Men! What motivated you? I need your help!

AbHuntington

For me motivation has come from movies such as 300, Thor, magic mike (never seen it, but the GF lets me know she has seen it.... all the freaking time!), and such movies with very in shape men. Honestly I see all these movies stars, and I know that they are not all athletes born with awesome muscles and abs, the majority of them are just like the majority of us, normal people. But through discipline and hard work, they are able to overcome their mediocrity and shape themselves into something else. If they can do it, why can't I? Why shouldn't I?

Sure I don't have the most expensive trainer in the world, but I do have 80% of the information that they have thanks to the internet. And those high paid trainers have already motivated me by showing off their clients on the big screen, so I thank them for that!

_SABOTEUR_

I realised that I was out of control in lots of ways, not just the eating, and that I wanted to take control of my life.

But it had to be my realisation. If anyone mentioned that I should lose weight before that point I just shut down.

EricCowperthwaite

I don't know what will work exactly, for your husband. I'll tell you my story and perhaps there is something there that will make sense.

I met my wife when I was somewhat sedentary and a bit overweight, but nothing horrible. I was like 5'8" and 180 and did cardio 2x a week and was staying at that place. She was 5'6" and 155 and awesome to behold! For a variety of reasons I let the cardio drop and gained 20 lbs. At which point I decided I needed to do something about it. First go round, I started up cardio again and did Weight Watchers. By 8 weeks in the cravings for "forbidden stuff" were so bad, and my weight loss so minimal, that I quit. And gained more weight in the process of quitting, up to 210 lbs. About 6 months later, I tried again. This time I just cut back calories (ye old CICO approach) and added cardio again. And I lost 9 lbs, was so excited at 201 ... but again, cravings for crap I shouldn't eat, and not enjoying the cardio, caused me to fall off the bandwagon.

I ended up all the way up to 218 lbs. On someone who is 5'8 and not trying to create huge, bulky muscles, this is way obese. In Nov, 2011 I had a health screening and was 218, BP was pre hypertensive, chol/HDL ratio of 11.7, cholesterol almost 300, HDL only 22, glucose of 135 ... basically all the metabolic syndrome symptoms. Obese, high risk of heart disease, about to be put on BP meds, borderline type II diabetic. Shocked me. Scared me, too. Everyone in my family dies of heart disease. I'm only 45 and I don't want to have a heart attack when I'm 50. I have a high stress job with killer hours, lots of travel, etc. I was well on my way to a very bad outcome.

But I also knew I couldn't succeed at fixing this with calorie in/calorie out and cardio. I'd tried, no dice. ANd I was pretty sure that if I tried again, and failed, that was going to be the end of ever trying. Probably where your husband is at right now, I would guess.

I did a ton of research to try and find out what was going on with me and how to fix it in a way that would work and I could sustain over a long period of time. I happened to read a blog (not a health blog) where the writer every once in a while mentioned how much reading Gary Taubes books has helped him with staying healthy. I figured, at this point, it couldn't hurt. So, I bought Gary Taubes, "Why We Get Fat" and read it cover to cover.

Meanwhile, my wife, who has a much more standard "cut calories, walk some, don't drink beer" ability to lose weight had started dropping again, wanting to get down to somewhere between 140 and 145. Let me tell you, a 5'6" woman who weighs 145 or less is rocking hot and I figured I couldn't be an overweight exec and have a hot wife, that's just too damn cliche.

Well, Taubes' book was the deal ... it explains very clearly how the body's metabolism works with carbs, fat and proteins, how insulin works, what causes hunger and cravings, and much more. I spent a lot of time reading, talking to people and deciding what the right approach for me would be. Two things were clear to me. The first was that when I follow the CI/CO approach ONLY, without tuning macronutrients to make sense for my body, I would fail. I already had twice. I quit using tobacco cold turkey, just decided one day I was done, never smoked a cigarette or used smokeless tobacco again in my life. I had the willpower to do that. But CICO weight loss, I couldn't do it. That should tell you something about how insanely difficult it can be for some people to do the traditional approach to weight loss.

The problem is not motivation, or will power. It is finding what works for you as an individual. Your husband has to do that. I'm sure he wants to lose the weight and get fit. He doesn't want to be a slug, I promise. He can't figure out how to succeed. As I told someone the other day, not all bodies and metabolisms are the same. It's like a Toyota Camry and a Ford F150. Both are the same ... they have four wheels, a drive train, an internal combustion engine to produce power. Both use gas as fuel. But boy do they need different amounts of fuel to travel the same distance or go the same speed. Traditional CICO, calorie deficit and cardio works for a specific type of metabolism and body. But not all.

Since starting my own weight loss and fitness regimen I have successfully lost and kept off 22 lbs (not done yet) and reduced ALL of my numbers to much lower risk levels. As of Nov, 2012 my glucose is 107, my A1C is 5.6, cholesterol is 228, HDL is 41, chol/HDL ratio is 5.6, BP is 110/70. My doc thinks my diet is crazy but said to keep doing it, since it's working. I went from barely jogging a mile before I had to walk to being able to run 2 miles in about 17 minutes now (which exceeds the Army's minimum standard for physical fitness for my age). I found what works for me. And no crazy, unbeatable hunger and cravings that defeat me either. I am full and happy and content with my food, not "on a diet".

So, my advice? Buy your husband Gary Taubes' book, "Why We Get Fat" ... encourage him to read it cause some dude on MFP says "it's not like all the other ways to lose weight".

FittingIn

I've given this much more thought than I typically would in just popping off a reply. Perhaps it is because I MAY understand your husband's mentality to a degree.

Over the years, I continued to pile on weight to where I probably had 80-90 pounds of extra fat. Surprisingly, although I was "heavy" did somehow convinced myself that I was just "bigger" than the average guy.

My wife and I would periodically say that we would "need to do something" but I didn't know what to do. I'd tried (F)Atkins, Body for Life and others with a limited degree of success.

Then, while browsing the web one day, I saw a coach's P90X video. (This isn't a commercial for P90X.) In particular, I saw a video done by Coach Wayne which made my jaw drop. I thought that if he could do it and look as amazing as he does, there may be hope for me. He also dumbed down the nutrition plan to something that I can do. For what it is worth, he has won the Coach of the Year for two years running. You can check it out at www.teamripped.com.

To be clear, I am not a coach and I do not make any money on any of their products. I just happen to think that they work.

It is critical that the exercise MUST be combined with proper nutrition or the weight doesn't seem to come off.
Tracking it with MFP on a computer and smartphone make it quantifiable and easy.

To me, there are two real benefits of P90X. First, my aging body feels better. I can do things. I don't feel trapped in my body any longer. Not surprisingly, it also has a dramatic impact on my confidence. When I am working out and doing something that is admittedly difficult, I feel so much better about myself. Getting huge arms, chest and back sure don't hurt that either. :-) I'm not bragging, just saying what happens as a result.

The side benefit is losing the blubber. I don't know if seeing my abs will make me happy. I still want to see them though. The reason is that it would be the antithesis of being obese. So, abs equate to NOT being fat.

Well, I have lost 53 pounds doing this and felt and looked much better. I've reverted to laziness and put some of it back on but I'm ready to start again as soon as I can get over this cold/flu.

So, in summary, I think that he needs to believe that anything he does will work.

If needed, private message me with questions. I'd also be willing to chat with your husband electronically or on the phone if it would help.

EricCowperthwaite

You sound just like him. Say no more. I won't bring it up again. But what do I do when he brings it up? Since you sound just like him I am really interested in your opinion. Seriously. I know it is hard to tell if someone is being a jerk, I'm not. I really want your advise.

see my other post on my own journey ... My wife never pushed me, she just set an example for me. Once in a while she would talk with me about my health (not losing weight). One day, she sat me down, said she loved me very much, had married me so we could raise our kids, live our life, and grow old together. She made me promise that we would grow old together and have many, many great years in front of us. Said nothing about losing weight, getting healthy, whatever.

As far as "nagging" ... guys don't work like women. If you have talked with us, and we have understood what you have said and we have reached agreement, anything after that is nagging. Regardless of what you think. That's how we see it. And if we know we should do something but can't really manage to do it, for whatever reason ... when you bring it up ... that makes us feel worse in a way that isn't good. Especially when it comes from our wife. We are supposed to love, nurture, provide for and protect you and we can't live up to the standard. So, we get upset about it and then we tend to react towards you since we feel helpless about this other thing.

Hope that helps .... feel free to message, add as a friend, whatever. If I can help, I will. But I promise, it's not motivation. He's already got that. He doesn't think he can succeed. I've been there, done that, got the boy scout merit badge for it.

Dezmodus

I found out my wife was pregnant. I quit smoking cold turkey that day and decided that I had more important things to do. I didn't start losing weight until my daughter was up and walking. She's a limitless ball of energy so I had to do something to keep up. I knew if i didn't change my life drastically, I'd be dead before she graduated high school.

FittingIn

You sound just like him. Say no more. I won't bring it up again. But what do I do when he brings it up? Since you sound just like him I am really interested in your opinion. Seriously. I know it is hard to tell if someone is being a jerk, I'm not. I really want your advise.

see my other post on my own journey ... My wife never pushed me, she just set an example for me. Once in a while she would talk with me about my health (not losing weight). One day, she sat me down, said she loved me very much, had married me so we could raise our kids, live our life, and grow old together. She made me promise that we would grow old together and have many, many great years in front of us. Said nothing about losing weight, getting healthy, whatever.

As far as "nagging" ... guys don't work like women. If you have talked with us, and we have understood what you have said and we have reached agreement, anything after that is nagging. Regardless of what you think. That's how we see it. And if we know we should do something but can't really manage to do it, for whatever reason ... when you bring it up ... that makes us feel worse in a way that isn't good. Especially when it comes from our wife. We are supposed to love, nurture, provide for and protect you and we can't live up to the standard. So, we get upset about it and then we tend to react towards you since we feel helpless about this other thing.

Hope that helps

You are spot on! The motivation has to be internal. For me, it was looking in the mirror one day and realizing just how fat I'd become. It wasn't until I was disgusted with my current condition that I kicked myself in the rear to get going.

By the way, your take on nagging is exactly right. and worded so well that I can't believe it. Well said!

stetienne

Take pictures of him when he isn't aware you are taking them. I saw some of those and it horrified me into getting serious about this.

Routerninja

What motivated me? When I was 602 pounds and my daughter climbed up into my lap and asked me if I was going to die because I was fat.

leodru

To answer your other question - i found this app when i was in weight watchers - the WW app was terrible (and you had to pay for it). Overall at least i found other men in the forum versus WW meetings which tended to be all women.

BigDog

As an earlier poster said it was a visit to the doctor who told me I was borderline this and borderline that and wanting to start me on all these different pills and medications, blah, blah, blah... I hate having to take pills and I was not about to start doing that if I didn't have to. (I have friends that take pills for pills. No way! So I got a family membership to Snap Fitness and have started to change my eating habits. So far so good.

You mentioned that he has been to doctor and that that really depressed him. I have also battled with depression and I can tell you he will need to tackle that first before the other. Get him some St Johns Wort and tell him it will help with his depression. Some studies say it works plus the placebo affect may be enough, because then maybe he will take the doctor's warnings to heart and start exercising and that is the real cure for depression. I mean literally it does wonders. My teenage boy and I work out at the gym 4 days a week, currently, and I very rarely feel any depression anymore. (And never after a workout!)

And finally... Print this topic out and just set it down on the coffee table or by his chair or somewhere he will see it and let him read it maybe one of these stories or all of them together will be enough to get him moving, at least he will be able to see that you really do care and are not trying to nag him.

Good luck!

goblynn

I don't know what will work exactly, for your husband. I'll tell you my story and perhaps there is something there that will make sense.

I met my wife when I was somewhat sedentary and a bit overweight, but nothing horrible. I was like 5'8" and 180 and did cardio 2x a week and was staying at that place. She was 5'6" and 155 and awesome to behold! For a variety of reasons I let the cardio drop and gained 20 lbs. At which point I decided I needed to do something about it. First go round, I started up cardio again and did Weight Watchers. By 8 weeks in the cravings for "forbidden stuff" were so bad, and my weight loss so minimal, that I quit. And gained more weight in the process of quitting, up to 210 lbs. About 6 months later, I tried again. This time I just cut back calories (ye old CICO approach) and added cardio again. And I lost 9 lbs, was so excited at 201 ... but again, cravings for crap I shouldn't eat, and not enjoying the cardio, caused me to fall off the bandwagon.

I ended up all the way up to 218 lbs. On someone who is 5'8 and not trying to create huge, bulky muscles, this is way obese. In Nov, 2011 I had a health screening and was 218, BP was pre hypertensive, chol/HDL ratio of 11.7, cholesterol almost 300, HDL only 22, glucose of 135 ... basically all the metabolic syndrome symptoms. Obese, high risk of heart disease, about to be put on BP meds, borderline type II diabetic. Shocked me. Scared me, too. Everyone in my family dies of heart disease. I'm only 45 and I don't want to have a heart attack when I'm 50. I have a high stress job with killer hours, lots of travel, etc. I was well on my way to a very bad outcome.

But I also knew I couldn't succeed at fixing this with calorie in/calorie out and cardio. I'd tried, no dice. ANd I was pretty sure that if I tried again, and failed, that was going to be the end of ever trying. Probably where your husband is at right now, I would guess.

I did a ton of research to try and find out what was going on with me and how to fix it in a way that would work and I could sustain over a long period of time. I happened to read a blog (not a health blog) where the writer every once in a while mentioned how much reading Gary Taubes books has helped him with staying healthy. I figured, at this point, it couldn't hurt. So, I bought Gary Taubes, "Why We Get Fat" and read it cover to cover.

Meanwhile, my wife, who has a much more standard "cut calories, walk some, don't drink beer" ability to lose weight had started dropping again, wanting to get down to somewhere between 140 and 145. Let me tell you, a 5'6" woman who weighs 145 or less is rocking hot and I figured I couldn't be an overweight exec and have a hot wife, that's just too damn cliche.

Well, Taubes' book was the deal ... it explains very clearly how the body's metabolism works with carbs, fat and proteins, how insulin works, what causes hunger and cravings, and much more. I spent a lot of time reading, talking to people and deciding what the right approach for me would be. Two things were clear to me. The first was that when I follow the CI/CO approach ONLY, without tuning macronutrients to make sense for my body, I would fail. I already had twice. I quit using tobacco cold turkey, just decided one day I was done, never smoked a cigarette or used smokeless tobacco again in my life. I had the willpower to do that. But CICO weight loss, I couldn't do it. That should tell you something about how insanely difficult it can be for some people to do the traditional approach to weight loss.

The problem is not motivation, or will power. It is finding what works for you as an individual. Your husband has to do that. I'm sure he wants to lose the weight and get fit. He doesn't want to be a slug, I promise. He can't figure out how to succeed. As I told someone the other day, not all bodies and metabolisms are the same. It's like a Toyota Camry and a Ford F150. Both are the same ... they have four wheels, a drive train, an internal combustion engine to produce power. Both use gas as fuel. But boy do they need different amounts of fuel to travel the same distance or go the same speed. Traditional CICO, calorie deficit and cardio works for a specific type of metabolism and body. But not all.

Since starting my own weight loss and fitness regimen I have successfully lost and kept off 22 lbs (not done yet) and reduced ALL of my numbers to much lower risk levels. As of Nov, 2012 my glucose is 107, my A1C is 5.6, cholesterol is 228, HDL is 41, chol/HDL ratio is 5.6, BP is 110/70. My doc thinks my diet is crazy but said to keep doing it, since it's working. I went from barely jogging a mile before I had to walk to being able to run 2 miles in about 17 minutes now (which exceeds the Army's minimum standard for physical fitness for my age). I found what works for me. And no crazy, unbeatable hunger and cravings that defeat me either. I am full and happy and content with my food, not "on a diet".

So, my advice? Buy your husband Gary Taubes' book, "Why We Get Fat" ... encourage him to read it cause some dude on MFP says "it's not like all the other ways to lose weight".

thank you, this is very insightful.. i will look for the book.

goblynn

Thanks to all of you amazing MFP men. I wasn't really sure what type of response I would get from you guys and have to say my heart is warmed by your outpouring of support. With deepest gratitude. - amylynn

NRBreit

For me it was the realization that I could not obtain my desired body composition by working out alone. For years, I resisted the fact that nutrition was 80% of the battle. After a few days of logging, it becomes obvious that it's almost impossible to consistently eat the optimal calories and macronutrient ratios unless you track it.

KevinS62

Hi Amy,

I just joined the forums so I might be a bit late with my post. I browsed through other responses and not sure how much light I can shed on it that already hasn't been said.

As others mentioned, having my wife push me, would not work. For me anyway. I can guarantee that. For years I smoked and she didn't. Everytime she said something about it, or even looked at me when I smoked, it rubbed me the wrong way. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. It didn't help me get started on quitting, it just made me mad at her. And the negative ads they ran on TV? Sheesh! They really had a way to p*** me off. I finally quit and one of the handfull of reasons for quitting that I wrote down was that I knew she wanted me to and I knew how much it would make her happy. But it was me that had to make that choice. As much as she wanted it, the choice was never hers. After 30 years of smoking, I made that choice and haven't smoked in 3 years and 8 months.

It's the same when losing weight. I had to get fed up with myself and make the decision. I downloaded the MFP app and got started in my new routines because I couldn't stand to see every picture of myself looking like I was attempting to hide a beach ball under my shirt.

I could say this a hundered times. He has to make the decision. But I know this has been talked about, so I won't beat a dead horse. Plus, as you said, you only offer him help when he grumbles about being overweight.

They say you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. (The second time I mentioned horses. What does that mean?) So if encouraging him doesn't work to get him started on a diet and/or new routines, maybe you can trick him into thinking it was his idea.

Be a role model. Maybe post your results (for self-motivation) in a place where he will see it on a daily basis. Post notes on the fridge. One I've heard was something like, "Eat to Live, don't live to eat." And maybe seeing pictures of himself and his "beer belly" around the house would give him the subtle nudge he needs.

Hope this helps in some way.

-Kevin

MikeBenWilliams

Show him Greg Plitt YouTube videos.

EricCowperthwaite

Thanks to all of you amazing MFP men. I wasn't really sure what type of response I would get from you guys and have to say my heart is warmed by your outpouring of support. With deepest gratitude. - amylynn

You're welcome! I hope it helps. Don't hesitate if there's something else that may be helpful.

ChrisLindsay9

When I started weight training, I used really light weight dumbbells and I couldn't believe the muscle development and tone I was getting within 4 to 6 weeks (a dozen or so workouts). That initial muscle gain for new weight lifters is really amazing and just about everyone gets it. And the increase in weight that happens early in one's weight training program can be very self-motivating as well. Maybe start there?

And if you go to a gym with a personal trainer, maybe hook him up with at least 4-5 appointments.

WinnerVictorious

thank you, this is very insightful.. i will look for the book.

don't just blindly follow Taubes. you need to independently verify his assertions.

apparently, quite alot of what he's written is deliberately misleading or incorrect.

http://weightology.net/?p=251
http://weightology.net/?p=265

lacroyx

Anyway, how did you get started? What motivated you to join MFP and how have you stuck w/ it. I would love to find away to help my husband see the amazingness this site has to offer. That being said, I know it has to be his decision, just wonder if I have been going about my 'encouragement' the wrong way.

Discovering I had diabetes type II got me started. My moobs (man boobs) shrinking over time has kept me motivated to keep going along with improving everyday to the point that I no longer need medications to control the various issues I had when I did start. Diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc etc. all cured. No more meds.