Men! What motivated you? I need your help!
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Back in 2007, I just got tired of being fat. I had to undo my pants in order to tie my shoes. My wife, at the time was severely obese, and sick all the time, so when she started dieting, I decided I should too. I read Body For Life, and followed that program with great results. It is pretty simple, and I didn't have to count calories. It is just restrictive on what you can eat.
I started MFP after my divorce. I saw the phone app, and decided to try counting calories instead. I had a hard time motivating myself, and it wasn't until my employer started a weight loss program giving us financial incentives, and money back on our insurance premiums that I got motivated, again. Money is a BIG motivator for me.0 -
I see myself in the mirror every day. I know my lift numbers from last week and my race times from last season.
Motivation has to come from within. If he's not doing it for himself, then progress will be at best temporary.
This. He has to find his own spark. Motivation comes first, then comes forming the habit out of it.0 -
I joined so my hot MFP using wife wouldnt move outta my tax bracket if you get what im getting at..lolol0
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... I won't bring it up again. But what do I do when he brings it up? Since you sound just like him I am really interested in your opinion. Seriously. I know it is hard to tell if someone is being a jerk, I'm not. I really want your advise.
When he brings it up, simply ask him - "What are you going to do about and what can I do to help?" This is his issue, let the ball be in his court. Many people are unhappy with where they are in life (not just weight wise) but are unwilling to change. He may be one of those people.
As far as what got me motivated - I was in a sexless marriage and my wife told me it was due to my weight.0 -
I'm middle-aged and my annual Doctor's appointment was an eye-opener for me. My blood levels were bad for cholesterol, blood sugar, and triglycerides and my blood pressure was borderline. The doctor said I had a syndrome that would result in dire consequences if I didn't do something. He suggested bariatric surgery as an option. That did it for me. I stopped denying how fat I was and got to work. 80 pounds later, I look much better, feel much better and believe that I've extended my life. Absolutely no downside to losing weight.i don't know how much weight you think he has to lose, but if it's 50lbs or more... schedule him a doctors appointment.
for a lot of us, we feel invincible all of our lives. however, when you get that wake-up call from a doctor telling you that you're heading for serious health complications not too far down the road if you don't make some changes now, it has an impact.0 -
I just need to get him here.
that is your problem.... YOU think you need to get him here... but actually HE needs to get in the right frame of mind to do it by himself for himself, regardless of what you think. and i dont mean that harshly, but the only person who can lose your husbands weight is HIM. with your support of course!!0 -
For me it was more about wanting to change myself. A friend introduced me to MyFitnessPal and I decided I wanted to give it a go. After I started getting some results it motivated me to stick with it and now in well under a year I've lost 46lb! (A result of which I am so far very proud of.. Hopefully more to come though)
I think you've really got to be in the right mindset to want to stick with it and lose it, I know i wasn't for years of my life but I certainly am now.
I would however recommend showing him some before and after's because they still inspire me when I look at them
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My BF has been away for the gyma long time and hasnt gone back until recently - what pushed him - the fact that I'd be going for so long that I got stronger then him, was always the other way around - nothing like nipping at the alfa male ego thing to get him back in the game!
If you can beat him at some strngth test, that'll move his *kitten*!0 -
For me I was trying to deal with a number of mental and emotional issues, and the weight loss and fitness gave me something to focus on, now my mental and emotional side of things has improved I am determined to keep going with the other stuff so that I can be the person have always wanted to be.0
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Show him how many hot chicks there are on the site and tell him it's like a 10:1 ratio.
Underwear success stories keep me coming back night after night0 -
For me it was a mixture of things. At first it was my desire to change, without which you won't get particularly far in my opinion. Then as I started seeing results, the praise I receive(d) just pushes you to carry on. Also, setting yourself mini-goals along the way also helps (NSVs as well as weight goals too). Sometimes I do feel as if MFP is more suited to women, but it's a great tool to use once you really get into it.0
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For myself, it was a combination of wanting to improve my overall health / get off statins and BP meds, a desire to get back into martial arts and not hurt myself, and that I'm tired of being single / forever alone. I figured I'd have more luck with the ladies if I didn't look like the Michelin man.
Someone once asked me what kept me on the elliptical machine (when I use it). I told them I found my favorite Playboy centerfold and hung it right in front of the machine. Find a goal that motivates you and keep it where it will remind you of what you have to do to get there.
I found MFP when searching for a better alternative to Daily Burn.
Over 50 lbs down now, I'm off statins (still on BP meds), and starting back to martial arts. No GF yet. Stupid me, I keep falling for the emotionally unavailable ones. I have found many more women will acknowledge my presence now--so I'm not quite as invisible / repulsive as I must have previously been. Still working at it. The nice thing is, you start to crave the exercise.
Biggest help to me was discovering Primal Blueprint and sticking with the Primal / Paleo thing long enough to transition. For me, it works. YMMV.0 -
Ultimately it's impossible to motivate someone else. I was in your shoes when I first started here. I finally felt like I'd found something that would work and was sustainable and because I love her, I really wanted my wife to join too. She had all the typical reactions: it will be a pain to log my food, I don't think it will help, nothing's ever worked before, I don't want to give up the foods I love, etc.
What ultimately got her off the fence, I think, was not my nagging, but simply seeing the success I was having, and me making a conscious effort to sneak in hints about how little time it took to log. (Not like "see, honey, it only took 2 minutes", but more like "I'll be right back, I have to log my food", and then returning in 2 minutes.)
She decided to "try" it, but said if it was a pain, she wouldn't do it anymore. Now. she's just as hooked as I am.
The bottom line is that no one can motivate another to lose weight. You either want to do it or you don't and if you don't, no amount of nagging will change that. Give him time and perhaps him seeing your success and healthier behaviors will make him recognize that it might work for him too.0 -
My son is the one who motivated me.. i want to be a fit father.0
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I wanted to save my own life, i wanted to be there for my wife and i when we have kids i want to be able to run around with them and play. I don't want to go to an early grave. So i fought tooth and nail to get where i am. In the end it was the love for my wife that motivated me to get in shape. It's been working great so far0
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A return to military service. Only six more years to go and an added retirement check at age 63. Who doesn't want more money for those years when you want stability?
There are all the other issues of health, wellness, looking good for the wife and so on. There are studies about how gets passed over for promotions the most? Guess who. The guy who doesn't look good. Not the guy who doesn't perform to a standard but the one who doesn't look like he doesn't perform.
I need to diversify my health as well as my career (government work, military, chaplaincy) and have many careers to fall back on in a changing world. You have to be fit and ready to change with it.0 -
for me it took a while, but I wanted to lose weight for years, then I tried to push my wife who wanted to until we eventually joined WW for a while, and that got us started.
Though to be honest I was still lacking motivation, not eating the right stuff, fitting in the points but that was about it.
No the real kicker was when I started doing sports with my daughter that was something like 6 years old back then. I could not keep up! I could run faster etc... but on the long run she was much better than I am.
So I understood that I was not a good father/example and would eventually live shorter than I should and in a shape that does not make life enjoyable.
SO I started training with the beachbody programs to get up to speed for a while. mostly P90X, but I also picked up activities I wanted to do as well. Martial arts and running, plus kitesurfing when I can.
That in turn got me to start thinking about what I was eating. Eating crap would leave me with less energy and all... and I also started MFP around that time and started reading more about food and everything related.
Basically I started to have a passion for everything related to being healthy because I could see how it translated into my own life.
Trying to push him wont work, he has to see the benefits and understand why he wants to do it and then understand the effects it has on him. (I've run half marathons since and aiming for a full one soon, when a year ago I hated running with a passion and had never run more than 15 minutes in a row without stopping in my entire life!)0 -
Love the fact that you are trying to motivate him to better himself. But until he decides that he wants to do it, there is nothing that you can do. You have to be self motivated to lose weight as I have learned the last 2 years.0
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My doctor initially motivated in April 2012 when I was told I was overweight and pre-diabetic - when I got healthy and seeing a nutritionist regularly - the nutritionist told me to log my foods and I did so in excel spreadsheets for months... till she said that MFP would be much easier for her to look at and analyze my diet.
I am also having kids this year and I am 40 - I want to age as gracefully as possible and prevent injury.
When I started I just did cardio (eventually got into weights etc) but it was first with things I loved -- like riding my bike on a sunny day and playing tennis.
I would say instead of just looking for workouts, if he is not motivated ask him what sports if any look like fun. Even walking can be refreshing and good at clearing one's head.
Good luck to both of you!0 -
Show him the before and after pictures on here.
That is some powerful motivation.
I like this idea! Personally for me it was utter shock that caused me to act. I had been thin my entire life until I stepped onto a scale for the first time in over a year last summer and realized my BMI at 24.9 was approaching the "overweight" range. I also knew that my extra weight was not muscle since I had barely been exercising at the time. Since there are people in my family who are overweight and diabetic, I also needed to ensure I was doing everything I could to minimize my risk factors. For me taking action was an easy decision once I became aware of my current fitness level.
I joined MFP immediately, achieved rapid weight loss last fall and have been addicted to fitness ever since. A lot of people (such as myself) have a hard time noticing getting out of shape because it happens gradually. Before and after pictures can really help reinforce the drastic improvements MFP members have made.
If he needs real life (not online) support, maybe encourage him to join a local team/club for one of his preferred activities (basketball, running, etc).0 -
Divorce him. He'll suddenly find motivation.
True story.
Or he will be happy because his wife is no longer nagging him!!!!
OP: Seriously, this is HIS journey, not your journey for him.
Your quiet example of fitness (and you look great!) is the best thing that you can do. Make the household condusive, but not overbearing, with regard to fitness.
our motivators are all very personal. Mine: family heart disease and i have kids... someone else wants to look better than his peer group, someone else is training for a marathon....
As they say, 'the teacher arrives when the student is ready'
Good luck and keep up on your journey!0 -
Your Husband sounds like me a little over 2 years ago. I never wanted to hear about losing weight or working on a diet!
But then I found out that I had dangerously high blood pressure. I was about to turn 46 and my doctor told me I would probably not make it to 50. Say what??!!!!
Needless to say, this changed my perspective greatly.
The first thing for me was that I knew I needed a life style change. Not a diet! So, I immediately gave up all my good and long time friends: Colas, chips, dips, McD's, donuts, hot dogs, etc., etc.
I replaced these with new friends: Spinach, quinoa, brown rice, sweet potatoes, lots & lots of raw fruit & veggies.
At the same time I started looking at my exercise regime and started making adjustments to help me lose weight and improve my fitness.
None of it was easy!!! And, many days I was so depressed and worried that I was going to die a I was trying to get healthy!
Today, I weigh less than I did when I entered high school, I am training for my first half marathon, I weight train and I have a blue belt in Jeet Kune Do and regularly spar to a draw with guys over 20 years younger than me!
I hope that you can convince your husband to get on the fitness band wagon with you. The rewards are so much bigger than I ever expected!0 -
Got to find something that's "real." This nebulous "I want to be more fit" didn't ever do anything for me. My list of motivators:
1. Being able to play with the kids in the back yard for more than 47 seconds without getting tired.
2. Being able to walk into *ANY* store in the mall and buy clothes (W31x32 pants are harder to find than you'd think...I've made my goal but missed it, too!)
3. I can now go sky diving if I really want to.
4. Find a non-food fitness goal - for me, it was running a long-distance race. Not a 5K, a *LONG* distance race. Think Half-Marathon. then PAY FOR THE ONE YOU WANT. Get money involved, it's the ultimate motivator.
And do what you feel is "OK." 80-90 percent of your work is going to be calories in. Not so much specific macros or how much exercise, but calories in. Keep eating things you like, things you want. Keep your calories in check. Pre-measure and put things away. Make it difficult to take a second helping and keep things under control.
That's it. My list of "**** I did to lose the weight."0 -
Getting results helped. Lifting heavy. Coming to the realization that I didn't actually NEED to do cardio. Realizing that if I worked out hard enough, I could still eat some of the unhealthy stuff0
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On the issue of using MFP, my wife suggested it to me and I scoffed at her because it sounded like a huge pain in the butt. I thought I could exercise enough to eat what I wanted. It took me not getting the results I wanted to eventually turn back to it. So he may come around given some time.
On the issue of motivation, my wife was my motivation. She said she loved me and was attracted to me no matter what. I honestly wish she would have told me that I was getting fat and gross. That would have probably motivated me to get it in gear much sooner. Luckily I was smart enough to know the truth; a beer gut is not a turn on. I realized it was my obligation to work as hard as possible to be healthy and attractive for my wife and myself. Laziness is not an excuse.
It started with learning to love working out again. I used P90X at first and although it about killed me at first, I learned to love it. Now P90X and other videos are not at all the best way to improve your body composition (see heavy weight lifting for that) , but they can be helpful for people who need some motivation. My wife was very supportive and would make comments about me looking sexier; that was a huge motivation to keep going and not fail. Now I'm an avid runner and lift weights regularly. Watching what I eat and working out are just an easy normal part of my routine now.
Men are different than women. So what I'm about to say doesn't work at all for women. So your husband gets pissed off about having trouble losing weight? Good. Tell him to channel that anger into strength lifting heavy weights. Channel it into resolve to stay within a calorie goal. At first your mantra must be "I will not give up." And he must understand that results take time. Early results take months; transformations can take years. Don't let him be like some of the naive people on here who think that because they lost 10 lbs of water weight in the first few weeks, they should expect those results to extrapolate for the next 3 months. I didn't even look at a scale for 3 months and I'd suggest he do the same. When your pants start getting loose you'll know it's working.0 -
My favorite quote is "Change happens when pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change." And it is my favorite quote, because it applies to pretty much anyone. Only when your husband will realize that working out and denying himself that dessert is better than feeling weak and fat all day everyday, only then will he find enough motivation to change himself.
The ultimate goal is that fitness must become a lifestyle. After years of trying and sometimes achieving smaller goals like lose this much weight, or lift this much etc. I find it discouraging to set small goals in front of myself, because if I don't reach them, I will get discouraged, if I reach them I will get lazy. So now my goal is to stay fit and active for as long as my body will allow me to. This bigger picture helps me to stay strong and constantly get back on track even when I get a moment of weakness (and we all have them every now and then).0 -
I had my wife take a picture of me and used the picture as my phone wallpaper. That was enough for me. I joined MFP and started walking everyday on my breaks. I took up cycling on the weekends and haven't looked back.
Ultimately he is going to have to want it for himself.0 -
Take pictures of him when he isn't aware you are taking them. I saw some of those and it horrified me into getting serious about this.
My husband is overweight and I've tried to get him interested in being healthier. I got him to agree to walking with me at the gym last Friday and then we played basketball with our kids afterwards. I took some pictures while we were there...since we share an icloud, he saw them the next day. He text one to me and told me that he was fat. I don't think he had realized how big he had become because he was only looking in the mirror.
It's Friday again and he's off early tonight, so we're walking and then playing basketball with the kids. It's a start and that's all I've wanted!! I just want him here as long as he can be but it has to be him to make the decision to do it.0 -
Love the fact that you are trying to motivate him to better himself. But until he decides that he wants to do it, there is nothing that you can do. You have to be self motivated to lose weight as I have learned the last 2 years.
I agree with this. Trying to motivate someone else to lose weight can be a tricky thing, and it's very easy to overstep and cause resentment. If you're going to be successful, you really need to find your own motivation. For me it was when I realized that I was avoiding social situations with friends because I was embarrased about my weight, and that I couldn't walk around the block without getting winded.
I'm not sure how much weight that your husband needs to lose, but something as simple as going for a walk every day is a great way to start. My dad is diabetic, and is borderline obsessive about going for walks. As soon as he found out that I was walking, it became our daily routine. It's been a great bonding experience, and I find that I'm far less likely to skip the walk when I'm going with someone else.
If he's going to check out these forums, you might want to point him to this thread:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/760588-guys-only-show-me-your-before-and-afters
Simply amazing transformations. Hopefully when I've reached my goal I'll be able to add to that thread one day.0 -
When I don't log my food, it's because I want to eat more and not think about it.
Accountability is the key. He doesn't want to log his food because he doesn't want to be accountable.
Not a thing you can do until he decides.
Frankly, if trying to keep up with his smokin' hot wife doesn't motivate him, you've got a hard case on your hands.0
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