Absolutely livid at husband!

rosiecbolton

things are going far better between me and him today. I am also now trying to switch from crisps as a snack (although I have some special lo cal ones I might have as a treat) and moving to fruit.

Am also considering getting a cross trainer for the house

hatethegame

Tell him that he can either support you, shut his f'in pie hole or leave. That's three options for him.

tjfrisque

That's called abuse. It's mental/emotional abuse. The only difference between physical abuse and emotional abuse is the choice of weapons. Everything can be used as a tool or a weapon. Words are no exception. No wonder you were crying.

You were crying because he was treating you like a bad child. This makes him the authority figure and you subservient rather than an equal in a partnership. That's what abuse is. It's very destructive.

It's time for you to find yourself. You sound lost, but you are on your way. As you gain confidence in your ability to stick to a diet no matter what, you will gain confidence in yourself. When you gain confidence in yourself, he will not be able to sabotage you like that.

My husband tried to sabotage me as well. Every time I started a diet, he wanted to go out to dinner that night. Finally I said no because I was on a diet. So he made other plans without my participation and invited people over, which required me to prepare food that wasn't on my diet. I told him that he was responsible for the food because I wasn't able to assume that responsibility - and as long as he was handling the hors d'oeuvres, he should be certain to include (types of things I needed to stay on my diet). This frustrated him greatly, and only then could we have a discussion about how he was sabotaging me.

I reminded him that for 50 years, I had never been fat, but these extra pounds I now carry around began to creep up as soon as I met him. I used to laugh when my family told me that my weight must be his fault. But now I don't any more and I am going to become the me that I want to be - whether he is with me or against me. And if he's against me, he should look at that - giving it real thought - because I don't choose to be married to someone who isn't my friend and I am prepared to do what I have to do to be sure that isn't happening.

My husband is now a great supporter. I've reclaimed my place - in my life and in my marriage. It's so much easier now.

But I do KNOW that there are those abusers who will do anything that it takes to make themselves feel superior to you and to make you feel bad about yourself. That feeling bad about yourself is what he feeds off. Your fear.

Do not let him see your fear. Do not flaunt your fear (I can't succeed) in front of him because that's exactly what such people want to hear from you. You must flaunt your self-confidence and self-assurance. You must never see yourself as HIS victim. You must never see yourself as "a" victim.

You must take control of YOUR life. Then you will rediscover the "YOU" of you.

Meanwhile, saving most of your calories for dinner sounds a little like your sabotaging you in a similar way that you are allowing your husband to sabotage you.

I'm not sure how many pounds you have to lose, but I began with 120 to lose. Only 29 pounds down and I am such a different person than the one I was when I began. Something incredibly wonderful has happened to me. I am growing will-power, and with that, my self-esteem has blossomed. The shame that I lived in is gone. My awareness that I can do anything that I set my mind to is phenomenal!

You go girl! You can do it.

Iam not the person who started this conversation but I want to say thanks, Iam in a married to a man that does this, not about my weight but everything else ( checks to see if I turned the heat up or down or if the windows are open in the summer, comments on clothes I wear to work, etc....). Sometimes emotional abuse is very hard to see. It's obvious if your getting punched in the face but not so obvious when it's your self esteem they are injuring

NianMaya

So I would like to suggest that you simply ignore his comments and focus on your goal of losing weight. Once he sees an improvement then he will congratulate you and leave you alone. Cheer up as this journey is a tough one and get back to it!

ccindpls

Whoa, let's not throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. I have a slightly different angle for you here if my 2 cents don't get me beat up too much. Sounds like he might be a little insecure??? Is he secretly afraid if you succeed you won't want him anymore? Plainly said, is he afraid of losing you so is he subconsciously sabotaging you?
If he is normally very sweet and you know (even though he has a weird way of showing it) that he truly loves you for you, then I would just say blow him a kiss & do what you do. Maybe he just needs to be reassured like every one of us that not all changes have to be scary and that you will still love him no matter what. Just sayin' because I have one of those strong, silent but determined to put his foot in his mouth when he is not types as my best friend and husband.
If this is definitely not the case then I agree with most other postings.

LiftAllThePizzas

Prove him wrong!

I had to, he dared me!

What else could I do, he called me chicken!

I hope nobody tells these people they aren't fit to sleep with a pig. :laugh:

DucklingtoSwan

I know a lot of people on here are saying that the OP may be overreacting, that he didn't say anything wrong, so I read it again just to be sure. What he said was just plain mean. Calling it a "useless diet" is mean. If he REALLY feels the need to say anything at all, something like, "Honey, are you going to be upset later if you eat that?" Is at least a little more sensitive and supportive. Then OP could have nicely explained about her calorie allowance and thank him for helping keep her on track.

OP also mention that he once gave her hell over 5 tic tacs. That at least in my humble opinion is just going too far, especially if he is in the habit of saying things like that.

devrinator

Also, I think if you can just let him know what you're doing, he might understand it better. Obviously, crisps aren't healthy, and many people associate them with weight gain; however, it is okay to have a snack once in a while.

Maybe just a response such as, "Well, I've had 400 calories today, and I need to eat 1200 calories a day if I want to lose weight, so a handful of these crisps for just today will not ruin the diet."

sassy_sparkles

Its seems to me that he's trying to be supportive, but doesn't know how. The whole demonizing of the eating thing is not going to help you and isn't healthy for your relationship. I suggest sitting down and sharing your diet plan with him and explaining your body's NEED for continued caloric intake to actually lose the weight. Better yet, have him join MFP and let him check up on your progress to hold you accountable. That's what my rail thin hubby did. Let him be a part of this journey.

sensitivegirl

Whoa, let's not throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. I have a slightly different angle for you here if my 2 cents don't get me beat up too much. Sounds like he might be a little insecure??? Is he secretly afraid if you succeed you won't want him anymore? Plainly said, is he afraid of losing you so is he subconsciously sabotaging you?
If he is normally very sweet and you know (even though he has a weird way of showing it) that he truly loves you for you, then I would just say blow him a kiss & do what you do. Maybe he just needs to be reassured like every one of us that not all changes have to be scary and that you will still love him no matter what. Just sayin' because I have one of those strong, silent but determined to put his foot in his mouth when he is not types as my best friend and husband.
If this is definitely not the case then I agree with most other postings.

I agree here as well! I am sure most of us have stories about family and friends who were not as supportive as we would have liked. I think a lot of the time, insecurity and fear of change plays an important role in these kind of comments. Try your best to understand why they might have said that comment and remember that what a person says has more to do with what they are going through at the moment than it has to do with you. Then for more support, log on here and tell us all the story and we can share a supportive comment. That's what MFP friends are for!

JamieG8991

Your husband sounds just like my EX husband did! :bigsmile: Seriously, he shouldn't talk to you like that. Maybe in his own strange way, he thinks he's helping you? I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt. You should've eaten what you wanted to eat. If you are staying within your calories then you can have whatever you want.

peachy1717

I don't know your husband, so it's hard to judge....but my hope is that he just loves you and wants you to be happy--and thus wants to be supportive, but doesn't know how to go about it. My husband commented on the things I was eating ( it happened to be one of my 'cheat' items, a piece of pizza for dinner one night), and I told him flat out- 1. You have no idea what I have or haven't eaten today..so don't judge what I'm eating ( I was still under my calorie goal for the day). 2. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel like you're judging me; I don't like that and 3. If you are trying to be supportive, here's how you can do it- and I gave him 2 or 3 things that would help me. If I were you, I would just lay it out for him like that. I did with my husband, and he no longer makes silly comments about what I have/haven't eaten! Good luck!

Emmadennewitz

I had the sme problem with my husband making comments about the amount of food I was eating and how often I was eating (5-6) times a day. I ignored his comments bad continued with what I was doing and proved him wrong. Now he keeps his mouth shut because he sees the improvements I've made.

redragtop05

I had the sme problem with my husband making comments about the amount of food I was eating and how often I was eating (5-6) times a day. I ignored his comments bad continued with what I was doing and proved him wrong. Now he keeps his mouth shut because he sees the improvements I've made.

This......action always speaks louder than words

RenewedRunner

Stop quitting everything. You are going to quit cause your husband, cause people on here are "mean." Who flipping cares hat people whom you have never met and have no direct affect on your life say?? STOP QUITTING!!

You *give* others waaaay too much power of you. Go to your room, rummage around your undies drawer, find the panties that make you stop whining and be strong, and go put them on!!! And then accept responsibility for your actions and what goes in your mouth (just like your husband is responsible for any dumb stuff that comes out of his). Sheesh.

rosiecbolton

Stop quitting everything. You are going to quit cause your husband, cause people on here are "mean." Who flipping cares hat people whom you have never met and have no direct affect on your life say?? STOP QUITTING!!

You *give* others waaaay too much power of you. Go to your room, rummage around your undies drawer, find the panties that make you stop whining and be strong, and go put them on!!! And then accept responsibility for your actions and what goes in your mouth (just like your husband is responsible for any dumb stuff that comes out of his). Sheesh.

I agree I get too emotionally upset by people and I am working on that every day. I am definitely not quitting now, have lost more weight and the people who came on here criticising my diet can just p..... off.

The reality is I have been a compulsive overeater for a few years and even though I am still having some junk in my diet it is one hell of a lot better than what it was! And I have lost weight! I think it is absolutely pathetic people coming on here criticising the fact I still eat some junk. I am making big improvements and seeing results.

kos1472

Let your frustrations fuel your motivation to be successful. That's what I did starting out and went from 287 to 223 lbs.

sdomski1

Tell him to ZIP IT! and if he can't say something supportive not to bother... Nit-Picking isn't helpful. I Agree that you need to ignore his comments, b/c he may just be trying to make you fail!!! BE A DUCK!! Let it roll off your back!:flowerforyou:

julesxo

Next time he says something just stuff those crisps or whatever the hell you were eating in his mouth to shut him up then prove him wrong.

He is probably just trying to help you but is too stupid to realize it's coming out the wrong way.

rosiecbolton

Let your frustrations fuel your motivation to be successful. That's what I did starting out and went from 287 to 223 lbs.

that is an excellent comment. i will!