Unsupportive spouse

joycebug
joycebug Posts: 309
in Introduce Yourself
My husband makes stupid comments like "guess u need to go work out to look good for your boyfriend", etc...It's getting really annoying! How do u deal with someone who constantly gives you crap for trying to be healthier???
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Replies

  • eemielwy
    eemielwy Posts: 20 Member
    Is your husband happy with the shape he's in, healthy-wise, physically, socially? Typically, comments like this are made out of jealousy/insecurity. Maybe he should invest a little something in himself.
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    we joke about this all the time. i guess some folks have different sense of humors (or is it senses of humor? meh...).
  • AmberB519
    AmberB519 Posts: 336 Member
    Is his tone playful of snarky? Either way, I can see how it could get annoying after awhile. I agree with the previous poster, he might have some jealousy and insecurity issues he needs to work on.
  • joycebug
    joycebug Posts: 309
    He's just very insecure and controlling in general...
  • trammelgal
    trammelgal Posts: 15
    I have found poison to be most beneficial! jk What really matters is how do you feel about getting healthier. You have to want to do this for you, kind of like quitting smoking. you have to want to do it for you bcause its so hard to do. Good luck
  • joycebug
    joycebug Posts: 309
    Never playful...always snarky!!!
  • 30Purple
    30Purple Posts: 252 Member
    That's pretty childish of him.......... have him work out with you.
  • maggs155
    maggs155 Posts: 258
    I get the same thing i know what ur going through just ignore it and keep on we cant let our spouses control our health and happiness of our body!
  • joycebug
    joycebug Posts: 309
    He can't keep up...lol
  • AmberB519
    AmberB519 Posts: 336 Member
    That's no good. I'm sorry, that just wouldn't fly with me, I'd have to say something!
  • dnhardy
    dnhardy Posts: 59
    My fiance hasn't ever been unsupportive in that sense but he's the kind that likes to get me "treats" and wants to go out to dinner so I don't feel like I have to cook, etc.

    I simply sat him down and had a talk with him. Explained how important this was to me and why. He said he wasn't aware that I was that serious about it and things have been different since.

    Sit him down and tell him how things like that make you feel. Boys can be kind of dense. I'm fully convinced that 80% of the time they hurt our feelings or are unsupportive they have no idea.
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    He's just very insecure and controlling in general...

    sounds like quite the catch.....
  • claireables88
    claireables88 Posts: 20 Member
    he doesnt sound very supportive :( ignore him or even ask him to join in? mine joins in yet trys to stop me as he likes my podge as he calls it lol
  • SummerNights32
    SummerNights32 Posts: 86 Member
    My boyfriend and I will give each other a hard time when we skip out on the gym. (We are long distance, so this is all over phone or text). At the same time, we will laugh at each other when we have just eaten a bad meal, and are too lazy and full to try and even work out. It is all in fun with us...and although it gives us a little bit of accountability, we make sure to always keep it upbeat and positive...or at least in joking form lol.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,392 Member
    Insecure can be fixed by a little soothing on your part. Controlling is a whole other ball of wax, and you'd better decide now how you want to live, because it will just get worse if you let it.


    .
  • SummerNights32
    SummerNights32 Posts: 86 Member
    he doesnt sound very supportive :( ignore him or even ask him to join in? mine joins in yet trys to stop me as he likes my podge as he calls it lol

    Haha sounds like mine...he is totally supportive when it comes to losing weight and getting fit...UNLESS I start to lose my curves. I don't think that can happen though, I think that is just the shape I was born with.
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
    I am sorry! You work out for your health- his insecurities are ihs own, we all have choices in life- he chooses not to be supportive, but a loving husband doesn't treat his best friend that way.
    If he has not basis for jealous behavior, such as flirting, or any other things that would cause this fear, its time to talk, sit down and talk it out. If he isn't willing to talk, there's a bigger problem.
    Remind him that you want to live the best quality of life possible, and you want that for him to, but your health and fitness need to be respected, in silence if he can't let go of the resentment.
  • maritzarazo
    maritzarazo Posts: 17
    Sorry to hear you are also dealing the same problem as I am. I went from making snappy remarks back like "Yup my boyfriend sure loves the new me" to ignoring him, to finally just telling him "I'm doing this with or without your help but I would much prefer that you support me." The negative comments stopped but now I'm dealing with sabotage. I have nothing but healthy food in the house but he comes home with my favorite junk food. I make healthy meals, he brings home take out. I know he's trying to make a point of "you're on a diet, not me" but boy does it make hard to resist the food temptations.
  • tndejong
    tndejong Posts: 463
    i am having the same problems. when im eating something not viewed as diet food. he will say something. when he gets home from work he will check the elliptical just to see how much i used it. stupid little things. you have to do this for you and not worry about him.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    Sounds like possible insecurity. I used to get those comments from my exes when I'd go to work, exercise, even to go to an arts & craft fair, etc. If he's having a half-joking-half-serious sort of tone to it, he might be feeling the need for some reassurance.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    My husband makes stupid comments like "guess u need to go work out to look good for your boyfriend", etc...It's getting really annoying! How do u deal with someone who constantly gives you crap for trying to be healthier???

    My hubby says the same kind of junk. I just roll my eyes at him and tell him I don't have TIME to have a boyfriend so he'll have to do :D
  • Codilee_87
    Codilee_87 Posts: 8
    My husband was a bit more subtle in his sabatoge. He would constantly say things like: "Well your tits are nicer now than when you were small, I prefer your curves" And would discourage me from working out because 'we never spend time together' Then as soon as I started losing a few lbs he would start bringing home huge amounts of junkfood and acting surprised when I got upset. His excuses were always the same: "Well it was on sale and no one is making you eat any" (even tho he'd come sit beside me with a big bowl of chips and offer me some every few minutes).

    And on top of that he is very jealous and insecure so I think he made a real effort to keep me fat so that he would feel less threatened.

    I'm planning to get dead serious about weight loss again in about a month so I certainly hope he doesn't try this crap again.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Negative positive encouragement.
  • brendae61
    brendae61 Posts: 44
    Wow ladies so sorry about the unsupportive significant (or insignificant lol) others. Just remember you are doing this for you!! Although we need their support lets do this with or without it:smile::smile:
  • laceybrobie
    laceybrobie Posts: 495 Member
    That's very sad. My husband is 100% supportive. Not controlling or insecure. He tells me to head to the gym. I'm happier when I come home. Lol. Plus he usually benefits a lot after wards.

    I would have a come to Jesus meeting or time to start packing. Controlling and insecure is not anything I would deal with like that.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Simply say "you'll never know" and pack off to the gym.

    Sometimes people say dumb things. I'm sure he just wants to hear "no of course not, you are all I want"
  • eikito
    eikito Posts: 114 Member
    He sounds just like my husband.... IGNORE HIM!!!! That's what I do and it's worked very well so far, after 8 months he has almost stopped his snarky comments and seems pleased with the results, although he hasn't said a word. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself and not for him.
  • Essjei
    Essjei Posts: 5
    Sorry to hear you are also dealing the same problem as I am. I went from making snappy remarks back like "Yup my boyfriend sure loves the new me" to ignoring him, to finally just telling him "I'm doing this with or without your help but I would much prefer that you support me." The negative comments stopped but now I'm dealing with sabotage. I have nothing but healthy food in the house but he comes home with my favorite junk food. I make healthy meals, he brings home take out. I know he's trying to make a point of "you're on a diet, not me" but boy does it make hard to resist the food temptations.


    He sounds so annoying lol :( Everytime he brings home junk food or a takeout you should buy yourself something nice that costs the same amount as his takeout does wether it be a top or a bracelet or a lipstick as a reward to yourself for doing so well :-)

    Both of you Pleaseeee don't let MEN or anyone else for that matter get you down or ruin your diet :( If they want to be unhealthy that's THEIR problem you just focus on what makes you happy cause thats all that matters :-)
  • Irenedavis
    Irenedavis Posts: 6
    I'd agree with him !
  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    Men often encourage their spouse to eat more or aren't so supportive because they don't want other men to look at their woman! It is a jealously/insecure type of thing.
    OR
    He could honestly just not like seeing you struggle with weight loss. Many times I would get really upset because I ate too much or I just couldn't get the motivation to work out, and my boyfriend would say "It's okay if you eat extra...." because he just wants me to be happy. He hates seeing me struggle. He seriously told me this today. He just doesn't like seeing me upset.

    Sounds like a jealousy thing though. If that is the case, remind him he is the one for you! :) And if he's not the one for you...well that's another problem! lol

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