Marriage values in our society....

k8blujay2

While I don't necessarily disagree with the OP... One must remember that it has been happening since the dawn of time AND there is not one thing any person can do about it. There is no amount of lamenting or lecturing that is going to make people feel any differently than they already do about people or relationships... as sad as it may look to you.... however, even though, to me, there is no such thing as relative morality... there are way more that believe, accept and live that way and there is nothing you or I can do about it except to live our lives in such a way that places value in these things.

lydia_the_tattooed_lady

I have no desire to get married so this is all pointless to me...

louiselebeau

I yearn for the good 'ol days when affairs didn't happen.

When unicorns flourished and Jesus rode Dinosaurs....

^^this made me snort

ekz13

I yearn for the good 'ol days when affairs didn't happen.

When unicorns flourished and Jesus rode Dinosaurs....

BAM!!

Mcgrawhaha

while this has been loads of fun... i have to go... BUT IF I SEE A THREAD ON HONEY BOOBOO... IM SO THERE!!!

VorJoshigan

I am very disappointed in hearing some news today. Where has everyone's marriage values gone? I'm hearing waaay too much about people having affairs, or secretly meeting someone for "lunch" or "texting and/or talking on the phone" when your spouse is unaware. These are all considered Affairs....whether physical and/or emotional....they are still affairs. I know that if anything like this ever happened to me, I would TRY my best to work through it with my husband....I would....but knowing my personality, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I feel so BLESSED that I have a husband who has the same marriage values as mine but also dumbfounded and a little (i should say ALOT) disgusted at the things I have seen at the gym and also with the news I heard today. Shame on some people for not putting the importance of their marriage above any "lust" or attraction you may of felt.

So... what you're saying is that you're NOT interested in hooking up later? This is just so public. You could have just sent me a direct message.

DawnieB1977

The saddest thing about a marriage break-up is the children it affects. As a teacher I see the upset it causes for a child when their parents are divorcing. It's so sad and there's nothing much we can do to help. Stability at home definitely helps young children and teenagers.

My parents have been married for 38 years so I have no experience of anything different, and I've been married for 4.5 years. My husband's mum has been married 3 times and split 2 years ago from a long-term partner and is now living with one of her ex husbands (who is not the dad of her 3 kids!). My husband said it was hard growing up without a dad, especially at a time when 1 parent families weren't the norm.

Each to their own, but put children first!

savage22hp

"Do not give what is holy to the dogs ; nor cast your pearls before swine ...." Cling to your values dear lady and pray that your husband shares them . Pity those who adopt the morality of the alleyway mutt that will latch onto any leg if the urge hits them .Treat your home as a fortress for you and your family to escape into , locking the world out at night . Do not be the one that opens the door in secret to let the world in unaware . Be constantly vigilant for cracks in the foundation for the whole thing will collapse if the foundation becomes defective. Be tolerant of other viewpoint for it is the right of every man to be right or wrong at their own descretion. Seek truth which is not a viewpoint or a whim but a constant . Share that truth with those who have willing ears but don't waste your efforts when it is painfully obvious that immorality is seeking its own justification.

AliciaStinger

Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

I agree, but to some point I disagree. I am a single mother, not married and my son's father isn't in the picture. But yet, I believe in marriage. I believe that when you make your vows, you hold them dear to your heart. So not everyone looks past their own faults to jump on the "mind your own business" wagon. Just wanted to clarify, some of us own up to what we have done.

And, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I've never cheated on anyone, would never cheat, and still think you should all mind your own business. I think it's sad when relationships collapse due to infidelity, and I also think it's wrong for people to do something that would hurt the person they're supposed to love -- but I doubt that starting a thread on a fitness site criticizing other people is really going to help anyone or change anyone's "values" toward marriage or relationships.

Edit - OP, I don't mean to be harsh (since a lot of the comments on here have you and others defending your opinion). I'm not disagreeing with you that cheating on your SIGNIFICANT OTHER or OTHER HALF can be a very hurtful and horrible thing; I'm simply saying that it's not for us to judge what other people do with/to their relationships or better halves...all we can (or should) do is worry about our own and help those who ask for it.

lcchrt

I guess it depends on the marriage.

In our marriage we do not lie about anything. If we feel the need to liw we probably shouldn't be doing it. We are also very open. We encourage one another to talk about things lol... when we are out we point out people who are hot to one another, we accept what the other does, as long as we don't lie.

ApexLeader

I am very disappointed in hearing some news today. Where has everyone's marriage values gone? I'm hearing waaay too much about people having affairs, or secretly meeting someone for "lunch" or "texting and/or talking on the phone" when your spouse is unaware. These are all considered Affairs....whether physical and/or emotional....they are still affairs. I know that if anything like this ever happened to me, I would TRY my best to work through it with my husband....I would....but knowing my personality, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I feel so BLESSED that I have a husband who has the same marriage values as mine but also dumbfounded and a little (i should say ALOT) disgusted at the things I have seen at the gym and also with the news I heard today. Shame on some people for not putting the importance of their marriage above any "lust" or attraction you may of felt.

why do you care what other people are doing? you don't have enough **** in your own world to worry about that you have to worry about everyone else's worlds?

IronMikeFox

While I do agree with the sentiment of the original post (the fact that it is sad to see so many marriages fail), I also feel that you can never truly know what is going on in another person's life or in that person's mind or heart and therefor should not cast judgement. Many more factors come into play besides lust. In fact, most of the studies I have read seem to indicate that affairs are typically not an act of lust but an attempt to fill some emotional void. Unfortunately, many of us look outward to fill such a void without really knowing what the void is. We try to fill it with material goods or physical pleasure rather than looking inward and trying to identify what that void is. I think that nowadays technology exacerbates this problem. It is SOOOOO easy to get lured into trying to fill unmet emotional or spiritual needs through online relationships rather than examining what may be wrong with our "real" relationships. Regardless of what the cause it, I don't think it is right to cast judgement or "shame" on another. Isn't is a better use of energy to love one another and lift each other up rather than push each other down?

ahviendha

The saddest thing about a marriage break-up is the children it affects. As a teacher I see the upset it causes for a child when their parents are divorcing. It's so sad and there's nothing much we can do to help. Stability at home definitely helps young children and teenagers.

My parents have been married for 38 years so I have no experience of anything different, and I've been married for 4.5 years. My husband's mum has been married 3 times and split 2 years ago from a long-term partner and is now living with one of her ex husbands (who is not the dad of her 3 kids!). My husband said it was hard growing up without a dad, especially at a time when 1 parent families weren't the norm.

Each to their own, but put children first!

i totally agree. my "dad" was emotionally abusive to my mom and myself. luckily my little sister was too young to remember much. i only wish my mom had divorced his *kitten* SOONER...would have made my life a lot less ****ty.

FuzzyDicePHL

THIS IS ONLY IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE... so don't get all riled up because I am not necessarily saying this is the case for any of you, because I know none of you.. BUT, it seems to me the ones that make the biggest deal about this kind of stuff.. the ones that constantly say they would NEVER do anything mentioned in this thread or even think of doing it.. the ones that constantly feel the need to announce how they feel about infidelity and how 'disgusted' they are with it... those seem to be the most guilty. again, not saying this about any of you, but there have been many people and circumstances in my life that have proved this theory of mine right

I call that, "The guilty dog barks the loudest." There is no further proof needed that this idea is valid than to count the number of conservative politicians who work against gay & lesbian Americans' rights, who are then caught trying to blow an undercover cop in an airport bathroom. Textbook.

mistressfaye

I yearn for the good 'ol days when affairs didn't happen.

You mean like back in the 1500's when a whole new church was started because Henry VIII didn't like what the catholic church had to say about his ideas on marriage? ahahahaha

pfft any genealogist will tell you "marriage values" were just as bad in the 1900's, 1800's 1700's..skip back a lot of time...time of the pharaohs....and earlier than that, thats one thing that keeps me passionate about family research....finding out people were absolutely no different in their dealings with relationships "back then" than they were now

sportyredhead01

There is no question that we are seeing diminishing returns from the 60's "Sexual Revolution" that then led to today's "Hookup Culture".

I don't know how to fix it, but we just simply are not creating a better society when we screw whatever shakes in front of us like some monkey or over-libido'd jerk.

*Falls over laughing, then agrees profusely*

Preach it! We reap what we sow. And we've been sowing some **** lately.

cutchro

I know that if anything like this ever happened to me, I would TRY my best to work through it with my husband....I would....but knowing my personality, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

With all due respect, you really have no idea what your reaction to an affair would be until you've been cheated on by your spouse. You can speculate what you WOULD do but not what you actually do. The circumstances of each affair are different. The circumstances and arrangements of each married couple are different. Why? Because "values" are subjective and usually based on cultural norms which don't always fit everyone. Your values are not always others' values.

This...I was one of those that always said "If my man cheats on me he is history" Let me tell you 27 years later and after the 4th (that I know about) affair... He is HISTORY!

cuterbee

I am very disappointed in hearing some news today. Where has everyone's marriage values gone? I'm hearing waaay too much about people having affairs, or secretly meeting someone for "lunch" or "texting and/or talking on the phone" when your spouse is unaware. These are all considered Affairs....whether physical and/or emotional....they are still affairs. I know that if anything like this ever happened to me, I would TRY my best to work through it with my husband....I would....but knowing my personality, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I feel so BLESSED that I have a husband who has the same marriage values as mine but also dumbfounded and a little (i should say ALOT) disgusted at the things I have seen at the gym and also with the news I heard today. Shame on some people for not putting the importance of their marriage above any "lust" or attraction you may of felt.

You will be a lot happier and a better person if you quit listening to gossip and then moralizing over it. It's really best just to rise above things and move on; help those who ask you for it, otherwise leave it alone.*


*However, if you know for a fact someone you know is cheating on someone else you know, if you feel you must do something, you can give the cheated on person a heads up (which they may or may not appreciate).

AliciaStinger

I think the whole concept of "societal values" is, and always has been kind of shaky. While there are shifts in majority and minority, there have always been different groups with different values. What I think makes for a great society is when all of those people are free to live according to their values, as long as their values don't involve force, coersion, (sp?) or oppression. Marriage, at the end of the day is really, only as sacred as the people in it decide it is. My wife and I are both very dedicated to our marriage, and we definite it by what would be considered biblical, Christian ideas. It fulfills us, and I'm very thankful for it and also for the fact that we've been successful at it so far. That's our journey. Other people are different, and I don't think it would be right to expect them to define marriage or even what it means to value a marriage by the same definition that I do. That's why I don't think the government should have squat to do with the legislation of marriage or marriage rights. People should be free to marry who they choose and to place whatever level of devotion they chose on that marriage...or non-marriage as it were. As long as we all remain free to think one another is crazy, and if only we could agree to treat each other with civility and respect, even in the face of absolute disagreement, I think it would be a pretty good system.

YES! THANK YOU!! This is the philosophy that I was raised with. It really is the best way, because everyone gets what they want as long as nobody is getting hurt (or forced, coerced, or oppressed). Unfortunately, so many people seem to have a hard time accepting other people and beliefs. I really appreciate what you said; thank you for sharing it.

And congratulations to you and your wife! I wish you many more years of happiness!

Cyndi1

I know that if anything like this ever happened to me, I would TRY my best to work through it with my husband....I would....but knowing my personality, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

With all due respect, you really have no idea what your reaction to an affair would be until you've been cheated on by your spouse. You can speculate what you WOULD do but not what you actually do. The circumstances of each affair are different. The circumstances and arrangements of each married couple are different. Why? Because "values" are subjective and usually based on cultural norms which don't always fit everyone. Your values are not always others' values.

This...I was one of those that always said "If my man cheats on me he is history" Let me tell you 27 years later and after the 4th (that I know about) affair... He is HISTORY!


everyone has an opinion and of course they should... what surprises me the amount of people who say work it out when an affair has been announce...say what..... hell no... I rather be alone then be with someone who doesnt want me.... ....to each their own and I learn not to judge why it happens or why people stay.... not my life... all lessons for the path we have to travel...

Cyndi1

You do realize you are posting on a place that focuses on being healthy in a physical way and not necessarily a moral or spiritual way?

Do you realize this is the chit chat fun and games forum and anything that the mods do not remove goes? Relax...people just like to blow off some steam and talk about anything.

Yeah..but there is nothing chit chatty or fun about this topic. :sad: :sad: :sad:


Its Reality and why not have a convo about it... I bet if 50% of marriages end in divorce... something is happening....

Heather4275

Lol

RobfromLakewood

I agree that if my wife id those things, it would be cheating. I on the other hand can do anything I want, as long as I don't get caught. Dumb, untrue double-standards aside, my honest opinion is that the good-old days have never existed, but it's a common characteristic among many to believe there was a higher social standard that people lived by.

But remember, Aristotle complained about the youth of his today Cervantes's Alonso Quijan took on the persona of Don Quioxte to get back to a time of chivalry.

So good for you to have found a mate with shared values and to anyone else able to do the same (finding someone who's values system allows for a successful relationship, not on sharing values with the OP). But anyone who looks to yesterday for a better behaved time, you aren't the first to be kidding yourself. We've been humans for a long time.

AliciaStinger

You do realize you are posting on a place that focuses on being healthy in a physical way and not necessarily a moral or spiritual way?

Do you realize this is the chit chat fun and games forum and anything that the mods do not remove goes? Relax...people just like to blow off some steam and talk about anything.

Yeah..but there is nothing chit chatty or fun about this topic. :sad: :sad: :sad:


Its Reality and why not have a convo about it... I bet if 50% of marriages end in divorce... something is happening....

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The reality is, marriages fall apart for a number of reasons. Some people get divorced to get away from their controlling/abusive spouse, others to get away from a cheater, others still due to lack of communication...Brittany Spears got divorced after a drunk marriage...what *some* people really need is to think about what they're doing before they get married. Someone else on here said that if you can't see yourself spending the rest of your life with the person, don't get married. YUP. Sometimes stuff happens (like you marry a nice person and they become crazy control freaks, or you honor your vows but your SO brings home an STD) and marriages break up. I have talked to a few people though who got married because they were pressured to do so, or because they got to the point in their lives when everyone else they knew was getting married. Marriages don't always fall apart because "something is happening," and not all people who get busted (or confess to) cheating get divorced. I also know one couple that got married and got divorced later on because being married wasn't really a big deal to them, which is why it's not our place to judge what other people do; maybe BOTH partners go into the marriage not caring whether they're married or not, and don't care about being divorced. As long as they're both cool with it, who cares?

KenosFeoh

I think that each couple has the right to negotiate the boundaries of their marriage. I don't care what your marriage values are, I only care about mine.

TheRightWeigh

I think the whole concept of "societal values" is, and always has been kind of shaky. While there are shifts in majority and minority, there have always been different groups with different values. What I think makes for a great society is when all of those people are free to live according to their values, as long as their values don't involve force, coersion, (sp?) or oppression. Marriage, at the end of the day is really, only as sacred as the people in it decide it is. My wife and I are both very dedicated to our marriage, and we definite it by what would be considered biblical, Christian ideas. It fulfills us, and I'm very thankful for it and also for the fact that we've been successful at it so far. That's our journey. Other people are different, and I don't think it would be right to expect them to define marriage or even what it means to value a marriage by the same definition that I do. That's why I don't think the government should have squat to do with the legislation of marriage or marriage rights. People should be free to marry who they choose and to place whatever level of devotion they chose on that marriage...or non-marriage as it were. As long as we all remain free to think one another is crazy, and if only we could agree to treat each other with civility and respect, even in the face of absolute disagreement, I think it would be a pretty good system.

^^^^^ I agree.

I just don't like liars or cheats. I think universally dishonesty is seen as a flaw. I do not like that people make promises to each other and can't keep them. I'm not on a high horse. I don't disagree that "it happens". That doesn't make it "right". I feel that there ARE univeral morals. They are few, but i think dishonesty is one and that it is looked down upon prtetty much everywhere. Also someone who can't keep to what they say is...flaky and that's whack too. lol Why is it wrong to say that someone who is dishonest in their marriage are less than desirable? Why is judging so bad in that case? It's the truth... IMO of course.

Cyndi1

amen

RobfromLakewood

BTW, that marriage stat about 50% ending in divorce, that's one of those, , it's true, but not really 100% true stats. A lot of those 50% divorces are from people who are serial marriage-divorce people. First marriages have a 65% chance of success. Not really on the topic, which I believe was something along the lines of "Why aren't we all as good as we used to be and me and my husband are now?", but it was annoying me to see that stat thrown around out of context.

TheRightWeigh

BTW, that marriage stat about 50% ending in divorce, that's one of those, , it's true, but not really 100% true stats. A lot of those 50% divorces are from people who are serial marriage-divorce people. First marriages have a 65% chance of success. Not really on the topic, which I believe was something along the lines of "Why aren't we all as good as we used to be and me and my husband are now?", but it was annoying me to see that stat thrown around out of context.

THIS! ^^^^

neverstray

YOLO baby.