create, the long lasting marriage is the prize.Ugh.....can somone explain how to follow up on individual posts? not only can I make a decision about my own wedding, I cannot figure out how to do individual replies!
I need to set a precedence NOW that this is our wedding, our day when it comes to how my MIL wants things done. I want simple and easy. I want a beautiful day with people I love. I don't care about showers, favors, centerpieces and stuff people are going to forget and that I clearly I do not care about.
You are all amazing and giving wonderful food for thought. This is perfect timing!
I just really want our new life to start as soon as possible. I don't think there's any sense to wait until November to have something just to say "ok, we're married now". I'm not into that. From the moment he proposed I wanted to be his wife. I would have married him wearing a potato sack the next day. At the end of the day it's about us and our union.
You guys rock, btw!0 -
Ugh.....can somone explain how to follow up on individual posts? not only can I make a decision about my own wedding, I cannot figure out how to do individual replies!
I need to set a precedence NOW that this is our wedding, our day when it comes to how my MIL wants things done. I want simple and easy. I want a beautiful day with people I love. I don't care about showers, favors, centerpieces and stuff people are going to forget and that I clearly I do not care about.
You are all amazing and giving wonderful food for thought. This is perfect timing!
I just really want our new life to start as soon as possible. I don't think there's any sense to wait until November to have something just to say "ok, we're married now". I'm not into that. From the moment he proposed I wanted to be his wife. I would have married him wearing a potato sack the next day. At the end of the day it's about us and our union.
You guys rock, btw!
Use the "quote" at the bottom of the post you want to reply to... Btw, Don't wait. Winter is low season for weddings (well, except Feb. because of Valentine's day and all...)0 -
You say NO. Get married how you want to get married.0
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I know it's easier said than done, but do what YOU want. Talk to your fiancee. And don't let the future MIL walk all over you, because you might have to deal with that for a while!0
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Do whatever your want. It's not your future MIL's wedding! She had her wedding. It's your turn. I think what you want to do sounds wonderful. :flowerforyou: 0
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Just break up.
bahaha.
seriously. it's your day. screw what your family wants, it's not about them, it's about you. ((speaking as someone who's currently planning my wedding))0 -
Do what makes you both happy. Don't feel like bad because you plan your wedding the way you want, everyone wants something different and no matter what not everyone will be happy with your decisions, they need to realize it's YOUR day. Speaking from my own experience I had the big wedding that I did not want, if I could do it again I would have the intimate wedding that I did want and be happy with our wedding day. I did the mistake and had a wedding for my mom & aunt to keep them happy...it was more there day then it was mine! Do what YOU want to do not anybody else!0
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very simple..........
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best thing i did was have a small wedding. Just do it! NOW!0
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very simple..........
This is exactly what me and my husband did .. we had a beautiful wedding in Las Vegas!!! No we did not get married by Elvis Nor did we go through a drive through.. we got married out doors.. it was beautiful.. Check out my profile.. some pictures are on there! Enjoy YOUR and YOUR HUSBANDS day because in the end that is all that matters!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
DO WHAT YOU WANT
When we started planning, I wanted the intimate ceremoney at the JP and a small formal dinner with a handful of immediate family and just the bare minimum of friends (like a total of 16 including us). The plan was to hire a photographer to document the day, and still get dressed up...still have the experience without the fanfare.
As that went on, we realized that even that was more than we wanted. So I went to my mom for a heart to heart and I told her what I was thinking and what I wanted. Due to some family members I DID NOT WANT there and the unavoidable nature of leaving them out, we "openly eloped". My parents and his mother gave their blessing and we took a week off and got married.
We went to Vegas, and hired a photographer. Had a short ceremony, dinner and a post-wedding shoot in old downtown. And then spent the week on vacation.
It was the best of everything, and eventually we will have a private dinner with only immediate family (here in a few months).
But this is about you and your finance. Make sure that it is something that you can get excited about. Otherwise you will be stressed and miserable.0
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