Marriage values in our society....

Fannyannefeisty

...
LOL... And it's amazing how such small things as taking out the trash add up and make us happy. And doing the laundry earns brownie points!!

That's how I ended up so fat...16 years of Brownie points cashed in for brownies. That's a lot of chocolate right there.

Fannyannefeisty

Has there always been affairs? Yes there has, but people today just don't see marriage as sacred anymore. Most people nowadays get married for all the wrong reasons and then end up divorcing down the line. And celebrities, I am sorry to say it, have made marriage out to be a joke and so kids think of it as that, a joke.

Granted my husband and I have only been married for almost 2 years, but it wasn't a decision to jump into. We have been together for almost 5 years, and have an almost 1 year old, but we had been engaged for 2 years before we got married, and we went through the engaged couples stuff that the church makes you go through, but we look back on it and it makes us appreciate what we have and helped our lines of communication.

Hahahahaha this is just too much fun...

Especially this bit... "Most people nowadays get married for all the wrong reasons"... wow, you KNOW why MOST people get married?

facepalm. lots.

savage22hp

Wow. Really sad to see you judge people you don't even know, or that you read about or see on the news. You have no idea what is going on in their lives, whether what they did was right or wrong- who are you to judge them and say they have horrible values. Good for you if you have an awesome marriage, put more energy towards that instead of judging people you don't even know, especially when you probably don't kno what is going on in their lives or what pushed them to make certain decisions. When you don't know, don't judge.

The truth is , we all judge ; we all have our values that we push on others (yes , everything goes is a value system ) ; we try to win debates by picking the winners and losers before we choose sides ; gaining support does not equal being right . Everyone that has posted (with the possible exception being myself ) has had an equal right to feel the way that they do , from the OP to Jesus riding the dinosaur . Being tolerant of these ideas excludes calling anyone sad for feeling the way they do . Everyone is not right though because much of what has been said excludes others viewpoints as false . So with that in mind , where do we go from here ? How is that Utopian idea of everyone being right achieved when there is absolute truth ?IMO but feel free to make it your own.

Cyndi1

The person that has an affair eventually gets whats coming to them anyways...
Yes I believe in karma.


Really.... what if they found someone who loves them and didnt beat them down everyday.. you mean Karma will finally find them someone who loves them for who they are.... remember Karma got everyones back....

michelejoann

OP, I'm happy for you that you're so much better than everyone else. You should go buy yourself a little trophy.

Or a cookie.

glittersupernova

I see a lot of...almost hypocritical replies to this post, lol. People are criticizing your "judgmental" behavior but in doing so are being quite judgmental themselves, lol. Everyone has an opinion on something. Not all of us will agree on everything.

I respect your decision to post your feelings about this topic. I mean, this is a forum and I always figured that expression of individual opinion is welcomed. People come here to read interesting things, ideas, opinions. I think some people are particularly drawn to seemingly controversial topics such as this.

Anyway, backtracking to your original post--I tend to agree with you on the statement that affairs are not right. I mean..I look at it, like I do with most things (if not everything)-- with consideration of relativity. What is the couple's personal definition of affair? Are they in an open relationship? If not, then what are their agreed upon definitions of what is okay/not okay? I think it is wrong when someone expresses and agrees to a certain relationship rule and then betrays that (especially when they heavily expect it from their partner to obey that rule).

As much as it disappoints me to see relationships fall apart due to such acts/behaviors...the main thing that is important to me is my personal relationship and being sure that there are shared definitions, values, and understandings within that specific relationship.

quirkytizzy

I don't think people really MEAN to hurt each other. They're careless and they're stupid and they're idiotic and not thinking clearly - but intent makes a difference.

I know I've ****ed up more than a few times in my life. I'm pretty sure most people have, concerning one thing or another.

glittersupernova

I totally agree with savage22hp. It is so refreshing to read this type of response, especially when you said "being tolerant of these ideas excludes calling anyone sad for feeling the way they do." *thumbs up*

verdancyhime

Oh, and why is marriage "sacred"? It is only a contract really, and contracts are broken or dissolved all the time. Of course, I'm an atheist and don't place the same importance on the word "marriage" many religious people might.

I'm going to jump in and add that no one is under any obligation to enter into a marriage contract or any other type of monogamous relationship in 2013.

If you make a promise, you will be shamed for breaking it. That's part of the glue that's held human society together for several thousand years. But no one is forcing kids to get married at age 12 to people they've never met to form important military alliances anymore- if you don't want to keep a promise, don't make it.

TheRightWeigh

Oh, and why is marriage "sacred"? It is only a contract really, and contracts are broken or dissolved all the time. Of course, I'm an atheist and don't place the same importance on the word "marriage" many religious people might.

I'm going to jump in and add that no one is under any obligation to enter into a marriage contract or any other type of monogamous relationship in 2013.

If you make a promise, you will be shamed for breaking it. That's part of the glue that's held human society together for several thousand years. But no one is forcing kids to get married at age 12 to people they've never met to form important military alliances anymore- if you don't want to keep a promise, don't make it.

THIS!

There are culturally universal morals....there is human decency. Accountability is going down in our society. No one wants anyone to call them on their crap. This is not to say that the world hasn't come a long way as far as civil rights are concerned...although I'm not sure how floggings, witch hunts, and believing in Jesus and Dinosaurs got mixed up in a thread about somebody saying morality has gone down in a particular area...marriage. The OP was talking about a relationship that was supposed to be monogamous in the particular context. A lot of the more outlandish and psuedo-tough-guy type posters took the situation way out of context. Context is key. If you are in a relationship where you both promised to be with only one person...the other person...and one of you cheats. It's wrong. It's a foul and people have the right to call it what it is. Goodness, some of you guys are quick to pull out your particular soapboxes...hijacking threads to point the finger at people for "imposing" their opinion why you do your best to discredit them and inflict your own opinion. Socially, we've come light years with women's rights, religious persecution, and civil rights in general. Yay. That is wonderful., and I am hoping we will continue to move forward in a lot of aspects. Morally, however, it's the pits because we're adopting the thought that there is no "right" or "wrong". So "judging" is now the high sin...that everyone condemns (isn't that judging also).

SN: I find it funny that the people that are screaming that others are being "Judgy" would probably be the same to go IN (attack, degrade, speak ill of) on one of America's punching bags (i.e. The President, Corporations, NRA)...or for the Politically Incorrect, Colbert Report, The Soup fans sub-pop-culture drones someone who it's popular for the fringe social set to deem uncool/overexposed/awful or a trainwreck....say...Lindsay Lohan. Oh then it would be fine to judge. Just like it's fine to think Christians are ignorant and Atheists are deviants. *sigh*

rciszek

Yes, marriage is sacred, but like a consortium seems to say....what business is it of ours. There are many people out there that choose to have an "open marriage", though I think that can't really be possible, if it works for them. As for affairs and such, until you are in that situation and know the full scope of the relationship that they have you can't judge. Some marriages are so far gone and they choose to only stay in it for looks, or for the children, etc. I have personal (not me) experience in both of those types of situations and though I don't believe that they should have stayed in the marriage, it's not my place because I'm not living in their house nor sleeping in their bed. It's such a messy situation it's better to stay out of it and not judge, only the higher being (whomever you believe in) to judge and punish if need be.

rciszek

PS....married for 23 years here

Mcgrawhaha

it comes down to a matter of honesty. is it my business if my friend cheats on her husband? no!!! but is it my business if im uncomfortable having a friend who i dont feel has a moral and trusting character? yes!!! so, in a way, we all judge when chosing friends, for ourselves, our children, etc. i choose to surround myself with people alike. i personally, dont want friends with a dishonest character, and thats my right. i want friends who are somewhat on the same path in life as myself. so, for everyone saying who are we to judge, many of us judge all the time. that boy you dont want your teen daughter dating because he drinks and smokes, not wanting the friend of your sons who gets high with his parents to hang with your kid... and the friend whos character in your opinion, and in your personal lifestyle, is dishonest... we pick and chose our friends, therfore we judge. its all about character... i personally, do not have friends with dishonest character traits. period.

what if i was a racist? what if i was a gaybasher? what if i was a child abuser? what if i was an animal abuser? would you not judge me on things that matter to you? would you not decide, i dont want to be friends with this person because she... blah blah blah??? ofcourse you would. well, same goes for infidelity... to many of us, its a matter of trust, honesty, and morality, and to many of us, those things are just as important as other issues might be for some of you... why shouldnt we be able to judge peoples characters on issues that are important to us? do you think a die hard peta member would go to dinner at a steakhouse with a "friend" wearing a fur coat and snake skin boots? absolutely not...

tjohn034

so, who's down for some sexting?

sorry, bad joke.

Oh goodness :laugh:

Mcgrawhaha

so, who's down for some sexting?

sorry, bad joke.

Oh goodness :laugh:

lol, sexting? thats what jr highers talk about... i think its like the equivilent to "cybering"

TheEffort

There are two sides to the story and everyone is entitled to have an opinion on the subject.
We all judge and will be judged.

Mcgrawhaha

There are two sides to the story and everyone is entitled to have an opinion on the subject.
We all judge and will be judged.

agreed!

MaggiePuccini

I've been on the receiving end of people's opinions and judgements and it makes a tough time tougher. I didn't have an affair but I walked out on a man whose family (inc Cousins and their wives and so on) to this day think very badly of me, and feel that their own son did nothing to deserve being left.

My own family know the truth!

SO, when I hear a couple has separated now, I wouldn't want to PRESUME to feel disappointed. HOw dare I brand the end of a marriage I know nothing about 'a disappointment'?

I TRY to rein in any emotions, because when you're trying to hold your head up and piece your life back together again, the weight of everybody else's OPINIONS and judgement and even PITY can really weigh quite heavily.

I agree with posters who say that the old days were not all they were cracked up to be. It didn't matter how dysfunctional a family was in the old days so long as they conformed to the norms.

ladymiseryali

Oh, and why is marriage "sacred"? It is only a contract really, and contracts are broken or dissolved all the time. Of course, I'm an atheist and don't place the same importance on the word "marriage" many religious people might.

This! Besides, you don't know if those at this gym have an open marriage or not...

ladymiseryali

OP, I'm happy for you that you're so much better than everyone else. You should go buy yourself a little trophy.

Or a cookie.

Or a trophy MADE of cookies

ninerbuff

I am very disappointed in hearing some news today. Where has everyone's marriage values gone? I'm hearing waaay too much about people having affairs, or secretly meeting someone for "lunch" or "texting and/or talking on the phone" when your spouse is unaware. These are all considered Affairs....whether physical and/or emotional....they are still affairs. I know that if anything like this ever happened to me, I would TRY my best to work through it with my husband....I would....but knowing my personality, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I feel so BLESSED that I have a husband who has the same marriage values as mine but also dumbfounded and a little (i should say ALOT) disgusted at the things I have seen at the gym and also with the news I heard today. Shame on some people for not putting the importance of their marriage above any "lust" or attraction you may of felt.

Affairs happen unbeknownst to the spouse of the affairee. Marriage doesn't guarantee monogamy. Monogamy is based on the person. If one got married and still plays around, it's usually because fear of loss and not because they were totally committed.


A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

whatascene

This thread is kinda funny. I'm reading at people nitpicking at certain messages to sort of poke fun at this subject. I love how a mini religious section started. This convo raises a good point. I don't care who you are, a promise is a promise, and if you can't handle it, don't get married! Simple as that! So don't make this woman out to be a judge, she is only making a very true point about something that's really serious. The comments in here only support her theory about how unimportant people treat marriage in society today. Americans are calloused, and everyone is raised to be individualistic and all about "me". We are instant gratifiers to our own needs. I'm not religious and I'm anything but a prude, but I take marriage very seriously because it's a promise to another person, and I value that. But infidelity does happen for other reasons, usually it's some sort of problem in the marriage- those are situations where we should let it stay between the couple. The *kitten* who just like the game... yeah I won't even go there.

whatascene

Oh, and why is marriage "sacred"? It is only a contract really, and contracts are broken or dissolved all the time. Of course, I'm an atheist and don't place the same importance on the word "marriage" many religious people might.

I'm going to jump in and add that no one is under any obligation to enter into a marriage contract or any other type of monogamous relationship in 2013.

If you make a promise, you will be shamed for breaking it. That's part of the glue that's held human society together for several thousand years. But no one is forcing kids to get married at age 12 to people they've never met to form important military alliances anymore- if you don't want to keep a promise, don't make it.

THIS!

There are culturally universal morals....there is human decency. Accountability is going down in our society. No one wants anyone to call them on their crap. This is not to say that the world hasn't come a long way as far as civil rights are concerned...although I'm not sure how floggings, witch hunts, and believing in Jesus and Dinosaurs got mixed up in a thread about somebody saying morality has gone down in a particular area...marriage. The OP was talking about a relationship that was supposed to be monogamous in the particular context. A lot of the more outlandish and psuedo-tough-guy type posters took the situation way out of context. Context is key. If you are in a relationship where you both promised to be with only one person...the other person...and one of you cheats. It's wrong. It's a foul and people have the right to call it what it is. Goodness, some of you guys are quick to pull out your particular soapboxes...hijacking threads to point the finger at people for "imposing" their opinion why you do your best to discredit them and inflict your own opinion. Socially, we've come light years with women's rights, religious persecution, and civil rights in general. Yay. That is wonderful., and I am hoping we will continue to move forward in a lot of aspects. Morally, however, it's the pits because we're adopting the thought that there is no "right" or "wrong". So "judging" is now the high sin...that everyone condemns (isn't that judging also).

SN: I find it funny that the people that are screaming that others are being "Judgy" would probably be the same to go IN (attack, degrade, speak ill of) on one of America's punching bags (i.e. The President, Corporations, NRA)...or for the Politically Incorrect, Colbert Report, The Soup fans sub-pop-culture drones someone who it's popular for the fringe social set to deem uncool/overexposed/awful or a trainwreck....say...Lindsay Lohan. Oh then it would be fine to judge. Just like it's fine to think Christians are ignorant and Atheists are deviants. *sigh*

Omg this ^^^^ tried to say it already, but you did it so much better for me!!!

Contrarian

OP, I'm happy for you that you're so much better than everyone else. You should go buy yourself a little trophy.

Or a cookie.

Or a trophy MADE of cookies

This is genius.

raeleek

I see a lot of...almost hypocritical replies to this post, lol. People are criticizing your "judgmental" behavior but in doing so are being quite judgmental themselves, lol. Everyone has an opinion on something. Not all of us will agree on everything.

I'm not foolish enough to believe that people won't go at each other over a difference of opinion but is seems you're only allowed to have your own opinion as long as it goes along with whatever everyone else is thinking.... :noway:

I couldn't agree more with the person I quoted. The op has a different belief system than some of the other posters on marriage and because of that the onslaught of "unicorn Jesus" and "cookie" comments start. The immaturity and self-righteousness gets obnoxious on some posts.

So let me get this straight? You have your own belief system which you fiercely defend, but the op, and others, are not allowed to have their own? Hypocritical and narrow-minded.

thoseblueeyes

I just had a girls weekend with my friends in Vegas where my friend needed to vent. She told me she was having an affair. Of course my answer to her was " why don't you leave if your not happy" her response was he threatened to kill himself. She has stayed in a unhappy marriage and has had an affair for 2 yrs because she wants to be happy but believes if she did leave her husband he will kill himself like he stated.. Who am I to judge... I get what she is going through, she is trying to save a life but also trying to feel love again.... All I have to say is don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.....

Contrarian

I see a lot of...almost hypocritical replies to this post, lol. People are criticizing your "judgmental" behavior but in doing so are being quite judgmental themselves, lol. Everyone has an opinion on something. Not all of us will agree on everything.

I'm not foolish enough to believe that people won't go at each other over a difference of opinion but is seems you're only allowed to have your own opinion as long as it goes along with whatever everyone else is thinking.... :noway:

I couldn't agree more with the person I quoted. The op has a different belief system than some of the other posters on marriage and because of that the onslaught of "unicorn Jesus" and "cookie" comments start. The immaturity and self-righteousness gets obnoxious on some posts.

So let me get this straight? You have your own belief system which you fiercely defend, but the op, and others, are not allowed to have their own? Hypocritical and narrow-minded.

I fiercely defend everyone's right to have a trophy made of cookies.

raeleek

I see a lot of...almost hypocritical replies to this post, lol. People are criticizing your "judgmental" behavior but in doing so are being quite judgmental themselves, lol. Everyone has an opinion on something. Not all of us will agree on everything.

I'm not foolish enough to believe that people won't go at each other over a difference of opinion but is seems you're only allowed to have your own opinion as long as it goes along with whatever everyone else is thinking.... :noway:

I couldn't agree more with the person I quoted. The op has a different belief system than some of the other posters on marriage and because of that the onslaught of "unicorn Jesus" and "cookie" comments start. The immaturity and self-righteousness gets obnoxious on some posts.

So let me get this straight? You have your own belief system which you fiercely defend, but the op, and others, are not allowed to have their own? Hypocritical and narrow-minded.

I fiercely defend everyone's right to have a trophy made of cookies.

I can get on board with that.

Hinxx

i see marriage as a social convention and a way to perpetuate mass control. Regarding the cheating aspect, I think if two people made a commitment or "vow" to be faithful to one another then they should, to the best of their ability, keep it. If they feel like they can't fulfill that type of commitment, then it's better not to commit at all.

Affairs have been happening since who knows when, does that make them "right"? No. Does that make them "wrong"? No. So what's the answer then? I don't know. I only know that if I promised my significant other to be faithful to him, I will try to hold on to that promise. Sometimes I wonder if the rules of society have led us to believe that this whole "affair", "cheating" thing is just another way to hold back what might be a natural human urge.

Who knows?

LMT2012

Where i am from, marriage is a contract between TWO people. Society, church, neighbors, etc should not weigh in. Most people have enough trouble figuring out what they want and need. Why don't we all just concentrate on that?