"Seeing" your Personal Trainer? Help!

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  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    The issue here is not the "hens" it is him.
  • Debbs83
    Debbs83 Posts: 39 Member
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    Who is "forcing" you to compete with anyone? If you feel like you are competing for a man's attention, then he's not really yours.

    And dating your trainer is a bit like dating your boss; there's only one way it can end well, and, given that you feel you are competing with women nearly twice your age, I don't see the two of you walking down the aisle any time soon.

    I agree with you. The "forced to compete" comment was very off-putting.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    Well...if it were me...I'd either get a new trainer, or get a new lover. It's not working for the two of you to combine trainer/lover. And whatever else I did, I'd switch gyms. Unless it's a tiny town and there's only one.
  • trishmce
    trishmce Posts: 59
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    You need to find someone who is proud to be out with you. Unethical trainer and a rotten "boy friend". You deserve better, don't let anyone diminish you, you made a mistake. Walk away but learn from it.
  • joseph9
    joseph9 Posts: 328 Member
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    I'll say a prayer for you, but I have to say that I don't see things getting better. FWIW, my advice would be to get a new f-buddy and a new trainer, and just stay friends with this guy. Tell him that you like him, but that it doesn't seem like the relationship can continue the way it is, and that you hope you guys can stay friends.

    At that point, if he wants to keep things going, you will need to get a new gym or he will need to get a new job, but it's probably better to go into that one a little pessimistic.

    And let me say for the old guys here - wow, I know trainers are hot, but I didn't realize they were so hot that people would get jealous of their hookups.
  • jzebracki
    jzebracki Posts: 112 Member
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    That is a tough situation, and I am sorry you are going through this. Too many things are wrapped up in your trainer and this gym. Since you have had such a tough time the last four months, it is time to make a change. Find a new trainer and if your personal relationship with your "old" trainer was meant to be, it will still be. That way you can separate the two aspects of your life and see what you have left. This is a hard way to learn a lesson, but it is time to stop making yourself crazy and move forward rather than feeling stuck.
  • MissyJessy
    MissyJessy Posts: 1,279 Member
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    Take the negative comments and use them to your advantage learn to channel all that into motivation to GET BETTER than them to look better than them. As for the trainer honestly theres tons of hunky fit men that hang out at gyms that are looking for someone who just wants an intimate relationship and if thats not what you want anymore then find a new coach or trainer.

    As for the cougar comment. Up here in Canada there are tons of Cougars now before everyone gets all snarky a cougar is an older woman who hangs out in bars with a younger crowd or anywhere with a younger crowd really trying to attract a young man.

    Up here cougars are very open with there status and could care less about the term. so if your married and getting offended by the term cougar you obviously do not understand the term because it is not really a negative comment it is just an "older woman that preys on younger men" (love that.... preys....)

    Anywho you need to be comfortable with yourself who cares what the other women are saying you have done great so far get a new gym and a new group of friends and stop putting so much stress on yourself... just let go of the things that are out of your control and change the things that are... such as your goals acheive them! Go NOW do it!!
  • walkwithme1
    walkwithme1 Posts: 492 Member
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    You've said you're going to move away for grad school, so where's the actual problem? Sounds like friends with benefits from what you've said, no exclusivity or public relationship. Sorry, move on....you got attached to someone that isn't necessarily as into you as you are in him.
  • Jaulen
    Jaulen Posts: 468 Member
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    The issue here is not the "hens" it is him.

    Well, to be fair, it's her too.....boundaries, not standing up for herself...I mean...no public date in 6 months? She's a f7ck buddy....nothing more. She's letting him treat her like that, and making all about the other women instead of him....and instead of her.

    I've had my trainer ask me out before.....good rule of thumb is don't date people you have to pay.
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
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    Bonus: Here's a nice revenge fantasy for you:
    Since he never wanted anyone to know he was in a relationship with you, why not put the shoe on the other foot?
    Tell the gym he was making inappropriate sexual advances toward you, and it was making you VERY uncomfortable.
    Tell your father the same thing, and really lean on the fact that you TRUSTED him, because he was your dad's friend.
    And you didn't want to say anything for months.
    He will be out on his whiny little *kitten*, your dad will cut him dead, he will have no friends, as he will be seen for the predator he is.

    The encouragement of falsely reporting sexual harassment is entirely uncalled for. It de-values honest reports by victims, creates an environment for skepticism of legitimate complaints and has no place in this relationship which is clearly consensual. You should think long and hard about why you would suggest such an awful revenge fantasy.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    The issue here is not the "hens" it is him.

    Well, to be fair, it's her too.....boundaries, not standing up for herself...I mean...no public date in 6 months? She's a f7ck buddy....nothing more. She's letting him treat her like that, and making all about the other women instead of him....and instead of her.

    I've had my trainer ask me out before.....good rule of thumb is don't date people you have to pay.

    That too.
  • judy1157
    judy1157 Posts: 4
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    Women can definitely be caddy and mean at times. Your problems with them really would be solved by finding another gym and trainer. Life is difficult enuf without going thru problems like this, you will def find other friends and maybe even a BETTER trainer at a new place. You never know until you try - take the plunge, and look for a man that's gonna treat you better even than you treat him!! Then you know you have a catch. Remember never to settle., you'll be glad you didn't. Cuz t unlike a fine wine they usually don't get better with age. Good Luck sweetly
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Maybe these women are being catty, but I think he has probably slept with all of them. Women in their 40s with children just don't go egging someone's house just because they 'like' a man, really?!? I suspect he's put in bed time with most if not all of them.

    Look you are young, the world is your oyster as the saying goes. Cut your hookup buddy/trainer loose, find another gym, and move on with your life!
  • fmebear
    fmebear Posts: 172 Member
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    I believe it is time to move on from the relationship - PERSONALLY as well PROFESSIONALLY. It sounds like he has taken you as far as HE can manage and now it is up to YOU to manage your health (emotional, physical and mental). YOU need to move on and say you had a life lesson in every sense of it. I know you believe that he can train you more but honestly, it is going to be very WEIRD once you break up. It is too entangled with everyone and everything at that gym. It sounds more like a high school in a gym setting. MOVE OUT AND UP!!

    Pick yourself up, dust your *kitten* off and move on. :) You are a strong woman and you will be stronger from this. (PS We all make mistakes - just learn from it)

    Make a choice and do not look back. Look forward to a better, stronger, healthier YOU. You can change who CONTROLS the situation.
  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 942 Member
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    "F" Buddies.
    Except you are paying him.

    'Nuff said.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Okay..my opinion. If it sounds mean, oh well. An opinion was asked and when it is asked on a public forum, you'll get all sorts.

    **Just break up.**

    Seriously. not joking. Break up and find a new trainer. There is something not adding up here...but if you've gotten to the point you feel the need to come on a public forum to ask people for advice on a relationship that should be between you and him....you've just spiraled into denial of what you need to do.

    Either that or you are looking for sympathy because let's be honest. If someone tells you their problems, more than likely they don't usually tell you everything. Not saying you are hiding anything..it's just your version is your version and for all we know...he never agreed to a committed relationship, etc.

    And no, I don't need any other explanations. I don't need to know anymore details to know that, point blank, you need to stop whining and make a decision about your life already. Getting strangers to sympathize with you isn't going to make things any easier.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    hahahahaha hahahahahah OH hahahahahaha hahahahaha. ha.

    "big cheese around town". oh honey, sheesh.

    xo
    cougar
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
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    Ok, not to take away from the OPs dilemma, but wasn't there a thread a few weeks ago with a guy posting about whether or not he should date this pretty young thing and that he was friends with her daddio??

    Just wondering if this is the other half of that equation?

    :flowerforyou:
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 661 Member
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    How is this a 'relationship' if you don't go out in public and you aren't exclusive? Seems like F buddies at best. Anywho guy sounds like a tool. Move on and find a real guy that will take you on dates and treat you right. There are lots of gyms and trainers out there so if your serious about weight loss get on it, don't let other jerks effect you. Find a gym or a video or get out and do your thing and F everyone else. Seriously. Much luck =)

    This^^^
  • VibrantKrystle
    VibrantKrystle Posts: 15 Member
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    Sometimes it does feel that way. I don't feel treated like a lady because he has never taken me on a real date before in 6 months. I wasn't even allowed to buy him a Christmas present with the "Hens" bought one and he gladly accepted it. I just keep thinking it will get better once he's past his commitment issues. Maybe I'm just blinded by a one-sided love. And it's based on the fact I put my trust in him because he's my trainer and has made me succeed so much.

    Do you notice you don't even call him your boyfriend? it's always "my trainer" I agree that if a guy is really into you, trainer or not, he will let you know. He will take you out, he will want to introduce you to friends, etc. At 6 months NO MAN should be making you feel sad or depressed. NO MAN!

    Chalk it up to a lesson learned ma and MOVE ON!

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